Character Profile: Jordan McMahon

To make The Heart Wants What It Wants a bit more accessible and interactive, I have constructed profiles on the main characters from this novel for your entertainment.

It is important to note that these picture bases of the characters are the most accurate physical portrayal of the character out there and not the actual character. Without further ado, here is the third character profile!

Jordan McMahon
“New Girl in Town”

Full name: Jordan McMahon
Age: 24*
Date of birth: April 24, 1990
Star sign: Taurus
Height: Five-foot-seven
Weight: A lady never reveals her weight!
Hair colour: Dark, almost black
Eye colour: Green
Occupation: Full-time carer for my grandfather Joe
Notable physical features: I have my ears pierced, and I wouldn’t mind getting a small tattoo or two if they had a special meaning.
Hobbies include: I know it sounds childish, but I LOVE playing arcade games! You could leave me at an arcade, work 9-5, come back, and I will still be there. I love spending time with my immediate and extended family, and I love doing cute things with Jase.
One day I wish to be: A mother. What girl doesn’t?
Favourite food: I LOVE Mexican food. Have you ever been to Pablo’s? AMAZING. The spicier, the better. Also, choccy milk. Can’t go wrong with choccy milk.
Least favourite food: Seafood. Or strawbee milk. Who drinks strawbee milk over choccy milk
Favourite movie: Clueless. It’s a must have for every girl’s collection.
Least favourite movie: I can’t stomach horror movies. Blood and guts… yuck!
If I could be someone else for a day, I’d be: Audrey Hepburn!
Favourite musician: Ariana Grande
Favourite song: Bang Bang by Jessie J, Nicki Minaj and Ariana Grande
Favourite book: The Harry Potter series for sure! I’m in Gryffindor and my patronus is a flamingo.
Favourite TV series: Pretty Little Liars
Likes: Playing games, having fun, not taking myself too seriously! I love spending time with my family and extended family, and I love listening to my grandfather’s stories! That man has lived, let me tell you. Also… choccy milk.
Dislikes: I hate conflict! That is not to say that I won’t engage in some if it’s needed, but I think every situation can be resolved without the need of conflict. Plus, it just makes me uncomfortable watching two people fight. Oh, and strawbee milk.
Quote to live by: “Nothing is impossible. The word itself is ‘I’m possible’!” ~ Audrey Hepburn

To purchase The Heart Wants What It Wants, click this link here for several e-book purchasing options.

– by Noah La’ulu

*Age at the time of this novel

Character Profile: Devlin Blackthorn

To make The Heart Wants What It Wants a bit more accessible and interactive, I have constructed profiles on the main characters from this novel for your entertainment.

It is important to note that these picture bases of the characters are the most accurate physical portrayal of the character out there and not the actual character. Without further ado, here is the second character profile!

Devlin Blackthorn
“Fabulously Flawed”
jayryan2

Full name: Devlin Jude Blackthorn
Age: 24*
Date of birth: January 27, 1990
Star sign: Aquarius
Height: Five-foot-eleven
Weight: 200 lbs
Hair colour: Dark brown, almost black
Eye colour: Green
Occupation: Sports reporter for the Velvet Chronicle
Notable physical features: I have no desire to get any piercings or tattoos.
Hobbies include: Cooking animal-friendly meals and snacks, daydreaming, yelling at stupid people, renting and wearing ridiculous costumes to parties.
One day I wish to be: A journalist whose work has changed the world.
Favourite food: Vegetarian lasagne, more importantly, MY vegetarian lasagne.
Least favourite food: Meat. Or seafood. Urgh.
Favourite movie: Sleepless in Seattle. How can you NOT love Sleepless in Seattle?!
Least favourite movie: Does Kim Kardashian’s sex tape count?
If I could be someone else for a day, I’d be: Carrie Bradshaw… you didn’t say they had to be real.
Favourite musician: Gwen Stefani
Favourite song: Underneath It All by No Doubt
Favourite book: Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë
Favourite TV series: Sex and the City
Likes: Animals, the perks of being a journalist, throwing a football around, watching sport, staying in fancy hotels for free (thanks Monique!), spending time with Jase and also crushing him in every competition.
Dislikes: Stupid people, dealing with the backlash from angry fans on social media, losing or relinquishing control of a situation or feeling, being told I can’t do something.
Quote to live by: “Love is like the wind; you can’t see it, but you can feel it.” ~ Nicholas Sparks

To purchase The Heart Wants What It Wants, click this link here for several e-book purchasing options.

– by Noah La’ulu

*Age at the time of this novel

Friendships Defined by Facebook Birthday Messages

When you see someone you know at the shops or something, you either think “Oh crap, turn around before they see you” or “Hey it’s Joe, I should go say hello to him.” When you’ve approached Joe, however, you’re stuck as to whether or not you should shake his hand, hug him, give him a good ol’ arse pat or kiss him on the cheek.

I should name this... "Noah's Friendship Theory".

I should name this… “Noah’s Friendship Theory”.

Exactly when does someone become so close that they graduate from wave to handshake and handshake to hug? Well, I thought about this and I’ve figured it out – the level of love you have for a friend of yours can easily be found by the intensity of a birthday message you write to them on Facebook.

