Dating Noah: is date ditching ever justified?

Dear Noah,

A while ago, my friend set me up on a blind date with his girlfriend’s sister. His girlfriend was good looking, so I was expecting a goddess. When I showed up to the location, I met her: she didn’t really look like her sister, and she was dressed very down in track pants and thongs, and made little to no effort in her physical appearance. Okay, not a good start, but I was fine with that. Before we went to our movie, she wanted to stop by Woolworths. I said okay and went with her. She went in and stole lollies from the confectionary aisle right in front of me… and the total value of said lollies were about $6. I would have easily paid for those lollies if she asked, but no. She shoplifted on a first date.

After that, I told her that I was just going to run to the toilet before going to the movie. I went straight to the train station and went home. I don’t regret my decision at all, but the backlash from my mate’s girlfriend was not pretty. Were my actions justified?

The Maverick


Ditching a date... is it ever justified?

Ditching a date… is it ever justified?


Dear The Maverick,

I think in this situation, your actions were very justified. I’m sorry, but if someone shoplifted in front of me – whether it be on a first, date, tenth date, or our wedding night – and thought it was a really good idea, I would definitely ditch the date. No questions asked. That situation just shows you what kind of person she really is… a dishonest one. And what’s the point in dating someone if you can’t trust them because you know they’re dishonest?

I appreciate the fact, however, that you didn’t ditch because she looked daggy or wasn’t what you expected. One of my things on first dates is dress to impress, but don’t overdress to the point that you look like you’re going to sip some sparkling wine at the opera. I will always dress presentably on first dates. In saying that, if she was that comfortable in her trackies and jandals, then that’s fine. May not be your (or my) cup of tea, but I’m glad you were willing to overlook that somewhat trivial aspect about your blind date.

Of course, ditching dates isn’t a good idea, but everything depends on the situation. Hell, even something as big as killing someone could be justified depending on the situation (like self-defence, and in no way am I advocating the murder of people, I’m just using that as an example). If you would’ve ditched the date because she was wearing trackies, then I wouldn’t give you the thumbs up at all. I would’ve called you shallow and a wanker. Or possibly just a shallow wanker. But leaving because your date thought it’d be a good idea to steal lollies worth a small amount? LOL. Yep. Good job mate.

I hope your mate’s girlfriend knows what she had done so she can understand why you did what you did. If she doesn’t? Just redirect her here to Widows Lure so she can see your side of the story. And my sage advice. Curtseys.

Happy dating… and go the Broncos!

– by Noah La’ulu

If you have a question or need some good ol’ fashioned blunt advice from #DatingNoah, use the Contact page on our website and put in your comment “Subject: Dating Noah”, or alternatively send me an e-mail at and put “Dating Noah” in the subject line. I will respond to your cries for help as soon as possible!

#SayNoToDating2015 May Update

Couples pictures are cute, right? Right?

What better way to show all of your friends that you aren’t repulsive and that you’ve actually snagged yourself a boyfriend/girlfriend by posting it on social media? Sure, the odd status or tweet saying “With him <3” or “Playing COD with the gf. This one’s a keeper” will suggest that you actually aren’t repugnant to the opposite/same sex, but there is no actual proof that they exist. So what do you do? You post a cute picture of you two… and I use the term “cute” rather loosely.

Whether it be a totes random selfie, or a picture taken by a kind stranger of y’all at a nice Chinese garden on your second year anniversary date, couples pictures have been a mainstay in social-media-relationship-bragging since the concept was born. They’re cute. They’re fun. They’re adorable. What could possibly go wrong?

"Let's take a cute couples picture while we still have the chance!"

“Let’s take a cute couples picture while we still have the chance!”

Uh oh. You’ve broken up. And now you have 1004 reminders of your failed relationship on your smartphone or your Facebook page. Now you have to go through the long process of deleting them one by one, should you choose to, so you don’t have to have that constant reminder flashing in front of your face.

But you’d rather not go through all of that trouble, right?

So it poses the question: are couple pictures really a wise idea?

Personally, I don’t see the point in them. In saying that, I’m not going to stop drop and roll every time a camera pops out and I am in the vicinity of my other half. If the right moment calls for it, then sure, I’ll strike a pose and put on my best duckface. But if it’s for the sake of putting a “cute” photo on social media just so everyone can see how OH EM GEE TOTES ADORBS we are, then no. I don’t see the point in them. You don’t have to justify your relationship by putting it on social media for everyone else to see and acknowledge. Be happy with who you are, who they are, and who you are together as a unit.

What I think most couples who are fans of those kinds of pictures don’t realise is that a lot of couples pictures are *GASP* really irritating. Like, I get you’re dating each other. I’ve received that message loud and clear 500 times a day for the past six months. Stupid pictures like “Eating breakfast together!” or “He just turned the TV on! Selfie time!” are pointless, unnecessary, and annoying.

If you just got engaged, however, or you’re posing for your tacky lovely wedding invitation photos, then sure. That’s a brilliant idea. Go for gold. Do whatever makes you happy. At least there is a purpose to it!

What bugs me about couple photos is that some of them are cheesy and tacky as hell, like the ones where the couple are in the middle of kissing and then BAM! Photo has been taken. Like what goes through your mind as you’re taking that? “Okay baby, let’s take a kissing picture. Now kiss me and don’t move until the flash goes off. Oh, and make sure your eyes are closed because, like, Becca won’t think it’s romantic unless both of our eyes are closed. Okay? Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…” News flash: they aren’t romantic. They’re stupid.

Or the typical wedding pictures of the couple holding hands walking barefoot on the beach looking deep into each other’s eyes with these obviously-posed smiles on their faces. Should I choose to have a wedding, I want the photographer to catch me and my other half in our natural habitat… or at least dressed up as Marvel characters while doing outrageous things, like throwing cake at each other or bashing each other with those giant inflatable hands. There’s an idea.

