Dating Nikki: is date ditching ever justified?

Dear Nikki,

A while ago, my friend set me up on a blind date with his girlfriend’s sister. His girlfriend was good looking, so I was expecting a goddess. When I showed up to the location, I met her: she didn’t really look like her sister, and she was dressed very down in track pants and thongs, and made little to no effort in her physical appearance. Okay, not a good start, but I was fine with that. Before we went to our movie, she wanted to stop by Woolworths. I said okay and went with her. She went in and stole lollies from the confectionary aisle right in front of me… and the total value of said lollies were about $6. I would have easily paid for those lollies if she asked, but no. She shoplifted on a first date.

After that, I told her that I was just going to run to the toilet before going to the movie. I went straight to the train station and went home. I don’t regret my decision at all, but the backlash from my mate’s girlfriend was not pretty. Were my actions justified?

The Maverick

 

Ditching a date... is it ever justified?

Ditching a date… is it ever justified?

 

Dear The Maverick,

I think in this situation, your actions were very justified. I’m sorry, but if someone shoplifted in front of me – whether it be on a first, date, tenth date, or our wedding night – and thought it was a really good idea, I would definitely ditch the date. No questions asked. That situation just shows you what kind of person she really is… a dishonest one. And what’s the point in dating someone if you can’t trust them because you know they’re dishonest?

I appreciate the fact, however, that you didn’t ditch because she looked daggy or wasn’t what you expected. One of my things on first dates is dress to impress, but don’t overdress to the point that you look like you’re going to sip some sparkling wine at the opera. I will always dress presentably on first dates. In saying that, if she was that comfortable in her trackies and jandals, then that’s fine. May not be your (or my) cup of tea, but I’m glad you were willing to overlook that somewhat trivial aspect about your blind date.

Of course, ditching dates isn’t a good idea, but everything depends on the situation. Hell, even something as big as killing someone could be justified depending on the situation (like self-defence, and in no way am I advocating the murder of people, I’m just using that as an example). If you would’ve ditched the date because she was wearing trackies, then I wouldn’t give you the thumbs up at all. I would’ve called you shallow and a wanker. Or possibly just a shallow wanker. But leaving because your date thought it’d be a good idea to steal lollies worth a small amount? LOL. Yep. Good job mate.

I hope your mate’s girlfriend knows what she had done so she can understand why you did what you did. If she doesn’t? Just redirect her here to Widows Lure so she can see your side of the story. And my sage advice. Curtseys.

Happy dating… and go the Broncos!

– by The Black Widow

If you have a question or need some good ol’ fashioned blunt advice from #DatingNikki, use the Contact page on our website and put in your comment “Subject: Dating Nikki”, or alternatively send me an e-mail at widowslure@gmail.com and put “Dating Nikki” in the subject line. I will respond to your cries for help as soon as possible!

Weird Dealbreakers: Over Before it Started

For those of you who call it quits for the strangest reasons.

We’re all familiar with the obvious dealbreakers: he doesn’t have a close relationship with his parents, she is a kleptomaniac, he doesn’t have any career goals, she beats up animals for fun… but what about those really odd ones that makes you stop and think, “Hey, I’m really weird”.

Yep. That's pretty weird.

Yep. That’s pretty weird.

So, being the natually curious person that I am, I took to social media to ask guys and gals: “What are some of your weird dealbreakers?” The answers I got were entertaining to say the least. Feast your eyes on another example of the difference between guys and girls:

What guys think…
“If she likes the Kardashians. No. Definitely not.”
“Girls who try to talk dirty during sex but sound awful.”
“Poor spelling and grammar.”
“Fake tan use.”
“Ignoring me.”
“Bad with money.”
“Can’t control themselves when they’re drunk.”
“Calls her father ‘daddy’.”
“If she goes to a concert and doesn’t enjoy herself. Why are you even here?”
“Plays Xbox One instead of PS4.”
“Hates dogs.”
“If she likes rugby league.”
“Calls herself a feminist but isn’t a feminist.”
“Has a Tumblr account.”
“Beats me in bowling.”
“Wears a rash shirt to the beach.”
“Listens to Taylor Swift.”
“If she drinks beer.”

What girls think…
“Someone who tries to share my drink. I’m not down with mouth germs!”
“JEANS AND JOGGERS! No matter how good looking you are – biggest turn off!”
“People who wear trackpants outside of the house and they aren’t going to the gym.”
“When dudes’ lips aren’t chapped.”
“People who wear black shoes with white socks… eww.”
“Any man you can tell spends longer on their hair than you.”
“Men from the Shire.”
“Men who enjoy too much man jewellery.”
“Short stubby fingernails!”
“‘Tribal’ tattoos on people I know to have fully European heritage.”
“The colours yellow or gold, especially in relation to footwear, shirts and cars.”
“Guys who wear jeans with thongs!”
“Guys who seriously say ‘Who’s your daddy?'”
“People who say ‘fff’ instead of ‘th’… example ‘Penrifff’.”
“Guys who wear uggboots or are religious.”
“Anyone who touches their belly button or my belly button. No.”
“If he has skinny legs.”
“Guys who aren’t comfortable with me sleeping in the same bed as my gay best friend.”

And there you have it. I’m so glad I’m not the only one with weird dealbreakers. It’s always refreshing to know there are other weirdos out there.

– by Noah La’ulu

Review: A Private Affair

Note to the reader: this book isn’t about a holiday on the beach like the cover suggests. At all.

If you’ve picked up this book (like I did) with the guise that it’s about a bunch of girls who meet on a tropical holiday resort and talk about boys and get into all sorts of drunken shenanigans… you would be wrong. In fact, the cover could not be any more misleading.

