A RHORI-ng Debut

Don’t worry. I hate myself for making that headline.

There are a few new additions in life that I enjoy – a new handbag, a new phone, a new book… and a new Real Housewives franchise.

Enter Real Housewives of Rhode Island.

This is how easy it actually is to tell them apart. L to R: Jo-ellen, Ashley, Alicia, Kelsey, Rulla, Liz and Rosie.

This wasn’t necessarily the franchise I was expecting, as there have been various rumours of cities like Chicago and Nashville and Las Vegas receiving their own Real Housewives show. Plus, besides the fact that I recently learned that Rhode Island is the safest state in the US for LGBTQIA+, there isn’t much I know about Rhode Island. Well, once on my Contiki trip in 2016 we stopped in Providence for lunch and I went to the Victoria’s Secret there and bought a cute new tracksuit with the hunkiest cashier ever… but that’s beside the point.

So this show was going to be my true introduction to Rhode Island. And my god, if I’m not hooked already.

Judging off the above photo, if you didn’t watch the pilot episode yourself, you’re probably thinking that all these brunette women look the same and how on earth are you going to tell them apart. Andy Cohen even said that once you get into the show you’ll be able to tell them apart easily, and honestly, he was right.

Immediately we were thrown into the lives of six of the seven housewives (Rulla is yet to show up) and we are quickly introduced to the friendship dynamics of the cast. And even quicker so, you are thrown into what I imagine will be one of the biggest talking points of the season – Kelsey is dating a gazillionaire who spends half his time in Rhode Island with her, and half his time in Florida with his other girlfriend, and all parties have agreed to this arrangement.

If that’s not enough to get you hooked into this show, in the very first episode of the show, Rosie and Joe-ellen get into it at a beach picnic where Ashley and Alicia have to intervene. Generally pilot episodes are used to introduce you to the cast and then maybe introduce some light drama at the end of the episode as a cliffhanger to get you watching the rest of the season. But this argument was like midway through the episode and was equal amounts petty and raw honesty between the two.

For me, a great Real Housewives franchise (and season) need wealth and lifestyle porn, drama but not too much that it suffocates the audience, and a cast of women who are actually friends with each other, and RHORI seems to have all of that already. I mean, there’s a room in Kelsey’s house dedicated to just massages with her own massage chair. HFD.

Plus, in just one episode, RHORI has managed to be more entertaining than the entirety of RHOBH season 15.

This show has gotten off to an amazing start already, and I can’t wait to see more of it. Thankfully, we don’t have to wait too long, as RHORI has moved to Mondays after its pilot episode (Sunday nights for you Americans) so I get to watch these wildly interesting women again very soon.

If I had to pick one obvious bit of constructive criticism that stayed with me for most of the episode, it’s that some of their accents are going to take a while for me to get used to. And they may just perpetually irritate me for the rest of the show, but let’s see how we go.

If you’re a Bravo fan, a Real Housewives fan, or just want a new show to start… please give RHORI a go. Trust me. It’s fucking great already.

– by The Black Widow

The West and Amanda of It All

You know we have to talk about it.

If you’re out of the Bravosphere but you’ve heard snippets of people talking about ‘poor Ciara’ or ‘I can’t believe Amanda could do that’ or ‘West really is a fuckboy’, and you’re wondering what on earth these people are referring to, let me quickly catch you up to speed.

On Bravo’s Summer House, a very popular reality show where a bunch of young attractive people share a holiday house over the summer (hence the name) which has featured a bunch of stars over the years, including Paige Desorbo, Hannah Berner, and Alex Wach (partially a joke, but I actually loved Alex… more on that in another post).

Keep these faces in mind as you read this post. L to R: Ciara, Amanda, West, Kyle.

Ciara Miller is a fan favourite, and it’s easy to see why – she’s down to earth, she has no fucks to give, she stands ten toes down in what she believes in, she looks like an actual goddess sent from heaven, and she also has a wicked sense of humour. When Ciara turned up in season five, she made an instant connection with fans and has been one of the top stars of the show ever since.

