Meet Mrs. Girardi

He’s so excited to meet you.

I had met Mrs. Girardi years ago when I was around 12-years-old, but only recently have I found out his name (he identifies as a male).

To understand who exactly Mrs. Girardi is and what his importance is to me, we have to go back to the beginning…

Please note that the following may be graphic or triggering to some as mental health will be openly discussed. If talks of suicide or hospitalisation is too much for you to handle, then please do not continue and feel free to come back to this post whenever you feel ready.

If you are feeling low, suicidal, or you are in a crisis, please talk to a family member or friend, or please contact Lifeline:
PHONE: 13 11 14
TEXT: 0477 131 114
WEBSITE AND LIVE CHAT:
https://www.lifeline.org.au/.

 

I feel like this edit perfectly captures the two sides. (CREDIT: New Photography Studios)

If you haven’t watched my Takedowns and Tiaras episode discussing my battles with BPD, let me try and give you a brief rundown of what was discussed on my vlog:
– I was officially diagnosed with BPD in February 2018 after being hospitalised due to a failed suicide attempt.
– After talking to my psychologist about my diagnosis and what BPD actually entails, I began to recognise signs of BPD as early as 12-years-old where I would become extremely attached to friends and would break down if I felt they were pulling away from me because of my extreme fear of abandonment.
– Receiving the diagnosis was both a blessing and a curse; a blessing as I finally knew what I was fighting against and now could easily recognise the signs once I noticed them and could equip myself with the tools to combat it; a curse because knowing the signs also meant that you knew when you were “losing” the battle. Having BPD is a constant struggle, and learning to live or co-exist with it is sometimes the only way you can “survive” it.

If you would like more information on Borderline Personality Disorder, please refer to this Help Guide link here.

A couple of months ago, I was talking to my friend Rhi for her podcast (which was a great bloody chat and should be released soon!) We openly discussed my diagnosis with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), why I call myself a BPD Warrior, and how I deal with that not only as a wrestler but as a human in general (it’s tough, but I take it one step at a time and have an amazing support network behind me).

One thing that she mentioned that has stuck with me ever since was when she mentioned that some find it helpful to label that other part of them, or give them a name. Straight away I thought that humanising that part of me sounded like a mistake, but she explained it that acknowledging that part of you as a completely different entity can make it easier for a person to differ your calm, sound self to the erratic, emotional self you turn into when experiencing an episode, thus making it easier for you to recognise the symptoms/signs and stop yourself from having an episode or experiencing a really bad episode.

I sat on this information for a while. It was in the back of my head, because I wanted to give my BPD version a name that stuck.

Now if you know me, you would know that I am a HUGE mark fan of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – the glitz, the glamour, the drama, the glam squads… what’s not to love?! One of my favourite housewives that have been featured during the show’s tenure (season 10 has dropped her down one or two spots but that’s another story) is Erika Girardi, a beautiful blonde housewife to a very successful lawyer, whom also lives a double life as Erika Jayne, a sexually confident enigma popstar with amazing bops like Pretty Mess and Painkillr. The way Erika clearly differentiated between Erika Girardi and Erika Jayne resonated with me, and the way she could easily slip into Erika Girardi, just to turn around and become Erika Jayne was kind of inspirational.

And that’s when it hit me. I had an Erika Girardi and an Erika Jayne in me. After realising that I couldn’t name my BPD self Nikki Jayne (my best friend Nikki Jayne would not appreciate that), that’s when I decided that my BPD self was named Mrs. Girardi.

You don’t like Mrs. Girardi.

Mrs. Girardi is emotionally unstable; jealous; insecure; hyper-aggressive; hysterical; depressed; erratic; manic; all of the above. He will cry one minute, just to lash out at you the next, just to stroke the side of your face and beg for your forgiveness mere seconds later.