A Private Affair by Lesley Lokko is actually a story that follows four very different women with one very big similarity: they have been army wives or girlfriends at one point in their life. Samantha Maitland, a no-nonsense business woman who grew from ugly duckling to beautiful swan meets a mysterious army man on her holiday; Meaghan Astor runs away from her abusive home and finds solace in the handsome Australian army man Tom; Abby Barclay who grew up in an army home, is now the perfect army wife; and Dani Kingsley-Safo, the young and stunning Sierra Leonean with a dark past regarding a mysterious army man.

Misleading, right?

Misleading, right?

I’ll start by saying that I’ve heard some pleasant things about Lokko and her writing so I was expecting pretty good things by this book, especially because it is a very thick read. However, I was pretty let down and I was pretty disappointed by this book in general.

Besides the fact the cover is misleading, I just thought some of the scenes in the book very irrelevant to the overall storyline of the novel. The flashbacks for all four characters were to set their story and describe the type of person that they are, and most of it did that, sure. But some of the scenes were just pointless and some stories were told for no ultimate reason.

Regarding the characters, the only character I really connected with was Meaghan and that was because she’s Australian. The closest character I even remotely felt something for was Nick Beasdale. I didn’t feel a single spark with any other main character and thought they were bland. Dani was annoying and I genuinely resented reading her parts of the story; Samantha was a pain in the arse and fell for a guy straight away because he looked at her; and Abby was a selfish mutt. I would like to say why, but it’ll spoil the story. But that’s just my opinion.e

This book was really hard to get into and it took me well over three months to finally put the book down and declare it finished. Granted, there were some saving graces about the book (Meaghan and Tom’s cute relationship anyone?) but I thought the novel overall was rather uninteresting. I will say that it did shed some interesting light on a topic I had no prior knowledge on but wish I did: being an army wife. I never imagined it’d be as difficult or as lonely as this book had described and sympathised with Meaghan and Abby as they would go days or sometimes months without seeing their better half. It also gave a brief insight onto what it’s like in the army, and that to me was pretty great.

Wid-o-meter
Storyline: 5/10
Style of writing: 5.2/10
Overall: 5.1/10

The misleading cover may have put this result to bed but the disappointing storyline put the nail on the coffin. Being my first Lokko book, it is sad to admit that this is my first impression of her. But, alas, like a good reader, I won’t let that stray me away from reading her other stuff.

– by The Black Widow

The Cat and the Love Rat

Here’s my take on the whole Cat-Lawson drama that has been clouding over Big Brother Australia for the past few weeks.

If you have been avoiding anything Big Brother related, I don’t blame you, but you must have your head in the sand if you haven’t heard of the Cat-Lawson saga, like that emu who has its head in the sand. But again, I don’t blame you.

Who are you to stop such a beautiful smile?!

Who are you to stop such a beautiful smile?!

If you’re reading this confused, let me catch you up to speed: Lawson is a mid-late 20 something year old magician who has a girlfriend named Candice. He went into the house still in a strings-attached relationship with the girl. Enter Cat, the stunning 30 something year old midwife who immediately has a liking for Lawson. One night spent in a secluded hut and lo and behold, Lawson and Cat are hooking up like a pair of pelicans. (Terrible, terrible simile, but bear with me) Naturally, some of the other housemates are appalled at their behaviour and many Australians around the world who view that reality program have also shared their disgust.

Since then, both Cat and Lawson have been eliminated from the house – no doubt because they’re both “cheaters” – and have both expressed their sorrow for what they’ve done. In saying that, however, they both went on the record to basically say that “Love is love and who are we to deny those feelings that we had.”

Ooooooohhhhh.

And as any top Aussie blogger would do, I’m here to give my two cents on the Cat and Lawson drama that has plagued Big Brother Australia for nearly its entire season.

My thoughts on this situation can be summed up in four simple words: it doesn’t affect me.

Think about it. How does someone I have never met before cheating on his girlfriend whom I have also never met with a sexy midwife whom I have also never met affect me? It doesn’t. At all. Sure, the act of infidelity is frowned upon, especially if it’s done on national television, but face it, you’re still going to wake up the next day and you’re still going to work or college or wherever it is that you go unaffected. Something that Cat and Lawson may have done does not affect the way I think about them and, if we’re going by the “judge not less ye be judged” path, it shouldn’t affect the way anyone else thinks about them.

Cat was my favourite housemate this year and even throughout this crap, she has still been my favourite. I’ve always thought Lawson was a charming character and I still think he is to this day.

Reading some of the comments on Big Brother Australia’s page has really disappointed me in mankind… so quick to throw judgements and nasty insults around as if they’re totally clean and pure. No one is like that. People are going to make mistakes; it’s just what you learn from them which makes you a bigger person.

Now as a personal disclaimer, I am in no way advocating what they’ve done. I don’t agree with infidelity and think that if you do decide to get your jollies off with someone else, you should have the decency to break it off with your partner before you do so. Or don’t engage in a relationship at all.

But think about it. Lawson didn’t have the opportunity to do the right thing and tell his beloved Candice “Hey, I may have feelings for another woman, can we like take a break so I can pursue these feelings and see what happens after?” No. He was stuck in a small, secluded house with like 12 or so other people for over a month. Surely that is going to play on someone’s psyche after such an extended period of time. Some people don’t take into account the mentality of being secluded in the house can have on these housemates. They don’t have the privilege of going out wherever and doing whatever because they are stuck in that house.

The main point I’m trying to make is this: unless it truly affects you, like, truly affects you, you should probably take a few steps back and think “Hey, I don’t know how these people are feeling, I can’t really comment on their personal lives.” At the end of the day, who are we to get in the way of someone’s love lives if it doesn’t involve us at all?

Yes, that also means if someone is in a relationship on Facebook, it is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

Js.

– by The Black Widow