Tag Archives: reality

The Southern Charmers: Ranked

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Ba-ba-dooooo, ba-ba-dee-ee-ee.

Yes we are back with yet another Bravo ranking! And with one of my favourite non-Housewives shows on Bravo.

I need Whitner to be in the centre next season.

To be honest, I started Southern Charm for Craig Conover. 1) Because he’s handsome af and 2) I was aware that he was like the main Bravo guy (like it’s clear that Andy loves him and clearly favours him over other men on Bravo shows). But mainly for reason 1. I also have a weird fascination with the Dirty South and Southern culture, so while I expected a different format from Summer House and Summer House: Martha’s Vineyard, and obviously Real Housewives, I still didn’t know what I was getting myself into.

With 11 seasons done and dusted, and the 11th season only wrapped up fairly recently, there have been 27 different Charmers on this iconic Bravo reality show.

So, anyways, here are the rankings of our favourite Charmers!

27. Salley Carson
There are maybe only like one or two people on Bravo I hate more than Salley, if that gives you an idea of how much I can’t stand this insufferable pick-me. Whining that other women should be loyal to her while she herself centres her wellbeing around men, Salley is a giant hypocrite with an extremely produced personality for reality TV, like you can just tell her mission in life is to be on reality TV. If you follow me on Threads, you’ll see all the wonderful things I’ve said about Salley. Good lord, please do not renew her contract Bravo.

26. Landon Clements
If Salley didn’t roll around, Landon would’ve been at the absolute bottom of this list. While Salley took pick-me to a whole new level, Landon was the original pick-me of the cast that just exuded massive loser energy. Plus the scene of her awkwardly confessing her love for Shep will go down in history as one of the most cringe scenes on any televison show ever.

25. Thomas Ravenel
Thomas Ravenel was just a horrible man to watch on this show, and his horrible treatment of Kathryn as his partner and mother of his children, as well as his sexist attitude towards the other female castmates, keep him at the bottom of this list. I remember seeing him for the first time and thinking ‘how is an old man going to go on a Bravo reality show’, and my answer was terribly. Also I still don’t understand why he yelled at everyone at that dinner party and kicked everyone out. So unnecessary.

24. Jarrett “JT” Thomas
Speaking of sexist losers who treat women like they’re expendable, it’s JT. In fairness, JT started out okay as like a harmless secondary character (because let’s face it, no one is taking a Main Guy spot from Craig, Shep or Austen any time soon), but then his facade fell and his attempts to come off like a “nice guy” just solidified his absolute gronk status. Also as a general observation, men that look like JT always have the most unwarranted confidence, and I’d like to study the science behind it.

23. Whitney Sudler-Smith
The row of sexist men who have confidence they don’t deserve continues with Whitney. He’s only really higher than T-Rav and JT because I actually enjoy watching the scenes with him and his iconic mother Patricia. Other than that, he’s very unlikeable and comes off thinking that he’s better than everyone else which is so far from the truth.

22. Jenna King
We leave ‘people I can’t stand’ territory and enter ‘people I forgot’ territory with Jenna King. Jenna was not a good fit for this cast, and even just visually you could tell that she did not fit in with the rest of the cast, and not in a fun outsider good for TV kind of way. She lasted just one season which is fitting tbh.

21. Ryan Albert
When I say I had to google who Ryan Albert was and when his face came up and I was like “Oh, him!” On top of that, I tried to remember any big moments featuring him from the show and I couldn’t think of any. I remember him being super handsome and a secondary character, but that’s about it.

20. Rod Razavi
I also don’t remember much from Rod’s time on the show besides his little fling with Olivia and thinking he was kinda charming (ba dum tsh). Kind of deserving of one season tbh.

19. Eliza Limehouse
Eliza was a strange addition to the show, as she had ties with the cast and you would’ve thought that she would have had a bigger impact than she actually did. But she had a little splash on the show and ended up being someone you’d expect to last one season.

18. Kathryn Dennis
This was a tough ranking tbh. I really appreciate everything Kathryn did for the show and we really saw the reality of her life play out on this show; the good and especially the bad, and I definitely felt for her in her toxic relationship with T-Rav. But in saying that, she also wasn’t the best person, and her seeking friendships with the other female castmates and finally fitting in with them, just to randomly turn on Cameran really did not sit well with me. And the monkey emoji sealed the deal.

17. Leva Bonaparte
I appreciated Leva for maybe her first two seasons of the show. It was nice to see a visible person of colour on the show, and using her as a main figure to narrate the struggles of POC especially during the Black Lives Matter period was a solid choice. But after a while, especially as Southern Hospitality kicked off, her role on this show was really redundant, and she barely showed up for group events and missed several episodes during the seasons.