Enter West Wilson, the loveable himbo that he is, in season eight. In his first season, he had an instant connection with Ciara and things became closer and more intimate between the two, which was quickly shattered once the season had wrapped filming because West got caught up in the media whirlwind of it all and he fucked over Ciara big time. His abysmal performance at the season eight reunion, coupled with the fact that Ciara dogwalked him the entire reunion, left a poor taste in fans’ mouths after having a mostly positive debutante season.

Ever since then, West has quietly and cautiously tried to win Ciara’s favour back – and in turn, the adoration of the fans – and he made a good headstart on this in season nine, and as season ten currently airs as of writing, we can see a small rekindling of a flame between the two.

Now let’s talk about Amanda Batula. Amanda was featured in season one as Kyle Cooke’s number one FWB, which then grew into an actual monogamous relationship. We then witnessed them get engaged on the show, and even caught their wedding. But throughout the duration of the show, whether it was as a dating couple or a married couple, we can see that their relationship was not perfect, and they would constantly argue in almost every season of the show. But through it all, they stuck by each other.

This is where it gets interesting, especially when you consider what’s currently airing. Season ten has obviously wrapped filming, after which it was announced that Kyle and Amanda have separated and have lived apart since late 2025. But what has recently aired from Summer House is a fight between Kyle and Amanda where West quickly jumped to Amanda’s defence in a very admirable and chivalrous manner. Now keep in mind he’s also working hard for Ciara’s approval, and it’s teased that he might have deeper feelings for her as well.

Then what do you know… AMANDA AND WEST HAVE ANNOUNCED THAT THEY’RE EXPLORING A CONNECTION BETWEEN THE TWO. In the most ridiculous joint statement you’ve ever seen.

There are two big things to consider at first:

1) On one of the most recent episodes that aired, Ciara spoke about the reality of being a black woman who dates white men in a public setting such as a reality show, and how she faces harsher criticisms and judgment because she’s black, while the white man tends to get away scot free, and;
2) We don’t know where the rest of the season is going. This could end with Ciara and West making a breakthrough in their relationship, possibly getting back together, and we as fans have to watch this knowing West and Amanda are currently a thing.

Now that you’ve caught up, I want to mention one thing about Amanda. Since the beginning of the show, and as her relationships with the other female castmates grew, it was clear to me that Amanda loved to stand up for women – even against her own boyfriend/fiance/husband – and that made her a girl’s girl. It was something that I absolutely admired in her.

Morally speaking, everyone is kind of in the green here. West is single as far as we know, and Amanda is separated from Kyle. Ciara has no tangible claim over West.

However, when you take everything into consideration, Ciara Miller was done fucking dirty here by both West and Amanda, and not that I am excusing a man’s actions in any way (since you all know how I feel about men), but I am mostly disappointed in Amanda because tbh this tomfoolery is to be expected from a fuckboy like West.

Granted, from a personal standpoint, I absolutely acknowledge that Amanda believes she is exploring a very real connection she feels she has with West, and as I’ve been in a similar situation before, I can understand that it’s foolish to not pursue something real if you feel it deep within you. If this connection was to manifest in a very deep and real relationship, then this would have all been for something at the end, even if it costed Ciara.

But Amanda would’ve seen that Ciara had an obvious interest in West, even if she was putting him through the work after releasing him from boy-prison and putting him out on parole, and Ciara clearly had a deep history with West that affected her core. And knowing all of that, she still pursued this elicit situationship with West who also should’ve known better, but we gave him too much credit in the first place because under that warm, himbo exterior that made me love him, is a dumbass man who has made dumbass decisions before.

Now I hear that Amanda has apparently lost sponsorship deals over this, and by no means should that be happening over a personal relationship which would have no affect on the world whatsoever if it wasn’t played out on reality TV. Like why on earth is this woman facing harsh repercussions when the literal men in charge of USA get away with… I’m not even going to get started on this.

