Happy 2nd Birthday!

Well, readers, it’s been a long journey for me… but I wanted to take time out to say Happy 2nd birthday to Widow’s Lure today!

We're two today! Does that mean we're in our terrible twos?

We’re two today! Does that mean we’re in our terrible twos?

From our start as the aptly named Solstice Satisfaction to the spider-centric Widow’s Lure that it is today, this website has had its fair share of fun, sarcasm, dry wit, and even controversy.

Widow’s Lure hopes to continue to entertain our loyal following with the witty and borderline sarcastic humour y’all are used to in our posts, and we look to reach our third birthday with an even larger readership than ever! We have big things in store for the future so stay tuned, and thank you for following our brand from its humble beginnings to its humble present now!

From the team at Widow’s Lure.

Review: Jurassic World

I’ve waited so long to have a reason to post this and make it relevant…

DAT FACE DOE.

DAT FACE DOE.

Thank you, Chris Pratt.

For the cinema junkies, it must’ve been a treat to see Jurassic World was in the making. And for the Hollywood hunk junkies? Well, dat face doe. ^^

The fourth installment in the Jurassic series features a whole new theme park revolving around cloned dinosaurs and, being in 2015, that means updated technologies and all of that shizz. The film stars Chris Pratt and his beautiful O face, Bryce Dallas Howard, and Goran… also known as Vincent D’Onofrio. In true Jurassic fashion, not all is as chill as it seems, and soon the park is overthrown by this giant mother of a dinosaur. Uh oh!

Just when you thought Jurassic was over... it wasn't.

Just when you thought Jurassic was over… it wasn’t.

I had the feintest memory of the previous Jurassic movies – what with being born in the year the original film was released and what not – so I came into Jurassic World with a relatively fresh idea of what to expect. What I saw was a pretty damn good movie with an exciting albeit recycled plot line and interesting, strong characters with a purpose.

Something I genuinely enjoy in later installments in a film series is a nod at the original, and Jurassic World saw a few nods to the original movie which I thoroughly enjoyed. While I won’t spoil the main plots of the film, an old friend made a surprise-or-maybe-not-so-surprise appearance and the younger generation got a glimpse of the original Jurassic Park Visitor Centre. And a Jeep. (You bought a Jeep?) These gestures to the older films were a nice touch and I thoroughly appreciated them.

The overall storyline of the film was much like the original, but being more 21st century and updated, I quite enjoyed it. I thought the special effects created a sort of realism to the dinosaurs, and my heart strings were tugged in certain areas of the movie (when you watch it, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about). I thought there were a couple of clichés here and there, but hey, what can you do? I thought the idea of a new and improved manufactured dinosaur causing havoc all over the joint was a new, fresh way to recycle an old idea, and that was great.

One thing I do have to mention, however, may seem like a very small, trivial problem to have with a movie, but WTF was with Bryce Dallas Howard’s outfit? Like, I get it, her character is meant to be this business-no-nonsense career woman, but you could do something much better than a horrid white blouse that kept changing shades of white every shot with a horrid belt and a horrid white skirt. I had one friend comment on how the outfit was distracting her, but then I had another friend comment on it. If people are being distracted in a dinosaur action film by a woman’s wardrobe, then you know you have a problem.

Oh and I lowkey don’t even think she’s that great of an actress tbh. But whatever. She was fine in her role, I guess.

Being a Parks and Recreation fan means I’m used to seeing Pratt in a humorous role (even Star Lord wasn’t funny enough for me, God bless.) So seeing Pratt in this serious action hunk role was new to me, and I didn’t know what to expect; I was pleasantly surprised by his skill, however, and thought he fit the role of Owen Grady perfectly. Admittedly, I didn’t think he’d do well in a serious lead action role, but he proved me wrong and blew me out of the water. Soz Chris. I’ll have faith in you next time.

Wid-o-meter
Storyline: 
7.5/10
Casting and acting: 8.5/10
Experience: 8/10
Overall: 8/10

For fans of the original film – or to anyone who just wants to watch a good movie – I recommend you go see this one in cinemas while it’s still out. It’s definitely worth your pennies and nine times out of 10, you will enjoy it. If not… well at least you got some good popcorn out of it, if that.

– by Noah La’ulu

Origin’s Most Overlooked Players

As game two will be on our screens tomorrow, I decided to take a look at some of the players eligible for the big state clash but aren’t chosen to represent their respective state.

I’m sure that in a rugby league player’s career, he wants to accomplish a few things:
1) Be in the first 13 of his club on the first-grade team;
2) Win a premiership with his club;
3) Represent his chosen country in national tests, and
4) Represent his state in the Origin series.

