Dating Nikki: The boy is mine

Dear Nikki,

I have been dating this guy for the past month or so. We agreed not to be exclusive at the beginning and I was fine with that. Recently, I’ve started to develop feelings for him and I want to be exclusive with him. He is also dating another girl so I don’t know how to go about it. Help!

Serious Relationship Girl

You need to give it up, had about enough. It's not hard to see THE BOY IS MINE.

You need to give it up, had about enough. It’s not hard to see THE BOY IS MINE.

Dear Serious Relationship Girl,

In the words of Brandy and Monica’s successful duet The Boy is Mine, you should make it clear to the other woman that boy is in fact yours… in a less aggressive way.

Start off by having “the talk” with this bloke. You may be dreading having “the talk” but it is necessary. Sit him down over a dinner or something else that he really likes (so he’s more susceptible to being putty in your hands as opposed to taking him shopping for make-up or something) and tell him how you feel. Build up the courage to talk to him (it’s easier said than done, I know, but it has to be done), open up and say that you want to take your relationship to the next level and see if he’s open to it. Chances are is that he’ll at least be open to discussion and won’t be a total asshole; if he was, it’d be that much easier for you to kick him to the kerb.

If he is as good as you think he is, then he’ll agree to take things to the next level or at least discuss it. If you’re afraid that he might want to stay as you are, then you have two choices: 1) Do what he wants to keep him happy and keep dating him knowing that he’s still seeing Brandy (or Monica, whichever camp you prefer) or 2) Get yourself out of this predicament entirely, in case you turn into a jealous wreck who will eventually scare the poor bloke off anyway. I can assure you that keeping your feelings to yourself and not having “the talk” will turn you into said jealous wreck.

In the end, everything happens for a reason. If he sees the light and decides to make you his and only his, all the power to you two. If not, there is an even better guy out there who will make you his. I know it sounds cliché and “unrealistic” but it is the truth: don’t be that one that throws all their eggs in one basket when there’s an even bigger basket with much better bedazzling on it somewhere else.

Happy dating… and go the Broncos!

– by The Black Widow

If you have a question or need some good ol’ fashioned blunt advice from #DatingNikki, use the Contact page on our website and put in your comment “Subject: Dating Nikki” or alternatively send me an e-mail at widowslure@gmail.com and put “Dating Nikki” in the subject line. I will respond to your cries for help as soon as possible!

Dating Nikki: Casual dating

This one is for the commitment-troubled or those resistant to relationships who still want that lovey dovey feeling. Or just someone to spoon at night.

Casual dating AKA the art of dating several people at once.

Casual dating AKA the art of dating several people at once.

So you want to go out on dinner dates and watch a movie with someone in the backseat but you don’t want anything to be “too serious” or long-term. While you may have been frowned upon and even christened with a bright red A previously, in the 21st century, that is a completely normal thing to want. If you’re not already familiar with the term, let me introduce you to “casual dating.”

Life and casual dating according to Nikki
What is casual dating?

Casual dating is when you date one or more people at the same time in a casual and relaxed state, and I mean date in the literal sense – you go out and play putt putt together, or go for a nice hike in the mountains together. Casual dating isn’t used to find that “special somebody” but more for getting to know other people better in a more intimate manner. And yes, you could be banging your casual dates at the same time as well. Casual dating can also be used to find what qualities you want and don’t want in a potential special someone.

What are the benefits of casual dating?
You can see several people at the same time without feeling guilty for cheating. While people may think casual dating is just a term used for “being a slut”, it really isn’t if it’s done properly. Like I said before, it’s a great way to pinpoint certain qualities you would want in a future partner, without getting too serious that you feel pressured to take the next step with them.

How do I go about casual dating?
After you’ve done making that connection with someone, ask them out on a date. However, a huge disclaimer should be made at the beginnings of this budding friendship that you aren’t looking for anything serious. It would be severely awkward if you’re going in looking for a bit of young, innocent fun and the other person is looking for their eternal lover. Once it’s settled, hang out together, cuddle, whatever. The limits are endless.

What should I know about casual dating before I dive in?
The traditional romance enthusiasts don’t think highly of casual dating as they think it’s borderline promiscuous. To them, I say: it’s the 21st century. Just like female celebrities of nowadays don’t act like the female starlets of Grace Kelly’s era, society has changed with time. Casual dating is okay. Judging is not. Also, you may develop actual feelings for someone you are casually dating. If this happens, don’t be alarmed – that’s normal. If a committed relationship is a mutual agreement, do it.

If you need any suggestions for casual dates, the same rules would apply to a couple who are looking for a committed relationship. Go bowling. Go out to dinner. Go for a walk on the beach. Enjoy yourself.

