Tag Archives: Netflix

Take Me On a Holidate!

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That was for you, Luke Bracey.

I was sitting on the lounge watching yet another terribly terrific Christmas romcom and my friend walks out and says “What is it with you and these Christmas movies? They’re all the same!” To that, I say: let’s talk about Holidate.

Holidate stars Emma Roberts and Luke Bracey as Sloane and Jackson respectively. Sloane is irreparably single and still pining after her ex that left her for someone else, and Jackson is a fuckboi with commitment issues and a beautiful smile.

The two meet in a chance encounter (shocker!) and then after initially detesting each other (even bigger shocker!) they agree to be each other’s ‘holidate’ – the person they can bring as a date on holidays so their family and friends can stop bugging them about being single, because apparently there’s nothing worse than being single during a holiday (this is a stigma that I wish would disappear, but more on that later).

Luke Bracey is scratching his head in awe of my beauty. Emma Roberts is also pictured.

You know I love a good Christmas romcom so this post is going to be overwhelmingly positive.

The first thing I noticed about this film which became my most favourite thing about it (besides Luke Bracey’s fine ass) is how realistic it was. I understand that majority of Christmas movies are intended to be family friendly, so swearing or the slightest inclination of physical intimacy are forbidden, but let’s be honest: people swear, and they have sex. And this movie had that. Fuck, it was refreshing.

Again, I’m aware that movies like this always have a predictable ending, but that’s the appeal of Christmas romcoms; even though I’m not going to ‘spoil’ the ending for you, your first assumption is probably correct. But the journey on these movies are so fun, and this was a fun ass mf journey!

You had the stock standard meddling middle aged woman (Sloane’s mother); the ex and his physical upgrade; the potential love interest (Farooq); and of course, the extremely attractive male lead that appears in a random scene shirtless for no reason and makes guys and gals want to watch this movie.

Plus, how iconic is the finger scene?! (Probably not the fingering you’re thinking of)

I’m going to be honest: I’ve never been a big fan of Emma Roberts, and I can’t explain why. She’s not untalented, or unattractive, or difficult to watch, but I just haven’t really connected to her before. But she did a good job in this movie as the lonely girl who falls for the guy character. Sloane was made to be kind of quirky, but not too quirky so she doesn’t appear to be one of those ‘I’m not like other girls’ harpies.

If you haven’t gotten the hint already, I’m a big Luke Bracey fan. His looks aside, I’ll always have a soft spot for Aussie actors, and on top of that, he was also great in his role. But most importantly, he was believable in his role. I believed that he was a fuckboi douchebag in the beginning, and then I believed that he was this closet romantic by the end of the movie that wanted nothing more than a fairytale ending.

Also anything with Kristin Chenoweth in it is guaranteed to be a deadset ripper. Can’t say enough positive things about her. 10/10 superstar. Ugh. What a queen.

Generally speaking with Christmas romcoms, I’m a one and done kinda guy. Even though I love them so much, they don’t have the greatest replayability. But I would happily watch this movie again, and again, and again, until Luke Bracey figures out that he’s in love with me.

Just kidding. Sort of.

But seriously, cannot recommend this movie enough. If you have Netflix and have nothing productive to do, please do yourself a favour and watch it. And think of me when you see Luke Bracey with his pretty smile.

– by The Black Widow

Romance On The Menu is Terribly Terrific

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Can we just take a moment to appreciate the title Romance On The Menu? Iconic.

Last year I was bedridden with bronchitis, rhino virus and God knows what else, so I decided to use my time wisely by watching a bunch of films on Netflix and review them.

Now I’m bedridden with a dislocated coccyx so am unable to attend most of the physical activities and hobbies that occupy my time. With more time than usual on my hands, I’ve returned to my roots of reviewing Netflix films.

What’s on the menu today? Romance On The Menu!

I know right. I’m so funny I can’t even help it.

The attraction is alive and well. And I’m definitely referring to me and ol’ mate Cook here.

