#SayNoToDating2015 February Update

Two months in and my campaign is still going strong. The word is spreading and some are choosing to rethink their strategy when it comes to dating.

This month’s update: should you update your relationship status on Facebook?

The decision that every couple faces when they first start dating – and not just “dating but not tied down” dating, the real one person and one person only thing, because labels have become so complicated in the 21st century – should you bear it all and make it official by becoming official on Facebook, or just leave it to the imagination of all the sad people who take pleasure in looking into other people’s lives?

I'm under the impression that if all else fails, just choose "It's complicated".

I’m under the impression that if all else fails, just choose “It’s complicated”.

Let me discuss the pros and cons of both and help you make up your mind:

Making it Facebook official
Pros

[x] Now that it’s on social media, other people will know to back off your respective boyfriend/girlfriend if they see they’re taken. If you aren’t official, and people don’t know you’re seeing each other,  then others will think that they’re prime pickings, and you can’t really blame them, right? I mean, social media is the only way to really get to know someone nowadays.
[x] If you’re willing to make it public, your partner will think that you’re not ashamed of them and are very proud to show them off, and it’ll make them happy. And happy people just don’t shoot their husbands. They don’t.

Cons
[x] You run the [HIGH] risk of letting everyone butt their noses into your private life, and your relationship between two people has turned into a relationship with everyone you’re friends with on Facebook.
[x] If the relationship turns sour and you break things off, you have to go through the awkward phase of waiting it out a bit before you change your status to single, and then everyone will want to know why and throw their fake sympathy towards you even though they just really want to know what happened. THIS IS THE WORLD WE LIVE IN NOW.

If you have the time to look into other people's relationships, you have the time to read this article.

If you have the time to look into other people’s relationships, you have the time to read this article.

Keeping it off Facebook
Pros

[x] You get to keep your relationship to yourself. No one butting in, no unnecessary commentary, nothing. You and your partner can be all by yourselves.
[x] You don’t run the risk of making it public too soon and effectively making it hella awks, because you never know when your partner is completely comfortable with going public.

Cons
[x] Bitches tryna steal yo’ lover.
[x] You don’t have to go through the awkard moment of changing the relationship status back to single if god forbid the relationship doesn’t work out. And no one will be none the wiser.

The main point of this is: when two people are dating and form a relationship, what happens in that relationship is just between them. You know the saying “two’s company, three’s a crowd?” Leave your nose out of other people’s business, in other words. If you have the time to poke into other people’s lives, especially people who you don’t even necessarily care about, you seriously need to re-evaluate your life and where you’re going with it.

In saying that, whatever your type of dating method is, date smart. Don’t make me bring the rains of #SayNoToDating2015 on you for being stupid.

That is all.

– by Noah La’ulu

The Black Widow’s Bucket List

In celebration of my 22nd birthday, I’ve decided to publish my personal bucket list.

Before I had never really thought of having a bucket list. I thought my life was pretty great and didn’t really feel the need to go extreme and jump out of a plane or bungee jump off a bridge in New Zealand, but then I stopped to think of all the things I haven’t done.

How cute is this movie though?!

How cute is this movie though?!

I haven’t gone travelling (which will be rectified later this year).
I haven’t even left this country.
I haven’t been hiking at night.
I haven’t been part of an animal rights liberation protest.
I haven’t stepped foot in a wrestling ring.
I haven’t fulfilled my wildest fantasies.

So by the time I pass on – and if my palm is to be believed, I’m dying pretty early – I want to have accomplished at least 80% of this bucket list.

Alas, here we are:

The Black Widow’s Bucket List
[x] Attend a wrestling class and make a Beautiful People style entrance.
[x] Go skydiving, regardless of how much I hate heights.
[x] Attend an animal rights liberation protest, with my own sign.
[x] Go hiking at night.
[x] Travel across Europe by myself (and hopefully not be that naive traveller who gets their things stolen)
[x] Fill a Ute bed wtih pillows and blankets and sleep out under the stars.
[x] Abseiling, also despite my fear of heights.
[x] Perform a flash-mob like pole dancing routine OUTTA NOWHERE.
[x] Cycle through Central Park.
[x] Go (country) star hunting in Nashville.
[x] Go on a trip with a fake persona and back story and make it last for the entire duration.
[x] Volunteer at a soup kitchen.
[x] Organise and host a charity fundraiser for the local firehouse.
[x] Go on a hot air balloon ride… despite my fear of heights.
[x] Mud wrestle.
[x] Publish a novel.
[x] Go on a blind date.
[x] Take up capoeira.
[x] Live in a different country for at least six months.
[x] Fly first class.
[x] Dress up as the Bella Twins for a costume party (another person required).
[x] Tell Katy Perry she sucks.
[x] Change the world.

I encourage everyone to start their own bucket list and see what kind of whacky and crazy things they can come up with. A life not lived is not a life I want to live.

– by Noah La’ulu

#SayNoToDating2015 January Update

I’ve decided to do a monthly entry of my #SayNoToDating2015 campaign with my thoughts on cerain things that irritate me about dating in the social media world.

This entry: Snapchat and the way it interferes with a genuine relationship.

If you have the time to Snapchat pictures of your food, you have the time to read this article.

If you have the time to Snapchat pictures of your food, you have the time to read this article.

As a gentle disclaimer, I’m going to put it on the record that I do not hate Snapchat. I have an account myself that I check occasionally and use rarely. If I see something that I want others to see without the added stretch of uploading it to Facebook, coming up with a witty caption and then waiting for the likes and comments to roll in, I’ll just take a picture of it and put it on my Snapchat story. It really is a handy tool.

