Spoiler alert: Amber Marchese is not number one.
I actually finished this series a while ago, but let’s pretend that this is fresh in my memory and I only completed it like five minutes ago. (Why does this sound familiar?)
Real Housewives of New Jersey came highly recommended from my sister, and once it was time for me to begin a new city, it was an easy decision for me because I really wanted to see why Teresa Giudice is so iconic. And how blessed was I to see the table flip was in the very first season.
As of writing, RHONJ has had 15 full-time housewives, however I will be ranking the twins together, so let’s begin the rankings!
14. Amber Marchese
No shocker here really. Besides having sympathy for her for being a cancer survivor, there was nothing likeable about Amber at all. To make matters worse, she came with her husband, whom was an even more horrible person. I’m glad she only lasted one season.
13. Teresa Aprea and Nicole Napolitano
Look, truth be told, I didn’t mind the twins. They were shady and engaged in drama when needed. Season six was just such a fever dream, and sometimes I don’t believe their time on the show was real.
12. Margaret Josephs
Marge is the Lisa Rinna of RHONJ, and I don’t mean that in a nice way. She never really provides any personal storyline, and her sole tactic to remain relevant on the show is to interfere in other people’s lives and stir up drama and then walk away (after pushing a grown man into a pool). To make it worse, she then cries in that horrid accent.
11. Siggy Flicker
Siggy was cute on her first season, as we all know I love the sweet peacemaker housewife archetype. And then her second season happened, and it went downhill ever since. Let’s not get into her social media antics; we’d be here all day.
10. Jackie Goldschneider
I want to like Jackie, and not just because her husband is foiiiine. I appreciate that she came into the show and was not scared to engage with the big dog Teresa, but she came across as very calculating and malicious, and then she’d cry when someone retaliated against her.
9. Melissa Gorga
As much as I want to like Jackie, I doubly want to like Melissa. She’s pretty, she’s… pretty, and she’s… pretty. Honestly, I don’t know what else she has to offer on top of that, besides being the gateway for Joey being on the show, because let’s face it, he contributes a whole lot more to RHONJ than Melissa does.
8. Caroline Manzo
Caroline almost doesn’t seem real to me. During her time on the show, she had such an untouchable mob boss air to her that it was so interesting to watch. She would be a whole lot higher on this list if she didn’t side with the guy who put a hit on her sister, but go off sis.
7. Jacqueline Laurita
To be honest, I really liked Jacqueline prior to season seven. She was funny, relatable, and watching her journey with her son was one of the most heartwarming things I’ve ever watched on any franchise. And then season seven happened. Enough said.
6. Teresa Giudice
It’s no secret that Teresa is that girl of RHONJ, and she is so iconic for a reason. She’s a natural in keeping the storyline and drama going, and really is the alpha of this franchise. As much as I adore Tre, I do acknowledge that she is deluded and struggles to take accountability for her wrongdoings. Excellent mother, though.
5. Kathy Wakile
Again, it’s no secret that I love the sweet, peacemaker non-confrontational housewife, and Kathy served this role during her time on the show. I loved her and I loved her family, and when she had to bring it, she did. An unbothered queen.
4. Dolores Catania
Not every housewife is meant to be the alpha, and there are different roles for everyone to fill. Dolores does a great job filling her role as the best friend of the alpha. She’s beautiful, funny, not scared to show us her real life, and will take a bitch down if she has to. And giving us Dolores means we also get Frank, and I would take a bullet for that man.
3. Jennifer Aydin
Jennifer serves as the Heather Dubrow of RHONJ, and I’m absolutely here for it. She’s hilarious, unashamedly herself, shady, and will get into it when she has to. Her fights with Melissa and Marge are so iconic. I stan a queen.
2. Danielle Staub
True to her tagline, you either love or hate Danielle, and I loooove Danielle. I think she’s the most misunderstood housewife of any franchise. As much as RHONJ‘s success is attributed to Teresa, I think the same argument could easily be made for Danielle. Without her, the first two seasons wouldn’t have soared like they did. Also, I was totally on her side when she dragged Marge. Don’t poke the bear if you don’t want the bear to snap.
1. Dina Manzo
Dina was my first favourite, and throughout the entire show, she still remained my favourite. As shady as she is stunning, Dina could go into her namaste zone as quickly as she could go into going toe-to-toe with someone. Honestly, I would’ve hated season six if it didn’t contain the return of my New Jersey queen.
