Category Archives: Lifestyle

Are you a Grinch or a Scrooge?

Posted in Lifestyle by

The number six is commonly associated with evil and malice due to its devilish nature, so it’s only fitting that the sixth day of Christmas is solely dedicated to the fun-drainers of the festive season.

The Scrooge

Bah humbug.

Bah humbug.

“The cold within him froze his old features, nipped his pointed nose, made his eyes red, his thin lips blue, and he spoke out shrewdly in his grating voice…”

Good ol’ Ebenezer Scrooge; his last name is synonymous with being bitter and full of hatred. Literally. That gives you a fair idea of just how unhappy this man was. It only took him an intense supernatural journey to turn him into… well, I won’t spoil it for you just in case, but let’s just say there is still hope for you if you are anything like this man.

Scrooge qualities:
[x] You despise Christmas carols and Christmas decorations. Fair enough, if the same song gets played in your head, you would want to cause grievous harm to a plant, but come on – it’s a happy, festive holiday season for everyone! Smile!
[x] You get annoyed at Christmas lights on houses. How someone could NOT love Christmas lights on houses is beyond me!
[x] You have no sympathy for the poor and homeless on Christmas. Aww, c’mon…
[x] You would reveal the secret of Santa to those who don’t know it. That is just cold… North Pole cold.

The Grinch

Dem eyelashes tho.

Dem eyelashes tho.

A very similar character to the Scrooge, the Grinch is a green creature (colourless in the original version) who absolutely despises Christmas and is greedy and selfish, to the point of literally stealing Christmas from other people. Seriously, who wants to steal candy from a baby?

Like the Scrooge, however, he had a different ending to how he started, but you should all know that.

Grinch qualities:
[x] You feel it necessary to steal  from someone else during the festive season. I repeat: who wants to steal candy from a baby?
[x] When a random group of people knock on your door to sing Christmas carols to you, you shut the door in their face. Shame on you.
[x] You despise people who put antlers on their car. I am of the small percentage that thinks it’s quite cute; if people want to celebrate Christmas that way, let them, no matter how tacky or deluded it may seem.
[x] You have some sort of bitter retort for those who wish you “Merry Christmas”. If you don’t celebrate Christmas, that’s totally fine, but don’t be a sourpuss about it.

Now, the Scrooge and the Grinch bot had happy endings, so if you’re like either of them, don’t worry – there is still hope for you. I just implore you to be happy and optimistic during the holiday season and embrace the joy that usually comes around this time of the year.

Alternatively, if you still behave like a Scrooge or Grinch, seek a counsellor. Get that shit fixed.

– by The Black Widow

Avoiding Gold Rings at Christmas

Posted in Lifestyle by

It is impossible to deny that Christmas is the most romantic time of year. While Valentine’s Day is the day for heart shaped chocolates and long-stemmed red roses, Christmas is the time to spend with the people you love most, sharing in traditions and showering them with presents. It’s time to snuggle up with someone special and watch The Holiday, pretending just for a second that you’re actually cosied up to Jude Law instead of them.

It is not, no matter how much mistletoe you find yourself under or how many glasses of spiked eggnog you’ve had, a time to get engaged. As my brother so perfectly put it ‘A spouse is forever, not just for Christmas.’

At Christmas, little tiny boxes are only good when they contain big diamond earrings

At Christmas, little tiny boxes are only good when they contain big diamond earrings

It’s easy to get brainwashed into dropping down on one knee this time of year, as everything from your girlfriend to Jewellery stores and Christmas carols are conditioning you to believe a grand proposal was your idea.

It all starts with the ‘casual’ linger near a jewellery shop window and a nonchalant “That’s nice, isn’t it?” as she points to the vintage Cartier.  It’ll take a while for that to sink in, and before you’ve really had time to realise what it means, the lady in your life will have moved on to step two.

You’ll start to notice the jewellery catalogues ‘subtly’ left around the house, open to the pages of big, shiny diamonds. Of course, at this stage she’s still playing coy and won’t mention them, or even ask if you’ve seen them.

Next she’ll start singing Christmas carols around the house with a flirty grin on her face. You think she’s just being cute but you’re wrong. If you listen closely, she’s singing All I want for Christmas and the one line from Winter Wonderland that goes “he’ll say are you married, we’ll say no man/ but you can do the job when you’re in town.”

