Things that Twelvies say

You’ll either be disappointed or amused. Or both.

If you’re not familiar with the term, a “twelvie” is someone who is in that tween age group who think they’re teenagers who can do whatever they want, but really, they can’t. I’m sorry but if you still need your mother to pick you up from the shops, then you need to get off your high horse. Twelvies don’t have to be 12, they just need to be in that general ignorant era of tween.

Working in retail, you get to hear a lot of interesting stories from interesting people. I myself have experienced stories of love, marriage, break-up and even plain inappropriate (I really don’t want to know about your sex life. Please spare me the details.) Along with the good and funny stories, however, come the bad and plain WTF stories that generally come from those in the twelvy generation.

They are, they really are.

They are, they really are.

I wish I made up the following stories. I really wish I did. However, they are all true, and I have heard all of them while working in customer service.

Story #1
Two twelvy girls are walking around the store, being loud and generally ignorant of the other customers in the store. Moments later, they come to the counter; one girl has a top on sale for $10 and a bracelet for $1. Her friend loudly says – in that annoying, high-pitched valley girl voice, no less – “Oh my god, you’re SUCH a shopaholic!” I’m sorry, what?! She spent a total of $11… if that makes her a shopaholic, I have a life-threatening disease. Literally. A cotton top and a bracelet does a shopaholic not make. Geez.

Story #2
In similar fashion, two twelvy girls are gallavanting around the store talking loudly, their smartphones permanently glued to the palms of their hands. One squeals in delight and says: “Oh my god! Sam* snapchatted me last night. We’re getting pretty serious.” I’m not even kidding. Those words came out of a girl’s mouth. I must be getting “pretty serious” with all of my friends on Snapchat if that logic were to be true. One single snapchat does a relationship not make.
*Name made up because I don’t remember what that poor sucker’s name was.

Story #3
Again, two twelvy girls are walking around the store and they disappear into the change room with a few things. I’m back there cleaning up the store as one walks out wearing a cropped bustier top and a short black pencil skirt. Probably not the most age appropriate outfit, but she still looked nice nevertheless. Well, apparently she didn’t want to look nice, because she soon says – in that annoying, high-pitched valley girl voice – “Does this make me look like a sluuuut?” No. It gets better. Her friend looks her up and down and says “Yah!”, to which the first girl replies “Good!” She wants to look a slut? Good on you. Maybe just hold out a bit longer until you’re 18 at least and not attending primary school.

Story #4
As everyone who works in retail can understand, theft is a big thing to watch, and you can usually tell which ones are up to something (although some come as a surprise!) I had my eye on a bunch of young boys who had walked into the store with their bags, especially because they made a dash for the change room so suddenly. I followed them but made sure to make it discreet and stay out of eye sight. Well, turns out I was right, as one of them says “Do you reckon if I tax this that Jane** will think I’m cool?” Oh dear. Popping my head around the corner, I say “I’m sorry, what are you taxing?” to which the boys dropped whatever they were trying to steal and left the store immediately. If Jane thinks a boy who steals is cool, I’m worried for our country’s future.
**Also can’t remember this chick’s name.

Bonus content!
This didn’t come from a twelvy, but from a man who would’ve been older than me (21+). He was clearly going to Stereosonic and came to the counter with a tank top. I make small chat with him and scan the tank top, to which he says “Hey bro, do you reckon this tank top will rip easily?” Umm… I didn’t know what to say so I did that obviously-fake laugh and gave him his bad and sent him on his merry way.

If this is how the younger generation behave and think, I’m genuinely concerned for our future. All of our wellbeings depend on 12-year-olds who want to look like sluts and boys who think shoplifting is sexy.

Or this girl.

Uh oh.

– by Noah La’ulu

Men can be sexually harassed too?

The following scene is fictitious and did not happen in any way.

A male TV show host named Jacob is chatting backstage with a female contestant on a reality show… let’s call it “The Widow’s Web”. This female contestant named Brittany just beat out three other contestants for an immunity to elimination and Jacob is looking to get her thoughts on her win. Brittany is wearing a crop top and yoga shorts with Air Jordans.