If the film title doesn’t give it away, Romance On The Menu is a romantic comedy recently released exclusively on Netflix. It stars Cindy Busby and Tim Ross as Caroline Wilson and Simon Cook respectively.

Let me just start by saying that if you’ve seen Falling Inn Love starring Christina Milian, then you’ve basically already seen this movie.

SPOILERS AHEAD. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Basically, this film follows the same plot as Falling Inn Love. Caroline, a chef at an upscale restaurant in New York, inherits a cafe from her late aunt in Australia. She decides to go over and fix up the place so she can sell it and return back to her life in New York.

Enter Simon Cook the handsome Australian cook (ba dum tsh). Like every romance movie ever, Simon and Caroline initially clash heads, but to the surprise of absolutely no one, they end up falling in love. There was also the classic ‘shirtless male lead scene for no apparent reason’ cliché in which Simon’s rig wasn’t overly impressive, but yolo because he’s cute anyway.

If you’ve read this far, then you basically know what happened in the rest of the movie. Caroline ends up not wanting to sell the cafe, her and Simon fall in love with each other, and then she ends up keeping the cafe but still wanting to retain her life in New York. And then ol’ mate Simon flies to New York and tells her how much he loves her and they kiss and fireworks spark off in the distance.

The end.

Now that that’s done. Let me tell you what I love about movies like Romance on the Menu. I’m well aware that if you choose to watch a cheesy romcom that looks like it belongs on the Hallmark channel that you shouldn’t expect a cinematic masterpiece. In saying that, I’ve never particularly enjoyed cinematic masterpieces, and the cheesier the romcom, the better!

You can tell just by looking at the movie promotional material what’s going to happen. You know that Caroline and Simon are going to end up falling in love before the movie has even started. The entire plot gives itself away after the first minutes of the movie. But that’s the thing with cheesy romance movies like this.

It’s not about the destination; it’s about the journey. And this journey was actually pretty entertaining. Like can we talk about how iconic the childish food fight scene was?

Let me tell you, I’m all for the casting of funny attractive Aussie actors in lead male roles in romance movies, and Tim Ross was amazing in his role. He and Cindy had fairly decent chemistry which is super important for a romcom because for me personally, I can see through faked chemistry very easily and it ruins my experience with the movie.

The hometown feel of the location is also very important for a film like this, and the supporting characters did give it quite a homely feel. The ‘meddling middle aged woman’ cliché in Marla did her role well (to the point that I found her genuinely irritating), and bless her for locking them in the pantry to provide us with the most iconic scene of the entire film.

Again, you can see the destination from a mile away, but when you watch movies like Romance on the Menu, let the journey take you down its path and enjoy it while you can.

P.S. Tim Ross, if you’re reading this… heeeeeyyyy.

– by The Black Widow

What in the Actual F Was My Teacher, My Obsession

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Cue me screaming “WHAT DO YOU MEANNNN”.

I wasn’t expecting anything special from a movie called My Teacher, My Obsession, let’s be honest. It looked like one of those poorly acted midday Lifetime horrors, which is about as accurate as saying the sky is blue on a sunny day. Nevertheless, this was the third movie on my “Bronchitis Bedridden Netflix Movie Review” list so here we go.

My Teacher, My Obsession is a movie that gives the whole plot away in the damn title psych thriller film starring a bunch of people I’ve never heard of before Lucy Loken and Rusty Joiner. And before I go on, can we just quickly talk about how this guy’s name is Rusty Joiner. Like are you serious? About a million dirty jokes just popped into my head thinking about the name Rusty Joiner. I forgot what I was talking about now.

Love me some serious over-the-shoulder action.

As the name suggests, Loken’s character Kyla becomes infatuated with Rusty’s character, Chris (or Mr. Sumner), who starts a new teaching job at her school. Kyla befriends Chris’s daughter Riley (played by some other chick I’ve never heard of Laura Bilgeri) in a ploy to get closer to Chris, and, well, you know where this is going.

