Category Archives: Lifestyle

Three Things I Learned About Myself While Filming Heel Turn

Posted in Entertainment, Lifestyle, Movies by

And now for a self-indulgent post.

Hello Widow’s Lureans. I know I’m super inconsistent with posting on here, but it’s actually a goal on my vision board to write more and post more on here. So to quickly catch you up to speed on the past couple of years of my life:

– My parents have been living in Fiji for the past three years, which means I’ve been living in their house rent free so I could save more spend more money on clothes and beauty. Nikki maintenance is very expensive.
– Still at the same job which I enjoy most of the time.
– Still wrestling, still slaying in the ring and out. Still paired with my soulsister Frankie B, while also exploring solo opportunities as well.
– Had a crew film a documentary on me which premiered at the Mardi Gras Film Festival 2026 and was a hit with the people in attendance.

Just a casual documentary. You know, no biggie.

Talk about length. Talk about drama. Talk about stones. Talk about comfort.

The aptly named Heel Turn focuses on myself and how I navigate the wrestling world as a queer transwoman of colour and how wrestling has helped and harmed me. But specifically, how I play a villainous character (heel) when society villainises parts of my identity that I can’t control anyway.

Over three separate days of filming (training at the PWA Academy, performing on a show in a match against Cosmo Cooper, and capturing some moments of me at my home), the wonderful crew worked with me to capture the real moments that show public Nikki and the vulnerable Nikki all wrapped up in an eight minute short film/documentary. Not only did I show them Nikki Van Blair, the ultra glamorous, confidently sexual and magnetically bitchy Queen Bee, but they also interviewed the somewhat serious, outspoken and unapologetic Nikki Hamilton, and in those moments, I found that I learned a few things about myself that I wasn’t consciously aware of before. I’m very intrigued by the psychology of humans and how everyone is fundamentally different from each other, and as someone who is as self-reflective as me – some would say I am too self-reflective –  I love discovering new things about myself, why I do things the way I do, and why I react to things the way I do.

So as an interesting thought piece, I wanted to share a few things with you that I learned about myself during or after the filming of Heel Turn with this fabulous crew.

1. I don’t have emotional walls built up; I have a door that I control.
We all know the saying that someone has walls built up to protect themselves from getting hurt. These walls can be beneficial, but in turn it stops people from getting to know the real you. I participated in a podcast interview for LGBT In the Ring with the director of the film Isabella, and she made a comment that I have a wall built up. I understand why she came to that conclusion because I know I do have a very noticeable public persona, but I respectfully disagree with her labelling. I don’t have a wall that people need to chip down or hurdle over; I have a door that I willfully control, and I can freely let people who deserve it into my inner thoughts and feelings and become vulnerable with them if and when I choose to. This documentary wouldn’t have worked if I refused to get raw and real with the team, and I found it easy to not only show them the Queen Bee, but also the woman who walks through life and navigates the wrestling world carrying an invisible burden through spaces that no one else has to think about. And that’s because I control that door, and I control that door handle.

2. I watch way too much Real Housewives
Now I’m very aware that I watch too much Real Housewives, but the actual point I want to make here is new to me. There is a point where the crew asked me how I felt after planning my match with Cooper, and by all means it was an easy and seamless experience as Cooper is great at what he does, he’s a professional, and I trust him not only as an opponent but as a friend as well. But because watching rich women scream at dinners has become second-nature to me, and knowing what they have to do as part of their job to create drama and entertainment, I brought up a small point of contention to the cameras between Cooper and I during the planning conversation. This was not fake or ‘produced’ in any way as it was something that I had genuinely felt in the moment. However, it was such a small thing to note that not mentioning it would’ve honestly sufficed, but because I’m a Bravo-holic, I brought it up. Because I know what makes good TV. Thank you Tamra Judge.

3. My story in wrestling is a lot more interesting than I originally thought, and is one that needs to be told
I feel like everyone can relate to this. Because I am living my own life in real time and experience everything I experience, none of it seems overly fascinating or interesting to me since it’s all real to me. But talking to the crew about everything in my life, personally and professionally in wrestling, and them being so fascinated with the everyday workings of my life, actually made me realise that my story is interesting. Not only that, but verbally coming to the realisation with the crew that I’ve knocked down a lot of doors for future queer folk in Aus wrestling, helped me realise that my story is a story that needs to be told. Because who doesn’t like a real story of someone who has to fight through discrimination, invisible walls, and moving through spaces with an extra weight on their shoulders, and creating a legacy for others to catapult off, because in reality that’s what I’m doing, and it’s incredibly humbling to realise.

