Practical Presents

No, I’m not talking about another kitchen appliance or undies in the Christmas stocking; I’m talking about a First Aid kit specifically marketed for dealing with the classic Christmas injuries and ailments mentioned in yesterday’s post.

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To prepare this gift (which is handmade, original and funny, so you’ve ticked all the boxes there) all you need is a hamper, some cellophane and a quick trip to Chemist Warehouse.

Breath mints – in anticipation of a Christmas kiss at your work break-up party.

Aspirin – for the Boxing Day hangover, or for the headache caused by being forced to watch the test match with people who inexplicably care about cricket.

Sunglasses – unfortunately, the sun is always brightest the morning after a big night.

Miniature Booze – hair of the dog. I recommend Tequila, but not everyone is a masochist.

Berocca – to help fight the aforementioned hangover and get help get back in to shape to start drinking again at lunch time.

Bacon – in my house, medicinal bacon is a thing and now that you’ve read this, it’ll no doubt be a thing at yours, too!

Gaviscon – because six helpings of roast and infinite dessert seemed like a great idea right up until it wasn’t anymore.

Band-aids – for the cuts and burns you got cooking your Xmas feast as well as the blisters you got dancing along with High-5 when watching Carols by Candlelight.

Arnica Cream – for the shiner your dad gave the seedy uncle for staring at your mother too long.

Ice Packs – for the genius who falls off the roof/step ladder/chair/back of the couch trying to decorate the house.

Aloe Vera gel – for the sunburn you got from falling asleep on the beach. White Christmas my arse.

A ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign – because Boxing Day shouldn’t start until midday; Grandmother’s just never seem to remember that rule.

An I.D bracelet with name, age, address, an emergency contact and blood type- for the drunken friend who feels that Christmas night is the appropriate time to rival Bear Grylls. They probably won’t make it past the mailbox, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.

So while you’re out doing all your last minute gift shopping, make sure to stock up on these Christmas essentials. That way, you know your gift will be used and appreciated rather than stuck in a drawer along with yet another Mariah Carey Christmas CD from Great Aunty Edna.

– by Blaire Gillies

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