#SayNoToDating2015 May Update

Couples pictures are cute, right? Right?

What better way to show all of your friends that you aren’t repulsive and that you’ve actually snagged yourself a boyfriend/girlfriend by posting it on social media? Sure, the odd status or tweet saying “With him <3” or “Playing COD with the gf. This one’s a keeper” will suggest that you actually aren’t repugnant to the opposite/same sex, but there is no actual proof that they exist. So what do you do? You post a cute picture of you two… and I use the term “cute” rather loosely.

Whether it be a totes random selfie, or a picture taken by a kind stranger of y’all at a nice Chinese garden on your second year anniversary date, couples pictures have been a mainstay in social-media-relationship-bragging since the concept was born. They’re cute. They’re fun. They’re adorable. What could possibly go wrong?

"Let's take a cute couples picture while we still have the chance!"

“Let’s take a cute couples picture while we still have the chance!”

Uh oh. You’ve broken up. And now you have 1004 reminders of your failed relationship on your smartphone or your Facebook page. Now you have to go through the long process of deleting them one by one, should you choose to, so you don’t have to have that constant reminder flashing in front of your face.

But you’d rather not go through all of that trouble, right?

So it poses the question: are couple pictures really a wise idea?

Personally, I don’t see the point in them. In saying that, I’m not going to stop drop and roll every time a camera pops out and I am in the vicinity of my other half. If the right moment calls for it, then sure, I’ll strike a pose and put on my best duckface. But if it’s for the sake of putting a “cute” photo on social media just so everyone can see how OH EM GEE TOTES ADORBS we are, then no. I don’t see the point in them. You don’t have to justify your relationship by putting it on social media for everyone else to see and acknowledge. Be happy with who you are, who they are, and who you are together as a unit.

What I think most couples who are fans of those kinds of pictures don’t realise is that a lot of couples pictures are *GASP* really irritating. Like, I get you’re dating each other. I’ve received that message loud and clear 500 times a day for the past six months. Stupid pictures like “Eating breakfast together!” or “He just turned the TV on! Selfie time!” are pointless, unnecessary, and annoying.

If you just got engaged, however, or you’re posing for your tacky lovely wedding invitation photos, then sure. That’s a brilliant idea. Go for gold. Do whatever makes you happy. At least there is a purpose to it!

What bugs me about couple photos is that some of them are cheesy and tacky as hell, like the ones where the couple are in the middle of kissing and then BAM! Photo has been taken. Like what goes through your mind as you’re taking that? “Okay baby, let’s take a kissing picture. Now kiss me and don’t move until the flash goes off. Oh, and make sure your eyes are closed because, like, Becca won’t think it’s romantic unless both of our eyes are closed. Okay? Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…” News flash: they aren’t romantic. They’re stupid.

Or the typical wedding pictures of the couple holding hands walking barefoot on the beach looking deep into each other’s eyes with these obviously-posed smiles on their faces. Should I choose to have a wedding, I want the photographer to catch me and my other half in our natural habitat… or at least dressed up as Marvel characters while doing outrageous things, like throwing cake at each other or bashing each other with those giant inflatable hands. There’s an idea.

I’ll leave you with this update by finishing with the wise words of a young woman named Hilary Duff: “Turn the lights down low and kiss me in the dark, ‘cos when you’re touching me, baby I see sparks.”

I don’t actually know what that has to do with this post. But enjoy anyway.

– by Noah La’ulu

#SayNoToDating2015 April Update

So this update is a day late. Y’all gon’ have to deal with that.

A problem that some new daters seem to be facing, and have been for years on end, is knowing whether or not the guy or girl they’re dating is “the one”. Sure, some date to get to know people without a real intention of settling down with that person and starting that traditional life with them, but there are some hopeless romantics out there to date because they want to find their soulmate. Both of those methods of dating are okay. But I’m talking the latter of those who hope to find true love one day.

Is he or she the one?

Is he or she the one?

How do you know if he/she is the one?

