The twelve days of Christmas are finally here! Those twelve wonderful days where we get strange (and probably illegal in today’s society) presents like rare birds and small groups of humans doing weird things- Nine Lords A’Leaping, just what every girl needs!

However, for those of you who don’t find yourselves in the market for four Colly Birds or a dozen drummers, I’ve got twelve days of Christmas-inspired blog posts for you instead.

So, without further ado, on the first day of Christmas I give to you…The Dysfunctional Family Christmas Drinking Game.

This guy is obviously coming to my place for Christmas…

Take ONE drink:
-Every time your Gran tells you/a family member to get a haircut
-You have to ask your drunken Aunt to stop shouting at the table
-Your grandpa expresses concerns about the value of your arts degree
-You catch your Nana folding up wrapping paper to ‘use again next year’
-You hear the phrase “back in my day” or “Some kids don’t even get presents…”
-Every time someone starts singing a Christmas carol (double drinks if they get the words wrong triple if other people join in)
-Someone calls you Scrooge for not wanting to be awake at 5am on Christmas day

Take TWO drinks:
–  Every time someone mentions how different you look from last year
–  Someone says “This isn’t Christmas weather!”
–  A general motion to break out the family videos and/or the childhood photos of you in your awkward Wizard phase.
– Every time a Grandparent says something politically incorrect
– Every time someone cries and/or a door is slammed

CHUG:
– Every time someone asks if/why you’re still single
– Your mother and her mother ask you to take sides in an argument
– Your uncle accidentally flirts with you
– Just before the family photo is taken. At least that way you’ll be smiling and you’ll forget it     ever happened.

So my friends, eat, drink and be Merry for we only spend quality time like this with our families once a year. Bless them.

– by Blaire Gillies