Artist of the Month: Justin Bieber

Surprise. An article about the ever-rising superstardom of Canadian not-so-young-anymore heartthrob, Justin Bieber.

It would be foolish of me not to capitalize on Bieber’s explosion in popularity, right?

The artist of the month featured in the month of January is Justin Bieber.

I never thought I'd see the day where I'd willingly save a picture of Justin Bieber onto my computer.

I never thought I’d see the day where I’d willingly save a picture of Justin Bieber onto my computer.

Admittedly, I am not a fan of the man they call Justin Bieber. I don’t really follow his every move like the Beliebers out there, I don’t really listen to his music, nor am I a big fan of his apparent Diva attitude. What I can admit to, however, is that the recent change in his sound has caught the attention of a more grown-up audience, and for good reason as well. Justin Bieber isn’t a boy anymore. He’s a man. And other grown ass men around the world are acknowledging that.

This babyfaced blond was first discovered on YouTube (it seems like every bloody artist nowadays is discovered on YouTube, and here I am tone deaf with no concept of pitch whatsoever). He was soon signed to a record deal and released his first album in 2010, where he recorded typical teeny bopper pop songs like Somebody to Love and the infamous Baby featuring Ludacris. His babyface, my-voice-hasn’t-cracked-yet vocals and typical teenager charm caught the attention of young impressionable girls worldwide, and the Biebs became a hit.

Of course, you can’t possibly be liked by everyone, and as much as Bieber was adored, he was despised by a more mature audience.

Apparently, Bieber didn’t stick to his goody two-shoes image too long, and he chose to go down a more risky path. In 2012, Bieber released his third studio album, Believe. The single As Long As You Love Me featuring Big Sean included a more adult video clip, including scenes of Bieber being beat up by his girlfriend’s disapproving father (I actually laughed at this. I’m a terrible person.) After these more adult-y songs, it would be expected that Bieber would be more well received, right? Well, other than the ridiculously catchy song Boyfriend, adults still didn’t respond well to the Biebs.

Fast forward to 2016, and now this meme could not be any more accurate.

This is truth.

This is truth.

So what happened in between the release of Believe and today? Bieber’s fourth album, Purpose. The cover art should spell it out for you, really; Bieber isn’t a boy anymore, and he wants to let people know that. This album featured hit after hit after hit, with my most favourite being Sorry, where the video clip features an old family friend New Zealand dance extraordinaire Parris Goebel and her dance crew. Compare Bieber’s first album to his most recent, and you can clearly see the evolution that the Canadian has gone through.

With only four studio albums to his name, it’s surprising that the man has amassed such an empire and mass following, and it doesn’t seem like his popularity is stopping any time soon. I mean, today it was reported that he had dyed his hair purple. Like, this is headline stuff right here. I dyed my hair bright red once, and no one wrote about that… tear.

I acknowledge that Bieber has come a long way since his Bieber-hair days, and does have the talent that warrants this much attention, but I am quite content to sit here listening to Kacey Musgraves tbh. Y’all can have Bieber.

– by Noah La’ulu

I Look So Perfect In My Own Underwear, Thanks

If you don’t get the 5 Seconds of Summer reference, you are forgiven.

5 Seconds of Summer is an Australian punky pop band from Sydney (reprazent!) who have released the annoyingly catchy She Looks So Perfect song. If it interests you, they have also been the opening act for artists such as Hot Chelle Rae and One Direction.

Boy bands will never die apparently. (SOURCE: Melissa Rose's Flickr photostream.)

Boy bands will never die apparently. (SOURCE: Melissa Rose’s Flickr photostream)

Back to their annoyingly catchy song, I’m going to put it out there that I genuinely like the song – which will come as a shock to those who know me as the country-lovin’ bogan that I am. In saying that, the lyrics to this teeny bopper song are… questionable to say the least.

For instance, the most recognisable line from this song reads: “You look so perfect standing there in my American Apparel underwear.” It rhymes. It’s cute. It makes teen girls everywhere flock to their nearest American Apparel store to buy mens underwear and rock them for that extra confidence boost. Because if one of the blokes sees them wearing mens AA undies, they’re so in!

Okay, now that’s done… rewind. These guys are singing about a girl wearing her boyfriend’s underwear looking like Grace Kelly or something. Let that sink in while I repeat myself… a girl wearing her boyfriend’s underwear. I get how it may be perceived as cute if the girl was wearing her boyfriend’s shirt or beanie or blazer, but his underwear? The hygiene police would have a riot over this. Who knows what that bloke’s done in those American Apparel underwears she’s wearing? Let’s not forget that, unless the bloke is rake thin and/or the girl’s a larger woman, they would be sagging around her girl bits looking like a diaper because she can’t fill it out properly. I don’t personally understand what is sexy about a chick wearing her boyfriend’s saggy underwear to be honest. That may just be me, but who knows.

The boys continue to sing “Your lipstick stain is a work of art”. Do I want to know where that lipstick stain is? Unless I just have a dirty mind and need my mouth to be washed out with soap, that could be very cute. A bit full on for the young teeny bopper age group, but cute nevertheless.

However, they rhyme that line with  “I got your name tattooed in an arrow heart”. Not even on my most hated enemy do I wish they get a loved one’s name tattooed on them (excluding family members and/or pets). I’m going to take a wild stab in the dark and guess that the members of the band are all under the age of 21. What would possess a 21-year-old to get a girlfriend’s name tattooed on them? What would possess anyone to get a lover’s named tattooed on them? This might sound hypocritical, but I don’t judge anyone on their life choices; if you want to cross dress and live with dolphins, be my guest. But the idea of getting a lover’s name tattoo is just tacky and it doesn’t seem to be practical because the harsh reality is there is every chance of that person packing up and walking out on you. And you have to live with that permanent reminder on you forever. So for these guys to be shouting it from the heavens to impressionable teenage girls just seems a little far fetched to me.

“If I showed up with a plane ticket and a shiny diamond ring with your name on it, would you wanna run away too?” It’s as if these guys moulded their song off Travis and Abby’s relationship from the Beautiful Disaster series. Except their story isn’t cute and full of fuzzy wuzzies; it’s just ridiculous.

I get that the song is just taking after that traditional boy band pop song mould of singing about a beautiful girl and making it annoyingly catchy, but come on – there have got to be better ways to write these songs. Because I’m still not convinced that a girl who doesn’t know she’s beautiful would flip her hair to the extent that it gets guys “overwhelmed”.

– by Noah La’ulu