Here’s my theory (and for the examples, I’ll be using “Samantha”):

Wave and/or Smile
These are for people you kind of know but aren’t too close with. These are the ones you’d either “forget” to write to on their birthday, or you’d write something along the lines of:

Happy birthday Samantha.
Happy birthday!
Have a good one!

You don’t love them enough to put in a smiley face or a love heart or some level of enthusiasm to this message, therefore they would be categorised into “Wave and/or Smile”.

Handshake/Fistbump/Hi-five
These are the people who are your friends but you wouldn’t go out of your way to hang with them one on one in case of awkward silences and small talk. You would make an effort to write to these people on their birthday, however a high level of enthusiasm will not be present.

Happy birthday Sammi! Have a solid one!
Happy bday Samantha ❤
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 🙂

They have enough brownie points with you to garner a kind love heart or smiley face or even capital letters, but that’s it. Don’t be bothered going out of your way to write them a birthday paragraph on how much they mean to you.

Manhug or Awkward Hug-Pat
The awkward hug-pat, when you hug someone but you aren’t that comfortable so you pat them on the back awkwardly to “show some level of affection”, is a step up from a handshake. This one’s interchangeable, I guess; I have known one of my best friends (Rachel) for six years and we’ve been through a lot together and she still hug-pats me, much to my disappointment. These are your good friends that you haven’t established that strong, solid connection with yet. An example of their birthday message would be:

Happy birthday Samantha! Hope all your wishes come true! Love you.
Happy birthday to you Samantha. I hope you get absolutely shitfaced tonight!

These people warrant more than one sentence so that’s definitely saying something.

Bearhug, Cuddle and Kiss
These are your best friends or the friends that you are so close to that you share the same wardrobe. You have a clearly established relationship with this person and you are not worried to share your feelings with them, as such:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAMANTHA YOU HOT BITCH. WOOOOO CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU TONIGHT!!
Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Samantha, happy birthday to you! Love you baby girl ❤

You may even want to go that extra mile for this person and post a status on your wall dedicated to their birthday, talking about how much you love them, and maybe even add a cute picture of you two for extra oomph.

So next time you see Joe down the street and you think “How do I greet him?”, just think, “What would I write on his Facebook wall on his birthday?” Problem solved. You’re welcome.

– by Noah La’ulu

She’s Not Interested!

Now here’s a piece for the boys! Women are sometimes clueless when men are trying to let them down but the good thing with that is that men are very blunt and straightforward if they aren’t interested. If it’s the other way ’round, however, women (being the more gentle gender) are more subtle with their approach to men and it may be taken the wrong way by the XY kind.

See that big, hulking dude? That's you.

See that big, hulking dude? That’s you.

Well, I’m here to help you this, men. Here are a few things a woman might do, in which case, she is not interested so you may as well pack up your bags and hop along to the next female.

If her SMS responses are a maximum of two words…
She’s not interested. If a girl was interested, I’m sure she’d be happy to tap her fingers a few more times to construct an actual sentence as opposed to “Lol yeah” or “Ha ha”. This is a mistake I see happen more often than it should. Most women are eager to share their thoughts and feelings and would most likely do so in a whole paragraph. A short, two word sentence is generally a polite way to say “Please stop messaging me, I have as much interest in you as I do in a cow made out of cardboard”.

If she’s too busy to spend time with you but has more than enough time be with her friends…
You bet your sweet behind she is not interested in you. In the early stages of a potential relationship, the couple want to be together as much as possible, so if she is “too busy” to be with you but is always hanging out with her friends, well… I could say that “chicks before dicks” comes into play, but that would suggest she actually has an interest in you to begin with.

If she says she’s “seeing a man in the army”…
He’s not real, but her disinterest in you sure is. The long distance army man is the perfect fake excuse to fend off unwanted attention:
1) Relationship, therefore forbidden territory
2) He’s in the army therefore no tangible evidence of the boyfriend is necessary as he’ll be too busy serving the country
3) He’s in the army therefore he will tear you limb from limb if you touch her

If she tells you about other guys she likes…
You have officially been friend-zoned!  If she was interested in you and was just trying to make you jealous, she would drop everything to be with you, so if she isn’t, you are nothing more to her than a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. And Grandma, what big ears you have!

If her friend drags her away from you at a club…
She has officially been “saved” because she had no interest in you in the first place! Women and their friends have this mutual agreement; if an unwanted man approaches a female in a club, the friend of the female will drag her away with some elaborate excuse so not to hurt the man’s feelings. Examples of excuses include “We need to go to the ladies room”, “we’re going to go get a drink” and my personal favourite, “we’re tired and are going to sit down”. They are doing none of the above. They are just getting away from you.

If she suggests one of her friends for you…
Yep. Not interested. “You know who WOULD be good for you though? Meet my friend!” is loosely translated into “I have no interest in you and therefore I am going to sacrifice my friend here just to get away from you”. 9 times out of 10 the friend isn’t interested in you either and is just being used as a scapegoat.

If she tells you how good of a friend you are…
Call the doctors because you have just been hit with a case of friendzone. When girls say “Aww, you’re such a good friend!” you can be sure that they mean exactly that – friend. Nothing more.

Boys, boys, boys… women are interesting creatures that the male mind will never totally grasp. So take my advice and run with it, otherwise you will be rejected and will be thinking “Man I wish I listened to SolSat!”

– by Noah La’ulu