16. Chleb Ravenell
I immediately liked Chleb for being a black man on a cast full of white men, even if his introduction to the show was as Kathryn’s boyfriend. To me, he seemed really interesting and that he had a lot to offer this show. But he was never really given the chance to shine as an individual castmate, and he fell victim to the one season wonder curse.

15. Taylor Ann Green
To me, Taylor had her ups and downs. Like at times I found her really annoying, but then at times I found myself sympathising with her and even liking her, especially during her relationship with Shep. I hope she’s thriving in whatever she’s doing rn.

14. Austen Kroll
I know Austen is one of the main three of the cast, but I simply just don’t like him as much as I like the other two (more on that later). Austen has some shining moments, especially in his solo scenes with his family and when he talks about his late sister… but then you see how he treats women, like they’re expendable and replaceable, and you understand why this man is not yet married.

13. Charley Manley
Just going off the one most recent season she’s been on, I really like Charley. On top of being beautiful, she seems like a genuine girl’s girl and looked like a really down to earth chick. The only thing that keeps her from going higher on this list is her association with Fuckhead Salley. If she hangs around for more seasons, I’d like to see her break away from Salley and form her own identity.

12. Shep Rose
Shep is that guy you love but also acknowledge is a bit of an idiot that needs to grow up. Of the main three, Shep is the biggest Peter Pan boy, but despite this and his other many flaws, there’s something still so likeable about him. He’s the guy you’d want to keep as a friend but never date.

11. Olivia Flowers
To me, Olivia started as another pretty blonde addition to the show that wouldn’t do much and then would leave after one season, but then she showed a fiery side that made me sit there and be like “Okurrr bitch”. She’s beautiful but she also has an outspoken sass to her which is a quality I really fuck with. She definitely deserved more time on the show. I will never forgive Bravo for replacing her with Fuckhead Salley.

10. Rodrigo Reyes
Rodrigo started off as a Friend and then was promoted to Main Cast. In his first season as a main castmate, I found him to still have Friend Of energy so to me he was mostly forgettable. But in season 11, we got to see more of Rodrigo, and while he may not be the loudest or most outspoken in the group, he still held his own and had a very likeable presence on the cast. I hope he’s around for next season because I’ve only just started loving him.

9. Naomie Olindo
Naomie was the first person I noticed from this show before starting it (yes even before Craig) because of how beautiful she was. Besides the times I found her to be quite belittling to Craig unnecessarily, I loved Naomie. She was a great addition to the show, and she definitely understood the assignment as she could be trusted to anchor the cast and be a major player in the seasons she was featured in.

8. Craig Conover
I always had to pick Craig or Naomie over the other, and after some thought, I gave the higher spot to Craig. Even though he’s a bit of a dope, and while on the drink can be an absolute menace (which is great for TV tbh), I do think he has a good soul and there’s almost a childlike quality about him that needs to be embraced in order for him to be safe. Wow that was such a deep psychoanalysation for one of my Bravo rankings. In saying that… #TeamPaige4eva

7. John Pringle
I feel like all of my Bravo rankings always have a strange sleeper pick, and one season wonder John Pringle is definitely the sleeper pick for Southern Charm. Seeing as the bar is so low for men on this show, John coming in and being simply normal was a breath of fresh air for this show. He was a good father to his two kids, was handsome af but wasn’t cocky about it, and just had a grounded sense of energy to him. In this house, we love John Pringle.

6. Venita Aspen
Venita definitely has her messy moments on the show, which is necessary for a Bravo reality show tbh, but I love her and I love what she represents on the show. Minus the one seasons he was on with Chleb, she’s been the only black castmate for every other season, and especially in a place like Charleston, that representation is very important. Venita is absolutely beautiful and has a cute timidness about her that I find adorable. Seeing her get into it in season 11 was definitely a welcome change from her more quiet past couple of seasons.

5. Molly O’Connell
Molly is truly like no one else that has been on this show. When a beautiful girl joins the cast, they tend to cling to the pretty girl trope and are scared of a little whimsy. Enter Molly, beautiful former model who’s obsessed with playing her euphonium and just wants to calmly walk her own unique path in life. And then she also showed up to a Literary Party dressed as Gandalf. We love Molly. More of her please.

4. Madison LeCroy
The main thing I love about Madison is how she is this Southern belle bombshell that looks like she had that silver platter wealthy upbringing, but she didn’t. Madison doesn’t take shit from anyone, speaks her mind unapologetically, knows how to keep a scene going, and seems so down to earth and self aware. After Kathryn left, Southern Charm needed a new female anchor, and Madison has filled that role perfectly, even when pregnant. Plus she always deserved better than Austen and I’m so glad she found it.