It’s hard to explain how Mrs. Girardi comes out. It’s like my sound self will be going throughout my day like nothing is wrong, and then something happens that will trigger my BPD, and it’s as if I’ve been kicked out of my own body and someone else has taken control of it, and all I can do is sit back and watch as Mrs. Girardi takes control of my body vessel and absolutely tears my relationships to shreds with his intense emotional instability. I almost don’t have enough fingers to count how many relationships Mrs. Girardi has ruined over the years, because the second he senses that someone is leaving or abandoning him… well, isn’t it easier to make them leave you before they have the chance to do that by themselves?

I had a friend, and for the sake of this story, let’s say his name is Brendan. We were very close friends to the point that I would safely say he was one of my best friends. I had grown an attachment to him, which meant that Mrs. Girardi had grown an even stronger attachment to him. We had a very rocky relationship due to Mrs. Girardi’s emotional instability, and Brendan tried to stay strong and persevere because he knew that through the stormy weather, my sound self really valued his friendship and we would get along like a house on fire otherwise.

And then one day, Brendan got engaged. My sound self was happy for him and wanted him to have the best of his life. Mrs. Girardi didn’t share that sentiment. Mrs. Girardi saw that as Brendan abandoning him, because how dare could someone have a life outside of him? So Mrs. Girardi did what he does best – he lashed out. This was in 2018 when I was mentally at my weakest, which meant that Mrs. Girardi had more control over me than normal, but I remember it so clearly as if it was yesterday.

I was typing on my keyboard, much like I am now as I write this blog post, as Brendan and I chatted over Messenger. But the minute Mrs. Girardi saw red, he saw red, and he wanted to push Brendan away before Brendan could have the opportunity to leave himself. I distinctly remember everything became blurry as my fingers rapidly typed out really horrible, vile messages to Brendan in an attempt to push him away; this wasn’t the first time Mrs. Girardi had lashed out at Brendan, and each time this had happened, Brendan fought the battle to maintain the friendship we had. But that didn’t happen this time.

Brendan realised he couldn’t win this battle, and Mrs. Girardi had finally gotten the better of him, so he cut his losses. He cut me out of his life entirely, and the heartbreak that I thought I was saving myself by pushing him away by choice came anyway.

It’s been over two years, and I still haven’t heard from Brendan, and I don’t particularly blame him. Those terrible messages will haunt me for the rest of my life, even if I didn’t mean a single word, because they were the straw that broke the camel’s back, and my years-long friendship with Brendan had ended. Because of Mrs. Girardi.

It may seem to some as if I am just making excuses for myself and trying to put the blame on another entity that doesn’t tangibly exist, but I’m not; I accept that my relationships that have been destroyed during my 27 years on this world due to my BPD are my fault and I will wear those scars for the rest of my life.

But I hope that introducing you to Mrs. Girardi gives you a fair idea of what I go through as someone with BPD, and that an irrational outburst harbours so much more underneath the surface than what it appears to be. Underneath it all, someone who is lashing out due to their BPD is hurt. That’s all there is to it. They could be telling you that you’re the worst person they’ve ever met and they want nothing to do with you anymore, but if you can equip yourself with the right tools to handle someone who has BPD, you can successfully read between the lines and see that it’s a cry for help.

Throughout my journey of coping with my diagnosis and equipping myself with my own tools to live with this disorder, I am able to keep Mrs. Girardi caged, and more often than before I can respond to a situation with a calm and sound mind. But Mrs. Girardi is relentless, and will know the right time to strike once the opportunity presents itself.

If you or anyone you know are experiencing symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder, I would highly recommend going to see a psychologist, counsellor, or even your General Practitioner for help. And don’t forget that your family and friends and the loved ones in your life will always have an ear for you, even if you do feel like a burden as I sometimes do. It is possible to live with BPD and have a happy, fulfilling life; you just need to surround yourself with the right people and have the right tools to do so. And if you don’t feel like you have anyone to go to, then my DMs are literally always open for anyone struggling with BPD or mental health.

In conclusion, I would like to leave you with these deep and meaningful four words: fuck you Mrs. Girardi.

– by The Black Widow/Mrs. Girardi

Happy 35th Anniversary to My Parents!