Then, just when you think she’s given up, BAM! she invites her best girlfriends over for pre-Christmas drinks. Directly upon arrival at your house, they will begin with the subtle-as-a-sledgehammer comments like ‘So, any special plans for Christmas?’ and when they’re slightly more drunk the classic ‘Just between you and me, what have you got *insert name here* for Christmas? Diamonds, hmmmm?’ Finally, when both the bottles of champagne are gone and they’ve cracked open the red, those three drunken women will simply start humming the wedding tune while your girlfriends pretends to admonish but is secretly reading your reaction for signs of an impending proposal.

At this point, you’re starting to think it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to drop down on one knee and surprise her at the annual family barbeque. After all, her whole family will be there and a ring is better than the melamine mixing bowls you’ve bought her for Christmas, right? WRONG.

Stay strong, my friend. Your New Year’s Resolutions were going to be to spend less money, stress less and eat healthier. You can’t do any of those things when you’re still dealing with the residual stress of spending time with your family and your new fiancé is already planning your wedding at a million miles an hour.

Pick a random Tuesday at some point in March, take her to the local pub and pop the question over a parma and beers. No muss, no fuss and hopefully no regret.

– by Blaire Gillies

The Selfie Craze

Posted in Lifestyle by

Taking a good old selfie… whether you are in the bathroom, just finished putting your face on for a night out or just got through the gym doors and taking a pic of the great progress on your body you have achieved in that whole 3 minutes, you just can’t run away from a selfie. We are all guilty of taking one every once in a while. It’s like a disease… you take a picture, post it online, get a few likes and think “Oh wow, I do look great in this pic” and then the craze starts. Where did it all begin? Can you remember life before selfies? Where did the term ‘selfie’ even come from?

The only time you will see a Bieber selfie on this site.

The only time you will see a Bieber selfie on this site.

Well surprise, surprise… we all would have thought it was a hot young cracker of a female getting ready for a night out in town but we have all been fooled. The earliest recorded usage of the word selfie has been tracked to 2002, where it appeared on an Australian internet forum (ABC Online):

Um, drunk at a mates 21st, I tripped over [sic] and landed lip first (with front teeth coming a very close second) on a set of steps. I had a hole about 1cm long right through my bottom lip. And sorry about the focus, it was a selfie.

So there it is! The first recorded use of the term selfie was some drunken Aussie sharing an alcohol initiated wound online. Who would have thought! We can thank this guy for starting the biggest online phone sharing craze that has hit the modern world. What is the selfie doing to society? This hot topic was discussed in one of my media tutorials at uni which I found very interesting. What are the effects of the selfie craze on the younger generation? It led to a debate about the positives and the negatives of a selfie and below is what was discussed.

Positives of a Selfie:

– It boosts a person’s self esteem when they are recognized for their beauty, talent, results, hard work etc.

– It allows an individual to share life experiences with friend and family online by showing they are apart of it.

– It builds awareness e.g. the good old charity selfie where an individual takes a photo of themselves participating in a charity event.

Negatives of a Selfie:

–  It creates blows to self-esteem when individuals are bullied, harassed or teased on their photos.

– It makes the younger generation vulnerable to the judgement of others and less acceptable of themselves.

– It leads to the following of bad role models and sharing of inappropriate photos online.

– It pulls a very young generation into the online world early on making them vulnerable to its dangers.

So as you can see, very unexpected results even though selfies can have a few positive effects on individuals. It was an interesting debate and a whole lot of ideas were raised about the selfie craze and its effect on the younger generation of internet users. Have a think about what your selfies mean to you: why do you take a selfie? Is it to share with your friends an experience or a photo which you love or is it to fish for some compliments on the outfit you chose to wear last night?

One thing that I realized is that as soon as I post a selfie it’s like a ticking time bomb. I nervously sit around and check my notifications about every 5 minutes to see if at least one person has liked the photo. I have a friend who stated “Once you get over 15 likes that’s when you know it’s a good photo.” I mean really? 15 likes, is that the bar which we have set for whether your photo is hot enough or not? What happens if you get 14? Is it time to pop on a face mask and work on your styling skills? The discussion could go on and on but let’s end on a funny note. There are the oh-so-common selfies which are so recognizable. The standard poses, locations and captions which are used. So let’s look at the most popular kind of selfies which are around:

1. The OOTD Selfie

– This is where you show off your taste in fashion, makeup skills and how banging you think your body looks in that outfit today/tonight.