And SPOILER WARNING, even though the title pretty much is spoiler enough.

First and foremost, I think it’s important for me to say that this movie was horrendous. Like, very horrendous. Director Damian Romay, you should be ashamed.

There were several points in the movie where I was truly convinced that the people in this movie were doing this as a joke or something, and this film was a parody of midday Lifetime thriller movies with overdone storylines. But after doing some personal research, unfortunately, this movie was done in all seriousness, so I guess I should finish this review off.

So long story short, Kyla has the hots for Chris and befriends Riley, gets jealous of literally anyone who talks to him and schemes these baseless plots against people like the stereotypical mean girl Trisha who also has the hots for Chris, and her own mother who begins dating Chris… yes, her own mother.

Some of these ridiculous plots include:
– Pretending to be watched by a pervert to interrupt her mother’s date with Chris;
– Stealing Trisha’s flip phone, taking “racy” photos of herself with said phone, and then stuffing her own locker with printed out copies of said photos with “slut” written all over them to frame poor pretty Trisha;
– Sexting Chris from Trisha’s stolen phone to make her mother break up with him.
– And my personal favourite, calling Trisha to meet up with her after getting the poor girl investigated by the police, and then beating herself up and breaking her own damn fingers in front of Trisha while the dumb blonde is like “What are you doing?” and then crying that Trisha wholloped this crazy ass mfer.

Kyla is la-la-la-loca, in case you’re having trouble keeping up.

While it sounds like all the blame should be going to Kyla for being psychotic – even though there is no real reason why she should be this unhinged because the film didn’t give us a good enough reason for her to be – the award for supporting male lead in this toxic and also illegal relationship goes to Chris, who is as stupid as he is fine.

Mr. Sumner in all of his stupid-but-fine glory.

So after succeeding in making her mum dump his ass, he’s out on their driveway sitting in his dump truck, and Kyla gets into his car and starts hitting on him and then even mounts the poor fucker, and Chris does literally nothing to stop her. Maybe somewhere in the midst of his poorly acted lines he said something like “No. Stop.”, but he doesn’t, and the girl ends up pashing him while he just sits there. But then the guy just goes to school the next day like nothing happened! WHAT DO YOU MEAN.

Better yet, after convincing Riley to have a party at her house for her 18th birthday, Kyla sneaks off into Chris’s room, manages to seduce him somehow even though homeboy knows this is wrong and his daughter and all of her friends are literally outside the window, and then they nearly end up bonking until Riley walks in and catches them. And the movie wants us to believe that Chris is “so damaged from his cheating ex-wife and breaking up with Kyla’s mum” that he was susceptible to seduction by this little mf hoe. WHAT DO YOU MEAN.

If you’ve kept up this far, just wait… it gets even better.

In the climax of the movie, Chris is at the school clearing out his desk because he plans to quit to get away from Kyla’s ass – even though his teaching career should be well and truly over – and Riley’s there taking photos for some school thing… and Kyla manages to break out of the hospital she put herself in WITH A FUCKING SCALPEL, stabs Riley, holds Chris at SCALPEL point in an attempt to bonk him even though he could’ve clocked the stupid girl with those massive arms of his, kills this poor janitor just for trying to help Riley, knocks out Chris by accident and is like “Omg what did I do”, and then Riley knocks her out with A FUCKING CAMERA. AND THEN KYLA SURVIVES THIS BEATDOWN AND SOMEHOW DOESN’T GET THROWN INTO PRISON FOR KILLING THIS POOR JANITOR. WHAT DO YOU MEAN.

The acting was abysmal; the storyline managed to make no sense whatsoever even though it’s been done before; none of the characters reactions to things made any logical sense whatsoever; and pray tell me how tf this little girl manages to kill someone and incite fear into a bunch of other people and not get incarcerated for it.