3. Chelsea Meissner
Cool is the main defining word I would use to describe Chelsea. Beautiful, as is a recurring theme among the female castmates of Southern Charm, Chelsea had her own distinct personality of being a girl’s girl while also being quite tomboyish in a very relatable way. She was calm and collected but would stand up for herself when the moment called for it, and she was loyal to those that were close to her. I truly miss her on this show, I really do.

2. Whitner Slagsvol
I have not truly loved any male castmate on this show until Whitner showed up on the latest season. With his head screwed firmly onto his broad shoulders, Whitner doesn’t take himself too seriously, can throw some epic shade when he needs to, can check his friends when they are in the wrong, and most importantly, has life goals and passion in life; a rare feat among the other male castmates of the show. In summary, I loooove me some Whitner and he absolutely needs to remain on the cast for at least two or three more seasons. I would love to see him take over the Top 3 as a mainstay on the show.

1. Cameran Wimberly
The original narrator of the show, Cameran served her role well as the connector of the group. She would help resolve the drama amongst the group, serve as the mediator when the situation called for it, but then she would also stand her ground when she needed to. She had a very quick wit about her, and I found her to be really funny especially when she was pregnant. A woman admitting that she never really cared about having kids and then openly not enjoying the experience of being pregnant was refreshing to watch, and then now to see her evolve into an excellent mother is just beautiful.

If anyone from Bravo is reading this, I want you to take a few points from this rankings list:
1) Get rid of Salley for the love of god;
2) Keep Whitner and Molly around;
3) Pay whatever it takes to bring back Cameran;
4) Make sure Landon does not come back whatsoever.

With those four points, this show will have a very long life. You know it’s true.

– by The Black Widow

RHOBH’s Fall From Grace

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How the diamonds have fallen…

For those playing at home, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was my introduction to Real Housewives in general; you could make the argument that RHOBH was my first love. Once I was hooked, I began going through the other franchises, and now I sit here a self-confessed Bravoholic and Real Housewives fanatic.

But you never truly forget your first…

Well, until your first takes a massive nose dive in terms of quality and entertainment and becomes the least watchable franchise of all the Real Housewives franchises.

Let’s take an unnecessarily deep dive into what made Beverly Hills so good, and where the disconnect with fans such as myself came.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen… (CREDIT: Bravo)

From its conception, Beverly Hills was immediately recognisable for its lifestyle porn and this is what set it apart from other franchises that existed at the time like New York and Atlanta. You had the obnoxiously enormous wealth of Lisa Vanderpump and Adrienne Maloof, in the Rodeo Drive setting of Beverly Hills, and you had an evolving group of women all with the healthy balance of delusion and aspiration for glamour. On top of this, the cast members put in the work to create compelling and real drama, to the point where I firmly believe that the first two seasons of RHOBH are some of the best Real Housewives seasons ever.

This momentum continued on, through accusations of witchcraft and doing coke in someone’s bathroom, until around season eight, which fans proclaim to be one of the worst seasons ever. Tbh I can’t even remember much from this season, besides Snoreit being super late to a lunch with Teddi, and Erika reading a lil frightened Teddi for filth for being accused of having pretend amnesia. On top of that, season eight saw two unfortunate recurring themes begin here:

1) They used a friend of (Camille) as the main villain for the season, and;
2) The unnecessary alliance of the Fox Force Five really sprouted here.

No Housewives season ever should use a friend of as a main season villain for the sole purpose that they are not a main cast member. If a cast is that desperate for a villain that they’re willing to get a friend of to fit that role, then something is wrong here.

In addition to this, Housewives alliances can be good, but they are mostly detrimental to the franchise as some housewives will even attest to, and the Fox Fraud Five are largely considered the worst Housewives alliance ever. Because five of them controlled the majority of the cast, it just seemed like anyone who was not in that group were immediately considered outsiders, and in an ensemble cast show where all of the women are meant to bond in some sort of way, it makes that objective sort of impossible to achieve.

Season nine, while introducing one of my all time favourites in Denise Richards, also saw a decrease in entertainment value as the main source of drama for the season was whether Snoreit gave a dog back to a shelter or not. This pitiful excuse for storyline was blown up that much that LVP refused to film with any of the other cast members besides Denise for the majority of the season (and ultimately skipped the reunion), and production were forced to pivot to find another person to fit the main villain role for the season… so they resorted to friend-of Camille for the role again. Watching the women gang up on this iconic friend-of at the reunion really began to signal the beginning of the end of the golden years for this franchise.