But Amanda needs to cop to the moral ambiguity of this situationship, and most importantly she needs to take accountability for her actions with Ciara and not play it off as if she’s innocently pursuing a relationship with someone random as opposed to her supposed close friend’s ex. Because this is not giving girl’s girl, and that’s the image she’s tried to portray since being a main cast member of Summer House.

And West, honestly, just needs to grow tf up. Because I don’t see this leading to anything real if his relationship with Ciara and even Dara are to be considered, and he would’ve fucked his relationship up not only with Amanda, but with Ciara (again), and that would’ve also led to the destruction of their friendship. Just because he thought with the head in his pants.

As it pertains to Kyle, he’s said that he’s fine and he’s more concerned about Amanda because they’ve spoken since Amanda and West’s horseshit joint statement dropped and she’s apparently struggling. But I guess in a similar sense, West did his close friend Kyle dirty by shagging his estranged wife, and if subtle cues and body language suggest correctly, Kyle is fucking done with West.

Phew. I’m sure I’m missing more angles, opinions and takes on this foolishness but I feel like I’ve exhausted myself just writing this blog post.

And if you’re wondering where I stand, I’m firmly #TeamCiara. And no, she does not need to be featured on The Bachelorette because of this nonsense because Ciara does not need to be put on another show with even more fame-hungry gronks who just want to grow their social media following.

We at Widow’s Lure stand with you, Ciara Miller!

– by The Black Widow

The Housewives of Salt Lake City: Ranked

May the Housewives gods be with me while I rank these unhinged women.

I only just realised that I haven’t ranked the Salt Lake City wives because I’ve been watching live since the beginning and didn’t do a full binge of the franchise like I have the other cities. While we are currently in the middle of a raging season four, I thought ‘why not rank them now?’

As it is, Real Housewives of Salt Lake City is the tenth installation of Bravo’s ever popular Real Housewives franchise, and is widely considered to be the most chaotic. Sometimes it looks like these women get along and have great friendships, and the next thing you know, they’re attacking each other like savages.

As of writing, there have only been nine full-time housewives featured on RHOSLC. It is still in its early years, of course, so it’s to be expected.

Strap in for a short but wild ride as I rank these unhinged Utah wives!

9. Jennie Nguyen
This should come as no shocker to any fans of the franchise, but what disappoints me the most is I had such high hopes for Jennie at the beginning of the season. I always love seeing diversity, and seeing the franchise’s first Asian housewife in season 2 was very refreshing, but then her disgusting views were outed, and she plummeted to the very bottom of this list.

8. Heather Gay
Bravo seemed to have pegged Heather as the poster girl for RHOSLC at the very beginning, and I cannot understand why. She’s phony as all hell, two-faced to the people she claims to be her friend, allows herself to be a doormat for bully Jen, and is stuck in the high school days of yearning to be accepted by the popular girls. Plus, her self-deprecating humour is just overcompensating for the fact that she is extremely unlikeable. I really don’t have anything nice to say about her tbh.

7. Jen Shah
Jen is the first Pacific Islander representation in all of the Housewives franchises which was really nice for me to see. And that’s where my compliments for this woman end. She is a literal convicted criminal, and during her time on the show, was nothing more than a malicious, jealous and manipulative shell of a woman who used erratic outbursts for attention. I never want to see this woman on a Bravo show ever again.

6. Meredith Marks
Meredith started out somewhat likeable, and her penchant for disengaging quickly became iconic. But this woman is out of her mind and deluded, and I can’t stand the way that she looks down at the floor when she’s trying to read someone or stir shit. At least look them in the eye if you’re going to drag them, hun.

5. Mary Cosby
Double standards in a housewife have never existed as hard as they do for Mary Cosby. Mary is eccentric, comes with a wild backstory, and has very funny one-liners, but because the other wives (excluding Whitney) are scared of how unpredictable she can be, she gets away with being rude, insufferable, and refusing to participate in activities with the other wives.