My parents are honestly couple goals.

On this date 35 years ago, my parents got married. And what is amazing about this is that each day, they fall more in love with each other. If you hear that old trope that “marriage ruins relationships”, then let me be the one to tell you that is false because my parents are living proof of this.

This was taken exactly two years ago, when my sisters and I crashed their anniversary dinner. What legends.

In their time together, they’ve had five children, – one obviously better than the other and I am definitely talking about myself here – countless amounts of homes, about five dogs (correct me if I am wrong), and one hell of a journey together.

As a sort of present to them, and a way to celebrate their coral/jade anniversary, I gave them both a quick questionnaire to answer about the other. Here is what they had to say:

Mum
1. When and where did you meet dad? How old were you and how old was he? He was 14 and I saw him at a basketball game. I was 16.
2. What was your first impression of him? Didn’t think much of him.
3. When and where was your first date? At the movies on Queen Street in November 1976.
4. What did his parents think of you when they first met you? I never met them (when we were dating).
5. When and where was your first kiss? At the movie.
6. How did he propose? What was his first reaction? He proposed on the step of my house in November 1982.
7. What were your first thoughts when you saw him at your wedding? Grey. He was wearing grey.
8. How many kids did you plan to have? At least two.
9. What is your favourite memory with him? When Toni was sitting on the bed, she was sitting on the bed in her white dress and it took his breath away.
10. What is your favourite thing about him now? He is the most handsome man in the whole wide world.

Dad
1. When and where did you meet mum? How old were you and how old was she? Newmarket in Auckland, New Zealand. I was 16 and she was 18.
2. What was your first impression of her? I had no impression.
3. When and where was your first date? Movie on Friday night in Auckland city
4. What did her parents think of you when they first met you? I’m not too sure. They were very open and friendly.
5. When and where was your first kiss? The movie in Auckland on our first date.
6. How did you propose? What was her first reaction? I asked her in front of her home. She was happy.
7. What were your first thoughts when you saw her at your wedding? I’m getting married to her.
8. How many kids did you plan to have? No real number.
9. What is your favourite memory with her? In the temple when we got married and had Toni and Stacie sealed to us.
10. What is your favourite thing about her now? Her support for me and the family.

Besides some slight miscommunication on question one (looks at dad), and also I’m pretty sure both of their favourite memories together was having their fifth and final child, they are truly the most perfect couple! Happy anniversary mum and dad! I love you a bunch!

– by The Black Widow

The Beautiful People: George “Ferocious” Kambosos Jr

Cocky, brash and arrogant are just a few words that could describe young George “Ferocious” Kambosos Jr.

“I want them to remember my name,” he says.

Fit, strong, and determined... and he's only 21. (SOURCE: George Kambosos Jr's Facebook page)

Fit, strong, and determined… and he’s only 21. (SOURCE: George “Ferocious” Kambosos Jr’s Facebook page)

Looking at the ripped young man from Cronulla covered in ink, you wouldn’t suspect that he was once bullied for being fat when he was younger.

The 21-year-old first got into boxing when he was 11 years old as a way to get into shape during the rugby league off season. While George insists that he was not “heavily bullied”, comments from his school peers like “you’re fat” may have ultimately led him to where he is today.

“My dad said ‘…let’s start getting you a little bit fitter in the off season. What do you want to do?’ So I took up boxing for a bit,” says Kambosos Jr.

“I went from running laps coming last to the next season coming first.”

This simple way to get fitter turned out to be a “life changing” thing for Kambosos Jr.

“I fell in love with it,” he says.

His upcoming fight with Robert “Gummy” Toomey (Friday August 29 at Club Punchbowl for the Australian Lightweight Title) has George’s full attention, where he is prepared to walk out to the meeting before the bout wielding a packet of gummy bears to taunt his opponent, a move that he says “no Australian boxer really does”.

“I like to always stick to a fight. August 29 is my main objective. If you look too far in the future, you end up falling too early,” says Kambosos Jr.