Now that we’ve endured the same cast without any major changes for four consecutive seasons, I’m excited to see what the next season has in store for us. Hopefully more table flips tbh.
– by The Black Widow
Tag Archives: Bravo
The Housewives of Miami: Ranked
Come feel the rush.
I actually finished this series a while ago, but let’s pretend that this is fresh in my memory and I only completed it like five minutes ago.
My fellow Bravo historians and connoisseurs alike, I invite you to come feel the rush with me as I rank the Real Housewives of Miami. This franchise is interesting considering there was an eight year gap between season three and season four, and just for the record, I am so glad this show came back. The Bravo hill that I will die on is that season two of RHOM is one of the best Housewives seasons ever, of any franchise.
Bras and brawls aside, here are my definitive rankings of the Miami housewives.
13. Larsa Pippen
Larsa is definitely on my top 5 most hated housewives of all the cities, so finds herself at rock bottom of this list. I don’t think there is anything genuine about Larsa at all. Everything about her screams pretentious, and I’m not about it. This is in no way shaming her body or “alleged” surgeries, because I don’t think anyone should be shamed for wanting to get a procedure done to make them feel better about themselves; it’s more to do with the fact that she as a whole person, to me, is fake.
12. Adriana de Moura
I struggle to understand why so many other people like Adriana when she’s an absolute mess. She starts drama for literally no reason and is always the one to take it too far, yet people praise her for it. I believe underneath the forced drama queen that we see on TV there is a decent human being underneath it all, but I don’t have the patience to find out.
11. Marysol Patton
I swear to god, if I see this bitch and her bedazzled tumbler one more time, I will lose my mind. Marysol’s storyline for the early seasons was leeching off her iconic mother, and her storyline for season four was leeching off Alexia. Regarding Marysol herself, however, there is nothing interesting about her at all. She’s just Alexia’s sidekick. Wow when did my blurbs about housewives become so harsh?
10. Ana Quincoces
Speaking of boring. I honestly don’t understand what Ana’s contribution to season two was besides telling everyone that Karent’s man was sliding into her DMs. If you took Ana out of season two, the entire season would’ve been the exact same. Thank u, next.
9. Cristy Rice
There’s always one housewife in each city that I would love to see more of, but they only last one season and never appear again. Cristy is Miami’s version of this. I thought Cristy had the potential to be the fun, messy housewife that naturally attracted drama, but before you knew it, she was gone.
8. Lea Black
To put it shortly, Lea Black was the LVP of Miami. She was rich honey, and she knew how to be a sniper from the sidelines. But she wasn’t scared to get involved in the drama either. Her annual Black Galas always provided good entertainment, and I’m sure season four would’ve been that touch better had the gala been included.
7. Lisa Hochstein
Despite all the glitz and glam that Lisa has, there is some endearing down to earth quality about her that I love. Even though she married into wealth and is rich af with all of her Birkin bags, I found her to be quite relatable. Her recent antics on Twitter, however, keep her from going any higher on this list.
6. Julia Lemigova
Julia played her role of the peacekeeper and the one that everyone generally liked pretty well on season four, even if she randomly decided to put Larsa on blast at the table for no reason. Her claiming her hangover to be an illness was pretty hilarious, but what puts her high on this list really is the battles she’s faced in her personal life and how stronger she has come out on the other side. Also I will always back the first housewife to be in a same sex marriage on any Housewives show.
5. Karent Sierra
Ghost producing legend Karent Sierra comes in at number five with pride. Every franchise needs that bone collecting housewife to keep the drama going, and Karent did that so well that she almost might be better than Sheree at it. So much drama revolved around Karent, who quite frankly wasn’t even doing anything wrong, that you couldn’t help but feel sorry for her. In saying that, the whole bras and brawls drama, we can all thank Karent for that.
4. Guerdy Abraira
Guerdy is probably the perfect example of a perfect housewife for this show. She excels in her career and is her own independent woman, has a handsome husband and beautiful kids, and has style like no other. Everything about her is just so darn likeable. I can’t wait to see more of this Haitian Queen in new seasons.
3. Alexia Echevarria
My favourite OG by far, Alexia serves personal drama like no other housewife can. Her life is just so genuinely interesting that she doesn’t really need to engage in the group drama dynamic in order to be worthy for the show. Beautiful, stylish, and a champion mother, Alexia is definitely the Queen Bee of RHOM.