4. Monica Garcia
Monica serves as a breath of fresh air for the currently airing season 4 of RHOSLC. Beautiful, sassy, unashamed of her past, and not scared to fight against her richer counterparts, Monica has already proven to be a great addition to the show. I wish she’d just ease up on the fighting with Lisa though.

3. Angie Katsanevas
After a very successful debut as a FOH in season three, this Greek beauty snatched her snowflake for season four and has already shown to be a great housewife. Messy, shady, serving personal drama, and appearing to be ready to read a bitch at any given time, Angie quickly shoots to (almost) the top of my list.

2. Whitney Rose
Whitney is easily one of the most stunning housewives across all the franchises, but what I love about her most is that she is as beautiful as she is messy. Never scared to stir the pot, or carry some bones, Whitney has proven to be a necessary cog in the wheel that is RHOSLC. We stan a sex positive queer ally Queen!

1. Lisa Barlow
I had picked Lisa to be my favourite during the first season of the show because she reminded me of my friend Charmaine, but then Lisa began showing more of her personality, and she’s basically the perfect housewife. She’s rich, not scared of getting into it, a bit of a pot stirrer, slightly deluded and unaware, and full of hilarious one liners and quips that are immediately iconic, Lisa Barlow takes the top spot for the Utah housewives.

Season four is already receiving rave reviews, and may be the Salt Lake wives’ best season since its inception. If you aren’t already watching this franchise, dare I suggest that you start watching it now. If only for Team Litney.

Happy watching, baby gorgeouses!

– by The Black Widow

The Housewives of Atlanta: Ranked

We’re back with some more Real Housewives Content!

As Sydney is currently in lockdown because people can’t just stay tf home, I’ve had a lot of spare time on my hands. This means that my task to finish all 13 seasons of Real Housewives of Atlanta which would’ve normally taken me probably a full year has nearly been done in four months, my mind is bursting with some iconic RHOA quotes like “Bye ashes!” and “The lies! The lies! The lies!”

12_3-RHOA13

During the 13 seasons of Real Housewives of Atlanta, they have featured 15 main cast housewives, which again does not include the “friends of” Queens like Marlo Hampton and Tanya Sam, or the guest appearances from people like “that bitch” Yovana. Or Jovana. Whatever. I don’t know her.

Much like I did with the Housewives of Beverly Hills, I will be ranking the Housewives of Atlanta in order of how much I stanned them or how much I absolutely detested them. Except I will be doing this myself as Emilie hasn’t watched RHOA. Sadface.

So here it is. RHOA’s bombshells ranked!

15. Kenya Moore
Probably the easiest placement on this list. It’s said that you’re either Team Porsha or Team Kenya, and I cannot fathom how anyone could be Team Kenya. She’s a deluded shit-stirrer who provokes people and then acts surprised when they react. She’ll do anything to be the centre of attention, and not in a cool way either, and she can’t support her friend’s happiness if it isn’t about her. Kenya is gone with the dust storm at the bottom of this list.

14. Kim Zolciak-Biermann
If Kenya wasn’t featured on this show, then Kim would easily be at the bottom of this list. If Kenya is the Princess of deluded, then Kim is the Queen. Granted, her drags of the other women were way more entertaining than Kenya’s, and when it was Kenya vs. Kimn I found myself on Kim’s side. 

13. DeShawn Snow
This rating comes from a lack of getting to know DeShawn. She was only featured in the first season which had like eight episodes. I thought she was sweet and cute and would’ve loved for her to hang around longer.

12. Kim Fields
I loved Kim Fields. I thought she was fabulous and was a nice refined change from the usual RHOA messy drama. However I didn’t think she was good fit for the show solely because she was a change from the usual RHOA messy drama. But don’t get it twisted: she’s Kim Fields, bitch.

