Spoiler alert: Amber Marchese is not number one.
I actually finished this series a while ago, but let’s pretend that this is fresh in my memory and I only completed it like five minutes ago. (Why does this sound familiar?)
Real Housewives of New Jersey came highly recommended from my sister, and once it was time for me to begin a new city, it was an easy decision for me because I really wanted to see why Teresa Giudice is so iconic. And how blessed was I to see the table flip was in the very first season.
As of writing, RHONJ has had 15 full-time housewives, however I will be ranking the twins together, so let’s begin the rankings!
14. Amber Marchese
No shocker here really. Besides having sympathy for her for being a cancer survivor, there was nothing likeable about Amber at all. To make matters worse, she came with her husband, whom was an even more horrible person. I’m glad she only lasted one season.
13. Teresa Aprea and Nicole Napolitano
Look, truth be told, I didn’t mind the twins. They were shady and engaged in drama when needed. Season six was just such a fever dream, and sometimes I don’t believe their time on the show was real.
12. Margaret Josephs
Marge is the Lisa Rinna of RHONJ, and I don’t mean that in a nice way. She never really provides any personal storyline, and her sole tactic to remain relevant on the show is to interfere in other people’s lives and stir up drama and then walk away (after pushing a grown man into a pool). To make it worse, she then cries in that horrid accent.
11. Siggy Flicker
Siggy was cute on her first season, as we all know I love the sweet peacemaker housewife archetype. And then her second season happened, and it went downhill ever since. Let’s not get into her social media antics; we’d be here all day.
10. Jackie Goldschneider
I want to like Jackie, and not just because her husband is foiiiine. I appreciate that she came into the show and was not scared to engage with the big dog Teresa, but she came across as very calculating and malicious, and then she’d cry when someone retaliated against her.
9. Melissa Gorga
As much as I want to like Jackie, I doubly want to like Melissa. She’s pretty, she’s… pretty, and she’s… pretty. Honestly, I don’t know what else she has to offer on top of that, besides being the gateway for Joey being on the show, because let’s face it, he contributes a whole lot more to RHONJ than Melissa does.
8. Caroline Manzo
Caroline almost doesn’t seem real to me. During her time on the show, she had such an untouchable mob boss air to her that it was so interesting to watch. She would be a whole lot higher on this list if she didn’t side with the guy who put a hit on her sister, but go off sis.
7. Jacqueline Laurita
To be honest, I really liked Jacqueline prior to season seven. She was funny, relatable, and watching her journey with her son was one of the most heartwarming things I’ve ever watched on any franchise. And then season seven happened. Enough said.
6. Teresa Giudice
It’s no secret that Teresa is that girl of RHONJ, and she is so iconic for a reason. She’s a natural in keeping the storyline and drama going, and really is the alpha of this franchise. As much as I adore Tre, I do acknowledge that she is deluded and struggles to take accountability for her wrongdoings. Excellent mother, though.
5. Kathy Wakile
Again, it’s no secret that I love the sweet, peacemaker non-confrontational housewife, and Kathy served this role during her time on the show. I loved her and I loved her family, and when she had to bring it, she did. An unbothered queen.
4. Dolores Catania
Not every housewife is meant to be the alpha, and there are different roles for everyone to fill. Dolores does a great job filling her role as the best friend of the alpha. She’s beautiful, funny, not scared to show us her real life, and will take a bitch down if she has to. And giving us Dolores means we also get Frank, and I would take a bullet for that man.
3. Jennifer Aydin
Jennifer serves as the Heather Dubrow of RHONJ, and I’m absolutely here for it. She’s hilarious, unashamedly herself, shady, and will get into it when she has to. Her fights with Melissa and Marge are so iconic. I stan a queen.
2. Danielle Staub
True to her tagline, you either love or hate Danielle, and I loooove Danielle. I think she’s the most misunderstood housewife of any franchise. As much as RHONJ‘s success is attributed to Teresa, I think the same argument could easily be made for Danielle. Without her, the first two seasons wouldn’t have soared like they did. Also, I was totally on her side when she dragged Marge. Don’t poke the bear if you don’t want the bear to snap.