2. The Nightlife Selfie

– The pout comes out and the caption is usually something along the lines of “Ready for a good night out !!” (lots of exclamation marks and also may include a drink in your hand).

3. The Just-woke-up Selfie

– You woke up, ran into the bathroom, fixed yourself up, perfectly placed your hair around your face on your pillow and took a photo of how great you look when you “just” woke up. NEVER forgetting a #nofilter hashtag!

4. The Gym Selfie

– Now this one is varied. It could be just of your face lying on the bench press or it could be a full body shot of you in the squat rack or weights section mirror. This one is almost always showing a little tensing of the biceps or your soon to come abs, though make sure it looks like you at least have one little sweat drop on your forehead to look like you have done at least one rep.

5. The Smile Selfie

– Now this one is customized to fit a range of captions. It is just a plain straight photo of your face smiling wildly for reasons to be explained in the caption field. It may be “Just got the job!”, “Happy birthday to me!”, “My boyfriend makes me happy!”, “Just smile because you are amazing!” (this one is a sort of ‘I look great but let’s give that a try to look like I’m complimenting my friends as well’).

6. The Body Selfie

– This is almost 99% of the time in a bikini or shirt-less for the guys. It’s a way to say “My body looks banging though my face right now… not so much.”

7. The Cheeky Selfie

– This is one of my most entertaining ones. It is when you post a silly selfie of you with your tongue out, or with your pearly whites showing like grills (this is sort of a bad-ass angle), knowing you look really cute and amazing though hash-tagging #bored #ugly #needmoresleep #imsostupid … It’s a way of promoting yourself as thinking you look horrid though making all of your friends jealous because you still look hot whilst pulling a silly face!

So those are my most obvious pics for the most popular selfies around! So now walk away, have a laugh at your news feed and also think about which category you are falling under next time you press that upload button!

– by Nikolina Koevska

Three Wise Men

Posted in Lifestyle by

Every year, my Kindergarten put on a nativity play. Thirty-something kids dressed up as everything from Angels to sheep and trees gathered around to sing/scream carols at their parents for an hour. Super fun. Unless, like me, you were the only girl given a terry-towelling dressing gown and told to play a man. I was the wise-man who rocked up to meet Jesus and gave him a lump of gold.

As I think back on that emotionally-scarring time of my life, I can’t help but wonder why those three random guys were a) there in the first place and b) actually considered wise. What did they do that was so astute? I frequently give people presents and hug babies, but that just makes me a nice person, not a smart person.

6a00d8341d417153ef0105368815e2970c

Okay, so maybe that’s a LITTLE wise…

This year, on the Third Day of Christmas, I give to you my own version of the Three Wise Men whose intelligence and spirit are more relevant at Christmas than a sack of Frankincense.

“Christmas is not a time, nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas” –Calvin Coolidge.

Meaning: Be kind, generous and loving all year round, not just in December.

“Let’s just say that on this day, a million years ago, a dude was born who most of us think was magic. But others don’t, and that’s cool. But we’re probably right. Amen.”- a surprisingly relevant and true quote from  Homer J. Simpson.

Meaning: Everyone is entitled to an opinion. Just because you believe something different, doesn’t mean you have to start a war.

“Christmas gift suggestions:
To your enemy, forgiveness.
To an opponent, tolerance.
To a friend, your heart.
To a customer, service.
To all, charity.
To every child, a good example.
To yourself, respect” –Oren Arnold

Meaning: Generosity of spirit is more valuable than material gifts. It is impossible to put a price or a worth on a good heart and good spirit.

These three guys made it onto the Runners-Up list:

“Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven: -WC Fields.

As we all established two days ago, when it comes to family Christmas, Mr Fields and I are on the same page.

‘My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?’ –Bob Hope

Exactly. There is nothing more to say, because Bob got it right the first time.

“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included”- Bernarnd Manning

Solid parenting right there.

I honestly believe that the words of these men teach better life lessons and impart more knowledge of wisdom than a lump of gold, herbs and some sap. If Jesus were born today, he’d melt the gold into a Bieber-style “swag” chain, smoke the herbs and use the sap as chewing gum before spitting it onto the footpath. He’d be better off following the words of the misters Coolidge, Simpson and Arnold, and becoming a better person.

– by Blaire Gillies