“Now,” Jacob says, looking her up and down, “do you wanna train me after?”

Cue the shock and horror gasps from the many in the audience. How dare Jacob say something like that? It objectifies not only Brittany but women everywhere… right?

The following scene did happen and it happened just recently.

Matt Cooper, NRL great and former premiership winner with the St George Illawarra Dragons, participated in the final episode of this year’s season of Dancing With the Stars  as a kind of support for fellow contestant, Lynne McGranger. He was dressed in a cop outfit. Now, for everyone who knows Matt Cooper will be well aware that he won Sexiest Man in League for obvious reasons.

Irene is under arrest apparently.

Irene is under arrest apparently.

Edwina Bartholomew is wrapping up her post-dance interview with Lynne and turns to Matt, in his cop outfit best, and says “Are you doing hens parties now?”, implying that he looks like a stripper or is a stripper. Matt Cooper goes along with the joke and everyone laughs it off.

He even posted the above picture on his Instagram page with the caption: “My cameo appearance locking Lyn & Carmelo up for there last dance of the night.
I’m taking bookings for hens nights for those who are interested? Haha
#magicmike @dancingau”

I’m glad Coops can see the light side of the situation and am happy he wasn’t offended (or wasn’t aware of the implications made by the comments).

Wait a minute… a female show host just made a sexual joke at the expense of a male contestant, so why aren’t people up and raging about it?

There’s always a stigma that comes to men being sexually harassed or assaulted, especially if it is at the hands of women; men like to think that they are masculine and dominant and that no one can undermine their sheer manliness. So for a woman to objectify them and take advantage of them in a sexual manner is emasculating, or at least appears to be. Men don’t want to appear hurt by these advances to keep up their bravado facade.

I wish this stigma would just disa-fucking-ppear.

I don’t know about you but sexual harassment and/or rape is what it is, and it should be equally viewed in all aspects: a man assaulting a woman, a woman assaulting a man, a woman assaulting a woman, etc. No one deserves to have their sexual rights stolen and their bodies taken advantage of.

Just like there’s a stigma saying that men sleeping with a lot of people are “legends” but women who do the exact same thing are “dirty sluts”, this stigma targets old gender stereotypes that have existed for centuries. But they didn’t have the internet, or books, or any other type of education where information can be used to broaden people’s minds and open them up to labels other than “male and female”.

Now, I think Edwina Bartholomew is a fantastic journalist and she may have made that comment in the heat of the moment; I’m not blaming her or 7 for the comments made. I just think people, especially those in the public eye, need to be more wary of their words.

Because men can be sexually harassed as well.

– by Noah La’ulu

Defending People’s Right to be a Slut

And also their right to give the impression that they are a slut when they aren’t.

Superstarlet Bette Midler has come under fire recently for making a controversial remark about lil’ ol’ Ariana Grande, pretty much saying you don’t have to be a “whore” to get ahead in the showbiz world. Slutshaming like woah.

Is the way she touches her head slutty as well?

Is the way she touches her head slutty as well?

If we’re to play the literal game, she is saying that Ariana Grande has offered her sexual services to others for money as a way to move up the ladder. As a whore is another word for prostitute.

In this situation, I can see both ends of the spectrum: Ariana is evidently not a whore or a prostitute and is of the age and in the generation when she can do pretty much whatever she wants. I will always defend the right for people to do whatever they want, when they want, however they want. One cannot exclaim “Freedom!” if they’re not going to allow others to have it.

In saying that, Bette Midler is Bette Midler. If she told me to put pants on, I’d say “how high”… or however that saying goes.

But it all comes down to this… why do people have an issue with others sexual lifestyles or choice of clothing? Why does wearing short shorts and a midriff top automatically make someone promiscuous when in reality, they could be the complete opposite?

I recently had a falling out with a former friend of mine because he made a comment roughly saying “If you wear short shorts with boots, it’s fair enough that people think you’re a slut”. Umm… what? No, that’s not how it works. I thought that living in a country as free as Australia where many people are free to follow whatever religion they choose and drive whatever car they want, I’d be allowed to wear whatever I wanted as well without people emblazoning a red “A” on me. Apparently not, because no matter what you wear, people will judge you.