1. Dina Manzo
Dina was my first favourite, and throughout the entire show, she still remained my favourite. As shady as she is stunning, Dina could go into her namaste zone as quickly as she could go into going toe-to-toe with someone. Honestly, I would’ve hated season six if it didn’t contain the return of my New Jersey queen.
Now that we’ve endured the same cast without any major changes for four consecutive seasons, I’m excited to see what the next season has in store for us. Hopefully more table flips tbh.
– by The Black Widow
Dating Nikki: Red Flags and Bad Dates
They both come hand-in-hand really.
We’ve all heard the term ‘red flag’, and we all have our own individual red flags that we see in other people. For example, one of my biggest red flags is someone who is rude or dismissive to someone who works in hospitality or retail, whereas someone else might not view that as a red flag. I don’t know why you wouldn’t but okay.
As you navigate the dating world in your own time, I’m sure you have come across someone that displays one (or more) of your own red flags, and you’re not quite sure how to deal with it.
Let’s set the scene: you’re talking to someone on a dating app and from your online conversations, you seem to really like the person and vibe with their energy. So you agree to meet them in person at a bar or at a cafe.
You show up to the venue and you see them. The physical attraction was there over the app, but now it’s going through the roof. You can’t believe you’ve scored the jackpot with this person. You greet them and sit down from them, ready to begin your date.
And then the red flags start showing. They chew with their mouth open. They burp in public and laugh about it. They pronounce the word ‘appreciate’ like uh-pree-see-ate. Suddenly the physical attraction you saw in them starts dwindling and dwindling, to the point that you cannot wait to get away from them.
If you don’t think this situation is possible, I can attest to you that it most definitely is, because I have been a prime example of this.
For the sake of this story, let’s say his name is Baden. I had messaged Baden for a week on a dating app and he seemed lovely. He had asked me if I was interested in meeting up over coffee, and I was receptive to the idea. I went to meet him and he 1) looked like his pictures, tick, 2) greeted me politely in a friendly manner, tick and 3) seemed to vibe well with me, tick.
And then as the waiter came to clear our table, he started obnoxiously barking orders at them. Giant red flag for me. I shrugged off the first interaction as ‘maybe a once off’, but he did it again, and again. At this point, I had so many red flags waving at me that I decided I did not want to see this man ever again and I wanted this date to end as quickly as possible.
I think it’s totally within your right to stop a date whenever you’re feeling uncomfortable, regardless of your reasons, and if your red flags are the reason you wish to terminate the date, then my advice to you is to go ahead and do it but try to do it as respectfully as possible. Honest and open communication is always better than ‘playing the game’ and ghosting the other individual because you’re too scared to have that confrontation. I would heavily prefer someone tell me directly that they no longer wish to pursue anything with me, than ghost me and leave it up to me and my mind to figure out what happened.
Honestly, just cut your losses. If this person exhibited some red flags, it means they’re not right for you, and as they say… there are plenty of fish in the sea. Or whatever.
And if you’re wondering how my date ended, let’s just say I took a page out of Andie Anderson’s book and sabotaged the date on purpose so I never had to see him again. I was young, alright? I would’ve done a whole lot better if I had this advice back then!
Watch out for red flags, and happy dating y’all!
– by The Black Widow
If you have a question or need some good ol’ fashioned blunt advice from #DatingNikki, use the Contact page on our website and put in your comment “Subject: Dating Nikki”, or alternatively send me an e-mail at widowslure@gmail.com and put “Dating Nikki” in the subject line. I will respond to your cries for help as soon as possible!
Porsha and Stephanie and Camille, Oh My!
Spoiler alert: this is not a Real Housewives post.
If you are a frequent reader of Widow’s Lure, then you know that I am unapologetic about two things: one, I looooove me some Real Housewives and I don’t care if it appears to be my one personality trait, and two, I’m living with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and do my best to bring awareness to an illness that usually goes under the radar.
As these two different worlds are such a big part of my life, it should come to no surprise that they were going to collide at some point. Allow me to explain how (and why!)
One of the biggest symptoms of BPD is having rapid, uncontrollable mood swings. In a normal day, I can go from content, to happy and sweet, to bitter and angry, to sad and insecure in the space of two minutes. I can get triggered by the smallest things, actions or words, and my mood can change at the drop of a hat. 
