As I sat on the train and watched a guy try to surreptitiously sniff his own armpits, I realised something: men like to smell things. It’s their major sensory triumph.
Take books for example. A woman looks at the cover of an old book, sees the mottled colours, feels the soft leather, the scars in the spine and appreciates the beauty of the words spilling across it’s yellowed pages.
A man picks up the old book and inhales. After a moment, there’s the shorter, secondary sniff. Then the moment of processing, where he considers the smell. Then there’s the perfunctory nod. Book smells good= book is good.
Clothes on the floor. Woman considers how many times the article of clothing has been worn and/or seen in public, looks for stains and markings, considers any wrinkles and then determines whether to wash it or hang it up again.
Man picks up socks and smells them. Socks smell fine = socks are fine.
I agree with the people who say that men have two brains; one in their skulls and one elsewhere. What I don’t agree with is that the second brain is in their pants. The only time the second brain is in a man’s trousers is if he’s sniffing them. The second brain is obviously in the nose. It’s also bigger and far more important than the brain in his head.
Head-Brain is more of a risk-taker than Nose-Brain. Head-Brain sees a sees a sign that says “Wet Paint” and forces the man to touch it. It hears a warning that says “hot surface” and of course, leads the man to touch it and man gets burnt.
Nose-Brain is much better at self-preservation. Nose-Brain is so skilled at shielding the man from potentially lethal odours like dirty nappies and rotten eggs that he rarely smells it. While the women in the room are all gagging at the smell of a fart, Nose-Brain barely registers it, and man is secretly pleased with himself for his efforts.
A man’s emotion is also linked to his sense of smell;
Man smells food, man feels happy.
Man smells wife’s perfume, man feels love.
Man smells his own fart, man feels proud.
Man smells coffee, man feels true love.
Man smells beer, man feels manly.
And so on…
So therein lies the major difference between men and women. Men don’t get caught up in the sight of babies, the feeling of soft kitten fur or the sound of a really romantic song. They don’t overthink first dates, fashion trends and they get stressed about religion or politics at the dinner table. They just follow their noses and everything is alright.
In short, man has nose = life is good.
– by Blaire Gillies