If there was a saving grace to this movie, it was:
A) Rusty Joiner is fine af and;
B) The chick who played Trisha was also very ridiculously attractive.

Trisha: an unsung hero.

I am genuinely upset that I wasted 90 minutes of my life watching this absolute sack of shit that’s trying to disguise itself as a movie. And I’m ironically sad that this movie will take up space on my website.

Tl;dr: don’t waste your time even reading this movie’s synopsis.

And to everyone involved with this film, I’ll pray for you.

– by The Black Widow

Happy Death Day is WAY Better Than You’d Think

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Feel like being pleasantly surprised?

In the second addition of “Bronchitis Bedridden Netflix Movie Reviews”, I mindlessly turned on Happy Death Day after skimming over the synopsis, thinking that this would help me pass the time in my neverending quest to get rid of this damn illness.

So Happy Death Day is a comedy/thriller/horror starring Jessica Rothe as Theresa, or Tree… because if your name was Theresa, you would want people to give you a nickname like Tree. Anyways, Theresa (because I refuse to acknowledge her as Tree) is your standard blonde sorority bitch who celebrates her birthday by getting murdered by a masked killer. But then she wakes up on the same day and has to re-live the day where she gets murdered until she figures out who’s doing it.

Sounds kinda lame, right? Well you, like me, would be wrong!

Gruesome and all… but why do I suddenly feel like cake now?

Consider this your SPOILER WARNING. And I highly recommend that you watch this movie so you can be wowed like I was.

Theresa starts off as a bitch and you kind of don’t mind that she dies; she’s dismissive of her friends and people she deems ‘lower’ than her, and you just don’t want her to have a happy life. I thought about how this movie was going to get anyone to feel sympathetic for this bitch if she was the heroine, but they managed.

So she re-lives the day and starts to realise how much of a c-bomb she is, and on her journey to figure out what’s happening and who’s killing her, she also begins to self-reflect and figures out that she should start being nicer to people. There we go. Getting sympathy for the girl. And when she realises that she has an “unlimited amount of lives” upon dying and resetting the day, she actually turns out to be pretty funny and relatable.

The thing that I loved most about her days resetting was how they could easily differ from one another; there was no set formula to how her day could or should go. On the first night she’s lured into a tunnel and is killed; one day she barricades herself in her room, thinking she’ll escape death, but then is killed; one night she is drowned to death (and then wakes up vomiting… nice touch.) None of her runs followed a set routine mostly (even though she would wear the same outfit for the party), and I thought that was a nice touch for this Groundhog Day inspired film.

After my disappointment with Secret Obsession‘s lack of twist, I was hoping for something good. And boy did this movie provide. At the beginning, you’re going through everyone in Theresa’s life, trying to think who could possibly have a strong enough motive to kill the dumb bitch (spoiler: everyone does). And after she deduces that everyone has an “alibi” of sorts, you’re led to believe that the person that is trying to kill her is a serial killer John Tombs that targets young, beautiful women and escapes his restraints at the hospital. But then in the end, you find out that you were very wrong.

Even though I gave a spoiler warning, I don’t want to tell you what the twist is because you will never see it coming, and boy is it satisfying when you see it for yourself.

On top of this pretty damn good storyline that successfully blends thriller with comedy, you get a stellar acting performance from Jessica Rothe, who plays the selfish, manipulative turned comedy heart of gold character so perfectly that you would think the role was tailor made to her. While the characters seemed to be very stereotypical – Theresa included – it was nice to see some of them break out of the mould.

Theresa Gelbman: a bad bitch.

The storyline, while albeit a bit borrowed and overdone, was done in a new and refreshing way, and the fact that it was done in a film that’s a blend of genres was what made it super endearing to me.

Tl;dr: this movie is way better than you would think, and you should definitely hang around for the twist ending.

Anywho, I was delighted to see that there was a sequel made called Happy Death Day 2u, so I cannot wait to watch this one and see how the legend of Theresa is continued.

– by The Black Widow