Dating Nikki: listen to your heart (as clichè as that sounds)

Dear Nikki,

I’m torn between two girls.

One of them I have a really strong physical connection with. We have amazing sex and she knows how to please me. On the other hand, the other girl just gets me, you know? We can talk about everything and anything.

I really like them both and don’t want to hurt either of them.

Please help!

Confused Guy

It's a battle between physical connection v emotional attraction.

It’s a battle between physical connection v emotional attraction.

Dear Confused Guy,

This sounds awfully like a #DatingNikki case I had previously… if you are the guy she’s talking about, this is extremely awkies.

Either way, I’m going to give you the clichè that is so deftly placed in the headline of this column: “listen to your heart”. Basically what you’ve got is a good physical connection with one girl (who for the sake of this article we’ll call “Summer”) but your emotional connection is lacking, and you have a good emotional connection with the other girl (who for the sake of this article we’ll call “Layla”) but you’re not sure if you’ll have as good a physical connection with her.

I would personally base your decision on what you’re ultimately looking for: if you’re looking for something more long-term and substantial, then I would probably go with Layla. You can always establish a good physical connection with her once you get over the first awkward hump. You can spice things up to get your blood pumpin’ in the future while you can’t necessarily fake an emotional connection if you’re not legitimately feeling it with Summer.

If, on the other hand, you are just looking for a regular nightly or overnightly fling, then Summer is definitely the girl for you. If you’re worried about having a really bad physical connection with Layla, at least it’s guaranteed that you have a good one with Summer. In saying that, if you don’t feel as if you really get Summer as a person, then that may be a huge problem if you do venture into a long-term relationship with her.

My advice would be this: figure out what you want in life and then make your decision. The longer you keep this going – and depending on if the girls know about each other – someone is going to get hurt the longer you drag this out.

There’s always the swerve decision that you choose neither girl, but where’s the fun in that?

Happy dating… and go the Broncos!

– by The Black Widow

If you have a question or need some good ol’ fashioned blunt advice from #DatingNikki, use the Contact page on our website and put in your comment “Subject: Dating Nikki” or alternatively send me an e-mail at widowslure@gmail.com and put “Dating Nikki” in the subject line. I will respond to your cries for help as soon as possible!

Dating Nikki: Double dating (and why it’s useful!)

Double dating is useful when you want to get to know that special someone a little better without having that added pressure of being alone and intimate with them. If you aren’t talented at small talk, then I would suggest a double date as a first or second date to help you break the ice.

Serial double dating at its finest.

Serial double dating at its finest.

This fascinating concept is flexible and can be a great endeavour in the early stages of a relationship and even for the happily married. The double date is It’s a fun experience where you get to socialise and see how other couples date and, of course, spend that quality time with your special lady or gentleman. Speaking solely for those of you who are part of the former and are just establishing some form of connection with a significant other, this advice is for you.

The benefits of double dating
[+] The pressure of keeping a steady conversation flow is taken away from you with the presence of others. You may now relax.
[+] With you being relaxed, your date will also be relaxed, especially if they have a friend with them. This is beneficial because then you get to see them in their true, natural skin, not their “I have to act like I’m in a job interview to seem impressive” mode.
[+] Bored of hearing about how her hairdresser cut her hair wrong or how he scored the most amazing try on the weekend? You’ve got one of your gal pals or bros with you. Get reinvigorated with your mate there with you.
[+] I’m just going to put this one out there. You won’t feel tempted to have a quickie if you have another two sets of prying eyes there with you. If you’re there for the right reasons, then this is a benefit. Trust me.
[+] You have a wider variety of activities to do. You know how there are certain things you need a group to do? Ta da!
[+] More fun will be evident during a double date. Bowling with two people is fun, yeah, but with four? Outstanding.
[+] It’s a fantastic social experiment, therefore, do it.