I know that I take a lot of time to look within myself and self reflect, again some might say that I do that too much, but making these realisations about myself during or after the filming of the documentary have helped me to understand myself more and acknowledge that my journey in Australian professional wrestling is full of unchartered waters and untrodden path that will helpfully make it easier for future wrestlers of all the tribes that I proudly represent – Pacific Islanders, LGBTQIA+, women.

While the Mardi Gras Film Festival – and its on demand service – has ended, Heel Turn might be popping up in new online places, so keep your eyes and ears out because this short film will make you laugh, make you reflect, and might even make you cry. If I dare say so myself.

And you might even learn a new thing or two about me after watching it.

– by The Black Widow

Sex Talk: Sexuality vs. Sexual Orientation

Posted in Lifestyle, Sex Talk by

Probably the tamest post you’ll find under Sex Talk.

On Widow’s Lure, we’ve covered the mechanics of a threesome, and random thoughts one might have while doing the horizontal tango.

Today, we’re going to go into something that may seem a bit more political than it does straight nasty. Hmm, maybe less political and more Merriam-Webster actually.

Commonly, when referring to a person and their ability to be attracted to a certain gender or genders, you refer to it as their sexuality. I mean, it makes sense right? Heterosexuality, pansexuality, asexuality, bisexuality… it’s in the name!

However, my understanding of the term sexuality is in one’s ability to be sexual or sexy. For example, a woman’s ability to be sexy by confidently prancing around in a bikini or sharing lingerie photos is her being comfortable in her sexuality.

To me, a person’s ability to be attracted, or not attracted, to a gender or genders is their sexual orientation.

Technically my sexual orientation would be pansexual as I am genuinely attracted to all different kinds of people; however I identify as queer because it’s an all encompassing term and tbh I can’t be bothered getting into the nitty gritty of Kinsey scale and “Okay but you like men more than you do women so can you get into further detail of your pansexuality”.

My sexuality, however, is very provocative and unapologetically feminine. I’m very comfortable in my sexuality and my ability to be sexual, whether it’s the way my hips swing when I walk, or the dramatic way I toss my hair around, or by the tight and skimpy clothing I wear on a night out. I’ve been told I walked out of the womb ready to flirt, and I think that’s just because I find it empowering and quite liberating to be sexy and sexual.

My dear friend Jackie Goldschneider Merriam-Webster defines sexuality as:

the quality or state of being sexual:
a: the condition of having sex
b: sexual activity
c: expression of sexual receptivity or interest especially when excessive

Whereas, sexual orientation is defined by Merriam-Webster as:

a person’s sexual identity or self-identification as bisexual, straight, gay, pansexual, etc. 
the state of being bisexual, straight, gay, pansexual, etc.

So many things encompass one’s sexuality, from how they present themselves and behave when attracting someone, to finding what really pleasures them sexually, to your relationships with other people.

As an Australian, I can kind of see where the confusion has come from. I come from a nation that is infamous for shortening words – you may see me walk into a room, flustered, and utter the phrase “Soz guys, the traff was ridic” – and so I think this is where the confusion really stems from.

In short, I bet someone really saw the term sexual orientation, decided that there are way too many syllables for their own personal liking, and shortened it to ‘sexuality’ because it’s easier to say but also makes sense in the context.

I think healthy and respectful discussions around sexual orientation are great, and I would love for society to get to a place where an individual’s sexual orientation isn’t a problem in any aspect of life. I dream of a time where ‘coming out of the closet’ isn’t a thing anymore; a queer teenaged boy can bring his boyfriend home to meet his parents without any drama or cause of conflict.

But I think because sexuality is often misrepresented as sexual orientation that the true definition of sexuality and discussion around sexuality are lost in translation. In turn, people are made to feel ashamed about their sexuality and their confidence within their own skin, or perhaps don’t know what to do when flirting with someone they’re interested in because they don’t understand the concept of sexuality.

Let’s open up the topic of sexuality to young people so by the time in their lives where they start to discover their identities and become comfortable with who they are, they can find comfort in being who they are and loving their skin.

– by The Black Widow

What Pride Means To Me

Posted in Lifestyle by

It’s Pride season, bitches!

The month of June marks the start of a few things: it’s the start of a freezing cold Winter (in Australia, at least); and it also means that it’s officially Pride month!

The rainbow capitalism of it all would suggest that Pride month is just “gay month” where people wear ostentatious rainbow badges, socks, or outfits, and talk about how queer they are.

While I think both of those things are important to the representation of Pride month, that doesn’t even begin to cover what this month is really about.