So you’re looking to find that special someone you want to wake up to every morning; the one you want to have kids with and raise them together; and the one you eventually want to die with. But that’s fast-forwarding a lot, and you’re just in the beginnings of a new relationship. You really like the person you’re with now and you can see yourself with them for a very long time, but how do you know?

I like to take it back to a few things:

1) What do you want in a soulmate?
For me, personally, I like someone who I have some things in common with but not enough that we are nearly the same person. I like to have contention with the person and different intersts can do that. I also like someone who can stand up for themselves, and with a strong personality like mine, that may be hard to find at times. I like someone who is unashamedly themselves and is unapologetic about it. I like someone who has their family as their first priority. I like someone who is good with kids. I like someone who appreciates old cinema (Grace Kelly preferably).

Now I’m not telling you to make a cray cray list of unachievable qualities you want your future lover to have, because that’s setting the bar too high and you’ll find yourself disappointed constantly. Find out what traits you really want and can live with for the rest of your life, and if your current lover suits that, then you may have found the one.

2) What kind of person do you want to be?
It’s often said that some people or things can bring out the worst in you. If your current lover is the type to bring out the worst in you, is that how you want to be in the future? Do you want to go to that bad place with children around? Probably not. You want someone who brings out the best in you; someone who inspires you to strive for better; and someone who can make you laugh at even the worst times. As much as you want an ideal other half, you should want an ideal you as well.

3) Do you have similar standards and/or are you willing to compromise?
This tends to be a dealbreaker for some couples who are otherwise perfect for each other. She wants to get married and have kids and start a family; he doesn’t want a bar of it. They’re so in love but neither are willing to compromise. Unfortunately, he or she may not be the one for you. You have to find out if your looking to travel down the same path, because if you’re going down two separate ways and you’re desperately trying to hold onto someone you can’t see, it may become increasingly difficult and will drain you. Of course, if you are willing to compromise and say, “Hey, I don’t want to get married but we can have kids if you really want it”, then all the more to you. You would only compromise such ideals for someone you loved.

I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. If you put all your eggs in one basket, and that basket turns out to have a hole in it, don’t fret. Don’t panic. You’re not going to die alone. That hurdle was put in your life for a reason. Something good will come of this.

Happy dating everyone!

– by Noah La’ulu

#SayNoToDating2015 March Update

Three months and counting. Soz to all the people waiting in line to date me.

It’s only fitting that after a stellar Wrestlemania 31, that I make this not-so-subtle wrestling reference: IT’S TIME TO PLAY THE GAAAAAME. But, in relationships and dating, it is not time to play the game. Ever.

Meet Tiffany*. She is a bright, bubbly and beautiful young woman who has met a handsome, funny guy named Derek*. They’re both into each other and they are both aware that the other feels the same way. Except Tiffany feels the need to plan and schedule every interaction she has with him.


Tiffany gets a text from Derek asking her how her day was. The logical thing to do? Tell Derek how her day has been. But no, Tiffany would rather wait half an hour and then reply, but purposely make it sound as if her day was better than it was so Derek thinks she has a really fabulous life. That is, of course, if she does text him back, because she doesn’t wanna sound too needy.

Nope. Tiffany has decided to play it cool, and she tells Derek she just came back from a date with “Josh”. Now she thinks Derek will know other guys want her, and that’ll force him to make it official between the two before it’s too late.

Wrong. Thinking Tiffany is intereted in “Josh” more than himself, Derek gives up on Tiffany and moves his attention to another beautiful girl, and Tiffany’s hopes and dreams are dashed.

These are the only kinds of games I want to see people playing. Specifically as Mileena.

These are the only kinds of games I want to see people playing. Specifically as Mileena.

Many people make these errors that Tiffany has made; they feel as if they have to play these “games” in order to get what they want, or to not seem a certain way, or for no apparent reason at all. Too many times have I heard something along the line of “I have to wait an hour before I reply to him” or “I’ll start flirting with one of her friends to make her jealous”. What you don’t realise is that you’re playing a game of chance here, and while your intended outcome may come true, the same could be said about the completely opposite outcome, and you could wind up bitter and alone because you decided to go with “logic” instead of what you truly feel.