Speaking of gang ups, season ten saw one of the most heinous gang ups in the history of Real Housewives as the Fox Fraud Five led a blind charge against Denise solely because Denise didn’t want her children to overhear adults talking about sex, and Denise may or may not have had consensual sex with another woman. This was a prime example of how alliances, especially the Fox Fraud Five, can ruin a franchise, because any member of that group was basically untouchable while everyone else was considered fox food. And they all turned on Denise so hard I’m surprised they didn’t catch whiplash from it.

And genuinely, from season ten onwards, my interest in the franchise has noticeably slipped, to the point where we’re at now after season 15 has finished airing that I confidently believe that RHOBH is the worst franchise out of all of them, and it would take a miracle to revive this dead franchise from the ground.

For starters, the lifestyle porn aspect of RHOBH slowly disappeared after LVP’s dramatic exit from the franchise. Sure, Kyle is still wealthy and boring af; Snoreit likes to exude wealth in her obnoxious designer label outfits; and this was the city that really introduced glam squads thanks to Erika Jayne; but the aspirational wealth of these women became less and less prominent, and the perception of them changed from having “fuck you and your mother” money to just having a lot of money. Their nice houses just don’t slap the same when someone isn’t walking a camel through it.

Even though the Fox Fraud Five has since dissolved, their damage had been done, and the cast became so fractured and disjointed that you truly didn’t believe that they were all friends by the end of it. When Garcelle, Sutton and Crystal became a fan-favourite trio in seasons 11 and 12, it didn’t really seem like a true friendship, but more of a friendship of convenience because they knew they were the outsiders compared to the FFF and they had to stick together if they were expected to survive. Plus, we all know how fake the friendships within the FFF were.

On top of this, some of the casting choices over the past few years were absolutely abysmal. Annemarie Wiley will go down in history as one of the worst housewife castings of any franchise ever, and trailing not so far behind her was the utterly bizarre casting of Diana Jenkins. Annemarie’s main storyline was Sutton’s esophagus, and Diana lacked any shred of human empathy that makes a housewife even remotely likeable.

And now, for the cherry on top of the RHOBH Downfall Cake – and this is something that I think is a major fault of most if not all of the Housewives casts across the board – is that the cast have become too aware of their edit and how they present themselves when the cameras are up. Of course, I can understand that whenever a camera is present, you automatically become more self-conscious and aware of yourself and how you come across on screen, but what made the golden years of RHOBH so good was that the women were showing their true authentic selves, and nothing about it seemed self-produced at all. We all knew where we were when Kim accused Kyle of stealing her goddamned house, because that pain from Kim was so real that it was almost uncomfortable for us viewers to watch.

Now, we’re stuck with Kyle the lesbian pretending that sending her kids to college was showing the deepest and most raw parts of her life, meanwhile she’s questioned other women’s marriages, sexualities, finances, and livelihoods all for the sake of the show ratings; we’re stuck with Dorit still pretending to live a life of wealth yet we all know she’s facing money struggles, and her pretending that going through a divorce is equal to the life of a war-torn child in the Middle East; we’re stuck with the women pretending like Amanda Frances was this massive gamechanger disruptor to the cast, when in reality she was a small raindrop compared to the tsunami disruptor that was Brandi Glanville; and we’re stuck with women too scared to speak up and say what’s truly on their minds for fear of a bad edit.

These women are so aware of their edits that very little of what we’re getting is real, and we’re left to question what is actually going on in these women’s lives. As fans of reality TV, we shouldn’t be second guessing what we’re watching on screen because the show should be producing raw and real entertainment. Instead, we’re being fed scraps with a cast that’s too lazy to get off their asses and do the fucking work.

I want to see RHOBH come back from the grave and be as good as it once was, but for that to happen, there need to be some major changes. Like I’m talking RHONY season five levels of recasting, because this cast can’t thrive and we can’t enjoy the show for what it is if we’re forced to endure Vile Kyle vs. Snoreit for the third season in a row with Sutton throwing in quirky one-liners every now and then and Boz blindly agreeing with anything Snoreit says.

In conclusion, I’m going to leave you with five choice words: Give Dorit Her Pink Slip.

Please. For the love of all that is holy.

– by The Black Widow

The Summer House Cast: Ranked

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Widow’s Lure rankings should be fun. Amanda, not fun.

So you all know I love Bravo, in particular the Real Housewives shows, but once I had tore through every Real Housewives franchise that was made available to me, I had to venture outside of that safety net. And while Summer House was not my first non-Housewives Bravo show, it’s probably my favourite. The format of putting a bunch of young attractive people into the same holiday house with alcohol and watching chaos ensue is a great recipe for reality TV.

