Dating Noah: is date ditching ever justified?

Dear Noah,

A while ago, my friend set me up on a blind date with his girlfriend’s sister. His girlfriend was good looking, so I was expecting a goddess. When I showed up to the location, I met her: she didn’t really look like her sister, and she was dressed very down in track pants and thongs, and made little to no effort in her physical appearance. Okay, not a good start, but I was fine with that. Before we went to our movie, she wanted to stop by Woolworths. I said okay and went with her. She went in and stole lollies from the confectionary aisle right in front of me… and the total value of said lollies were about $6. I would have easily paid for those lollies if she asked, but no. She shoplifted on a first date.

After that, I told her that I was just going to run to the toilet before going to the movie. I went straight to the train station and went home. I don’t regret my decision at all, but the backlash from my mate’s girlfriend was not pretty. Were my actions justified?

The Maverick

 

Ditching a date... is it ever justified?

Ditching a date… is it ever justified?

 

Dear The Maverick,

I think in this situation, your actions were very justified. I’m sorry, but if someone shoplifted in front of me – whether it be on a first, date, tenth date, or our wedding night – and thought it was a really good idea, I would definitely ditch the date. No questions asked. That situation just shows you what kind of person she really is… a dishonest one. And what’s the point in dating someone if you can’t trust them because you know they’re dishonest?

I appreciate the fact, however, that you didn’t ditch because she looked daggy or wasn’t what you expected. One of my things on first dates is dress to impress, but don’t overdress to the point that you look like you’re going to sip some sparkling wine at the opera. I will always dress presentably on first dates. In saying that, if she was that comfortable in her trackies and jandals, then that’s fine. May not be your (or my) cup of tea, but I’m glad you were willing to overlook that somewhat trivial aspect about your blind date.

Of course, ditching dates isn’t a good idea, but everything depends on the situation. Hell, even something as big as killing someone could be justified depending on the situation (like self-defence, and in no way am I advocating the murder of people, I’m just using that as an example). If you would’ve ditched the date because she was wearing trackies, then I wouldn’t give you the thumbs up at all. I would’ve called you shallow and a wanker. Or possibly just a shallow wanker. But leaving because your date thought it’d be a good idea to steal lollies worth a small amount? LOL. Yep. Good job mate.

I hope your mate’s girlfriend knows what she had done so she can understand why you did what you did. If she doesn’t? Just redirect her here to Widows Lure so she can see your side of the story. And my sage advice. Curtseys.

Happy dating… and go the Broncos!

– by Noah La’ulu

If you have a question or need some good ol’ fashioned blunt advice from #DatingNoah, use the Contact page on our website and put in your comment “Subject: Dating Noah”, or alternatively send me an e-mail at noah@widowslure.com and put “Dating Noah” in the subject line. I will respond to your cries for help as soon as possible!

Dating Noah: listen to your heart (as clichè as that sounds)

Dear Noah,

I’m torn between two girls.

One of them I have a really strong physical connection with. We have amazing sex and she knows how to please me. On the other hand, the other girl just gets me, you know? We can talk about everything and anything.

I really like them both and don’t want to hurt either of them.

Please help!

Confused Guy

It's a battle between physical connection v emotional attraction.

It’s a battle between physical connection v emotional attraction.

Dear Confused Guy,

This sounds awfully like a #DatingNoah case I had previously… if you are the guy she’s talking about, this is extremely awkies.

Either way, I’m going to give you the clichè that is so deftly placed in the headline of this column: “listen to your heart”. Basically what you’ve got is a good physical connection with one girl (who for the sake of this article we’ll call “Summer”) but your emotional connection is lacking, and you have a good emotional connection with the other girl (who for the sake of this article we’ll call “Layla”) but you’re not sure if you’ll have as good a physical connection with her.

I would personally base your decision on what you’re ultimately looking for: if you’re looking for something more long-term and substantial, then I would probably go with Layla. You can always establish a good physical connection with her once you get over the first awkward hump. You can spice things up to get your blood pumpin’ in the future while you can’t necessarily fake an emotional connection if you’re not legitimately feeling it with Summer.

If, on the other hand, you are just looking for a regular nightly or overnightly fling, then Summer is definitely the girl for you. If you’re worried about having a really bad physical connection with Layla, at least it’s guaranteed that you have a good one with Summer. In saying that, if you don’t feel as if you really get Summer as a person, then that may be a huge problem if you do venture into a long-term relationship with her.

My advice would be this: figure out what you want in life and then make your decision. The longer you keep this going – and depending on if the girls know about each other – someone is going to get hurt the longer you drag this out.

There’s always the swerve decision that you choose neither girl, but where’s the fun in that?

Happy dating… and go the Broncos!

– by Noah La’ulu

If you have a question or need some good ol’ fashioned blunt advice from #DatingNoah, use the Contact page on our website and put in your comment “Subject: Dating Noah” or alternatively send me an e-mail at noah@solsticesatisfaction.com and put “Dating Noah” in the subject line. I will respond to your cries for help as soon as possible!

