My WrestleMania 33, according to TEW 2016

In case you weren’t satisfied with the real WrestleMania 33.

WrestleMania 33 has come by and gone quicker than you can say “Sable deserves to be in the WWE Hall of Fame”. But if you’re looking for some more Mania fun slash shenanigans, then I simulated my own version of WrestleMania 33 on my TEW 2016 simulator. Read below for the results of the show.

Welcome to WidowMania 33!

PRE-SHOW
Pre-Show Match 1:
Smackdown Live – Sami Zayn vs. Samoa Joe
Samoa Joe has had a problem with the success of former Intercontinental Champion Sami Zayn, resulting in unpredictable attacks on the redhaired fan-favourite. Sami has fought back against the Destroyer, and the two looked to settle their differences at the Grandest Stage of Them All.
WINNER: Samoa Joe via pinfall

Pre-Show Match 2:
Raw – Alberto Del Rio vs. Shinsuke Nakamura
Ever since Shinsuke debuted on the Raw roster, Alberto has taken exception to the strong fan following of the Japanese superstar. Nakamura defeated Del Rio in his main roster debut, but Del Rio wasn’t about to let the same mistake happen again.
WINNER: Alberto Del Rio via pinfall

Pre-Show Match 3:
Interbrand – The Fabulous Moolah Memorial Battle Royal
Following the success of the first ever Women’s Rumble, WWE gave the inaugural Fabulous Moolah Memorial Battle Royal the greenlight, the female counterpart to the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal. Superstars from Raw and Smackdown Live will compete to see who would be the first trophy holder.
WINNER: Nikki Bella from Smackdown Live

Pre-Show Match 4:
Interbrand – The Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
The Raw roster had banded together for this battle royal to make sure one of their guys won the trophy, even with lingering problems between them. The Smackdown Live roster were looking to make sure that both trophies came to the blue brand.
WINNER: Braun Strowman from Raw

MAIN CARD
Match 1:
Smackdown Live – Smackdown Tag Team Champions The Usos (Jey Uso and Jimmy Uso) vs. The Revival (Dash Wilder and Scott Dawson) vs. Bad Influence (Christopher Daniels and Frankie Kazarian) vs. Breezango (Fandango and Tyler Breeze) in a four-way elimination match for the Smackdown Tag Team Championships
The Usos were the inaugural Smackdown Tag Team Champions, and are now in their second reign after defeating Bray Wyatt and Erick Rowan. The Smackdown tag team division want to put up a credible challenge to the Samoan champions in this elimination-style match.
WINNERS: The Usos via pinfall over the Revival to retain the Smackdown Tag Team Championships; Bad Influence were first eliminated, followed by Breezango

Match 2:
Raw – Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Owens
Former best friends turned bitter enemies go into battle as Y2J takes on KO. This incredibly physical rivalry will finally culminate at WrestleMania after many backstage assaults and in-ring brawls.
WINNER: Chris Jericho via pinfall

Match 3:
Smackdown Live – Shane McMahon vs. Cody Rhodes w/ Brandi Rhodes
Cody Rhodes feels that Smackdown Live Commissioner Shane McMahon has been treating him unfairly, and took his frustrations out on him. Thinking he wouldn’t retaliate, Rhodes was surprised when McMahon fought back, and challenged him to a match at WrestleMania.
WINNER: Cody Rhodes via pinfall after a distraction from Brandi

Match 4:
Raw – United States Champion Finn Balor vs. Cesaro vs. Sheamus vs. Neville for the United States Championship
Currently the longest reigning champion in WWE, Finn Balor has beaten every challenger thrown his way. Now facing three formidable opponents, the Irish champion looks to retain his championship at WrestleMania.
WINNER: Finn Balor via pinfall on Neville to retain the United States Championship

Match 5:
Smackdown Live – The Wyatt Family (Bray Wyatt and Erick Rowan) vs. Zack Sabre Jr. and Dolph Ziggler in a Steel Cage Elimination Match
Dolph’s problems with the Wyatts looked to hinder him as the numbers worked against him, so he called in back-up in the form of main roster debuting Zack Sabre Jr. Bray now has his opponents trapped in a steel cage with no escape, and Rowan is more than happy to serve his master.
WINNER: Dolph Ziggler via pinfall on Bray Wyatt; Erick Rowan was first eliminated, followed by Zack Sabre Jr.

