#SayNoToDating2015 January Update

I’ve decided to do a monthly entry of my #SayNoToDating2015 campaign with my thoughts on cerain things that irritate me about dating in the social media world.

This entry: Snapchat and the way it interferes with a genuine relationship.

If you have the time to Snapchat pictures of your food, you have the time to read this article.

If you have the time to Snapchat pictures of your food, you have the time to read this article.

As a gentle disclaimer, I’m going to put it on the record that I do not hate Snapchat. I have an account myself that I check occasionally and use rarely. If I see something that I want others to see without the added stretch of uploading it to Facebook, coming up with a witty caption and then waiting for the likes and comments to roll in, I’ll just take a picture of it and put it on my Snapchat story. It really is a handy tool.

But like every handy tool, it certainly has its faults.

I use Snapchat mainly when I’m bored. I’ll be sitting in a lecture, evidently not listening, and then take snaps of people and inanimate objects and will label them with their names. Sure signs of bordem right there. When I’m out with friends having a real good time – a genuinely real good time – then I won’t have the time to whip out my phone, load an app and take a picture of it. I’ll be too busy having an awesome time, drinking awesome shooters and just soaking up each other’s awesomeness.

This Snapchat icon really looks into your soul, doesn't it?

This Snapchat icon really looks into your soul, doesn’t it?

Let’s face it: if you’re having real fun, you won’t be Snapchatting it. Why then, pray tell, do people take countless amounts of Snapchats when they’re out in a pub or a club and take annoying ten second videos of loud, irritating techno music going off as an array of coloured lights dart around the club, like we’ve never seen that before. Maybe I’ll pass one snap so others can see where you are and what you’re doing, but countless snaps? Please. If you have the time to take 300 seconds worth of pictures, girl bye.

Moving onto the dating portion of my rant, people who take awkwardly posed snaps of them and their better half with captions like “Cuddling with bae” and “Can’t get enough of him”. We get it. You’re dating someone. Whoop-dee-doo. Why don’t you do what you should be doing and genuinely enjoy their company and be with them and not around them?

Yes, there is a major difference of being with someone and being around them.

If society turns to a “Hold on, babe, let me take a picture of you for Snapchat so people know we’re out and we’re, like, in love and stuff” mindset, then we might as well elect Miley Cyrus to be the Prime Minister of Australia because they are both equally as bullshit as the other.

Here’s an idea, especially with Valentine’s Day looming around the corner. Leave your phones at home and go out and spend real time with your loved one without the added pressure of social media lingering in your minds. If you’re a busy body and you absolutely need your telecommunication device with you, put it on silent or plane mode if possible; shirk away the temptation of telling the social media world for the umpteenth time that, yes, you are indeed in a relationship, and just be with each other. I can promise you that if you be with each other and not around each other, your relationship will be much more healthy.

And, hell, if I see another dating couple at a restaurant swiping their thumbs on their smartphones instead of engaging in menaingful conversation, I may just have to do this to someone:

Y’all have been warned.

– by Noah La’ulu

#SayNoToDating2015

Before I begin, I’m largely aware that I am using social media to protest against social media. That’s the beauty of it.

For me, 2015 will be an interesting year. I’m going on a 2 month trip to and around America, with half of it being by myself. This itself is an amazing feat because I’ve never even left the country, and I also have an enormous hatred/fear of flying and anything to do with aviation (pilots and air force excluded, God bless your souls).

On top of that, I will also not be doing any form of dating or romantic intimacy with anyone this year.

saynotodating2015

I’ve already written about this situation, but from my perspective, it’s getting worse and worse: social media has too many negative influences on dating. Gone are the days when a couple would meet at a dinner function, or the classic “I-spilled-coffee-on-you-and-then-we-started-chatting” situation. Now, people rely too heavily on social media to make a personal connection with someone and I don’t understand how people can expect a personal relationship with someone if the method of contact is so impersonal.

It’s not that I have a problem with online dating; in fact, I’m all for it if that’s how people choose to meet. However, when it gets to the point that it’s more of a “social media relationship”, then I think people need to step back and get a clear perspective.

In dot point form, here are some of the notes that I am specifically protesting against:
[x] Instead of worrying about what to wear when you meet the in-laws, you’re too busy worrying about how your lover has opened your Snapchat but hasn’t replied straight away.
[x] Now that you have him/her on all forms of social media – Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. – you have too much of an insight into their personal life, one you wouldn’t have had 10 years ago when none of this existed. You freak out when you see that they have just become friends with someone of the opposite sex, or someone of the opposite sex has liked one of their Instagram photos. You have created this entire problem in your head just because of it.
[x] Along with this personal insight, you also happen to know where your lover is at all times. When he/she messages you on Facebook, it’ll say where they are. If you don’t recognise the place they’re at, you’ll freak out. Thus, creating another problem in your head.
[x] Nude photos. OMG. Please stop. If you want your lover to see you and your naked bits, here’s a fancy idea… GO TO THEIR HOUSE AND SHOW THEM.
[x] If you unfortunately happen to break up with your lover, here are how things would’ve happened 10 years ago and here are how things will happen now. 10 years ago, you just stopped calling each other and seeing each other. Now, you have to block them from all forms of social media, delete their phone number, and cancel your Google alert subscription to their name. But then you’re too intrigued about their life and what they’re doing after they broke up with you, so you’ll just go and unblock them anyway. Or, if you’re that intense, you’ll use a friend’s social media account to “stalk” them. All that just to break up with someone? No thank you.