2. Nicole Martin
Nicole started off season four as “that boring housewife” as I felt her contributions to the show were small. Until Marysol tried coming for her and she dragged her for filth. That fire Nicole showed was automatically my favourite thing of the entire season. Nicole serves shade, drama, rich bitch energy, and is not scared of a fight, and we stan her for that.
1. Joanna Krupa
She said skinny legend, and that skinny legend is Polish supermodel Joanna Krupa. Never have I seen such messy queen energy before unlike the dynamic performance Joanna served, especially during the bras and brawls fight. Joanna was definitely top-tier housewife material, and it’s a shame we only got to see her antics for two seasons. Joanna carried season two and three and for that is my MVP of RHOM.
Rumours are swirling that season five of RHOM is currently filming, and I truly hope it is because this is the franchise that is serving on the down low, and we need more of it pronto!
– by The Black Widow
The Housewives of Potomac: Ranked
Word on the street is this is another Real Housewives article.
As my working from home days are coming to an end, that means the intimate relationship I’ve had with my TV and hayU account will soon drastically change. But until that day comes, I will continue to binge watch as much Real Housewives as possible!
This time I will be ranking the ladies of Potomac. Real Housewives of Potomac came with a glowing review from my sister, who had compared it to a combination of Beverly Hills and Atlanta. Considering that they are two of my favourite franchises, it was a no brainer that this would be the next franchise I’d start.
Real Housewives of Potomac has spanned, as of writing, six seasons and featured ten full-time housewives. Let’s get to ranking!
10. Candiace Dillard Bassett
Contrary to popular belief, I haven’t just recently turned on Candiace in the past couple of seasons; unfortunately I’ve just never liked her. Candiace strikes me as the type of person who grew up with a silver spoon in their mouth and never had to face the consequences of their actions, and when those consequences hit her, she cries victim. Thanku, next.
9. Charrisse Jackson-Jordan
According to some reports on Twitter, we have Charrisse to thank for rounding up the crew for the first season of RHOP so I am thankful to her for that. Other than that, I don’t have much to say about Charrisse. She was boring, and even when she tried to stir up drama, it was boring. Soz hun.
8. Wendy Osefo
Wendy had the potential to be a lot higher on this list. Her somewhat condescending performance on season five put her at the bottom, but the first half of season six she seemed to be redeeming herself. And then the second half happened. And here we are. I’m sorry professor but you are trying too hard to be iconic when really, if you just be yourself that’s iconic enough.
7. Robyn Dixon
I really want to like Robyn more than what I actually do; she’s funny, breathtakingly beautiful, and is a great mother to her kids. But for six seasons we have sat through the exact same storyline with Robyn – talking about Juan and their complicated relationship – and believe me when I say we are tired of it.
6. Mia Thornton
If Mia stayed off Twitter, she’d be a lot higher on this list. I really liked Mia when we were first introduced to her in season six and I thought she had a lot of potential. She was funny, glamorous, shady when she needed to be, and who can forget the absolute flair she had when tossing that lettuce at Candiace? Her messy antics on Twitter, however, prevent her from going any higher on this list.
5. Gizelle Bryant
The Queen of Shade herself comes in at the halfway mark. Gizelle really is a top-tier housewife who is the definition of understanding the assignment. She’s funny, she’s entertaining, she’s so beautiful, and she’s shady… sometimes too shady. With all that being said, I love watching the scenes with her daughters because she is such a wonderful mother.
4. Ashley Darby
Ashley was by far my favourite in season one, and she would’ve been higher on this list had it not been for her husband. Ashley is gorgeous, not scared to get into a scrap if needs be, and is completely messy, which she admits to being. I do however frown at her being completely blind to Michael’s actions, and some might even argue that she enables it.
3. Katie Rost
Katie is an interesting case. At first I didn’t take to her that much in season one, but as that season went on, she grew to be one of my favourites. And after two seasons away, she came back in as a FOH in season four and was absolutely my most favourite thing about that season. She’s so unapologetically herself and somewhat blunt… she’s Katie Rost.
2. Karen Huger
If you’re a RHOP fan then you know you’re either Camp Gizelle or Camp Karen. Considering that Gizelle has already been rated, then you know that I’m definitely Camp Karen. Much like her counterpart, Karen definitely understands the assignment, and the Grand Dame almost epitomises what RHOP is.
1. Monique Samuels
Monique is by far my favourite of the franchise. She has the wealthy housewife lifestyle that us fans love, but also keeps the part of her identity that she was raised with, and I think that’s something to really be admired. Everything that a Real Housewife should be Monique was, and although season five’s events led to her departure, Monique to me is definitely one of the realest housewives of any franchise.