Match 6:
Raw – Raw Women’s Champion Sasha Banks vs. AJ Lee vs. Eve Torres vs. Charlotte Flair for the Raw Women’s Championship
The Boss has shown a different side of her recently, turning her back on the WWE Universe. After a triple threat match between AJ, Torres and Flair ended in a no contest, Stephanie McMahon declared that Sasha would defend her title in a fatal four way.
WINNER: Eve Torres via pinfall on Sasha Banks to become the New Raw Women’s Champion

Match 7:
Smackdown Live – Ryback w/ Smackdown Women’s Champion Eva Marie vs. Randy Orton
When John Cena defeated Ryback and Randy Orton to become the no#1 contender for the World Championship, Ryback blamed Orton for the loss and took out his anger on the Apex Predator. The two main eventers will finally clash at WrestleMania, with the devious and cunning Smackdown Women’s Champion Eva Marie on the outside.
WINNER: Randy Orton via pinfall

Match 8:
Raw – Raw Tag Team Champions The Dudley Boyz (Bubba Ray Dudley and D-Von Dudley) vs. Avalon (Hugo Knox and Jon Cutler) w/ Satisfaction vs. The Club (Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows) vs. Enzo Amore and Big Cass for the Raw Tag Team Championships in a four-way ladder match
The Dudley Boyz have reigned supreme on their division for the past four months, and with the debut of Satisfaction’s new team in Hugo Knox and Jon Cutler, the Raw tag team division looks to shake up, culminating in this high-stakes ladder match.
WINNERS: The Dudley Boyz via title retrieval to retain the Raw Tag Team Championships

Match 9
Smackdown Live – Intercontinental Champion Baron Corbin vs. Dean Ambrose for the Intercontinental Championship
Dean Ambrose defeated the Miz to become the #1 contender for the Intercontinental Championship, and Baron Corbin looked to injure the Lunatic Fringe and make sure he didn’t make it to WrestleMania. But Ambrose is here, and looks to take the title from Corbin once and for all.
WINNER: Baron Corbin via pinfall to retain the Intercontinental Championship

Match 10
Raw – Brock Lesnar w/ Sable vs. Bobby Roode
When Bobby Roode first challenged Brock Lesnar at WrestleMania, the Beast Incarnate and his wife Sable thought it was a joke. Roode wouldn’t take no for an answer, and got into a verbal war with Sable until she finally accepted on Brock’s behalf. Beating Roode in tag team contests, Lesnar was confident he would make short work of Roode at WrestleMania.
WINNER: Bobby Roode via pinfall

Match 11
Smackdown Live – Smackdown Women’s Champion Eva Marie vs. Paige for the Smackdown Women’s Championship
Eva Marie has managed to avoid the women of the Smackdown Live by using her client Ryback to her advantage, faking injuries, and choosing to defend her title in Bra and Panties matches. Then-Raw superstar Paige won the first ever Women’s Rumble, and crossed over to Smackdown to shut up Eva Marie for good. With Ryback banned from ringside, how will Eva Marie fare on her own?
WINNER: Paige via pinfall to become the New Smackdown Women’s Champion

Match 12
Raw – Roman Reigns vs. Triple H w/ Stephanie McMahon
Triple H cost Roman Reigns a shot at the Universal Championship when he distracted Roman in the Royal Rumble long enough for Seth to capitalise and toss him out. Roman is out for revenge, and the Cerebral Assassin is more than happy to give him what he wants.
WINNER: Roman Reigns via pinfall

Match 13
Smackdown Live – World Champion AJ Styles vs. John Cena for the World Championship
AJ Styles has been a fighting champion, defeating the likes of Samoa Joe, Dean Ambrose, Ryback and Randy Orton to retain his gold. John Cena has beaten AJ before, and challenged AJ to one more match at WrestleMania to see who is truly the Face that Runs the Place.
WINNER: AJ Styles via pinfall to retain the World Championship

Match 14
Raw – Universal Champion CM Punk vs. Seth Rollins w/ Satisfaction for the Universal Championship
After winning the Royal Rumble thanks to Triple H, it was no surprise that Seth Rollins bid his time to strike on the new Universal Champion in CM Punk. With only a short title reign under his belt, the Straight Edge Superstar looks to continue his run by defeating the 2017 Royal Rumble winner in the main event at WrestleMania.
WINNER: Seth Rollins via pinfall to become the New Universal Champion

Yeah. Pretty sure my Mania was better than the real one. Soz Roman.

– by Noah La’ulu

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