The Do’s and Don’t’s of Gym Etiquette

Insert Joey Swoll MYOB face here.

Judging by the fact that my last Health & Fitness post was posted nine years ago, one would assume that I don’t particularly like staying healthy and fit. One would be correct in this; however, that doesn’t mean that I don’t do it out of pure obligation (I am a wrestler Diva after all).

In short, I hate the gym, but I go anyway.

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Shameless gym selfie, with no one in the background because I’m considerate.

On a standard week for The Black Widow, I will go to wrestling training once or twice a week, and will go to the gym an additional three or four times a week on top of that. In my mind, doing some sort of physical activity at least five days a week will keep my body in decent shape, maintain the fitness I need for wrestling, while also giving my body enough time to rest and recover on my off days. And purely for context, I have maintained this workout schedule for around 8-10 years.

A friendly reminder: I hate the gym, but I go anyway.

Because of my hate-hate relationship with the gym, I have encountered many different people at different gym locations and have witnessed what I perceive to be good gym etiquette, and also bad gym etiquette.

Inspired by the insanely sweet Joey Swoll and his campaign to rid the world of bad gym etiquette, here are my do’s and don’t’s to guide you on your fitness journey.

Do’s
[x] Do clean up after yourself as you go. Even before the pandemic, I was always sure to wipe down the equipment I used because it’s the courteous and hygienic thing to do for the next person to use it. Your gym should be equipped with sanitary wipes, or spray bottles and paper towel, so be sure to use them. I personally clean my equipment before I use it and after I’m finished with it. If for whatever reason your gym has run out of cleaning products, or they just don’t stock these materials (RED FLAG), then use your towel; it’s better than nothing.
[x] Do ask if someone is using a piece of equipment before assuming it’s yours for the taking. If a person is hovering around a certain squat rack, there’s a chance they are using it or at least about to use it. Be polite and ask them if they’re using it just to mitigate any awkward conversations with your fellow gym goers that may follow.
[x] Do ask people in the background of your content videos if they’re okay being filmed. I know for me personally, I do not put effort into my presentation when I go to the gym, so I wouldn’t want to be featured in the background of someone’s content looking like a bush pig. Just a simple “Hey do you mind being in the background of my video?” will suffice. If they say no, just maneuver your camera around so they’re no longer in the background, or simply don’t record your workout. You don’t own the gym (unless it’s a personal gym and you do own it LOL) and you are not entitled to recording this content. Which leads me to the next point…
[x] Do follow the rules of your gym. If your gym doesn’t allow recording, then don’t record. But the one that grinds my gears are the men or enbys that walk around shirtless even though the gym has a rule against it. We get it; your torso looks great. Now put it back on and get back to your workout.
[x] Do unrack your weight machines or take back your equipment to where you found it once you’re done with it. This is a common courtesy that shouldn’t be said, but I see so many people just leave their stuff lying around or completely racked, and it makes you wonder the state of their homes.

Don’t
[x] Don’t be that person that shames others in your gym videos for clout or content. Really, just don’t shame others periodt. Have you not heard of Joey Swoll for crying out loud? Even worse are the people who do this intentionally for Joey Swoll’s attention, and then they use that overwhelmingly negative attention to try and boost their own social media presence or influence. Girl bye.
[x] Don’t annoy someone who clearly doesn’t want to be spoken to. I go to the gym to work out and go home. I am not there to socialise or make friendly conversation unless it’s “Are you using that?” I see other gym goers, especially women, innocently just trying to get their pump on with their hair up and headphones in, and then an asshat (typically male) will interrupt them to try and converse or flirt when they clearly don’t want to be interrupted. Read the room, guys.
[x] Don’t drop your weights. If you’re strong enough to pick them up in the first place, then you’re strong enough to place them down gently and carefully.
[x] Don’t hog equipment. I get the benefits of doing a superset, jumping between different sets of equipment, but remember you are not entitled to that piece of equipment in a public gym. If you see someone going to use something you’re not on but plan on using, you can either politely check with them if they’re okay to come back in five minutes, or you can just relinquish it to them because you don’t own it.
[x] Don’t be a dick. Simple, really. If you see someone using a piece of equipment incorrectly, or they have poor/incorrect form, don’t mock or ridicule them. Be polite and show them how they can better their technique. It’s not hard to be nice, folks.

