The Lazy-asses guide to losing weight: the diet edition

This lazy-asses guide is that lazy, it’s taken over a month to come out!

If you haven’t read The Lazy-asses guide to losing weight: the workout edition, I suggest you read that first before delving into the diet edition.

The greater proportion of losing weight is unfortunately in the diet. That means that no matter how much you workout, you can’t use that as a justification for eating three bowls of nachos, a cheese pizza and a chocolate brownie. (If this sentence has made you crave said nachos, pizza and brownie, I apologise).

Personally, I love eating. Food is great. Food tastes great. Even being the vegetarian that I am, I prefer to eat the fatty/sugary non animal products like chocolate, cheese pizza, chocolate, and more cheese pizza, as opposed to the obviously-vegetarian options like… vegetables, and fruit. YES: BEING A VEGETARIAN DOES NOT GUARANTEE A HEALTHY DIET. Just thought I’d get that misconception out of the way.

Because Nikki Bella didn't get that body by drowning herself in peanut butter. (CREDIT: WWE.com)

Because Nikki Bella didn’t get that body by drowning herself in peanut butter. (CREDIT: WWE.com)

The most obvious thing to do to alter your diet and make it healthier is:

Cut out the bad foods
The easiest solution to turning your diet upside down is to eliminate the obviously bad foods, or “substituting them”. Instead of having a midnight snack of chocolate and chips, opt for a bowl of yoghurt with cut up banana in it. On your lunch break? Grab a sandwich and/or a salad instead of a burger and chips. Healthy eating isn’t as bad as it’s made out to be. I’ve actually come to enjoy eating salads as much as I do cheese pizza. And my relationship with cheese pizza is still going strong after all this time.

For me, substitution has played the strongest point of my change in diet. No matter how fit I am or how trim my stomach may get, I will always love eating. It’s just what I eat that plays the major factor in whether I look like Nikki Bella or Peter Griffin.

One thing that keeps me going through my diet is having something to look forward to. That something is my cheat day, which I’ve conveniently placed on a Saturday. It’s like you’re going through a dark tunnel and there’s a light at the end… only for the cycle to repeat itself, but that’s beside the point. It’s alright to have a little cheat day once a week. Just make sure you don’t splurge it. I’m talking waiting-by-the-clock-for-the-strike-of-midnight-and-then-eating-everything-in-sight splurging. Of course, if you don’t trust yourself with a full 24 hours of no dieting, then a cheat meal will also suffice, in which case, yes, splurge all you want in that one meal.

If you manage to substitute your foods, eat a cleaner diet and on top of that, work off your little butt, you will be looking as great as ever. And when you do look that great, you can refer them to Widow’s Lure as your inspiration.

I accept credit card, PayPal and boxes of chocolates (on Saturdays).

Happy weight-loss!

– by Noah La’ulu

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s