The young and attractive cast of Season 10! (CREDIT: Bravo)

If you’re not aware, Summer House as I so eloquently described it, is a reality show that sees a group of friends share a house over the summer on the weekends before they go back to their normal lives during the week. At first, I was confused as to how the dynamic of going back to work from Monday to Friday would work as I expected everyone to stay at the house for the entire duration of filming, but I actually love the idea. It gives the cast reprieve, especially if a huge argument/drama ensued over the weekend, so they can return the following weekend with more clarity and with better intent to resolve the issue.

Anywho, we’re not here for my thoughts on the show as a whole. We’re here for my rankings of the cast! As of the currently airing season 10, Summer House has had 34 main cast members which sounds like a huge number, but considering the amount of one season wonders they’ve had, it makes sense.

So going back to the days of Jaclyn the fit model, to the hot Aussie hunk Ben, let’s rank the castmates of Summer House! And for fairness, I’m ranking as if Amanda and West-gate didn’t happen.

34. Lindsay Hubbard
Lindsay is a dangerous self-centered narcissist who somehow gets away with her deranged work because she has “iconic moments”. This is one of those Bravo stereotypes that I don’t subscribe to. If you’re a horrible person, I don’t care how many iconic one-liners you have; you’re still a horrible person. I feel like the cast lets her get away with shit they wouldn’t tolerate from normal people, and to me that’s a concern.

33. Jesse Solomon
No matter what any of the men in Summer House do, they can rest easy knowing that I will never dislike them as much as I dislike Jesse Solomon. Jesse was an arrogant tool from the moment he stepped into the Hamptons, and his horrible and gaslighting treatment of Lexi really solidified his spot at the bottom of this list. Also someone take him away from the microphone… we don’t need to hear him sing. Ever.

32. Jordan Verroi
Speaking of douchebag men, enter Jordan; a man who has the body of a 16-year-old and somehow thinks that qualifies him as being super attractive. Add that to the fact that he has a questionable relationship with the truth, and he treats women horribly and refuses to take accountability of his actions, this guy finds himself near the bottom of this list.

31. Cristina Gibson
The first one season wonder of this list, I never found myself liking Cristina, and found myself saying out loud “Omg someone get her off this show” during the show’s pilot season. She was snobby, dismissive, and refused to acknowledge her own shit. I was glad to see she was a one season wonder tbh.

30. Bailey Taylor
As season 10 airs, I have not found myself liking Bailey at all. In fact, I can’t stand her. Her starting shit with Ben at the dinner table then crying victim because he dared to call her out did it for me. And then spending the day after bragging about how she was going to confront him at the vineyard, just to be mute the entire time… yeah, I don’t get along well with women like Bailey.

29. Danielle Olivera
Danielle gets points for being the first visible POC on the show, and a respect for quietly navigating that through her time on the show without feeling the need to be performative about it. That’s about where my praise ends, because Danielle was such a pick me on the show and I found myself confused with so many of her actions. Like making Carl and Lindsay’s engagement about her, presenting Balloon Guy to Gabby just to snag him for herself… yeah, 29 is a good spot for her.

28. Everett Weston
Everett was mostly forgettable during his time on the show, but his fights with Lindsay in the first season were very uncomfortable to watch. I just remember him being unfairly douchey to Lindsay, and even though I can’t stand her, no woman should be treated like that.

27. Jaclyn Shuman
Jaclyn was such a fever dream on this show, I can’t even believe that Jaclyn the fit model was ever a part of this super popular show at all. The fact that the only thing I remember about her was that she was a fit model says it all really.

26. Ashley Wirkus
Ashley was not cut out for this show solely based on the fact that she was happily married. This show really works with singles, and Ashley suffered there. Besides jumping in to back her twin sister, Ashley didn’t really have many big moments to push her higher on this list.

25. Imrul Hassan
Imrul was another fever dream on this show. He came in later in the season, had sex with a new woman or women every night he was in the house, and that was about it. I like that he opened up about his culture and the expectations of him because of that, but he was a really weird casting. He was also not allowed to participate in the full reunion of his season, which says a lot.

24. Amit Neuman
Amit was probably the most deserving of being a one season wonder. He didn’t really do anything besides kiss Lindsay and then flat out deny it minutes later. He was hell handsome and unproblematic, so I liked that about him.

23. Levi Sebree
I need to see more of Levi to really make an informed opinion of her, because as far as I’ve seen on the currently airing season ten, her only personality trait is “Bailey’s friend”. That could be because of production, though. And I don’t really like Bailey, so I need her to branch out and create something for herself.