#SayNoToDating2015 is my own personal little campaign protesting against the negative influences social media has on dating. While I understand the need to adapt to changes over the years and have done so accordingly, I don’t think it’s necessary for everyone to become so impersonal when it comes to communication with other people in a romantic way. Dating used to be such an uncomplicated thing and now, well, it’s screwed. Social media should be a tool we use to help build strong relationships with strong foundations, not forge faulty ones that are gonna break with a slight breeze.

Of course, contrasting opinions are welcome. Not that it’ll change my view on #SayNoToDating2015.

– by Noah La’ulu

Social media has ruined dating

“Oh my god, I can’t believe he has another girl in his Snapchat best friends!”

This one sentence is a prime example of how social media has ruined 21st century dating.

(EDITOR’S NOTE: after a lengthy absence, Solstice Satisfaction is back and sassier than ever. Keep tuning in to be entertained in that sassy way only SolSat can do)

Back in the day, couples were more focused on what to wear to their first date or what movie to watch or even what is the surname of their potential date. Now with social media – coupled with the fact that “social media stalking” can give you a ton of information on your date before you have even met him/her – people are more focused on how many girls he’s following on Instagram and why this one guy keeps liking all of her bikini pictures on Facebook.

"OMG he's seen my Snap but hasn't replied. He's SO cheating on me!"

“OMG he’s seen my Snap but hasn’t replied. He’s SO cheating on me!”

A couple of my girlfriends have expressed their concerns with their significant other because:
1) He has a picture with his ex on Facebook that he has neglected to delete or
2) He has other girls in his Snapchat best friends.

Girl bye, why is this even a problem? Even without social media, your fella/lady will still have other friends of the opposite sex. You just weren’t privy to this information beforehand because you couldn’t see what they were doing 24/7.

That’s where the major problem in social media/dating lies: at the touch of a button, you can see who someone is with, what movie they’re watching, what book they’re reading and where they are. All of that information in about 10 seconds tops. In a way, social media has made it “okay” to stalk someone to the point of knowing everything about them, even before they’ve met you. Sometimes you’ll find things that you wish you didn’t see and you will overthink the situation to the point where you have planned out an entire altercation with your loved one before it has even happened.

It’s important to remember that people will always have lives outside of you, so who cares if your boyfriend is following other girls on Instagram or if your boy Snapchats girls that aren’t you? Are you going to shut her out because he has a life? Are you going to withold sex from him because he talks to girls that aren’t you?

Sometimes ignorance really is bliss. Maybe it is better for everyone to settle their sweet horses down, hop in the river, and just go with the flow. Oh, and stop being a stalker.

That’s rich coming from me as I like to use my “investigative journalistic” skills on people sometimes, but at least I admit I’m a social creep.

I’m sure your relationship will be more enjoyable if you stay out of each other’s social lives.

– by Noah La’ulu

You Know What Sh!ts Me?: Facebook Laundromats

You know what really shits me?

Today’s topic: Facebook laundromats… in other words, people who constantly put their dirty laundry on Facebook.

When Facebook politely asks you in that little clever box at the top of your newsfeed “What’s on your mind?”, they don’t really want to know what’s on your mind. It is not an invitation to delve deep into your inner psyche and let it all out for the whole world and their pets to find out.

No one cares about your dirty laundry. Not this chick. She's reading a book. (SOURCE: Gideon's Flickr photostream)

No one cares about your dirty laundry. Not this chick. She’s reading a book. (SOURCE: Gideon’s Flickr photostream)

Some people have trouble differentiating between what is appropriate to post on Facebook and what isn’t appropriate… and uploading a status talking about how your boyfriend left you and you wish nothing but death upon him is actually very inappropriate. But who cares? Whatever works, right?

WRONG.

What you are doing is creating unnecessary drama by putting your personal problems out there for everyone to see. What you are doing is giving people more ammunition to use against you in case the opportunity ever arise. What you are doing is making a complete fool of yourself by turning to social media for sympathy when your best friend is just a simple phone call away.

My philosophy on this is simple: if you are my friend, I care about you. If you have a problem, I will do my best to help you with your problem. If you post this problem on Facebook and expect sympathy from me, stop wasting your time because zero fucks are given about your issue when you’re waving it around on social media.

You know the saying (however it goes)… “people don’t care about your problems, they just want to know what’s going on.” It applies to this very case. What you may think is a very cryptic status could very well paint a larger picture than you intended. “Feels alone :(” could easily translate into “My girlfriend won’t spend time with me because I’m an arsehole and now I regret it.” Your attempt at being incognito failed. Maybe you would have been better off not saying anything at all, huh?

What shits me even more is when these people who air their dirty laundry for the world to see are confused as to why people think it’s okay to involve themselves into their drama. I don’t know, whose fault is it – the idiot who made it publicly viewable for everyone to see and therefore have an opinion on, or Barney the dinosaurs? Definitely not Barney. If you don’t want people to involve themselves in your personal drama, DON’T INVOLVE THEM BY PUTTING IT ON SOCIAL MEDIA. It’s really quite simple, actually.

If you have problems like I’m sure everyone does, seek out help personally. Even if we live in the digital age, driving to your mate’s place or calling your mum late at night to help you has not gone out of fashion. In fact, I’m sue you could resolve a problem easier that way than asking however many Facebook friends you have for advice because they won’t care… they’ll just want to know what’s going on.

So, everyone on Facebook, I have five words for you that should have a long-lasting effect on you: think about what you post.

– by Noah La’ulu