What is E-fedding?

E-fedding is one of my most favourite hobbies right now and I’m sure 94% of people in the world have never heard of the term e-fedding. If they have, they haven’t gotten a clear idea of what it actually was. Once I was attempting to explain to one of my best friends what e-fedding was, and after giving it a pretty good shot, she says to me “So is it like Tekken?” Clearly, however, my efforts were in vain.

E-fedding in its purest form is online role playing in a wrestling sense; you create a character (or characters, as it were) and roleplay as them in a fictitious wrestling federation, called an “e-fed” (think e-mail, but not mail). The creator (called the handler) manages his or her character’s wrestling career where they may become champions in the federation or even Hall of Famers.

For the sake of argument, I will be using my experiences as an e-fedder in Lords of Pain Wrestling (LPW) and Full Metal Wrestling (FMW) to form the foundation of this article.

When it comes to your character, or characters in my case, you start from scratch; you can create absolutely anyone you want – and I stress that, absolutely anyone. I’ve encountered a character named Cyborg Lincoln, who was a robotic recreation of Abraham Lincoln, to a man named Morpheus who is the Master of the Dream Realm. In the world of e-wrestling, no character is too out there to become an e-wrestler. Besides creating their physical attributes and backstory, you also get to create their wrestling moveset and their wrestling style, but more on that later. I created the characters of Lacey Valentine, the schizophrenic housewife turned sweet-natured poster girl, and April Montenegro, the fiesty Victoria’s Secret model turned wrestler.

Lacey Valentine and April Montenegro form the tag team "The Blondetourage".

Lacey Valentine and April Montenegro form the tag team “The Blondetourage”, using the pic bases of Kelly Kelly and Candice Swanepoel respectively.

If you wanted to see an example of an e-wrestler profile, here are the links to Lacey and April’s Wiki pages:
Lacey Valentine
April Montenegro

LPW follows the “voting and promo” style of e-fedding, in which a handler writes a written piece of prose or any other form of writing and submits it as a “promo”. Their promo goes up against another handler’s promo, who they are placed in a match with, for example: Lacey Valentine vs. Morpheus would see me writing a promo against Morpheus’ handler’s promo. After the “promo” period is over, which is a time frame of when handlers can post their promos, the voting period begins. If a handler does not submit a promo within the promo period, he or she is considered a “no show” in which the showing handler will automatically be handed the win. In the voting period, other handlers vote on which promo was better of the two, three, four, or however many there were in the single match. After the voting period is over, in LPW’s case, the LPW staff gather together and rate the promos in .1 increments between 0 and 5. These ratings are joined with the votes and whoever has the highest score wins the match.

I hope that didn’t go too far over your head. Now, I’d expect some people are wondering “So, after all that writing, these people come to life and fight an actual match?” If that were the case, I would mark out hard. The head writer sends his or her staff match assignments, in which they write a match, going back to the example of Lacey Valentine vs. Morpheus. If I as a handler received more points than Morpheus, the match would be written so that Lacey Valentine would be the winner and the match, along with the other matches and segments, will be posted as a show on the LPW forums (LOPforums).

When it comes to match writing, matches are written based on the characters. Continuing to use Lacey vs. Morpheus as an example, a 5’8 vivacious blonde is not going to have the power to gorilla press a 6’2 265 lbs man in Morpheus, so when creating your character’s moveset, it’s important to take in physical capabilties. With Lacey, her moveset is quick and high-flying which is suitable for a smaller wrestler such as herself. These physical possibilities are taken into consideration so you’ll see Lacey flying all over the place, trying to ground the much bigger Morpheus, and Morpheus would use his strength to try and take the victory.

When handlers are not writing in promos, they can engage in “trash talk”, which is a totally different concept to voting and promos. Trash talking is conversation handlers have in character with other e-wrestlers where they (TA DA) talk trash to each other. This trash talking is not rated in any way (unless there are special circumstances) but it is a way to explain your character further and, of course, talk trash to other wrestlers whom your character may hate.

My e-fedding friend explained it perfectly to me when he said “It’s pretty much competitive writing”. If you’re an excellent writer, your career as an e-fedder will go far compared to someone whose writing isn’t as great. Seeing as I want to write for a living and consider myself a pretty decent writer, my characters (Lacey and April) are the current LPW Tag Team Champions after beating another two handlers in a tag team match contested for the titles.

If there is one thing that I’ve enjoyed the most about e-fedding, it is the people that it has introduced me to. I have made some really good friends through my e-fedding hobby. These guys (as they are all men in my experience) are really down to earth and genuine and it’s interesting to see the difference in personalities in guys that all have the same hobby.

I asked my friend Chris what he thought about E-fedding as a hobby and he had this to say: “I e-fed because it’s an escape. I love writing, and e-fedding allows me to immerse myself in a character and take him in whatever direction I may want to. Unlike writing a novel or a short story, in e-fedding I have to make the character adapt to several characters being written by others in a world controlled by others. To me, it’s reactive writing. It both challenges and entertains me. Not to mention that I have been a wrestling fan for most of my life.”

