Confessions of a Mean Girl: Part One

We’ve all seen the movies and read the stories of the ugly beautiful girl who enters a high school situation and is relentlessly bullied by the mean girls, but ends up turning into a beautiful swan, and the mean girls get their karma in the end, right?

Well, those are almost always from the “normal girl’s” perspective. There are two sides to every story. Now, I’m giving you the perspective of the mean girl*.

*NOTE: I am a man. This is just for lack of a better term.

I wonder how different my schooling would've been if I didn't have school uniforms.

I wonder how different my schooling would’ve been if I didn’t have school uniforms.

I finished high school in 2010, so it’s been a while since I experienced the cliquey culture that I once participated in, but during the latter years of my secondary schooling, my group of friends were affectionately named “The Bitch Group” and for quite good reason as well. I will be the first to admit that we weren’t exactly the nicest group of friends, although I can say we were fiercely loyal to each other. There were about eight or nine of us together, and the more there were, the more powerful we felt.

We weren’t the stereotypical Mean Girl group: we weren’t all rich with our daddy’s credit cards and we didn’t attend wicked underage parties every weekend and hookup with random guys and we sure as hell didn’t co-ordinate our wardrobes to be pink every Wednesday (only because we had school uniforms). The pure foundation of the stereotype did stick, however; we were horrible to some people, sometimes blatantly and unprovoked, and we did commandeer a highly popular rank on the school hierarchy.

To others, it was simple: stay on our good side, or you will live to regret it.

I remember one time when a new girl started in year 11 at our school. She was nice and pretty enough and seemed like she’d fit in with us well. After finishing our first set of classes, I walked to my first lunch period and sat down in our usual area. This particular new girl walked past us, clearly with no real home location to go to. I invited her to sit with us… and she politely declined. I didn’t take that politely, however, and from that moment on, I would call out horrible things to her to the point that she’d cry. Everything was completely unprovoked and there was no real reason as to why I hated her. But rejecting an invitation to The Bitch Group was turning down popularity, and for a 16-year-old Black Widow, that thought was completely unfathomable. And I hated her for it.

That brings up one of the main reasons why “mean girls” act the way they do: they need control of everything, and when they lose a portion of that control, they lash out. I had already mapped out where this girl was going to sit in our circle and where she’d fit into our social gatherings, and by completely denying me of that painted out future, I felt as if I lost control of the situation, and I took it out on the independent variable in that situation.

Control is power, and in a tense environment like high school hierarchy, power is everything. I would get away with many of the vile things I did because I had control of the situation; I would smile sweetly to the teachers and staff at school while throwing verbal insults and sometimes physical rubbish at the “nerdy group” when they had their backs turned. To lose that control would literally send me into a spiral, so I guess I had to go to some extreme measures in some cases to make sure that control never waivered.

Do you remember in the original High School Musical where they were absolutely appalled that Troy and Gabriella were doing things outside of their high school archetypical interests? I mean, God forbid a basketball player wants to make crème brûlée. As ridiculous as that sounds, it really was true. As member of The Bitch Group, I felt like I was morally obligated to be mean to people with no real reason. There was an overwhelming sense of peer pressure I felt on a daily basis, yet no one was physically or verbally cajoling me to do so. So where did I find the motivation to do the horrible things I did?

I felt that being part of my group of friends meant that society thought I should do what I was “meant” to do, and that was be a bitch. I wasn’t allowed to talk video games and comics with the nerds (even though I was a HUGE closeted gamer and nerd) because that wasn’t my role in society, and I definitely wasn’t allowed to be nice to those who were lower than me on the social hierarchy. I even forced a few interests onto myself that fit my clique: fashion and make-up and all those typical girly things. Nowadays, I couldn’t tell you the difference between foundation and concealer, and the only fashion show I’ll willingly watch is Victoria’s Secret.

At the ripe ages of 15-17, that’s when people are at their most impressionable, so they’ll feel as if they have to play a specific role in a movie that isn’t even going on.

People may think that mean girls are mean because they want to be, but just like (almost) every other human being on this planet, they have souls, and sometimes it takes a deeper look into someone to see the real person behind their vicious words and iconic death stares.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, there’s one more mean girl stereotype we didn’t fit: contrary to most coming-of-age-teenage-girl stories, my group of friends stuck together through and after high school, and five years later, we are still the closest bunch of friends.

Part two of these confessions will be up before you can say “Watch out, Radioactive Man!”

– by Noah La’ulu

Happy 2nd Birthday!

Well, readers, it’s been a long journey for me… but I wanted to take time out to say Happy 2nd birthday to Widow’s Lure today!

We're two today! Does that mean we're in our terrible twos?

We’re two today! Does that mean we’re in our terrible twos?

From our start as the aptly named Solstice Satisfaction to the spider-centric Widow’s Lure that it is today, this website has had its fair share of fun, sarcasm, dry wit, and even controversy.

Widow’s Lure hopes to continue to entertain our loyal following with the witty and borderline sarcastic humour y’all are used to in our posts, and we look to reach our third birthday with an even larger readership than ever! We have big things in store for the future so stay tuned, and thank you for following our brand from its humble beginnings to its humble present now!