There are probably way more do’s and don’t’s of gym etiquette that I haven’t included above, but they really have one major thing in common: be courteous and respectful of others, and don’t be a fuckwit.

If you struggle with this simple instruction, might I suggest you don’t fuck with my good sis and perhaps invest in a private gym so no one else has to deal with your social incompetence?

Thanks. Widow out!

– by The Black Widow

The Lazy-asses guide to losing weight: the workout edition

Not to be confused with the lazy-asses guide to losing weight: the food edition, which will be posted at a later date.

Hi, I’m the Black Widow, and in the past three months, I have lost ten kilos. To some, that may be a walk in the park, but for me, that’s a whopping change. For my entire life, I have relied heavily on my metabolism to cut down my body weight and remain the trim little spitfire that I am, but it eventually caught up on me and I packed on a few extra kilos that weren’t necessarily wanted. Finally, after snatching a good deal with Anytime Fitness, I decided to shed that extra weight and return to my most fitting form.

I know some of you have read weight loss stories and thought “But these people have all the motivation and discipline in the world to achieve their goals, and I don’t. How will this work for me?” The solution is simple: me. I can honestly tell you that when it comes to physical exercise, I am one of the laziest mofos in the world. Usually, when someone starts going to the gym and they get into a regular pattern, they love going to the gym and can’t get enough of it. For me, after three months of regularly attending the gym, I still dread going to that metal clanging-and-banging hellhole.

Those are interesting coloured paperweights...

Those are interesting coloured paperweights…

To help others get fit and get into the shape they desire, I have compiled a list of steps that I personally took to help me achieve my weight loss:

Step one: Set a goal
I know it’s cliché to say this but a goal is needed if you’re even thinking of getting into shape. I set a goal as soon as I decided to go to the gym and it’s definitely helped me. When I am struggling to breathe as I run for my dear life on the treadmill, or my arms are about to snap off when I’m lifting weights, I think of my ultimate goal and picture it in my head… and it allows me to keep going. For at least another like two minutes or so.

Step two: Stay disciplined
After a few days of hitting the gym, you’ll feel really pumped and think “Yeah! This is for me!” but then you’ll gradually stop going until you realise you’re donating money to the gym. Don’t fall into this trap. If, for some reason, you feel yourself thinking “Hey, I don’t need to go tonight” or “I can do without the gym just this one week”, discipline yourself . You won’t achieve that goal if you skip a day or two. You’ll go back to the way you were if you miss an entire week. For me, if I keep this thought in mind, I will always go back to the gym: “If I miss the gym tonight, I won’t get to walk around the beach without a shirt on because people will think a whale has washed ashore and throw water on me.”

Step three: Stick to a schedule
In a similar light to setting a goal, planning a weekly schedule will keep you going. If you go to the gym with no real set plan in mind, you’ll just aimlessly wander around, pretending to use cardio machines and looking at your dumpy ass in the mirror and then go home. What did you achieve? Nothing. However, if you know that Monday is leg day and Wednesday is abs day, then you’ll know what to do, how long to do it and what’s up next. For me, I plan to go to the gym at least five times a week with three of those days being dedicated to specific parts of my body. If I miss a day, you can bet your sweet ass I’ll catch up with it next week.

Step four: Believe you can do it… the results will show
I had a really good week at the gym in mid-December. I had been hitting the gym really hard and felt great about myself. I stepped onto the scale and… still the same. Honestly, it shattered me a bit and I thought “I’ve been killing myself for so long and nothing is showing!” Like all good things in life, however, it’ll come to the patient ones who wait. Don’t let a bunch of numbers and results slow your efforts down. Stick to your plan and I can guarantee you the results will show themselves eventually. It also helps if a friend of yours stops and says “Hey, you’ve lost weight!” because then you’ll know that something is changing, and it’ll motivate you to keep going.