Ideas for double dates
[x] A good ol’ fashion video game arcade is a great idea for a double date. You can compete in games in a free-for-all, couple vs. couple or girls vs. boys (or boys vs. boys, girls vs. girls in the same sex situation). Who doesn’t like a little competition?
[x] Go-karting. If you haven’t played Mario Kart, then you wouldn’t understand where I’m going with this one.
[x] Lazer tag. Same deal – free-for-all, couple vs. couple, etc. You also burn off mega calories in this thigh-burning exercise as well.
[x] Go for a hike or relaxing nature walk. Don’t do this at night, otherwise the Big Bad Wolf will eat you. (DISCLAIMER: not really)
[x] Board games and/or video games. BYO competitive spirit.
[x] Karaoke, because let’s be frank, karaoke is amazing.

Double dating is not an excuse to completely avoid alone time with your date, so find a free moment during the day or night to spend some quality time with your date, even if it’s the drive home to his or her house together. You’ll realise that you’re more comfortable being with each other just because of the success of the double date.

When you’re buying your first house together, you have me to thank.

You’re welcome.

– by The Black Widow

She’s Not Interested!

Now here’s a piece for the boys! Women are sometimes clueless when men are trying to let them down but the good thing with that is that men are very blunt and straightforward if they aren’t interested. If it’s the other way ’round, however, women (being the more gentle gender) are more subtle with their approach to men and it may be taken the wrong way by the XY kind.

See that big, hulking dude? That's you.

See that big, hulking dude? That’s you.

Well, I’m here to help you this, men. Here are a few things a woman might do, in which case, she is not interested so you may as well pack up your bags and hop along to the next female.

If her SMS responses are a maximum of two words…
She’s not interested. If a girl was interested, I’m sure she’d be happy to tap her fingers a few more times to construct an actual sentence as opposed to “Lol yeah” or “Ha ha”. This is a mistake I see happen more often than it should. Most women are eager to share their thoughts and feelings and would most likely do so in a whole paragraph. A short, two word sentence is generally a polite way to say “Please stop messaging me, I have as much interest in you as I do in a cow made out of cardboard”.

If she’s too busy to spend time with you but has more than enough time be with her friends…
You bet your sweet behind she is not interested in you. In the early stages of a potential relationship, the couple want to be together as much as possible, so if she is “too busy” to be with you but is always hanging out with her friends, well… I could say that “chicks before dicks” comes into play, but that would suggest she actually has an interest in you to begin with.

If she says she’s “seeing a man in the army”…
He’s not real, but her disinterest in you sure is. The long distance army man is the perfect fake excuse to fend off unwanted attention:
1) Relationship, therefore forbidden territory
2) He’s in the army therefore no tangible evidence of the boyfriend is necessary as he’ll be too busy serving the country
3) He’s in the army therefore he will tear you limb from limb if you touch her

If she tells you about other guys she likes…
You have officially been friend-zoned!  If she was interested in you and was just trying to make you jealous, she would drop everything to be with you, so if she isn’t, you are nothing more to her than a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. And Grandma, what big ears you have!

If her friend drags her away from you at a club…
She has officially been “saved” because she had no interest in you in the first place! Women and their friends have this mutual agreement; if an unwanted man approaches a female in a club, the friend of the female will drag her away with some elaborate excuse so not to hurt the man’s feelings. Examples of excuses include “We need to go to the ladies room”, “we’re going to go get a drink” and my personal favourite, “we’re tired and are going to sit down”. They are doing none of the above. They are just getting away from you.

If she suggests one of her friends for you…
Yep. Not interested. “You know who WOULD be good for you though? Meet my friend!” is loosely translated into “I have no interest in you and therefore I am going to sacrifice my friend here just to get away from you”. 9 times out of 10 the friend isn’t interested in you either and is just being used as a scapegoat.

If she tells you how good of a friend you are…
Call the doctors because you have just been hit with a case of friendzone. When girls say “Aww, you’re such a good friend!” you can be sure that they mean exactly that – friend. Nothing more.

Boys, boys, boys… women are interesting creatures that the male mind will never totally grasp. So take my advice and run with it, otherwise you will be rejected and will be thinking “Man I wish I listened to SolSat!”

– by The Black Widow