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To me, Pride was born because of the many years that queer folk experienced where they were forced ‘into the closet’ because society dictated that they should not be proud of their queerness or who they are as people.

Pride exists, not only as a celebration of being queer which I think is a super important part of Pride month, but because the people under the LGBTQIA+ rainbow umbrella deserve the right to exist in this world without persecution.

Pride exists because if our generation can celebrate embracing our gender identity and sexual orientation, then the younger generations who may be questioning their identity will see that there’s nothing wrong with being attracted to the same gender, or realising that they’re not on the gender binary.

Pride exists to provide a safe space for those who may be ostracised from their family or friends, or for someone who’s deep in the closet but longs for a life where they can be with the person they love without fear of judgment or ridicule.

To me, Pride is obviously for the queer folk to celebrate who they are, but also exists as a reminder for everyone in general to embrace their true selves and love every aspect of themselves, whether it’s their gender identity, sexual orientation, or even other aspects of who they are like their race and cultural background, etc.

This Pride month, I want you to take some quiet time to yourself to sit back, think about all the wonderful aspects that make you truly you, and be proud of who you are and how far you’ve come in your life journey.

And if you are not ready to publicly embrace these parts of yourself, then that’s totally okay! When you’re ready, the Rainbow Army will be here to hold your hand, walk beside you, and guide you in your next step to living your true, authentic life.

Happy Pride month everyone! Love who you love, and most importantly, love who you are.

– by The Black Widow

Dating Nikki: Red Flags and Bad Dates

Posted in Dating Nikki, Lifestyle by

They both come hand-in-hand really.

We’ve all heard the term ‘red flag’, and we all have our own individual red flags that we see in other people. For example, one of my biggest red flags is someone who is rude or dismissive to someone who works in hospitality or retail, whereas someone else might not view that as a red flag. I don’t know why you wouldn’t but okay.

As you navigate the dating world in your own time, I’m sure you have come across someone that displays one (or more) of your own red flags, and you’re not quite sure how to deal with it.



Let’s set the scene: you’re talking to someone on a dating app and from your online conversations, you seem to really like the person and vibe with their energy. So you agree to meet them in person at a bar or at a cafe.

You show up to the venue and you see them. The physical attraction was there over the app, but now it’s going through the roof. You can’t believe you’ve scored the jackpot with this person. You greet them and sit down from them, ready to begin your date.

And then the red flags start showing. They chew with their mouth open. They burp in public and laugh about it. They pronounce the word ‘appreciate’ like uh-pree-see-ate. Suddenly the physical attraction you saw in them starts dwindling and dwindling, to the point that you cannot wait to get away from them.

If you don’t think this situation is possible, I can attest to you that it most definitely is, because I have been a prime example of this.

For the sake of this story, let’s say his name is Baden. I had messaged Baden for a week on a dating app and he seemed lovely. He had asked me if I was interested in meeting up over coffee, and I was receptive to the idea. I went to meet him and he 1) looked like his pictures, tick, 2) greeted me politely in a friendly manner, tick and 3) seemed to vibe well with me, tick.

And then as the waiter came to clear our table, he started obnoxiously barking orders at them. Giant red flag for me. I shrugged off the first interaction as ‘maybe a once off’, but he did it again, and again. At this point, I had so many red flags waving at me that I decided I did not want to see this man ever again and I wanted this date to end as quickly as possible.

I think it’s totally within your right to stop a date whenever you’re feeling uncomfortable, regardless of your reasons, and if your red flags are the reason you wish to terminate the date, then my advice to you is to go ahead and do it but try to do it as respectfully as possible. Honest and open communication is always better than ‘playing the game’ and ghosting the other individual because you’re too scared to have that confrontation. I would heavily prefer someone tell me directly that they no longer wish to pursue anything with me, than ghost me and leave it up to me and my mind to figure out what happened.

Honestly, just cut your losses. If this person exhibited some red flags, it means they’re not right for you, and as they say… there are plenty of fish in the sea. Or whatever.

And if you’re wondering how my date ended, let’s just say I took a page out of Andie Anderson’s book and sabotaged the date on purpose so I never had to see him again. I was young, alright? I would’ve done a whole lot better if I had this advice back then!

Watch out for red flags, and happy dating y’all!

– by The Black Widow

If you have a question or need some good ol’ fashioned blunt advice from #DatingNikki, use the Contact page on our website and put in your comment “Subject: Dating Nikki”, or alternatively send me an e-mail at widowslure@gmail.com and put “Dating Nikki” in the subject line. I will respond to your cries for help as soon as possible!