If you think it’s too crazy to reply to someone straight away, get over yourself. Just do it. No one but yourself is holding you back from typing in a quick message and tapping “Send”. In fact, I can sure as hell testify that I would much prefer a reply as soon as possible as opposed to one that’s been timed out and planned. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

Think of it this way: if you are hungry, you’d go and grab something to eat to quench that hunger, right? Well, if you want to see someone, why are you stopping yourself from doing so “just in case”? You wouldn’t grab a sandwich and be like “Oh, people will think I’m fat if I eat this despite being really hungry, so I guess I’ll just leave it”. Why are you doing that to your love life? You’re essentially blocking your love life from eating a bloody sandwich when it’s hungry. For shame! FOR ABSOLUTE SHAME.

My point is this: do what you feel like, regardless of the consequences. Don’t think about the destination; focus on the journey. It’s a more open, honest way of communication with your desired loved one and we all know and can appreciate that honesty and trust are two of the best things that a true relationship can have.

Don’t play these games anymore. The only games you should be playing are on Playstation or Xbox or Nintendo. Or PC. Or any other video gaming console I may have forgotten to mention.


Now if you’ll excuse me, all this talk about bloody sandwiches has made me want a sandwich.

Happy dating everyone!

– by Noah La’ulu

#SayNoToDating2015 February Update

Two months in and my campaign is still going strong. The word is spreading and some are choosing to rethink their strategy when it comes to dating.

This month’s update: should you update your relationship status on Facebook?

The decision that every couple faces when they first start dating – and not just “dating but not tied down” dating, the real one person and one person only thing, because labels have become so complicated in the 21st century – should you bear it all and make it official by becoming official on Facebook, or just leave it to the imagination of all the sad people who take pleasure in looking into other people’s lives?

I'm under the impression that if all else fails, just choose "It's complicated".

I’m under the impression that if all else fails, just choose “It’s complicated”.

Let me discuss the pros and cons of both and help you make up your mind:

Making it Facebook official

[x] Now that it’s on social media, other people will know to back off your respective boyfriend/girlfriend if they see they’re taken. If you aren’t official, and people don’t know you’re seeing each other,  then others will think that they’re prime pickings, and you can’t really blame them, right? I mean, social media is the only way to really get to know someone nowadays.
[x] If you’re willing to make it public, your partner will think that you’re not ashamed of them and are very proud to show them off, and it’ll make them happy. And happy people just don’t shoot their husbands. They don’t.

[x] You run the [HIGH] risk of letting everyone butt their noses into your private life, and your relationship between two people has turned into a relationship with everyone you’re friends with on Facebook.
[x] If the relationship turns sour and you break things off, you have to go through the awkward phase of waiting it out a bit before you change your status to single, and then everyone will want to know why and throw their fake sympathy towards you even though they just really want to know what happened. THIS IS THE WORLD WE LIVE IN NOW.

If you have the time to look into other people's relationships, you have the time to read this article.

If you have the time to look into other people’s relationships, you have the time to read this article.

Keeping it off Facebook

[x] You get to keep your relationship to yourself. No one butting in, no unnecessary commentary, nothing. You and your partner can be all by yourselves.
[x] You don’t run the risk of making it public too soon and effectively making it hella awks, because you never know when your partner is completely comfortable with going public.

[x] Bitches tryna steal yo’ lover.
[x] You don’t have to go through the awkard moment of changing the relationship status back to single if god forbid the relationship doesn’t work out. And no one will be none the wiser.

The main point of this is: when two people are dating and form a relationship, what happens in that relationship is just between them. You know the saying “two’s company, three’s a crowd?” Leave your nose out of other people’s business, in other words. If you have the time to poke into other people’s lives, especially people who you don’t even necessarily care about, you seriously need to re-evaluate your life and where you’re going with it.

In saying that, whatever your type of dating method is, date smart. Don’t make me bring the rains of #SayNoToDating2015 on you for being stupid.

That is all.

– by Noah La’ulu