I’ll leave you with this update by finishing with the wise words of a young woman named Hilary Duff: “Turn the lights down low and kiss me in the dark, ‘cos when you’re touching me, baby I see sparks.”

I don’t actually know what that has to do with this post. But enjoy anyway.

– by Noah La’ulu

Weird Dealbreakers: Over Before it Started

For those of you who call it quits for the strangest reasons.

We’re all familiar with the obvious dealbreakers: he doesn’t have a close relationship with his parents, she is a kleptomaniac, he doesn’t have any career goals, she beats up animals for fun… but what about those really odd ones that makes you stop and think, “Hey, I’m really weird”.

Yep. That's pretty weird.

Yep. That’s pretty weird.

So, being the natually curious person that I am, I took to social media to ask guys and gals: “What are some of your weird dealbreakers?” The answers I got were entertaining to say the least. Feast your eyes on another example of the difference between guys and girls:

What guys think…
“If she likes the Kardashians. No. Definitely not.”
“Girls who try to talk dirty during sex but sound awful.”
“Poor spelling and grammar.”
“Fake tan use.”
“Ignoring me.”
“Bad with money.”
“Can’t control themselves when they’re drunk.”
“Calls her father ‘daddy’.”
“If she goes to a concert and doesn’t enjoy herself. Why are you even here?”
“Plays Xbox One instead of PS4.”
“Hates dogs.”
“If she likes rugby league.”
“Calls herself a feminist but isn’t a feminist.”
“Has a Tumblr account.”
“Beats me in bowling.”
“Wears a rash shirt to the beach.”
“Listens to Taylor Swift.”
“If she drinks beer.”

What girls think…
“Someone who tries to share my drink. I’m not down with mouth germs!”
“JEANS AND JOGGERS! No matter how good looking you are – biggest turn off!”
“People who wear trackpants outside of the house and they aren’t going to the gym.”
“When dudes’ lips aren’t chapped.”
“People who wear black shoes with white socks… eww.”
“Any man you can tell spends longer on their hair than you.”
“Men from the Shire.”
“Men who enjoy too much man jewellery.”
“Short stubby fingernails!”
“‘Tribal’ tattoos on people I know to have fully European heritage.”
“The colours yellow or gold, especially in relation to footwear, shirts and cars.”
“Guys who wear jeans with thongs!”
“Guys who seriously say ‘Who’s your daddy?'”
“People who say ‘fff’ instead of ‘th’… example ‘Penrifff’.”
“Guys who wear uggboots or are religious.”
“Anyone who touches their belly button or my belly button. No.”
“If he has skinny legs.”
“Guys who aren’t comfortable with me sleeping in the same bed as my gay best friend.”

And there you have it. I’m so glad I’m not the only one with weird dealbreakers. It’s always refreshing to know there are other weirdos out there.

– by Noah La’ulu

#SayNoToDating2015 April Update

So this update is a day late. Y’all gon’ have to deal with that.

A problem that some new daters seem to be facing, and have been for years on end, is knowing whether or not the guy or girl they’re dating is “the one”. Sure, some date to get to know people without a real intention of settling down with that person and starting that traditional life with them, but there are some hopeless romantics out there to date because they want to find their soulmate. Both of those methods of dating are okay. But I’m talking the latter of those who hope to find true love one day.

Is he or she the one?

Is he or she the one?

How do you know if he/she is the one?

So you’re looking to find that special someone you want to wake up to every morning; the one you want to have kids with and raise them together; and the one you eventually want to die with. But that’s fast-forwarding a lot, and you’re just in the beginnings of a new relationship. You really like the person you’re with now and you can see yourself with them for a very long time, but how do you know?

I like to take it back to a few things:

1) What do you want in a soulmate?
For me, personally, I like someone who I have some things in common with but not enough that we are nearly the same person. I like to have contention with the person and different intersts can do that. I also like someone who can stand up for themselves, and with a strong personality like mine, that may be hard to find at times. I like someone who is unashamedly themselves and is unapologetic about it. I like someone who has their family as their first priority. I like someone who is good with kids. I like someone who appreciates old cinema (Grace Kelly preferably).

Now I’m not telling you to make a cray cray list of unachievable qualities you want your future lover to have, because that’s setting the bar too high and you’ll find yourself disappointed constantly. Find out what traits you really want and can live with for the rest of your life, and if your current lover suits that, then you may have found the one.

2) What kind of person do you want to be?
It’s often said that some people or things can bring out the worst in you. If your current lover is the type to bring out the worst in you, is that how you want to be in the future? Do you want to go to that bad place with children around? Probably not. You want someone who brings out the best in you; someone who inspires you to strive for better; and someone who can make you laugh at even the worst times. As much as you want an ideal other half, you should want an ideal you as well.

3) Do you have similar standards and/or are you willing to compromise?
This tends to be a dealbreaker for some couples who are otherwise perfect for each other. She wants to get married and have kids and start a family; he doesn’t want a bar of it. They’re so in love but neither are willing to compromise. Unfortunately, he or she may not be the one for you. You have to find out if your looking to travel down the same path, because if you’re going down two separate ways and you’re desperately trying to hold onto someone you can’t see, it may become increasingly difficult and will drain you. Of course, if you are willing to compromise and say, “Hey, I don’t want to get married but we can have kids if you really want it”, then all the more to you. You would only compromise such ideals for someone you loved.

I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. If you put all your eggs in one basket, and that basket turns out to have a hole in it, don’t fret. Don’t panic. You’re not going to die alone. That hurdle was put in your life for a reason. Something good will come of this.

Happy dating everyone!

– by Noah La’ulu