Dating Nikki: listen to your heart (as clichè as that sounds)

Dear Nikki,

I’m torn between two girls.

One of them I have a really strong physical connection with. We have amazing sex and she knows how to please me. On the other hand, the other girl just gets me, you know? We can talk about everything and anything.

I really like them both and don’t want to hurt either of them.

Please help!

Confused Guy

It's a battle between physical connection v emotional attraction.

It’s a battle between physical connection v emotional attraction.

Dear Confused Guy,

This sounds awfully like a #DatingNikki case I had previously… if you are the guy she’s talking about, this is extremely awkies.

Either way, I’m going to give you the clichè that is so deftly placed in the headline of this column: “listen to your heart”. Basically what you’ve got is a good physical connection with one girl (who for the sake of this article we’ll call “Summer”) but your emotional connection is lacking, and you have a good emotional connection with the other girl (who for the sake of this article we’ll call “Layla”) but you’re not sure if you’ll have as good a physical connection with her.

I would personally base your decision on what you’re ultimately looking for: if you’re looking for something more long-term and substantial, then I would probably go with Layla. You can always establish a good physical connection with her once you get over the first awkward hump. You can spice things up to get your blood pumpin’ in the future while you can’t necessarily fake an emotional connection if you’re not legitimately feeling it with Summer.

If, on the other hand, you are just looking for a regular nightly or overnightly fling, then Summer is definitely the girl for you. If you’re worried about having a really bad physical connection with Layla, at least it’s guaranteed that you have a good one with Summer. In saying that, if you don’t feel as if you really get Summer as a person, then that may be a huge problem if you do venture into a long-term relationship with her.

My advice would be this: figure out what you want in life and then make your decision. The longer you keep this going – and depending on if the girls know about each other – someone is going to get hurt the longer you drag this out.

There’s always the swerve decision that you choose neither girl, but where’s the fun in that?

Happy dating… and go the Broncos!

– by The Black Widow

If you have a question or need some good ol’ fashioned blunt advice from #DatingNikki, use the Contact page on our website and put in your comment “Subject: Dating Nikki” or alternatively send me an e-mail at widowslure@gmail.com and put “Dating Nikki” in the subject line. I will respond to your cries for help as soon as possible!

Dating Nikki: Popping the question

Are you sure you’re ready to go that that stage of the relationship?

So you’ve been with your significant other for quite some time (time variable depending on the relationship) and you love them. That’s good! But now, you love them so much that you want to take your relationship further… as in “Let’s grow old together and have babies” further.

Eep.

Hang in there, mate. It gets easier. (SOURCE: Shawn Paradis' Flickr photostream)

Hang in there, mate. It gets easier. (SOURCE: Shawn Paradis’ Flickr photostream)

Popping the all-important question is a daunting task for anyone to endure, male or female. It’s not as if asking someone (or trapping them) to spend the rest of their lives with you is a walk in the park.  The proposal is not only just from the male nowadays, which is something I rather enjoy. More women are getting down on their knee to propose to their loved ones, so girls, this one applies to you as well.

Before I get on my usual high horse where I’m dishing out advice left right and centre, it’s important that I note that I’ve never proposed to anyone nor have I ever been proposed to (tear) so I am not speaking from personal experience here, but more from what I think you should do, from other people’s positive experiences to what I would like in a future proposal.

Be confident, b-e confident
Nothing would be unsexier or more uncomfortable than watching someone scratch themselves, sweat up a storm and stutter because they are that nervous. Walk into that intimate setting with your head held high and own it. Own what you’re about to do. Drop down to that knee, never taking your eye off that other person, and pop the question. Of course, don’t go overboard that you end up sounding like “Oi babe, marry me hey”, because that is a douchey thing to do. Deliver your message firmly. The other person will be so blown away that they will happily accept your proposal, regardless of your cooking ability.

Have a game plan
If you plan on going into this proposal and “winging it”, you will be sad to hear that you will fail miserably. Winging something as important as the life-changing proposal is a silly mistake, so if you’ve got the ring and you haven’t got the yes yet, come up with a plan. Where will you be? How are you going to do it? What is going to make your proposal better than any ol’ proposal? How are you going to deliver the proposal? These questions and more should be answered and plotted in your proposal to make sure that it’s effortless and… FLAWLESS!

Know his/her ring size!
She’s said yes. You’re elated. You go to slip that ring on her finger… oops, her finger’s too fat. Your moment is ruined. This is a problem that most men (sorry to be gender specific) have an issue with. You can’t outright ask them what their ring size is because then they’ll know what you’re up to. Your best bet? Steal one of his/her rings and take it to a jeweller and ask what size that is. Alternatively, you could ask his/her friend for a little help. It’s common knowledge that best friends share everything, but with something as huge as a proposal? You’ll have nothing to worry about.