From the team at Widow’s Lure.

You Know What Sh!ts Me?: The imbalance of freedom

People suck. They really do.

Let’s use this scenario as an example: you’re at a party and you have one bottle of premium lemonade. A stranger comes up to you and asks you for it, saying “Please, I’m so thirsty and cannot find a drink anywhere else” (you know, despite water being readily available nearly everywhere but bear with me). Being a kind and considerate person, you give the stranger your premium lemonade. The next day, you’re thirsty and you feel like a drink. You find someone with a bottle of premium lemonade and ask them for a drink. They say no and walk away. Unfair, right?

If that’s so unfair, how does an individual try and demand freedom if they’re not willing to give it themselves?

Don’t get what I mean? Let me give you a proper example that doesn’t involve fantasy lemonade. A black man who demands racial equality but hates gays and doesn’t want them to have the choice of getting married. A gay woman who demands gay rights but hates men and anything they decide to do. A free-spirited animal activist who wants animal equality but doesn’t think people are allowed to wear whatever they want.

Equality means accepting all colours, not just the reds, oranges and yellows.

Equality means accepting all colours, not just the reds, oranges and yellows.

In other words, people who demand freedom but don’t give it back.

It just stems from the basic rule “treat others how you would like to be treated”. If you want people to respect your freedom in choice and lifestyle, then you should respect others, even if you don’t agree with it.

I had a friend who was very passionate about gay rights: he, as a homosexual man, didn’t understand why people were blocking his right to marry his partner and why he felt discriminated against for who he chose to love. Fair enough right? Well, as vocal as this former friend was about gay rights, he was also equally vocal about how he didn’t like black people and openly discriminated against them. My reaction?

This picture is so relevant to life.

This picture is so relevant to life.

My argument with him was this: “I’m sorry but how do you expect people to respect you and accept you as a gay man if you’re not going to respect and accept a man down the street because he’s black? Where is the logic in that?” His response was simple: “If people don’t respect me for being gay, I don’t have to respect black people.” It is possibly the stupidest thing I have ever heard anyone say – ever. It’s like saying “If I don’t want to play tennis, why are other people playing tennis?”

News flash: there are other people in this world besides you.

My point, which I am going to reiterate here, is this: treat others how you want to be treated.

I’m not going to hate someone because they like rap music and I don’t. I’m not going to ignore someone because they choose to wear baggy trousers (as opposed to the painted on hot pants that I wear). It’s just stupid.

There are so many freedom fighters nowdays that are apparently striving for equality, but some of these people don’t even know what equality is.

End rant.

– by Noah La’ulu

Why I Don’t Like the Term “Plus Size”

TL;DR version: plus size is as defineable as what water tastes like.

One of my best mates happily remarked on how a department store had a plus size (female) mannequin. Thinking that this was a step in the right direction for the way women are influenced when shopping regarding what is “the look”, I asked her to send me a picture of this mannequin. Looking at the picture, however, the “plus size” mannequin in question wasn’t that plus size at all; in fact, it was probably a size 12 at most. It was noticeably fuller than the other mannequins, but the point remains the same.

I wouldn't even say these models are plus size. They're just how they should be. (Image via Marden Plus Size Facebook page)

I wouldn’t even say these models are plus size. They’re just how they should be. (Image via Marden Plus Size Facebook page)

That left me thinking… if a size 12 is considered plus size in today’s society, what happens to those women who are a size 16 or 18 or even bigger? Are they made to feel worse about themselves because they aren’t even considered to be plus size? What are they considered then… double plus size? Triple plus size?

If you rewind it even further, why is it even called “plus size”? The term kind of implies that it is a normal size plus a little bit more. I’m sorry but who is this ultimate power deciding what women’s size is normal and what isn’t? Why is a women’s size 8 completely “normal” but a 14 isn’t?

I remember having a discussion with a friend of mine and she told me that nearly every if not all marketing ads you see in shopping malls or kind of subliminal messages to tell you how you “should and shouldn’t” look. You see the ads where there a group of “normal looking” models wearing the clothes that are sold in the store, but what are you meant to do if you don’t look like them? Imagine there was a short, chubby girl with a brown bob cut looking at a picture of a leggy blonde with a perfect tan and perfectly-toothed smile wearing a floral playsuit. Would that brunette girl think that she isn’t allowed to wear this floral playsuit because she doesn’t look like the girl in the picture?

With so many ads and marketing tools in today’s society telling us what we should look like and how we should feel about ourselves, why isn’t anyone telling us “Hey, if your health is fine and you’re happy with who you are and what you look like, fuck everyone else. Go ‘head wit’ yo’ bad self.” If you’re content being a size 6, all the power to you! If you’re pleased with your size 14 figure, all the power to you! If you’re happy to be at the gym 7 days a week – or if you’re okay with never stepping foot in a gym and living off Nutella – I say all the power to you!

In the same light, just like there is nothing wrong with being a size with a higher number, there isn’t anything wrong with being a size with a lower number. Don’t be a Meaghan Trainor and skinny shame “them skinny bitches”. People were made to be different. It’s time people really embrace that.

– by Noah La’ulu