I Look So Perfect In My Own Underwear, Thanks

If you don’t get the 5 Seconds of Summer reference, you are forgiven.

5 Seconds of Summer is an Australian punky pop band from Sydney (reprazent!) who have released the annoyingly catchy She Looks So Perfect song. If it interests you, they have also been the opening act for artists such as Hot Chelle Rae and One Direction.

Boy bands will never die apparently. (SOURCE: Melissa Rose's Flickr photostream.)

Boy bands will never die apparently. (SOURCE: Melissa Rose’s Flickr photostream)

Back to their annoyingly catchy song, I’m going to put it out there that I genuinely like the song – which will come as a shock to those who know me as the country-lovin’ bogan that I am. In saying that, the lyrics to this teeny bopper song are… questionable to say the least.

For instance, the most recognisable line from this song reads: “You look so perfect standing there in my American Apparel underwear.” It rhymes. It’s cute. It makes teen girls everywhere flock to their nearest American Apparel store to buy mens underwear and rock them for that extra confidence boost. Because if one of the blokes sees them wearing mens AA undies, they’re so in!

Okay, now that’s done… rewind. These guys are singing about a girl wearing her boyfriend’s underwear looking like Grace Kelly or something. Let that sink in while I repeat myself… a girl wearing her boyfriend’s underwear. I get how it may be perceived as cute if the girl was wearing her boyfriend’s shirt or beanie or blazer, but his underwear? The hygiene police would have a riot over this. Who knows what that bloke’s done in those American Apparel underwears she’s wearing? Let’s not forget that, unless the bloke is rake thin and/or the girl’s a larger woman, they would be sagging around her girl bits looking like a diaper because she can’t fill it out properly. I don’t personally understand what is sexy about a chick wearing her boyfriend’s saggy underwear to be honest. That may just be me, but who knows.

The boys continue to sing “Your lipstick stain is a work of art”. Do I want to know where that lipstick stain is? Unless I just have a dirty mind and need my mouth to be washed out with soap, that could be very cute. A bit full on for the young teeny bopper age group, but cute nevertheless.

However, they rhyme that line with  “I got your name tattooed in an arrow heart”. Not even on my most hated enemy do I wish they get a loved one’s name tattooed on them (excluding family members and/or pets). I’m going to take a wild stab in the dark and guess that the members of the band are all under the age of 21. What would possess a 21-year-old to get a girlfriend’s name tattooed on them? What would possess anyone to get a lover’s named tattooed on them? This might sound hypocritical, but I don’t judge anyone on their life choices; if you want to cross dress and live with dolphins, be my guest. But the idea of getting a lover’s name tattoo is just tacky and it doesn’t seem to be practical because the harsh reality is there is every chance of that person packing up and walking out on you. And you have to live with that permanent reminder on you forever. So for these guys to be shouting it from the heavens to impressionable teenage girls just seems a little far fetched to me.

“If I showed up with a plane ticket and a shiny diamond ring with your name on it, would you wanna run away too?” It’s as if these guys moulded their song off Travis and Abby’s relationship from the Beautiful Disaster series. Except their story isn’t cute and full of fuzzy wuzzies; it’s just ridiculous.

I get that the song is just taking after that traditional boy band pop song mould of singing about a beautiful girl and making it annoyingly catchy, but come on – there have got to be better ways to write these songs. Because I’m still not convinced that a girl who doesn’t know she’s beautiful would flip her hair to the extent that it gets guys “overwhelmed”.

– by Noah La’ulu

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