Be prepared for the worst
I know this is kind of a morbid thing to say, but say things don’t exactly go your way when you’ve proposed… you will need a back up plan. In case this happens, it’ll make the situation all the more awkward if you’re still on your knee staring at them with the blankest expression on your face. Get up. Shrug it off. Tell them that you still love them regardless. Quietly die inside. Quietly.

To anyone who is thinking of popping the question any time soon, good luck! We here at Solstice Satisfaction wish you and your partner well in your future!

– by The Black Widow

Dating Nikki: Casual dating

This one is for the commitment-troubled or those resistant to relationships who still want that lovey dovey feeling. Or just someone to spoon at night.

Casual dating AKA the art of dating several people at once.

Casual dating AKA the art of dating several people at once.

So you want to go out on dinner dates and watch a movie with someone in the backseat but you don’t want anything to be “too serious” or long-term. While you may have been frowned upon and even christened with a bright red A previously, in the 21st century, that is a completely normal thing to want. If you’re not already familiar with the term, let me introduce you to “casual dating.”

Life and casual dating according to Nikki
What is casual dating?

Casual dating is when you date one or more people at the same time in a casual and relaxed state, and I mean date in the literal sense – you go out and play putt putt together, or go for a nice hike in the mountains together. Casual dating isn’t used to find that “special somebody” but more for getting to know other people better in a more intimate manner. And yes, you could be banging your casual dates at the same time as well. Casual dating can also be used to find what qualities you want and don’t want in a potential special someone.

What are the benefits of casual dating?
You can see several people at the same time without feeling guilty for cheating. While people may think casual dating is just a term used for “being a slut”, it really isn’t if it’s done properly. Like I said before, it’s a great way to pinpoint certain qualities you would want in a future partner, without getting too serious that you feel pressured to take the next step with them.

How do I go about casual dating?
After you’ve done making that connection with someone, ask them out on a date. However, a huge disclaimer should be made at the beginnings of this budding friendship that you aren’t looking for anything serious. It would be severely awkward if you’re going in looking for a bit of young, innocent fun and the other person is looking for their eternal lover. Once it’s settled, hang out together, cuddle, whatever. The limits are endless.

What should I know about casual dating before I dive in?
The traditional romance enthusiasts don’t think highly of casual dating as they think it’s borderline promiscuous. To them, I say: it’s the 21st century. Just like female celebrities of nowadays don’t act like the female starlets of Grace Kelly’s era, society has changed with time. Casual dating is okay. Judging is not. Also, you may develop actual feelings for someone you are casually dating. If this happens, don’t be alarmed – that’s normal. If a committed relationship is a mutual agreement, do it.

If you need any suggestions for casual dates, the same rules would apply to a couple who are looking for a committed relationship. Go bowling. Go out to dinner. Go for a walk on the beach. Enjoy yourself.

– by The Black Widow

Dating Nikki: Second dates (and their myths!)

Congratulations! You’ve made it past the first date – now what?

Second dates... and their shenanigans.

Second dates… and their shenanigans.

The all-important second date has its hype for a reason – it’s commonly seen as the make or break for a potential relationship. Sure, your first date went fine enough that you’ve decided to see each other again, but that is based purely off first impressions and “clicking”. The second date, however, will take you more in-depth with your date (no sexual pun intended) so it’s on this date that you will regularly find something you really like or dislike about your date.

However, there are a few second date myths that I would like to personally squash right now.

Second Date Myth #1: It’s okay for me to put out now since it’s not the first date.
WRONG! Don’t let someone else’s anti-first-date-sex opinion affect your decision as to whether or not you go all the way on the second date. If you want to do it on the first date, why not? Nothing wrong with that, just like there’s nothing wrong with having sex on the third date or the seventh date or the night of your wedding. On the other end of the spectrum, don’t go into your second date thinking “I’m definitely getting some tonight.” Don’t be a pig. Oink oink.

Second Date Myth #2: I don’t have to get too dressed up because we’ve past the first date.
Unless your second date with this person is ten years in the future where you have become so accustomed with each other, this is wrong. It’s your second date, not your tenth. Don’t get too comfortable. I’m not saying dip your face in some cake to look good, but don’t get too comfortable with your date to the point of rocking up to his/her house looking like the troll from under the bridge. Just sayin’.

Second Date Myth #3: We did all the talking in the first date so I don’t have to try as hard to get to know him/her.
Again, second date, not your tenth. I’m pretty sure your date didn’t tell you every detail of their life so you don’t know them as well as you think you do. Put in the effort. It’s not that hard.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, here are a few tips for your impending second date:
[x] Don’t let your guard down in any way. You’re not in the clear (AKA relationship) yet.
[x] Do something less formal so you can get to know your date a bit more in a relaxed manner. Instead of the good ol’ dinner and a movie, do something more carefree and fun, like go bowling or ice-skating together.
[x] Surprise your date. Bring her flowers or surprise him by paying for dinner or dessert.
[x] And most importantly (cue the sappy love music), be yourself.

Happy dating, SolSaters!

– by The Black Widow