Every year, my Kindergarten put on a nativity play. Thirty-something kids dressed up as everything from Angels to sheep and trees gathered around to sing/scream carols at their parents for an hour. Super fun. Unless, like me, you were the only girl given a terry-towelling dressing gown and told to play a man. I was the wise-man who rocked up to meet Jesus and gave him a lump of gold.

As I think back on that emotionally-scarring time of my life, I can’t help but wonder why those three random guys were a) there in the first place and b) actually considered wise. What did they do that was so astute? I frequently give people presents and hug babies, but that just makes me a nice person, not a smart person.

Okay, so maybe that’s a LITTLE wise…

This year, on the Third Day of Christmas, I give to you my own version of the Three Wise Men whose intelligence and spirit are more relevant at Christmas than a sack of Frankincense.

“Christmas is not a time, nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas” –Calvin Coolidge.

Meaning: Be kind, generous and loving all year round, not just in December.

“Let’s just say that on this day, a million years ago, a dude was born who most of us think was magic. But others don’t, and that’s cool. But we’re probably right. Amen.”- a surprisingly relevant and true quote from  Homer J. Simpson.

Meaning: Everyone is entitled to an opinion. Just because you believe something different, doesn’t mean you have to start a war.

“Christmas gift suggestions:
To your enemy, forgiveness.
To an opponent, tolerance.
To a friend, your heart.
To a customer, service.
To all, charity.
To every child, a good example.
To yourself, respect” –Oren Arnold

Meaning: Generosity of spirit is more valuable than material gifts. It is impossible to put a price or a worth on a good heart and good spirit.

These three guys made it onto the Runners-Up list:

“Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven: -WC Fields.

As we all established two days ago, when it comes to family Christmas, Mr Fields and I are on the same page.

‘My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?’ –Bob Hope

Exactly. There is nothing more to say, because Bob got it right the first time.

“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included”- Bernarnd Manning

Solid parenting right there.

I honestly believe that the words of these men teach better life lessons and impart more knowledge of wisdom than a lump of gold, herbs and some sap. If Jesus were born today, he’d melt the gold into a Bieber-style “swag” chain, smoke the herbs and use the sap as chewing gum before spitting it onto the footpath. He’d be better off following the words of the misters Coolidge, Simpson and Arnold, and becoming a better person.

– by Blaire Gillies