Now I’m sure there are plenty of other things you could do to maximise your efforts at the gym, but these four fundamental steps will prove vital in your journey to your ultimate weight loss destination. If a naturally lazy writer like me can get off my laptop and go to the gym (begrudgingly, of course), then I’m sure you can as well.

Of course, the other (bigger) half of weight loss is eating properly. Stay tuned as I tell you what I did to my diet which led to my weight loss.

– by The Black Widow

From Doing Diddly-Squat to Actual Squats

If there is one thing we can all agree on, it’s how much we hate our friends on Facebook who do nothing but check-in at the gym and post statuses about how good their workout was. We get it; you do in fact lift…bro. The trouble with these irritatingly fit friends, though, is that they’re smarter than the rest of us. Why? Because – spoiler alert – exercise actually is good for us.

Endorphins are wonderful little neurotransmitters released during exercise that make us feel happy and amazing. Because I have the mentality of a four-year-old, when I’m running I sometimes like to imagine them as happy little dolphins in my brain cheering me on. Don’t judge me.  If I may quote Legally Blonde for a moment, “Exercise gives you endorphins and endorphins make you happy. Happy people don’t shoot their husbands…they just don’t.”

This wonderful, happy feeling also leads to increased self-esteem. Note, this does not mean that being skinny makes you happy. What I mean is that increasing your fitness levels gives you an amazing sense of achievement. Eighteen months ago, I was the last person anybody would expect to be a runner; a massive dweeb who spent all her time reading and watching old films. Now, I run every day, or I train on my spin-bike. Hell, I even started Pilates despite months of cynicism and active resistance (turns out, it’s not half bad). My point is, that I look back on where I was and compare it to who I am now and I beyond proud of myself for my accomplishments.

I know I’m the girl who advocates for chocolate in any scenario, and while it’s true that chocolate releases the same endorphins as exercise, unlike eating half a block of Wonka’s Marvellous Creations as a pick-me-up, you’ll never regret a workout. It may not be until a few days after said workout, when you finally get feeling back in your thighs and butt that you feel good about it, but damn, when the limping stops you will feel like a Goddess (or God, for those of you with XY chromosome).

I may in fact smack the next person I hear shout “no pain, no gain!” at the gym or the mini-workout stations along the running track. I know it’s true, but working out should not be torture. It’s not like we’re all lining up to get whipped or strappadoed. Let’s come up with some new chants. Repeat after me: “I am only a little bit uncomfortable and I am not in fact dying so I will do five more squats before the Maccas run.” I know it’s not as catchy, but at least it’s realistic. You are in charge of your body. You know your limits and you know your goals. The tip to a good workout is making it fun for you, whether that means bringing a friend to keep you motivated or just mixing things up every now and again. As long as you have a wicked playlist, you’re good to go.

Personally, I’m a huge fan 90s pop music.
Wannabe – Spice Girls
MMMBop – Hanson
Dr Jones – Aqua
Backstreet’s Back – Backstreet Boys
I know admitting this to you is only making you judge me more, but I’m cool with it. You listen to your white noise, techno crap and I’ll be on the next treadmill rockin’ some Venga Boys. Game on.

The best advice that I can give you is this; if you’re at the start of your fitness journey, the important thing to keep in mind is that you need to set realistic goals for yourself. You will not wake up looking like Alessandra Ambrosio or Charlie Hunnam after just one gym session. Start slowly to avoid injury and build up from there. Arnold Schwarzenegger was not born with -0% body fat. He started with 10 reps lifting small cars, then slowly moved on to trucks and larger buildings. You should start with kettlebells though. Or toothpicks…just to be on the safe side.

Oh, and it’s best to work out in the morning before your brain has time to wake up properly and hate you.

– by Blaire Gillies