What in the Actual F Was My Teacher, My Obsession

Cue me screaming “WHAT DO YOU MEANNNN”.

I wasn’t expecting anything special from a movie called My Teacher, My Obsession, let’s be honest. It looked like one of those poorly acted midday Lifetime horrors, which is about as accurate as saying the sky is blue on a sunny day. Nevertheless, this was the third movie on my “Bronchitis Bedridden Netflix Movie Review” list so here we go.

My Teacher, My Obsession is a movie that gives the whole plot away in the damn title psych thriller film starring a bunch of people I’ve never heard of before Lucy Loken and Rusty Joiner. And before I go on, can we just quickly talk about how this guy’s name is Rusty Joiner. Like are you serious? About a million dirty jokes just popped into my head thinking about the name Rusty Joiner. I forgot what I was talking about now.

Love me some serious over-the-shoulder action.

As the name suggests, Loken’s character Kyla becomes infatuated with Rusty’s character, Chris (or Mr. Sumner), who starts a new teaching job at her school. Kyla befriends Chris’s daughter Riley (played by some other chick I’ve never heard of Laura Bilgeri) in a ploy to get closer to Chris, and, well, you know where this is going.

And SPOILER WARNING, even though the title pretty much is spoiler enough.

First and foremost, I think it’s important for me to say that this movie was horrendous. Like, very horrendous. Director Damian Romay, you should be ashamed.

There were several points in the movie where I was truly convinced that the people in this movie were doing this as a joke or something, and this film was a parody of midday Lifetime thriller movies with overdone storylines. But after doing some personal research, unfortunately, this movie was done in all seriousness, so I guess I should finish this review off.

So long story short, Kyla has the hots for Chris and befriends Riley, gets jealous of literally anyone who talks to him and schemes these baseless plots against people like the stereotypical mean girl Trisha who also has the hots for Chris, and her own mother who begins dating Chris… yes, her own mother.

Some of these ridiculous plots include:
– Pretending to be watched by a pervert to interrupt her mother’s date with Chris;
– Stealing Trisha’s flip phone, taking “racy” photos of herself with said phone, and then stuffing her own locker with printed out copies of said photos with “slut” written all over them to frame poor pretty Trisha;
– Sexting Chris from Trisha’s stolen phone to make her mother break up with him.
– And my personal favourite, calling Trisha to meet up with her after getting the poor girl investigated by the police, and then beating herself up and breaking her own damn fingers in front of Trisha while the dumb blonde is like “What are you doing?” and then crying that Trisha wholloped this crazy ass mfer.

Kyla is la-la-la-loca, in case you’re having trouble keeping up.

While it sounds like all the blame should be going to Kyla for being psychotic – even though there is no real reason why she should be this unhinged because the film didn’t give us a good enough reason for her to be – the award for supporting male lead in this toxic and also illegal relationship goes to Chris, who is as stupid as he is fine.

Mr. Sumner in all of his stupid-but-fine glory.

So after succeeding in making her mum dump his ass, he’s out on their driveway sitting in his dump truck, and Kyla gets into his car and starts hitting on him and then even mounts the poor fucker, and Chris does literally nothing to stop her. Maybe somewhere in the midst of his poorly acted lines he said something like “No. Stop.”, but he doesn’t, and the girl ends up pashing him while he just sits there. But then the guy just goes to school the next day like nothing happened! WHAT DO YOU MEAN.

Better yet, after convincing Riley to have a party at her house for her 18th birthday, Kyla sneaks off into Chris’s room, manages to seduce him somehow even though homeboy knows this is wrong and his daughter and all of her friends are literally outside the window, and then they nearly end up bonking until Riley walks in and catches them. And the movie wants us to believe that Chris is “so damaged from his cheating ex-wife and breaking up with Kyla’s mum” that he was susceptible to seduction by this little mf hoe. WHAT DO YOU MEAN.

If you’ve kept up this far, just wait… it gets even better.

In the climax of the movie, Chris is at the school clearing out his desk because he plans to quit to get away from Kyla’s ass – even though his teaching career should be well and truly over – and Riley’s there taking photos for some school thing… and Kyla manages to break out of the hospital she put herself in WITH A FUCKING SCALPEL, stabs Riley, holds Chris at SCALPEL point in an attempt to bonk him even though he could’ve clocked the stupid girl with those massive arms of his, kills this poor janitor just for trying to help Riley, knocks out Chris by accident and is like “Omg what did I do”, and then Riley knocks her out with A FUCKING CAMERA. AND THEN KYLA SURVIVES THIS BEATDOWN AND SOMEHOW DOESN’T GET THROWN INTO PRISON FOR KILLING THIS POOR JANITOR. WHAT DO YOU MEAN.

The acting was abysmal; the storyline managed to make no sense whatsoever even though it’s been done before; none of the characters reactions to things made any logical sense whatsoever; and pray tell me how tf this little girl manages to kill someone and incite fear into a bunch of other people and not get incarcerated for it.

If there was a saving grace to this movie, it was:
A) Rusty Joiner is fine af and;
B) The chick who played Trisha was also very ridiculously attractive.

Trisha: an unsung hero.

I am genuinely upset that I wasted 90 minutes of my life watching this absolute sack of shit that’s trying to disguise itself as a movie. And I’m ironically sad that this movie will take up space on my website.

Tl;dr: don’t waste your time even reading this movie’s synopsis.

And to everyone involved with this film, I’ll pray for you.

– by The Black Widow