The number six is commonly associated with evil and malice due to its devilish nature, so it’s only fitting that the sixth day of Christmas is solely dedicated to the fun-drainers of the festive season.
“The cold within him froze his old features, nipped his pointed nose, made his eyes red, his thin lips blue, and he spoke out shrewdly in his grating voice…”
Good ol’ Ebenezer Scrooge; his last name is synonymous with being bitter and full of hatred. Literally. That gives you a fair idea of just how unhappy this man was. It only took him an intense supernatural journey to turn him into… well, I won’t spoil it for you just in case, but let’s just say there is still hope for you if you are anything like this man.
[x] You despise Christmas carols and Christmas decorations. Fair enough, if the same song gets played in your head, you would want to cause grievous harm to a plant, but come on – it’s a happy, festive holiday season for everyone! Smile!
[x] You get annoyed at Christmas lights on houses. How someone could NOT love Christmas lights on houses is beyond me!
[x] You have no sympathy for the poor and homeless on Christmas. Aww, c’mon…
[x] You would reveal the secret of Santa to those who don’t know it. That is just cold… North Pole cold.
A very similar character to the Scrooge, the Grinch is a green creature (colourless in the original version) who absolutely despises Christmas and is greedy and selfish, to the point of literally stealing Christmas from other people. Seriously, who wants to steal candy from a baby?
Like the Scrooge, however, he had a different ending to how he started, but you should all know that.
[x] You feel it necessary to steal from someone else during the festive season. I repeat: who wants to steal candy from a baby?
[x] When a random group of people knock on your door to sing Christmas carols to you, you shut the door in their face. Shame on you.
[x] You despise people who put antlers on their car. I am of the small percentage that thinks it’s quite cute; if people want to celebrate Christmas that way, let them, no matter how tacky or deluded it may seem.
[x] You have some sort of bitter retort for those who wish you “Merry Christmas”. If you don’t celebrate Christmas, that’s totally fine, but don’t be a sourpuss about it.
Now, the Scrooge and the Grinch bot had happy endings, so if you’re like either of them, don’t worry – there is still hope for you. I just implore you to be happy and optimistic during the holiday season and embrace the joy that usually comes around this time of the year.
Alternatively, if you still behave like a Scrooge or Grinch, seek a counsellor. Get that shit fixed.
– by Noah La’ulu