Dating Noah: The boy is mine

Dear Noah,

I have been dating this guy for the past month or so. We agreed not to be exclusive at the beginning and I was fine with that. Recently, I’ve started to develop feelings for him and I want to be exclusive with him. He is also dating another girl so I don’t know how to go about it. Help!

Serious Relationship Girl

You need to give it up, had about enough. It's not hard to see THE BOY IS MINE.

You need to give it up, had about enough. It’s not hard to see THE BOY IS MINE.

Dear Serious Relationship Girl,

In the words of Brandy and Monica’s successful duet The Boy is Mine, you should make it clear to the other woman that boy is in fact yours… in a less aggressive way.

Start off by having “the talk” with this bloke. You may be dreading having “the talk” but it is necessary. Sit him down over a dinner or something else that he really likes (so he’s more susceptible to being putty in your hands as opposed to taking him shopping for make-up or something) and tell him how you feel. Build up the courage to talk to him (it’s easier said than done, I know, but it has to be done), open up and say that you want to take your relationship to the next level and see if he’s open to it. Chances are is that he’ll at least be open to discussion and won’t be a total asshole; if he was, it’d be that much easier for you to kick him to the kerb.

If he is as good as you think he is, then he’ll agree to take things to the next level or at least discuss it. If you’re afraid that he might want to stay as you are, then you have two choices: 1) Do what he wants to keep him happy and keep dating him knowing that he’s still seeing Brandy (or Monica, whichever camp you prefer) or 2) Get yourself out of this predicament entirely, in case you turn into a jealous wreck who will eventually scare the poor bloke off anyway. I can assure you that keeping your feelings to yourself and not having “the talk” will turn you into said jealous wreck.

In the end, everything happens for a reason. If he sees the light and decides to make you his and only his, all the power to you two. If not, there is an even better guy out there who will make you his. I know it sounds cliché and “unrealistic” but it is the truth: don’t be that one that throws all their eggs in one basket when there’s an even bigger basket with much better bedazzling on it somewhere else.

Happy dating… and go the Broncos!

by Noah La’ulu

If you have a question or need some good ol’ fashioned blunt advice from #DatingNoah, use the Contact page on our website and put in your comment “Subject: Dating Noah” or alternatively send me an e-mail at noah@solsticesatisfaction.com and put “Dating Noah” in the subject line. I will respond to your cries for help as soon as possible!

Dating Noah: The “right time”

Dear Noah,

I have been on a couple of dates with this guy that I really like. We’ve kissed and have had an enormous amount of chemistry. We’re going on our third date this weekend and I’m really nervous. I think he’s expecting us to have sex and I think it’d be best if I give it to him although I don’t think I’m ready. I’m worried he might leave me if I don’t give him what he wants. When do you think it is appropriate to have sex for a dating couple?  My friends have told me that having sex on the third date is “slutty” and that I should wait until I’m ready.

Please help!

Wishful Thinking Dater

 

Dating Noah responds to its first cry for help!

Dating Noah responds to its first cry for help!

Dear Wishful Thinking Dater,

What is the “right time” to put out for a dating couple? To sum it up in five words: there is no right time.

Whenever you feel you’re ready to take that next step and give that part of you to him, go for it. Don’t feel pressured by him or your friends just because of what they will think of you regarding your decision. There is no set time limit for when you “have” to have sex. Don’t listen to all those sources that believe in the “second date rule” or even the “hold out until you’re married” rule. You do what is best for you. If you’re comfortable having sex on this third date, go for it. If you’d be more comfortable to have sex on the twentieth date, then do it on the twentieth date. Neither makes you slutty nor prudish; it just means you’re in charge of your body and you will do whatever the hell you want with it. Hell, people have sex on the first date, and that is perfectly okay. Everyone’s limits are different… no two human beings are the same!

If the bloke you’re seeing truly respects you and is ultimately the right man for you, he will respect your wishes and wait for whenever both of you are completely ready to take the plunge (sexual pun not intended at this time). If he tries to pressure you into doing things that you don’t want to, then dump his ass on the kerb because he ain’t the right man for you. Then again, he might not even be ready so you may be creating problems in your mind that aren’t even there.

Alternatively, if you are open-minded about doing some other raunchy things, set out some boundaries between you and your man if and when the time arises. By that, I don’t mean walk into your date and say “You can touch me down there with your fingers and that’s it… by the way, what’s for dinner?” When the situation gets hot and heavy, that’s when you bust out the limits. A true gentleman will respect that about you and will be more than happy to cater to your needs.

The moral of the story is this: you are in charge of your body and your womanly needs; not him, not your friends, not even good ol’ #DatingNoah here. Do it whenever you feel is right. When the right time comes along, I can assure you that your act of fornication will be that much more fantastic than if you did it when you weren’t too comfortable with your decision.

I hope this sets your mind at ease. Go out and have fun this weekend… and go the Broncos!

– by Noah La’ulu

If you have a question or need some good ol’ fashioned blunt advice from #DatingNoah, use the Contact page on our website and put in your comment “Subject: Dating Noah” or alternatively send me an e-mail at noah@solsticesatisfaction.com and put “Dating Noah” in the subject line. I will respond to your cries for help as soon as possible!