As big as the first three are, I’m sure four is a mainstay in their minds; State of Origin has become one of the biggest sporting events in Australia (if not, the biggest!) People who don’t even like rugby league sit down to watch it, for crying out loud. Some players are lucky enough to be Origin mainstays and successfully make the team; others aren’t so lucky, despite having a lot of talent.

Choose your destiny... I mean side. Sorry. Playing Mortal Kombat too much.

Choose your destiny… I mean side. Sorry. Playing Mortal Kombat too much.

Writing from both sides (despite being a Queensland supporter myself… #GoMaroons), I’ve decided to highlight just a few of the names that should’ve been selected this year, but unfortunately haven’t been. The Queensland Maroons will go first, of course.

Queensland Maroons
Ben Hannant from the North Queensland Cowboys
The Polar Bear himself has had previous Origin experience, having played a total of 12 games for Queensland from 2008 to 2012. After that, he just hadn’t been selected despite being one of the most reliable forwards in the game today. If you were to compare his form to the likes of current Queensland props Matt Scott and Nate Myles, he wouldn’t make the first 13, but Hannant is definitely a contender for the bench; he always runs hard with the ball and packs a mighty punch when he makes a straight run with it. It’s disappointing to see Hannant’s name not even thrown around when Mal is deciding his forward pack; he definitely deserves it.

Ben Hunt from the Brisbane Broncos
While Daly Cherry-Evans is undoubtedly a great player, his 2015 season so far is nothing compared to that of the Broncos’ deadly halfback. With Cronk out due to injury, I was sure that Hunt would be a shoe in (I mean, who could forget dat try doe that he helped orchestrate for Lachlan Maranta?!) but alas, I was disappointed when DCE was named ahead of him, and Hunt wasn’t even put on the bench. Hunt is definitely a contender for Dally M finalist this year, and it’s easy to see why; he keeps on getting better and better and it’s about time he is rewarded by being allowed to represent his state.

James Segeyaro from the Penrith Panthers
It pained me to choose another hooker over my Andrew McCullough, but even a Broncos fan like myself cannot deny the incredible skill of the Panther nicknamed Chicko. The Papua New Guinea native migrated to Cairns when he was young and played junior footy with the Cairns rugby league club, therefore qualifying him to represent Queensland proudly. It’s hard to overlook the year that Chicko has had, and let’s not forget to mention that he was 2014’s Dally M Hooker of the Year. Like Hunt, Segeyaro hasn’t had a shot at a Maroon jersey yet, and I think it’s his time.

Brenton Lawrence from the Manly-Warringah Sea Eagles
Despite Manly being very low on my favourite teams, one of the few reasons why I can’t help but respect them is the big, beefy forward named Brenton Lawrence. One thing I look for in a forward – especially a prop – is their “intimidation factor”; if they were to run at me, would I be scared and simply relinquish the ball and surrender, or would I charge at them fearlessly? (#FearlessNikki) If the former feeling is created, then I think that forward will do great things in their career. That is what I think Lawrence is capable of, plus more; he’s a machine when given the ball on the right play, and is criminally underrated in my sweet and humble opinion. With such a wide selection of forwards for the Maroon squad, it’s sad to see Lawrence overlooked time and time again.

New South Wales Blues
Adam Reynolds
from the South Sydney Rabbitohs
I’m just gonna say it; Reynolds is a better halfback than Hodkinson and Pearce. I would go so far to say that Reynolds is a bigger key to the Bunnies success than Inglis is. His fancy footwork and superb kicking skills make him a great player, but his field awareness and improvisational playmaking skills is what makes him a great halfback. He’s had a string of misfortune when it comes to injuries this year (dat tackle, anyone?) so it’s fair enough why he wasn’t selected for the first two games, but come game three, I think Laurie take the plunge and put Reynolds on his first team.

Jarrod Croker from the Canberra Raiders
I’m not even just including him because he’s from Goulburn; this guy has some serious talent! Like I believe Reynolds is for South Sydney, I strongly think that Croker is the reason why the Raiders have been so successful this season. It’s great that the country capital club has locked him in for so long because they’d be foolish to let him saunter off to another club (or backflip on the deal… COUGH COUGH Cherry). Not only is he their goalkicker – and a bloody good one at that – but he is the Raiders captain and has led the green team to several convincing victories after having a shit lacklustre season last year. Croker has had no previous Origin experience but I’m sure, when used correctly, he’ll become a great asset for the Blues. And he’s better than some of the backs on the Blues team at the moment, let’s be honest.