A big personal victory for me is recognising that I suffer from these mood swings; recognising this has actually helped me in controlling the mood swings to the best of my ability, and reining it in when necessary so I don’t explode and damage those around me.
In an effort to recognise when I go into a certain mood, I’ve nicknamed these ‘personalities’, and would you believe it — I named them after some Real Housewives!
Allow me to introduce you to the women that live rent-free in my head, and give you a brief description of each of these personalities:
Erika (after Erika Jayne from RHOBH)
Key traits: sad and insecure
Formerly known as Mrs. Girardi (but since she’s divorced, I had to update the name accordingly), Erika is probably my strongest mood. Erika thinks everyone is out to get her, and those closest to her have ulterior motives when pursuing a friendship or relationship with her. Erika believes that her favourite person is constantly trying to leave her, and grieves the possibility of losing them even though they’ve expressed no desire to leave her.
Porsha (after Porsha Williams from RHOA)
Key traits: angry and rageful
Porsha will get hood with you at a second’s notice and she doesn’t care how “ghetto” or “ratchet” she appears. Armed with hoop earrings that will fly off if you test her, Porsha uncontrollably lashes out at you if she feels you’re abandoning her and will absolutely verbally annihilate you if she feels threatened. As you can tell, Porsha is definitely the most dangerous of my personalities, and the one that most requires a cage.
Monique (after Monique Samuels from RHOP)
Key traits: jealous and spiteful
Monique essentially serves as the bridge between Erika and Porsha. Erika will feel sad and insecure, and without any action, it will turn into jealousy. Enter Monique. She is territorial and believes what’s hers is rightfully hers. If you spend time with her favourite person, then you best watch out because Monique’s irrational jealousy can quickly turn into Porsha’s rage.
Stephanie (after Stephanie Hollman from RHOD)
Key traits: compassionate and sweet
On the other end of the spectrum to Porsha is Stephanie. Stephanie speaks with her own soft, slightly higher-pitched voice, and is very kind and caring to those that she loves. Not afraid of comforting a friend or hugging them, Stephanie is the calm voice of reason that will support her friends and family at the drop of a hat.
Camille (after Camille Grammar from RHOBH)
Key traits: sexy and confident
Camille is drop dead gorgeous and she knows it. While Stephanie will accept a compliment with a pure sincerity, Camille will acknowledge it as fact and even question why you decided to bring it up in the first place. Camille walks with a strut, flaunt her best assets any chance she gets, and will use her alluring charm to get what she wants when she wants.
Teresa (after Teresa Giudice from RHONJ)
Key traits: deluded and dry
Teresa almost lives in a fantasy world where what she believes in is the law, and she doesn’t understand when others try to bring her down to reality. As a defence mechanism for when those question the state she lives in, she speaks fluent sarcasm when really she is defending the hurt she’s feeling. Teresa longs to be acknowledged, and only in her fantasy world is where she can get the attention she craves.
Naming these personalities of mine has helped me move in the right direction of regulating my moods to the best of my physical ability.
When I have that feeling of going from Stephanie to Porsha and I can recognise it, acknowledging that is the first step towards regulating my moods and emotions to have healthy conversations as opposed to Porsha literally dragging someone. When I know that Erika has taken over, I can recognise that this feeling of insecurity and inadequacy will past.
This is not to say that all of these personalities are either good or bad. If I’m out with friends and one of them is aggressively being hit on, it’ll be Porsha that jumps in and defends them; Monique’s jealousy is really a sign that Monique has a pure, sincere love for that person.
As for which personality is writing this blog article… it’s probably Camille.
If you would like more information on BPD, please feel free to visit any of the following links:
BPD Australia
Helping Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
– by The Black Widow
Dating, With an FP
Having BPD + a platonic FP = a non-existent dating life.
Navigating love can be challenging as it is, but trying to have a healthy dating life when you have a personality disorder like BPD can make it even harder.
As a quick refresher, an FP (or favourite person) to someone who has BPD is the most important person of their life, whether they’re conscious of this or not. Their whole mood revolves around this person, so if they’re on good terms with the FP, then it’s all happy days; if things aren’t great between the borderline and the FP, then the whole world is against them and everything sucks. (You can read more about my personal experiences with FPs at this link here.)