But like every handy tool, it certainly has its faults.

I use Snapchat mainly when I’m bored. I’ll be sitting in a lecture, evidently not listening, and then take snaps of people and inanimate objects and will label them with their names. Sure signs of bordem right there. When I’m out with friends having a real good time – a genuinely real good time – then I won’t have the time to whip out my phone, load an app and take a picture of it. I’ll be too busy having an awesome time, drinking awesome shooters and just soaking up each other’s awesomeness.

This Snapchat icon really looks into your soul, doesn't it?

This Snapchat icon really looks into your soul, doesn’t it?

Let’s face it: if you’re having real fun, you won’t be Snapchatting it. Why then, pray tell, do people take countless amounts of Snapchats when they’re out in a pub or a club and take annoying ten second videos of loud, irritating techno music going off as an array of coloured lights dart around the club, like we’ve never seen that before. Maybe I’ll pass one snap so others can see where you are and what you’re doing, but countless snaps? Please. If you have the time to take 300 seconds worth of pictures, girl bye.

Moving onto the dating portion of my rant, people who take awkwardly posed snaps of them and their better half with captions like “Cuddling with bae” and “Can’t get enough of him”. We get it. You’re dating someone. Whoop-dee-doo. Why don’t you do what you should be doing and genuinely enjoy their company and be with them and not around them?

Yes, there is a major difference of being with someone and being around them.

If society turns to a “Hold on, babe, let me take a picture of you for Snapchat so people know we’re out and we’re, like, in love and stuff” mindset, then we might as well elect Miley Cyrus to be the Prime Minister of Australia because they are both equally as bullshit as the other.

Here’s an idea, especially with Valentine’s Day looming around the corner. Leave your phones at home and go out and spend real time with your loved one without the added pressure of social media lingering in your minds. If you’re a busy body and you absolutely need your telecommunication device with you, put it on silent or plane mode if possible; shirk away the temptation of telling the social media world for the umpteenth time that, yes, you are indeed in a relationship, and just be with each other. I can promise you that if you be with each other and not around each other, your relationship will be much more healthy.

And, hell, if I see another dating couple at a restaurant swiping their thumbs on their smartphones instead of engaging in menaingful conversation, I may just have to do this to someone:

Y’all have been warned.

– by Noah La’ulu

#SayNoToDating2015

Before I begin, I’m largely aware that I am using social media to protest against social media. That’s the beauty of it.

For me, 2015 will be an interesting year. I’m going on a 2 month trip to and around America, with half of it being by myself. This itself is an amazing feat because I’ve never even left the country, and I also have an enormous hatred/fear of flying and anything to do with aviation (pilots and air force excluded, God bless your souls).

On top of that, I will also not be doing any form of dating or romantic intimacy with anyone this year.

saynotodating2015

I’ve already written about this situation, but from my perspective, it’s getting worse and worse: social media has too many negative influences on dating. Gone are the days when a couple would meet at a dinner function, or the classic “I-spilled-coffee-on-you-and-then-we-started-chatting” situation. Now, people rely too heavily on social media to make a personal connection with someone and I don’t understand how people can expect a personal relationship with someone if the method of contact is so impersonal.

It’s not that I have a problem with online dating; in fact, I’m all for it if that’s how people choose to meet. However, when it gets to the point that it’s more of a “social media relationship”, then I think people need to step back and get a clear perspective.

In dot point form, here are some of the notes that I am specifically protesting against:
[x] Instead of worrying about what to wear when you meet the in-laws, you’re too busy worrying about how your lover has opened your Snapchat but hasn’t replied straight away.
[x] Now that you have him/her on all forms of social media – Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. – you have too much of an insight into their personal life, one you wouldn’t have had 10 years ago when none of this existed. You freak out when you see that they have just become friends with someone of the opposite sex, or someone of the opposite sex has liked one of their Instagram photos. You have created this entire problem in your head just because of it.
[x] Along with this personal insight, you also happen to know where your lover is at all times. When he/she messages you on Facebook, it’ll say where they are. If you don’t recognise the place they’re at, you’ll freak out. Thus, creating another problem in your head.
[x] Nude photos. OMG. Please stop. If you want your lover to see you and your naked bits, here’s a fancy idea… GO TO THEIR HOUSE AND SHOW THEM.
[x] If you unfortunately happen to break up with your lover, here are how things would’ve happened 10 years ago and here are how things will happen now. 10 years ago, you just stopped calling each other and seeing each other. Now, you have to block them from all forms of social media, delete their phone number, and cancel your Google alert subscription to their name. But then you’re too intrigued about their life and what they’re doing after they broke up with you, so you’ll just go and unblock them anyway. Or, if you’re that intense, you’ll use a friend’s social media account to “stalk” them. All that just to break up with someone? No thank you.

#SayNoToDating2015 is my own personal little campaign protesting against the negative influences social media has on dating. While I understand the need to adapt to changes over the years and have done so accordingly, I don’t think it’s necessary for everyone to become so impersonal when it comes to communication with other people in a romantic way. Dating used to be such an uncomplicated thing and now, well, it’s screwed. Social media should be a tool we use to help build strong relationships with strong foundations, not forge faulty ones that are gonna break with a slight breeze.

Of course, contrasting opinions are welcome. Not that it’ll change my view on #SayNoToDating2015.

– by Noah La’ulu