– by The Black Widow

Dating Nikki: The Do’s and Don’t’s of Movie Dating

As young adults, we have undoubtedly reached the time in our lives where we want to get to know people of the opposite/same sex in a friendly or intimate manner. For the beginnings of a budding relationship, movie dating is very popular because it gives the couple a chance to spend quality time together without the added pressures of keeping a conversation flow going.

Look at that solid hand-on-the-shoulder action.

Look at that solid hand-on-the-shoulder action.

With everything, however, there are some general guidelines that one must follow if they hope to achieve a successful movie date and further dates down the track, especially in the beginning of a budding relationship.

Do’s
“We got there, paid for our tickets, and found a seat. The movie got started and we were really excited (excited enough to have an awkward kiss). As it went on, and the dinosaurs got all angry… she got scared, leaped into my arms, and I laughed. But when she leaped into my arms, the chemistry that was there, came back. We looked into each others eyes and kissed. And then a dinosaur ate a dude in half. It was epic.”
Sean Jensen, 20 years old

– Organise transportation to and from the movie venue. If this is a first date, it is generally acceptable and preferred that both daters meet at the movie venue. Further down the track, when both daters feel more comfortable and at ease with each other, a pick-up would be appropriate.
– Arrive to the movie venue at least 10 minutes earlier than the agreed time. This shows great punctuality and it is a good sign for further relationship development. If the date is running late, go and grab a coffee or something to help you feel at ease if you have enough time.
– Plan to meet at least 15 minutes before the movie so you can have a conversation with your date without the pressure of being in a quiet movie theater.
– Greet your date appropriately; do not push past your limits because you feel pressured to. If you don’t feel comfortable kissing the other on the cheek, settle with a hug. Chances are that the other person is as nervous as you are and they will respect your boundaries.
– Breath mints were invented for a reason. Utilise them.
– In some circumstances, physical contact in a movie date is generally acceptable. If the other person is feeling emotional after a romantic scene in a movie, put your arm around them or hold their hand; it will make them feel more secure and is a considerate, warm gesture.
– If you feel as if the moment is right and it is appropriate to, you can kiss your date. Generally speaking, the initiation of a kiss is important: mutual eye contact is a must for a successful kiss. This depends on how comfortable the daters are around each other.
– After the movie is finished, talk about it. It can give you the opportunity for a positive flow of conversation and it can also give you an insight on how the other person thinks.
– Farewell your date in an appropriate manner; the same guideline applies from the greeting – if you don’t feel comfortable kissing them on the cheek, don’t. You can kiss them on the cheek, hug them or simply give them a polite wave. Don’t forget to thank them for the date!

Don’t’s
“For our first date, it was meant to be me and him but he invited [others] along… but with both couples acting like they didn’t know each other… we sat apart from our accompanying party. We were kissing… it was unpleasant and awkward, and everyone in the cinema were staring at us… I wanted to stop but I couldn’t because he wasn’t stopping and I was too uncomfortable making him stop and to this day I do not know what movie we were watching.”
Rebecca Syed, 21 years old

– Don’t talk during the movie, at all. It is common courtesy to those around you to keep quiet so even if you feel the need to make a comment about a scene in the movie, save it for after. Not only will pointless chatter disturb people around you, it may also annoy your date who may be trying to focus on the movie.
– Unless it’s an emergency, refrain from using your mobile phone, especially during the movie. If it’s not annoying your date, it is certainly annoying someone around you. It is also common courtesy to your date as unnecessary phone usage shows a certain level of disinterest in the other person and it may offend them.
– While it is the standard cinema snack, avoid purchasing popcorn as a snack. If the occurrence of a mid-movie kiss happens, nothing is more off-putting than a nice piece of popcorn wedged in your tooth. This can also be said for chocolate and other tooth-colouring snack items.
– Do not go in for an unexpected or seemingly random kiss: it will catch the other person off guard and may scare them off potential future dates. When the moment is right and the intimacy is there, you will know when it is an appropriate time.
– Heavy making out is a no go. It will make others around you very uncomfortable; leave that kind of thing for the bedroom.
– Do not just sit there and have no form of communication with your date whatsoever during the movie. While I’m not talking about chatter, a smile or some other form of appropriate gesture would be lovely. If you keep a stoneface until the end of the movie, it’ll give your date the impression that you are indeed stonefaced.

If you follow these simple guidelines, your movie date should run smoothly and successfully and you will definitely be in for another shot at a date. Who wouldn’t want to date you if you’ve become an expert movie dater after reading this?

– by The Black Widow