FPs can be in the form of a romantic partner, but if you’re like me, your FP manifests in platonic friends, family members, or even celebrities. This is where the main issue that I personally face arises when it comes to dating.
Love sucks. Adding an FP makes it suck even more. (CREDIT: eltpics’s Flickr photostream)
To set the scene, for example, let’s say I’m dating someone named Oliver. We’ve been seeing each other for a couple of months and everything there is going great. However, my FP is my friend named Bruno. While there is no sexual or romantic attraction to Bruno, he has become my entire life and my happiness solely depends on Bruno, and I constantly want to be around Bruno – even moreso than Oliver.
And thus there lies the problem. Even though I’m dating Oliver and there is a genuine romantic interest in Oliver, in my head, Oliver doesn’t even compare to Bruno.
To be completely transparent, I am 29-years-old and still don’t know how to completely navigate life and relationships as someone with BPD, and I definitely am not an expert on navigating love and dating with a platonic FP. Currently speaking, I have a platonic FP and because my focus is so centered on him, I find it very difficult to even attempt a dating life.
From the outside looking in, it is very easy to assume that I have romantic feelings for my FP because my mind essentially becomes obsessed with them. I get it. I truly get it. In fact, growing up without the diagnosis, I had always assumed my strong feelings for my FP were romantic when that isn’t necessarily the case. I’m constantly seeking his approval and validation, my senses are almost heightened whenever he’s around, and I’m acutely aware of every small thing that is happening when he’s near. On the flipside, when he does the tiniest thing that could lead my borderline mind to think he’s abandoning me, all of a sudden he’s the worst person and I’m thrown into a bout of depression just because of this one man.
Taking all of this into consideration, the normal person with little to no understanding of BPD could hypothesise that I in fact am harbouring romantic feelings for my FP. And while it’s true that I crave their attention and would be happy (or irrationally angry) by having them constantly around me, that’s where it ends for me. I can’t picture myself in a relationship with my FP, or getting intimate with them, or even building a life with them that wasn’t strictly as friends.
Passing it back to my love life, it’s essentially non-existent. I’m not seeing anyone, talking to anyone, or engaging in conversation with the attempt to bonk with anyone. It’s completely dead, and I’m not sad or miserable about it at all. I have Tinder downloaded on my phone, and every now and then I’ll swipe through profiles for about 10 seconds, and then close the app. During this rinse-repeat cycle that I’ve established, I’ll get matches, but I won’t do anything about it because my heart’s not in it. It’s as if I’m going through the motion because it’s expected of me as a young, attractive 20-something-old to want to date and find that special someone. But the truth is I don’t really want to, because I make myself happy, and if I don’t, then my FP will.
If I’m invited to an event where I get a plus one, I immediately think of bringing my FP as my date. If someone were to ask me to think of someone special in my life that I want to give a gift to, you guessed it, my FP shoots to my mind.
It’s almost self sabotage, really. I’m blocking myself from potentially finding happiness with Oliver, because my mind is too fixated with Bruno. It’s like paying attention to one plant too much that you neglect the second plant that is withering and dying.
I’m working hard to try and set boundaries with my FP so I’m not as reliant or co-dependent on them to find happiness. I know I can find happiness in myself and with other friends and family, but sometimes I feel like that can be dramatically shifted because of a tiny incident with my FP. Establishing these boundaries with my FP, and hopefully in turn they establish boundaries with me, opens up the possibilities for me to seek independence from them and pursue potential relationships with others.
Boundaries that I am endeavouring to set for myself, which you could also use if you feel like you’re in a similar boat as me, include:
– Creating distance, both physically and emotionally, between us if I think my feelings and emotions are becoming heightened;
– Relying on others for emotional support that I’d usually expect from my FP, sometimes unfairly;
– Practicing mindfulness when I start to feel like my FP is my entire life and I can’t function without him;
– Willfully acknowledging that my FP is a friend and nothing more than that, so I am able to pursue a romantic relationship without feeling guilty;
– Most importantly, acknowledging and validating my own feelings.
I am aware that my FP isn’t my entire life, and before we met, I was existing perfectly fine. Just like a romantic partner should, an FP is meant to enhance my life, not hinder it (even with BPD). Keeping this in mind will only assist me in searching for a life outside of them.
– by The Black Widow
Widow's Lure 