Aidan Sezer from the Gold Coast Titans
I have such high expectations for this man, and he’s fulfilled all of them; he’s an excellent playmaker for his team and can remain calm even in very tense situations, which I think is a must for a half. Plus, you don’t see him doing any crazy shit off field to detract from his skill either. When I heard that the Broncos were in need of a five-eighth, I was spewin’ that we didn’t make a big play for Aidan Sezer; combine his skills with that of Ben Hunt, and our halves would’ve been unstoppable! (No shade to Milford). His kicking game is on point and he could give Adam Reynolds a run for his money on that aspect, but as for now, I think his time to be called up to Origin is coming soon.

Tariq Sims from the Newcastle Knights
As much as it’ll pain me to see one of my favourite players on the Blues side of Origin, I think it’s about damn time that Tariq Sims is called up to play for New South Wales, and that’s not even just because he’s funny either. To me, he is one of the most underrated forwards in the league; a reliable stronghold of a man, he is as good at running the ball as he is defending his try line. Combine that with his impressive ball handling skills and his, well, “intimidation factor” and you have yourself a very good forward. Like, no offence, but I don’t think Beau Scott or Ryan Hoffman are better than him, so he could slot in well on the second-row. Plus, it’s clear that rugby league runs in his blood.

Here’s hoping to a Maroons win tomorrow, because I don’t think I can sit through a series deciding game three. My anxiety game too strong for that.

– by Noah La’ulu

Review: San Andreas

The film, not the classic Grand Theft Auto game. Sorry.

If you made the same mistake as me (like referenced above) where you thought the upcoming film titled San Andreas was going to be a live-action Grand Theft Auto film, then you were sadly mistaken. Instead, we were graced with an action-packed disaster film starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Carla Gugino, and that handsome bloke who played Jamie on Home And Away.

Not at all related to a certain video game series, this movie follows the events of a disastrous earthquake of monstrous proportions and the damage it causes to the west of USA. Like any other action movie, of course, there is a big hulking ironman out to rescue his family… and there’s a Kylie Minogue cameo in there as well.

No gang colours in sight. Tear.

No gang colours in sight. Tear.

I’m not too big a fan of disaster movies, and here’s why: they all follow a very similar formula, and instead of straying from it to make it fresh and unique, this film stuck to it. And it even included some of the cringeworthy clichés I really hoped they wouldn’t… but more on that later.

The plot was very basic in my sweet and humble opinion. There was a natural disaster of drastic proportions happening, and people were dying left, right and centre. Their seemingly normal and trivial lives were suddenly interrupted by this giant earthquake (and subsequent tsunami) and they had to rely on their basic survival instincts to… survive. Sounds simple, right? That’s because it was.

As I mentioned before, this movie relied on typical clichés that suit the disaster genre: a big bulking hero who has some kind of typically macho job, a seemingly clueless female lead who turns out to be more resourceful than you would expect, a near death (I won’t say who…) but they’re suddenly revived, and they even finish the movie with that line… “So… what now?” Like, come on. Oh, and the heartbroken parents are looking for their daughter. Very unoriginal.

Dwane’s acting, God bless his giant soul, leaves a little to be desired. I don’t find him to be believable, and that’s in “his” role (that being an action hero). Let’s also talk about the giant elephant of the casting as well: The Rock and Carla Gugino’s daughters looked absolutely nothing like him, but resembled Gugino. Clearly, he was not the biological father… or maybe Hollywood just need to invest in young Polynesian actors and actresses.

What I will say, however, is that Carla Gugino was fantastic in her role, as was Hugo Johnstone-Burt; if you didn’t know he played Jamie on Home and Away, then you really would’ve thought he was a British gentleman travelling at the wrong time. Gugino is timeless, and in fact, gets more beautiful with age; on top of that, her role as the panicky ex-wife was spot on, and I apllaud her. Alexandra Daddario was okay in her role, I guess; she’s so perfect looking that I was kind of distracted, to be honest.

The action/disaster scenes in the film were very believable, and it made me question my American holiday in October. (AUTHOR’S NOTE: this natural disaster affected like every city I’m going to, but you know, whatever). I really felt as if all of this was happening, and until my friend told me this was filmed in Australia, I wouldn’t have been any wiser and would’ve genuinely believed this happened in the actual destination. I guess Jamie from Home and Away should’ve been a dead giveaway of the filming location, but whatever.

Wid-o-meter
Storyline:
6/10
Casting and acting: 7/10
Experience: 6.5/10
Overall: 6.5/10

I wouldn’t recommend going out of your way to see this one, but if you have time to kill and want something fast-paced and action-packed, then San Andreas would be a good fit for you.

It just makes me wonder what a live-action GTA film would be like…

– by Noah La’ulu