Artist of the Month: Harry Styles

Just like strawberries on a summer evening.

There will always be debates of which former One Direction member has had the best solo career, and a solid argument can be made for each one, but what everyone cannot deny is just how great Harry Styles has been since leaving the iconic boy band.

The artist of the month for November 2020 is Harry Styles.

What a deadset healthy mop of hair. (Photo taken from Ianthebush’s Flickr photostream)

While his talent has never been denied, I don’t know if people were actually prepared for the absolute bangers Harry Styles has produced ever since branching off on his own. While most pop singers resort to the same old tactics to keep their music on the top 10 lists, Harry doesn’t have to hide behind a catchy tune and repetitive lyrics; his music tells stories – whether they’re subtle like Two Ghosts or blatantly obvious like Kiwi – and his vocals are almost unmatched when it comes to male popstars.

The first song, as referenced by the opening line of this article that I would like to touch upon, is Watermelon Sugar… and not just because a series of events has made this song remind me of RHOBH legend Eden Sassoon and her iconic black bob wig.

This track has an easy summer holiday kinda vibe to it, which goes with the lyrics of the song. While many people have their own interpretations about what this song is actually about, I don’t think I could care less, because this song doesn’t need some blatant or obscure meaning to justify just how awesome it is. It’s a track that I can see appealing to any music taste and suiting any situation, from going for an early morning run, to sitting by the pool with a strawberry daiquiri.

The first song of Harry’s that I really felt deep in my core was Woman from his debut album. While essentially the entire album was #fire, Woman struck me as powerful simply because of how Harry sings the chorus, which contains only one word: woman. You can feel the passion and gusto he feels for this unidentified woman just by how he says the word. This song has an almost R&B piano style feel to it, or as my friend Michelle once so eloquently put it, “an 80’s porno vibe”.

It would be remiss of me not to talk about my feelings towards Kiwi considering my New Zealand heritage. But even besides that little fact linking me to this song, I have a soft spot for this track because it reminds me of Candice Swanepoel walking down the Victoria’s Secret runway while Harry Styles performed it at their now-defunct annual fashion show in 2017. One of the more overtly sexual songs of Harry Styles’ career, the chorus itself should give you a fair idea of how blatant the song is: “I’m having your baby, it’s none of your business”. This track is full of high energy with a quick pace and loud instrument accompaniment, so you would understand why the VS Angels could master their strut while Mr. Styles himself song behind them.

Recommended Tracks
– “Only Angel” from Harry Styles
– “Adore You” from Fine Line
– “Sign of the Times” from Harry Styles

Now if you’ll excuse me, I am going to put on an iconic Eden Sassoon black bob wig, sit in my lounge, and listen to Watermelon Sugar with a glass of wine.

– by The Black Widow

A Guide to the 21st Century Woman

Keith has just scored a date with the oh-so-beautiful Layla. He’s dressed in a suit and tie and has bought her a bunch of purple orchids (NOTE: because the true flower of love is the orchid, not the rose). He rocks up to her house and knocks on the door. She appears, looking effortlessly beautiful in a sheer lavender maxi dress. He hands her the flowers. She puts them in a vase and follows him down the driveway to his car. He opens the door for her to climb in.

EHH! WRONG MOVE.

“Do you think I’m some kind of second-rate citizen just because I’m a woman? I can open my own bloody door.” After that, Layla’s stormed off and Keith is left by himself. (NOTE: Keith and Layla aren’t real).

Grrrrl power.

A strong woman who don’t need no man.

As time moves on, so do people, and people change. Changing people means changing culture.

I would hazard to guess that 100% of women in previous decades swooned at the chivalrous man who opened a car door and pulled out a chair at a restaurant. Nowadays, however, it’s a fifty-fifty shot for men to guess what kind of woman he’s taking on a date – the sweet old-fashioned woman who appreciates a kind gentleman gesture or the fierce 21st century woman who don’t need no man.

The 21st Century Woman is a lot different to the sockhop polka-dot-skirt-wearing dancer of yesteryear. For instance, she will settle down and start a family – when she wants to. There is no time limit on the pursuit of housewifery. It can start as early as 20 or as late as 46, and as a gentleman, you can do absolutely nothing about it. You want to propose to her? Be prepared to get a “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” because her career is as damn important as her uterus.

Speaking of proposals, don’t be surprised if the 21st Century Woman you are dating gets down on one knee (get your mind out of the gutter) and proposes to you. The proposal is no longer a sole-male responsibility. If she wants to get married and notices that you are making next to no effort in doing so, she’ll just get up and do it.

While I am on the topic of women making the first move, you know what I’ve noticed at clubs? I’m “hanging in the corner with my five best friends” (who are all women) and they see a man or two that they like. Noticeably, the men like what they see as well. These men hug the wall and act as if they didn’t even notice the women. You know what happens? My girls go and make the first move. Kapow! The roles have reversed in Club Etiquette 101. Women are the ones making the first move to men in clubs because a) They are strong 21st Century Women and b) 21st Century Men are cats. Not to offend the feline kind.

So, you’ve managed to get a date with your 21st Century Woman of choice? You’re at a restaurant. First off, she surprises you by ordering a ton of food that could feed an army and washes it down with a good ol’ XXXX Gold beer. You ask her if she’d like to go watch a movie after having a delicious meal; she’ll either a) Decline your offer politely and suggest going to see the monster trucks or b) Pick out a gorey slasher film that most people cringe at. 21st Century Women don’t all have “stereotypical womanly interests” anymore. Beer over martinis. Sports over fashion. You name it.

If you’re sitting there wondering “just how do I approach my 21st Century Woman?” Here are a few tips:
1) Don’t be a fat slob. Get up and talk to her.
2) Don’t have any pre-conceived notions of who your woman is. She may be the complete opposite of who you thought she was.
3) Breath mints were invented for a reason.
4) Confidence is key. The 21st Century Woman can sniff that out like a dog in a park.

Get ready for a rollercoaster ride. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, and this’ll be one hell of an intergalactic rollercoaster ride.

– by The Black Widow