Because really, Romeo and Juliet isn’t that romantic.

When girls talking about finding their dream man, they will often refer to him as their “Romeo”. Guys don’t often talk to each other about feelings, but I’m sure if they do, they’ll call her their “Juliet”. I’d hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Romeo and Juliet aren’t as romantic as society makes them out to be. It seems as if people are too distracted by the artsy Shakespearean language to really understand what the characters are trying to say.

Don’t be fooled by these young actors. They are misleading you! (CREDIT: Z. Smith Reynolds Library Flickr)

Alas, as a Shakespeare enthusiast and all-around badass, I am here to set you straight and/or ruin your hopes and dreams.

Example one: The nurse and Juliet gossip like frivolous teenage girls
Picture two young women talking to each other about a man in today’s society. I’m sure their conversation would be along the lines of “Oh yeah, would bang” or “OMG put a baby in me.” Not in the slightest bit romantic, is it? That is exactly how Juliet and her nurse were talking about Romeo. “Why, he’s a man of wax”, a line that is famously quoted by Juliet, loosely translates into 21st century English and becomes “Crikey I’d go him.” Truth? Maybe. Romantic? Not unless you’re solely cruising for a root.

Example two: That balcony scene
This may be a bit too much for those who think this is the pinnacle of romance in cultural arts. It isn’t. Sorrynotsorry. Let’s start with the obvious one: Romeo is quite literally creeping on Juliet. I’m sure young ladies nowadays would freak out if they saw a guy watching them through their window muttering to themselves, so if it’s unacceptable now, why is it romantic a couple of hundred years ago? Creeper. Also, “It is the east and Juliet is the sun!” is, unfortunately, translated to “Farrrk I think she’s farrrkin’ hawt.” I guess it wouldn’t be so bad if he wasn’t creeping at her through the window.

Example three: I’d be sad if you died, but…
My (man’s) best friend died nearly four years ago now, God bless his soul. I wasn’t with him at the time of his passing which only added to the heartache I felt when I originally found out he had left me. Was I sad? Absolutely. I cried for that whole day and would often cry days later. Would I kill myself whilst sitting right next to him just so I could “be” with him? Um. No. This may be me sounding a tad cynical but what is so romantic about Romeo and Juliet killing themselves for each other? That is tragic and a tad bit obsessive. Not romantic at all.

Example four: Five minutes later
Granted, the star cross’d lovers probably had a bit more than five minutes to get to know each other, but they didn’t know each other all that long before they were prepared to give their lives for each other. I guess it’s kind of romantic, like the tiniest bit, but it’s intense and creepy overall. How would you feel if you met someone off Tinder and after their date, they were planning to kill themselves for you? Yes. Case closed.

I’m sure there are more examples I could use to highlight my point but you get the idea. Romeo and Juliet is not as romantic as it seems. Case closed. Soz not soz.

– by The Black Widow