22. Gabby Prescod
I really wanted to like Gabby, but she wasn’t really given much to play with. And when Danielle was quietly kicked off the show, Gabby became the new “Lindsay’s second in charge” which will never sit well with me. I did find her family dynamic interesting, and the contrast between her and Ciara was fascinating to watch tbh.

21. Dara Levitan
Dara is beautiful and she speaks in a way that seems so calm and natural that you automatically feel at ease listening to her. To me, she doesn’t give performative. However, if she hurts my sweet innocent baby angel KJ, I will NOT be happy.

20. Kyle Cooke
Kyle is arguably the star of this show, and it was clear that production wanted it centered around him. He’s a polarising one, in that you either really love him or you don’t. I can’t say I love Kyle, but I appreciate what he brings to the show, and I think under it all, he has a good soul. He just needs to act his age, and learn how to treat women properly.

19. Carl Radke
Of any of the cast members of this show, Carl has had probably the most growth. He went from typical fuckboy, to a considerate soul, to less of a fuckboy and more of a lover, to the businessman we see today. In saying, I can’t say I’ve ever found myself really backing Carl. He goes through the female castmates of this show like underwear, and it’s just not fun to watch. Also I hated his entire relationship with Lindsay.

18. Lauren Wirkus
Okay so I really liked Lauren, even if I felt she was a bit naive for fallng for Carl when he was so clearly a fuckboy. She was a messy bitch, especially when drinking, and her together with Stephen was a dynamic duo that I loved watching. I felt like she could’ve used one or two more seasons of this show tbh.

17. Jules Daoud
Speaking of needing another season, Jules definitely needed another season. She was a lowkey stirrer, but she did it in such an effortless way that I lowkey respected it. Granted, she didn’t fit in well with the cast, and it was painful to watch her try be one of the girls when it wasn’t natural at all, but I feel like another season could’ve seen her become a breakout start tbh.

16. Lexi Wood
If Lexi hadn’t fallen victim to Jesse Solomon’s nonsense, I feel like she would’ve stuck around for season ten. Stunning and likeable, Lexi appeared to be out of reach but had a down-to-earth personality that seemed so real and grounded. She was honest about her feelings from the jump, but was unfortunately led on by that giant turd which was ultimately her downfall.

15. Chris Leoni
Chris was kinda cringe to watch when it came to flirting with women, but outside of that, I really liked him. He struck me as the happy-go-lucky kinda positive guy that I love to be around, plus I found backstory interesting in being a photographer but also a former marine. Plus, the rig on him was spectacular.

14. Samantha Feher
Sam was a nice addition to the cast, representing the bubbly blonde girl next door archetype who had a healthy sex positive view on dating and relationships. Her flirtationship with Kory was cute, even though I thought she deserved better. She could’ve used a second season to really show more of her.

13. Luke Gulbranson
Luke was kinda hard for me to rank, because on one had I think he’s super fine and I loved watching scenes with just him and learning more about his backstory. However, his chaotic relationship with Hannah and his treatment of Ciara prevents him from going any higher on this list. He could’ve used maybe one more season on the show, but I feel like his duration was served with purpose.

12. Alex Wach
Okay. Hear me out. Alex was a victim of production because he was so obviously cut out of scenes and not given as much airtime as Andrea, for example. However the glimpses we got of him were interesting. He was structured and rigid which conflicted with the rest of the cast which could’ve created interesting tension with other housemates, and I enjoyed learning about his backstory and growing up as a biracial Asian man. Plus, his call on Austen being the “Honda Civic of male attractiveness” alone should’ve guaranteed him a second season. And… he was hot af.

11. Andrea Denver
So I had seen all the fuss about Andrea being the hottest guy on Bravo ever, and physically I didn’t see it. But then you get to see the sweet, sensitive and loving side of him, and then you really see how attractive he is. Not only that, he was so chivalrous and considerate of the other women that I found my eyes straying from gymbro Alex to this hunky Italian man. A great addition to the cast whose time was way too short.

10. Stephen McGee
Every time I think about Stephen, my exact thoughts are always “Ugh… I looove Stephen McGee”. Not only is it refreshing to see queer representation on an otherwise heteronormative orgy reality show, but Stephen was Miss Messyboots especially in the second season, and we loved to see it. Plus watching his personal story of finding comfortability in his identity while also trying to honour his parents was very touching and resonated with me in a personal way.

9. Mia Calabrese
Mia’s first season isn’t even over yet and I can already tell that she is the best friend that every girl needs. She’s constantly been there for Ciara, but appears to not take herself too seriously and seems to really be having fun as much as possible. I know I said that being in a relationship isn’t good for someone on this show, but Mia makes it work, respecting her partner while also understanding she can have fun.