His cocky approach to his upcoming fight, along with his almost arrogant attitude, stem from a pure love of the sport that he fell into as a child.

“It’s a sport. As much as it kill or be killed, it’s a sport,” says Kambosos Jr.

“Without boxing, I don’t know where I’d be.”

He sums up his love for boxing by saying, “This is my livelihood. I don’t know anything else. This is what I do.”

The sport of boxing can prove to be difficult to ascend up the ladder especially in Australia. Kambosos Jr was well aware of this and took it upon himself to get his name out there by combining his brash confidence with the benefits of social media.

“It’s a very tough gig… trying to get that fame and get people behind you,” he says.

With Toomey targeted, Kambosos Jr used social media to get into his head and provoke a reaction to score a fight that is the biggest fight of his life.

“I called him [Toomey] out,” he says. “(I said) ‘Toomey, you’re the champ. Let’s get it on, it’s the fight Australia wants to see’.

“That went onto a big boxing site and exploded on comments.

“Two days later, I got a call from the promoter. Fight’s on.”

Underneath the hard exterior and confident swagger lies a lion whose hard work ethic and determination to be the best wiped out any desire to cut corners to come first when he was a kid. Literally.

“All the kids (would be) cutting the corners and I’d be running normal,” he recalls. “My dad was like ‘Why don’t you cut the corners? You might finish second last’.

“(I replied with) ‘I’m going to do it the right way. I don’t care if I come last, it’ll pay off eventually in the long run’,” says Kambosos Jr.

It would seem overcoming adversity runs in the Kambosos family. George Kambosos Sr – Jr’s paternal grandfather – originally came to Australia from Greece with nothing. He worked hard at two jobs to set up his family to make it what it is today.

“No one disagrees with my choice of boxing,” says Kambosos Jr. “My dad’s always there by my side. He looks after a lot of the behind-the-scenes stuff that I shouldn’t be worrying about. My mum’s there making sure I’m eating healthy.”

George’s father Jim Kambosos believes that while boxing isn’t something that every parent wants their child to do, he and his wife are more than happy to support George in his sporting career.

“He took a passion and love for it and he found exactly what he wanted to do because he had a talent for it. We supported him rather than kind of turning him away from it,” says Jim.

“We just said, ‘Look, if that’s what you want to do, we’ll support you in every way.’ We’ve always supported him and we always will.”

George’s love for his family extends to the skin of his body, most of which is covered by ink from his chest, arms and even to his ankles.

“That’s my hobby outside of boxing,” says George regarding his tattoos. “Everything means something to me.”

Branded across his chest in ink is a phrase that George calls one of his mottos: Dream without fear.

“That works with not just boxing but it works anything. Don’t let nothing (sic) stop you.”

– by The Black Widow

The Beautiful People: Jon Cutler

Solstice Satisfaction had the privilege of interviewing this gentleman a few years back when SolSat didn’t really exist. But hey, as long as it’s our content, I can re-publish it. This man is Jon Cutler – professional wrestler, fitness model, fitspiration and all-around beautiful Canadan gentleman.

Introducing “The Beautiful People” section to the site, we highlight some names that you may know or may not know and talk everything with them, from their inspirations in life to what they had for breakfast that day. It is a wonderful privilege to introduce Jon Cutler as our first beautiful person, interviewed by our sassy editor, Noah.

We'll give you a second to pick your jaws up off the floor.

We’ll give you a second to pick your jaws up off the floor.

Jon Cutler
QUICK FACTS
– From Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada – THAT’S IT! BACK TO WINNIPEG!
– He’s a Cancerean. The line starts over here, ladies.
– 6’3, 245 lbs of beautiful blonde Canadian man.
– Former professional wrestler who performed for WWE and FCW.

DISCLAIMER: This interview of sorts was conducted via Twitter messaging – the answers solely belong to Jon Cutler.

SolSat: Beware: this is going to be as formal as a red g-string at a White Party.