With season six officially finished, I eagerly anticipate season seven and hope that any cast changes shake up the show’s dynamics to bring even more reasonable shade!
– by The Black Widow
What RHOD Needs to Make a Comeback
I’m still grieving guys. Give me a moment.
By now we have all heard the news that Real Housewives of Dallas has been placed on an indefinite hiatus and has not been renewed for a season six yet. This may not come as a shock to some huge Bravo fans as RHOD was one of the less popular franchises, but I personally really enjoyed RHOD and thought it had some great potential.
There are many factors that could contribute to Bravo’s decision to not renew RHOD as of now, including low ratings and controversy surrounding the show with accusations of racism and xenophobia. But I don’t think the franchise is entirely dead, and if some changes are made, I believe the franchise could make a comeback within the coming years much like Real Housewives of Miami has done.
Here are five suggestions I have for RHOD to come back fighting strong. Because let’s be honest, we all need to see D’andra do more random shit, and we all need some more iconic Stephanie Hollman one-liners.
1. Kameron needs to go
Whether you believe these are reports or just rumours, there has been speculation that Kameron’s falling out with Tiffany Moon after season five was so bad that Kameron tried to give Bravo an ultimatum: if you want me on season six, then you need to fire Tiffany Moon. Given that ultimatum, the decision is really quite simple: get rid of Kameron, keep Tiffany. Kameron offers next to nothing to the show, has a really pretentious manner, and nitpicks at really small things to try seem ‘housewifey’ when her attempts fall flat (her bringing receipts to the season five reunion thinking she was funny or shady yet everyone else was bored with it). Tiffany was a ball of fun, wasn’t scared to say what was on her mind, and wasn’t against the drama. Really you’re comparing an Hermes handbag to something you can find in K-Mart. See ya later, Kameron.
2. Brandi and Stephanie no more?
On top of getting rid of Kameron, I feel as if my favourite Bravo friendship may have to come to an end as well. Brandi Redmond took to social media to say she wouldn’t be interested in coming back to the show, and to be honest I don’t think there’s a space for her anyway. Her abysmal season five served her downfall and I think not coming back is best for her and the show. As much as I love her, I don’t know if Stephanie could be as strong a housewife if Brandi isn’t on the show with her. She was beautiful and hilarious, but playing the peacekeeper for as long as she did can only do her so well.
3. New stars, new Housewives
Taking the above into consideration, I really think RHOD could benefit from having new faces and a seven-housewife cast. The more housewives, the more drama, and I think drama is what RHOD has been lacking since Leeanne left. If Kameron and Brandi are gone, and let’s say for the sake of this argument that Stephanie is also gone, that leaves four new spots for four new housewives to reach a seven-person cast. With new faces comes new drama, and new dynamics that could come into play to bring that spark back to RHOD. But speaking of introducing new faces…
4. Welcome back Cary!
Introducing four brand new faces would be a very bold move for the franchise to make if they were going to do four new housewives + three existing housewives. In saying that, their best option to counterbalance that is to bring back a former housewife plus three new faces, and of the three choices we have (Tiffany Hendra, Leeanne Locken and Cary Deuber), Cary is definitely the best bet. She was funny and witty and so glamorous, and she wasn’t afraid to bring the heat when the occasion called for it. Her bone collecting skills leave a bit to be desired, but I think bringing Cary back into the fray would be a nice change for the show.
5. The Housewives need to pull their weight
There’s no denying that in the early seasons, Leeanne Locken really carried the show. She was the catalyst for most if not all of the drama, and her funny one-liners and explosive moments really made the show. Essentially, it felt like the Leeanne show ft. the other housewives. This was until D’andra started carrying her own from season three onwards, and then Tiffany Moon helped with the load in season five. Brandi contributed a bit, Cary was okay, Stephanie was essentially moral support, and Kameron and Kary gave nothing to the show. For a Real Housewives franchise to be continuously successful, it needs all of the housewives to pull their weight. They can’t just rely on D’andra and Tiffany for the ratings and the success. Maybe they can all take a lesson from Kyle Richards in the art of ghost producing.
While I wouldn’t say that RHOD is my all-time favourite Real Housewives franchise, it’s definitely up there as a show that I really loved and enjoyed and I don’t want to see it fail anytime soon. Here’s to hoping that this indefinite hiatus is only a short-term thing and we can get back to seeing D’andra do some funny ass shit on our screens again.
– by The Black Widow
Widow's Lure 