8. Hannah Berner
I loved Hannah on this show, and it genuinely surprises me that there are people out there who didn’t. I really fuck with her sense of humour because she would constantly have me laugh out loud with her one liners and confessionals, plus I just loved watching her friendship with Paige and Amanda. Her last season was not very good for her, however, and while I still ride for Hannah, she was dead wrong in several of her interactions with the other castmates.

7. Mya Allen
Mya was SO fucking good for this show and I was devastated to see how little time she got on the cast. She didn’t come in like a house on fire which can backfire on certain people; she just came in as herself, articulated her feelings effectively and, with Ciara, had one of the very first real conversations that this show has ever seen. I loved watching her relationship blossom on the show as well… obviously until we learned he cheated on her. Trash.

6. Ben Waddell
Ben’s Australian like me, so he was immediately going to be in at least the top 10. But what puts him here is how he handled his conflict with Bailey. He never raised his voice egregiously at her (like she claimed), made his feelings well known to her, and agreed to move forward at the end despite what her deluded ass believed. Plus, he’s handsome af. And for the record, “fuck me mate’s missus” is a very legitimate phrase here in Australia, and anyone who judges it is an ignoramus.

5. KJ Dillard
If Mia’s the best friend everyone needs, then KJ is the little brother that everyone would die to protect. Completely and confidently in touch with both his masculine and feminine, and acknowledging when it’s difficult for both of those to coexist at times, KJ is the type of man I’d trust around my unwatched drink. And god, it’s so refreshing to see a man talk about his feelings so clearly without resorting to minimising it to ‘protect his masculinity’.

4. Amanda Batula
As a reminder, this is not taking Amandoval into consideration. Amanda is beautiful, speaks her mind, is a good friend to everyone she holds dearly, and is there to support her husband but also check him when he desperately needs it. Her talking openly about her mental health struggles was also very refreshing to watch as these topics, while talked about more, are still not discussed as openly and frequently as they should.

3. Ciara Miller
Ciara is considered a queen of the Bravoverse and for very good reason. Unapologetically herself, not scared to be opinionated or outspoken, and more than willing to have hard conversations when necessary, Ciara makes for compelling TV. Plus I LOVE how she’s aware of how beautiful she is but also doesn’t take herself seriously. Her themed party costumes always slap, but her casually announcing that she was dressed as a plague infested rat sends me every time.

2. West Wilson
As a reminder, this is not taking Amandoval into consideration. West is the kind of guy I can see myself being charmed by easily, and falling for even easier. I love me a himbo, what can I say? Charming but also equally dorky, sporty but not too jocky, and handsome but not painfully so, West is my favourite man on this show thus far. Plus I love watching how affectionate he is with the other male cast members without worrying about what it might do to his perceived masculinity. We love a healthy masculine male.

1. Paige Desorbo
Amanda might be considered the Queen of Summer House due to her tenue on the show and relationship with Kyle, but we all know that the REAL Queen of Summer House is Paige Desorbo. Effortlessly stylish and chic with killer confessionals, killer looks and killer wit, Paige is easily my favourite castmate of this show. And I’m sorry, but her leaving the dinner just to come storming back because she heard Kyle mutter that she’s two faced was actually legendary TV. Paige is the woman I strive to be every day tbh.

HFD ranking 32 people is a bloody effort. But I lowkey have enjoyed revisiting my tenure of watching this show. Now we get to see how the rest of season 10 unfolds… and this reunion is going to be SUPER bloody interesting.

– by The Black Widow

The Housewives of Sydney: Ranked

Posted in Entertainment, TV by

Finally, we’re coming home!

Welcome to another edition of Real Housewives ranked, and I’m so excited to be writing about my first city outside of the Bravo universe, especially because it’s in my own city – Sydney!

Just a few queens hanging out. And Caroline.



Full transparency: I watched this out of chronological order. I saw the hype about RHOS coming back with season two after a six year hiatus. One specific housewife cast in season two was also a major reason why I decided to tune in, but more on that later. I watched season two, then season one, then the most recent season three.

With a small list of castmates comes a small ranking, so without further interruption, let’s rank the iconic ladies of Sydney!

13. Athena X Levendi
Just like the very first episode of RHOS suggests, Athena X is Jatz crackers! I don’t think I’ve ever seen a housewife like Athena X, and unfortunately I do not mean that as a compliment. She was capable of going from 0 to 100 in a matter of seconds, and she would go from attacking someone and belittling them for no reason, to then crying for forgiveness, just to rinse and repeat. Also the owner of the most exhausting reunion performance ever. Ugh.