Jon Cutler: Well… I guess we’ll just see what the questions are lol.

SS: Oh, don’t worry, they won’t be stupid but if you do for some reason feel uncomfortable answering any, feel free to tell me to f#$% off.

JC: I won’t say f#$% off, may just say next lol.

SS: Okay. Standard question: which one of the six Avengers (from the movie) would you like to be and why?

JC: I guess as cool as Iron Man is, I probably lean towards Hulk still. As a kid, that’s the main one out of the Avengers I can remember always reading comics on or watching cartoons, movies, etc. The strength, intelligence when Bruce Banner, the green tan… who wouldn’t wanna be green? It’s too bad He-Man was never picked up by Stan Lee… now that was a character I enjoyed watching as a kid.

SS: Really? Hulk? But he’s so… out of control.

JC: Yeah true he is, but I guess sometimes I can really relate to that, you know when frustrations are all building up inside.

SS: Next question: Being a Cancerean, does that mean you’re a hopeless romantic? You will note these questions are extremely random.

JC: Is that what it means to be a Cancer? Well I understand myself even more now lol. I guess I have not been much of a wanderer. I want to take care of someone and be taken care of too, I suppose. It isn’t always the easiest road to take… it takes a lot of trust.

SS: I take my astrology very seriously so I could tell you several things about yourself you wouldn’t even know.

JC: You probably could I bet.

SS: Next question: Biggest celebrity crush? Besides me, of course.

JC: Besides you… and Ellen of course, just kidding. Come on… biggest as in 1? The best I can do is narrow it down to 4. Best I can do.

SS: Fine. Top 4. You’re no fun.

JC: Jennifer Aniston, Kate Beckinsale, Jessica Alba and Jennifer Love Hewitt… I always remember liking those celebs. How can I possibly narrow that list down? I tried, haha.

SS: HOW STUNNING IS KATE BECKINSALE! It’s almost to the point that it’s unfair. Moving on. Do you think you have one more match left in you, more specifically, in Australia with me as your babe of a manager?

JC: Too funny. Well I do not know but I have learned that in wrestling, never say never. Anyway, got some friends down under to visit if I made it to Australia, Niki Nitro and Tenille Tayla.

SS: Ooohh I love Tenille Tayla [WWE’s Emma]! She’s amaze.

JC: She is, real sweety too. Niki is pretty cool too.

SS: Moving on, what are your thoughts on One Direction?

JC: Ok, so for One Direction… that What Makes You Beautiful song is pretty catchy, I will admit that.

SS: Jonny you light up my world like nobody else, the way that you take a bump gets me overwhelmed. Talented right?

JC: Lol, nice… I see what you did there.

SS: Is that all you’re going to admit about them? I bet deep down underneath that 300 lbs of muscle, you’re a diehard Directioner like me.

JC: Lol well that’s all I admit for now lol

SS: Anywho, moving on, being a (WWE) Diva fan myself, I must ask – who are your all-time favourite female wrestling personalities?

JC: Well from different eras and in that order too… I would say Mae Young, Miss Elizabeth, Sherri, Sunny and Trish Stratus. From Mae Young era… hard to remember ones from there though, I was a huge Hulkamaniac at that time around Wrestlemania 1 or 2.

SS: Sunny is one of my all time faves. Who would you cite as your main inspiration into becoming a professional wrestler? And you can’t say me.

JC: Ok other than you, early on as far back as I can remember it was Hulk Hogan, Bret Hart, Ricky Steamboat and Piper… as I got older, it was Rock and Jericho. I can remember watching Dusty Rhodes too and his promos, between him and Piper, I guess I really enjoyed their promos.

SS: Apparently you got good feedback from Jericho on your match with the Burchills. That’s like Candice Swanepoel saying I’m pretty. Well, thank you for joining me. Here’s to a great future! Thanks Jon.

He is as down-to-earth and charming as he is handsome. If you’d like to know more about Jon or follow his daily shenanigans, you can find him on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube or visit his website.

– by The Black Widow