11. Claudia Jordan
I thought Claudia was a nice addition to the RHOA franchise, and I especially enjoyed how she had no shame in reading people. She didn’t contribute much to storylines, however, and her biggest impact on the show was her being self-conscious about her toes. Also she loses a few point for being friends with Kenya.

10. Lisa Wu
If Lisa had stayed on the show for a few more seasons, she would’ve flourished and would’ve easily been found higher on this list. She wasn’t about the drama but wasn’t scared to drag a bitch if she had to. Plus, she loves money as much as I do. Yay her.

9. Nene Leakes
I have a very strong love-hate relationship with Nene. For one, I admire how outspoken and outgoing she is and find her energy to be really infectious; she really was the life of the show in each season she was featured in. In saying that, however, I find her to be quite narcissistic and manipulative, and if things don’t go her way she tends to drag everyone else around her down. 

8. Phaedra Parks
Ms. Phaedra Parks was not high up on my list after her first season or two. She was too secretive and kept her cards close to her chest, and was almost as deluded as Kenya. But then in the later seasons she let loose and became one of the more fun ones, almost as much as Porsha. Making up really defamatory rumours about Kandi, however, prevents her from going any higher on this list.

7. Shamari DeVoe
Let me put this out there: I thought Shamari was a fantastic addition to the cast, and I don’t know how producers thought to get rid of her in favour if a returning Kenya. She was not scared to be herself, and there was something about her that was just so fabulous. Also we love drunk Shamari. Bring her back. Get rid of Kenya.

6. Sheree Whitfield
Sheree is someone else I started off not liking, but then after season one I came to really like her. Her shade is better than anyone else’s – I mean, who can get past “Who gon’ check me boo?” – and in the production sense of the show, she was not afraid to stir up some drama. She ain’t called the Bone Collector for nothing.

5. Kandi Burruss
I love Kandi. I think she’s someone to be looked up to by all. She’s a savvy businesswoman who loves her family, loves her children, and loves the freedom of expression and to be yourself. I also admire her ability to stay out of the drama – “won’t start none, won’t be none” – but by far her best quality is the ability to talk about sex openly. Sex is a conversation I want to be more accessible for people, and Kandi (Koated Nights) is helping forge that path.

4. Drew Sidora
Drew was the reason I started watching RHOA in the first place. When I saw she had been cast in Season 13, my interest piqued because I loved her prior to the show, so that’s when I chose to watch the show. I thought she was a fun addition to Season 13, and her battles with LaToya really made the season. Well, that and the infamous Dungeon Party.

3. Porsha Williams
If my constant dragging of Kenya didn’t make it obvious, I’m all for Team Porsha. Porsha is an enigma; there are really no words to describe her because she is just such an individual. In her first season, she was a much more reserved version of herself, no doubt because of her then-husband, but once that broke off, the fun, wild and energetic Porsha that everyone grew to love emerged, and we love that bitch.

2. Cynthia Bailey
Cynthia is everything I want to be. She’s stunning; she’s fabulous; she’s successful; and she’s Cynthia Bailey. Now what else is going on? Cynthia is one of the more level-headed women of RHOA who will get into it if she has to, but prefers to stay outside of the drama. And that’s something that’s really to be admired, especially on a reality show where’s it kind of expected to start shit for no reason. 

1. Eva Marcille
Obsessed is an understatement. If Cynthia Bailey is everything I want to be, Eva is that and some more. Well spoken, absolutely stunning, and the shadiest queen of them all a complete sunflower, Eva hits the top of my list as my favourite Housewife of Atlanta. While she has gone out and said she won’t be returning to the franchise, I hope she changes her mind. She was a great addition to the cast, and absolutely knew how to handle herself in a tense situation. Women always have trouble in their first season of the show as their lives are thrown into the spotlight, but Eva handled probably the best out of any of the above women.

Did you have a different set of rankings to us? Who was your favourite housewife? Let us know in the comments!

– by The Black Widow