12. Caroline Gaultier
I quite liked Caroline in season two, as I thought she was stylish, had a certain sass about her, and was fairly entertaining to watch. And then her abysmal performance in season Three shot her to the (almost) bottom of this list. She spent the entire season playing professional victim, shirking accountability, and just being a general piss irritating housewife.

11. Nicole O’Neil
I quite like that Nicole is possibly the preppiest housewife in any city, because we all know Housewives was intended to be lifestyle porn. Watching her navigate conflict calmly “like a lady” and then watching her blow up at Athena X was a very interesting contrast. But her performance in season two and three is mostly forgettable, and her refusing to participate drags her down.

10. Krissy Marsh
So I actually quite like Krissy, which goes to show you how good this cast is if she’s at 10. I think she’s quite funny, has great confessional energy, and her ability to navigate conflict but also get up from a table and walk off is quite fun to watch. There’s just something about her that’s quite pretentious? I don’t know. I still like her though.

9. Matty Samaei
We all know I love a peacemaker housewife that can also get into it and defend themselves when they need to, and Matty was one of the housewives who played this role in season one. I would’ve liked to learn more about her family and her career, but seeing her interactions with the group was entertaining. And her storm off in the finale was iconic.

8. Victoria Montano
Victoria is probably one of the most stunning housewives in any city, and I love that she has a flare for short skirts because so do I. She exudes wealth which is what a housewife should do, but there is an obvious air of elitism about her that’s probably a little too real. Her role in season three as Martine’s mouthpiece does keep her from going any higher in this list, unfortunately.

7. Martine Chippendale
Martine is an interesting case for me. First of all, she’s absolutely beautiful. Secondly, I find her feud with sunlight to be hilarious TV, and her ordering her husband to carry her parasol while she swung a golf club was great. Thirdly, I appreciate that she can speak her mind, especially as the newbie in season three. What keeps her from going higher in this list is I feel like the other housewives had to walk on eggshells around her after her blow up, which isn’t a nice feeling for anyone tbh.

6. Kate Adams
From episode one of season two, I could tell that Kate would be a great housewife. Calling out past drama that had nothing to do with her in a group setting was straight out of the housewives playbook, and then she continued the next two seasons constantly speaking her mind, standing up to someone if she felt slighted, and also going to the gutter for ammunition. Textbook housewife IMHO.

5. Victoria Rees
Victoria was really that bitch in season one, and the very first episode showed that. Her throwing Athena’s cape into the harbour may have been a tad overproduced, but lord did it set the tone for the most chaotic season of Housewives ever. She had a very interesting personal story of finding her family, and her season long feud with Athena is one for the history books tbh.

4. Sally Obermeder
With the two peacemakers from season one gone, it was Sally’s turn to step up, and she fit this role well. She was mainly a fence sitter in season two, being an ally to everyone on the cast. Season three was lowkey a fantastic performance from Sally, as she started the season off trying to bring everyone together, but then would get into it with Victoria on different occasions where she won each time. Plus, you can just tell she’s a wonderful human. We love that.

3. Melissa Tkautz
Of the two aforementioned peacemakers in season one, Melissa was my favourite. A stunning housewife and pop icon from the 90s, Melissa was mainly an ear to anyone who needed one, but when her own friend Athena turned on her for literally no reason, Melissa did not back down and defended herself against that haunted woman. I would love to see a Melissa return in the future tbh.

2. Lisa Oldfield
Lisa is absolutely a one of a kind. With the sharpest tongue on any Real Housewife ever, Lisa could cut you down so quickly you wouldn’t even realise she did it, and she truly had the best confessionals of any Housewife in any city. Probably the owner of the best one liners from any Housewife, Lisa was equal parts vile, entertaining, and quality TV. I hope she did get to thank that morbidly obese guy on a kayak towing a giant inflatable swan for saving her life. 

1. Terry Biviano
When I mention there was one name who made me want to watch RHOS, I’m talking about Terry Biviano. If you’re an NRL fan, you know who she is. If you’re an Aussie reality TV fan, you know who she is. If you love a good pair of shoes, you know who she is. I have never picked someone as being the perfect Real Housewife as I did for Terry. Not scared of conflict, arguments, or stirring up petty drama and shutting it down with class, Terry is absolutely a top tier Real Houswife, and a lot of women could learn a thing or two from her on how to navigate conflict on reality TV.

I do have concerns that season four may not be coming any time soon. Season three was announced pretty much as soon as season two had ended, so the fact that we haven’t heard anything frightens me, because this entire cast is reality TV gold, and this show is only really just getting started. As long as Terry comes back, obviously.

Because honestly, Sydney is probably one of my favourite cities of Housewives ever – and that’s saying a lot!

Also I just want to include this photo here for no reason at all.



– by The Black Widow