Sure, I understand that the way you dress is a reflection on you, but why does that reflection necessarily have to be negative, or said in a negative way? Maybe wearing short shorts and boots makes someone “wild and unpretentious” as opposed to “slutty and easy”. Maybe wearing platform boots and black skinny jeans makes someone “dark and mysterious” as opposed to “gothic and weird”.

If a man or a woman chooses to fornicate with a lot of different people at the same time – whether it be all at once or over a certain period of time – how does that make them a bad person? If you’re the type of person to wait until you’re married to do the deed, good for you; if you’re the type to sleep with a different person every night, good for you. There’s a famous quote from Eminem that is so appropriate here… “I don’t care if you’re black, white, straight, bisexual, gay, lesbian, short, tall, fat, skinny, rich or poor. If you’re nice to me, I’ll be nice to you. Simple as that.”

Just like you would respect someone for having a different religion than you, you should respect someone for having different life standards than you. Everyone is different.

Let sluts be sluts.

– by Noah La’ulu

Review: Sam Hunt’s Montevallo

Artist: Sam Hunt
Album: Montevallo
Release date: October 27, 2014
Label: MCA Nashville
Genre: Country pop

Montevallo is the debut album for country music artist Sam Hunt, whose songwriting skills were featured on several country stars’ songs, such as Keith Urban’s Cop Car and Kenny Chesney’s Come Over.


First thing’s first, Hunt may be the very definition of a modern country man. His use of electronic synth arrangements and palm-to-knee slapping rhythm makes him immediately stand out from other male country music artists who choose to have a more traditional sound. His music is unlike any other in his genre and his contemporary look on “what is country” is definitely featured on the album. It’s also interesting to note that Hunt co-wrote every track on the album.

Montevallo may sound a bit “typical” for a first time listener. A majority of the tracks featured on the album are in some way about a woman and leaves a lot to be desired regarding Hunt’s diversity as an artist. While some of the songs feature a generic approach to the characteristic “country song about a woman”, Cop Car, for example, has a different way of expressing his feelings towards a woman which proves to be a nice touch to the album.

Hunt has his own unique sound which makes him stand out from other country artists. The catchy lyrics and quick-paced dynamic use of instruments in his debut single Leave the Night On dare to appeal to those who aren’t typically fans of country music. The pop-inspired hit would fit comfortably on the Country Music Channel as it would on MTV. Leave the Night On has a typical “bro-country” theme to it (country songs by men about getting drunk, girls in tight jeans, etc.) however it has its own charming appeal that’ll make your fingers tap and your head bop, and not roll your eyes and mutter “It’s just another country song”.

The way he mixes normal speaking with an outburst of song in Take Your Time and Break Up in a Small Town is an odd touch to his album, and I’m not too positive that’s a good thing. It kind of sounds like a musical where the character is engaging in dialogue and then randomly busts out into song and we, as an audience, are expected to think that is completely normal. It’s a unique twist to the typical song format, and for that, I applaud him for trying something new. However, these tracks that would otherwise be great listens with deep, emotive lyrics and a great sound, are mainly outstanding for the wrong reasons.

An interesting track to make note of on Montevallo is Single for the Summer; it’s probably the only track on the album that doesn’t have any typical country music traits to it: there are no mentions of drinking beer in the lyrics, and the quick strums of an acoustic guitar are also absent. This song has an almost dreamy sound to it with an electric synth-like sound and a slow, fading ending that makes you feel as if you are gradually dozing off to sleep. This daring track doesn’t seem fitting for a country-pop album but happens to be one of the best songs on the album for the sole purpose that is something very different that Hunt has tried and subsequently nailed as a music artist.

Overall, Montevallo is a step in the right direction for Sam Hunt that can be easy listening for all sorts of people, ranging from diehard country music enthusiasts to mainstream pop music fans and anywhere in between. His unique twist on modern country-pop music definitely makes for a great sound that can be repeated with a glass of white or a schooner of beer.

Or a bottle of water. If that’s your thing.

– by Noah La’ulu