So this update is a day late. Y’all gon’ have to deal with that.
A problem that some new daters seem to be facing, and have been for years on end, is knowing whether or not the guy or girl they’re dating is “the one”. Sure, some date to get to know people without a real intention of settling down with that person and starting that traditional life with them, but there are some hopeless romantics out there to date because they want to find their soulmate. Both of those methods of dating are okay. But I’m talking the latter of those who hope to find true love one day.
How do you know if he/she is the one?
So you’re looking to find that special someone you want to wake up to every morning; the one you want to have kids with and raise them together; and the one you eventually want to die with. But that’s fast-forwarding a lot, and you’re just in the beginnings of a new relationship. You really like the person you’re with now and you can see yourself with them for a very long time, but how do you know?
I like to take it back to a few things:
1) What do you want in a soulmate?
For me, personally, I like someone who I have some things in common with but not enough that we are nearly the same person. I like to have contention with the person and different intersts can do that. I also like someone who can stand up for themselves, and with a strong personality like mine, that may be hard to find at times. I like someone who is unashamedly themselves and is unapologetic about it. I like someone who has their family as their first priority. I like someone who is good with kids. I like someone who appreciates old cinema (Grace Kelly preferably).
Now I’m not telling you to make a cray cray list of unachievable qualities you want your future lover to have, because that’s setting the bar too high and you’ll find yourself disappointed constantly. Find out what traits you really want and can live with for the rest of your life, and if your current lover suits that, then you may have found the one.
2) What kind of person do you want to be?
It’s often said that some people or things can bring out the worst in you. If your current lover is the type to bring out the worst in you, is that how you want to be in the future? Do you want to go to that bad place with children around? Probably not. You want someone who brings out the best in you; someone who inspires you to strive for better; and someone who can make you laugh at even the worst times. As much as you want an ideal other half, you should want an ideal you as well.
3) Do you have similar standards and/or are you willing to compromise?
This tends to be a dealbreaker for some couples who are otherwise perfect for each other. She wants to get married and have kids and start a family; he doesn’t want a bar of it. They’re so in love but neither are willing to compromise. Unfortunately, he or she may not be the one for you. You have to find out if your looking to travel down the same path, because if you’re going down two separate ways and you’re desperately trying to hold onto someone you can’t see, it may become increasingly difficult and will drain you. Of course, if you are willing to compromise and say, “Hey, I don’t want to get married but we can have kids if you really want it”, then all the more to you. You would only compromise such ideals for someone you loved.
I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. If you put all your eggs in one basket, and that basket turns out to have a hole in it, don’t fret. Don’t panic. You’re not going to die alone. That hurdle was put in your life for a reason. Something good will come of this.
Happy dating everyone!
– by Noah La’ulu