E-fedding is also a great hobby because it’s a creative outlet for people who want to be creative. I get to roleplay as two fun-loving bubbly blondes and still have the privilege of keeping my manly bits in tact.

Whether you’re interested in joining an e-fed or you didn’t even have the energy to read all of this, I hope this has given an insight as to what e-fedding actually is, so if I tell you “E-fedding is one of my hobbies” and you’re like “What is that?” I can just point you to this instead of having to explain in vain.

– by The Black Widow

My Take on the Fifty Shades Movie

If you’ve been living under a rock or your mind has been too smothered by the whole political vote in Straya, then you wouldn’t know that the roles of Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey have officially been cast for the upcoming Fifty Shades of Grey movie. As a Fifty Shades enthusiast and overall lover, I have my own opinion on the cast and what I like and don’t like about them.

Anastasia Steele
Who they’ve cast: Dakota Johnson

I would imagine her locks would be dyed brown for the role.

I would imagine her locks would be dyed brown for the role.

Who I think they should’ve castMary Elizabeth Winstead

This was (the closest I could get to) my Anastasia.

This was (the closest I could get to) my Anastasia.

I didn’t have a very high opinion of Anastasia to begin with and because, as a reader, you take her perspective, I couldn’t really get a clear image of what she looked like. What I pictured was a somewhat beautiful brunette who bit her lip way too much. Now, this isn’t a knock on Mary Elizabeth because the woman is stunning, no questions asked, but she is the closest I could get to what I thought Anastasia looked like. Now, when Dakota Johnson eventually dyes her hair brown for the role, I can actually see a bit of Anastasia in her, but I’m going to be perfectly honest – I couldn’t care less about the casting of Anastasia because the character is as dull as white walls.

Could Johnson play a good Anastasia? Maybe. I haven’t seen her in anything that I can remember but she has the look to be a “self-conscious and really annoying” character. You can bet your bottom dollar I will be critiquing everything when the movie comes out, and if she doesn’t step up to the plate as Ana, manure will be hitting the ceiling.

Now onto the more important role of the movie…

Christian Grey
Who they’ve cast: 
Charlie Hunnam

Known from his role as Jax on Sons of Anarchy.

Known from his role as Jax on Sons of Anarchy.

Who I think they should’ve cast: Jessie Pavelka

jessie_pavelka_interview_b

This is “my Fifty Shades”, as Ana would say.

While Jessie isn’t really known for his acting chops, I quite frankly do not give a damn. Buy the man some acting lessons if you must because when I pictured Christian in my head, he looked exactly like Jessie Pavelka – albeit a little less happy. So needless to say I was almost outraged when I saw Charlie Hunnam cast in the role because he is not what I had in mind. At all. Ask my parents how outraged I was because they got the brunt of my anger.

In Hunnam’s defense, he is an exceptional actor as I have witnessed on Sons of Anarchy and it’d be interesting for him to shift into the role of the calm and mysterious Christian Grey. If he lets me down, however… manure. Ceiling.

Christian is the main thing I like about the series and I will be absolutely devastated if they don’t get it up to my – and a lot of other readers – standards. So, Hunnam, you have got some VERY big shoes to fill. At the end of the day, I am anxiously waiting for the movie to come out because I am ecstatic to see the world of Anastasia and Christian come to life!

– by The Black Widow

I Said What?

If there is one thing that I have learned in life, it’s that it is always good to poke fun of yourself in any given situation. The people who can easily make fun of themselves, the ones who don’t take life too seriously, are generally the ones that are happier and more optimistic in life than the ones who can’t take a joke.

Blondes may be stereotyped as "dumb", but at least they have more fun, right?

Blondes may be stereotyped as “dumb”, but at least they have more fun, right?

It is for that reason that I give to you the following comical and severely unintelligent quotes from yours truly that I have unfortunately uttered throughout the course of my life in front of other people. Who said you had to have blonde hair to have a blonde moment?

Top “I Said What” Moments (that I can recall)

Friend: I’m saving up to buy a Lambourghini.
Me: Lambourghini, is that some type of expensive spaghetti?
– In my defense, I got Lambourghini and linguine mixed up and found it bizarre that someone would go to so much effort to save up money for pasta.

On a bus for a school excursion and the bus drives passed a huge mountain of dirt just outside Goulburn, NSW…
Me: Oh my god, is that Uluru?
– I have no defense really for this one. To make matters worse, this was on my first day at that school. Also, Geography was never my strongest point.

Cousin: I’m studying Radiology.
Me: Radiology… is that like to do with tanning beds and stuff?
– Surely one can make a connection with the UV rays in solariums and the word “radiology”.

My family and I are having a conversation about “boat people” and I’ve taken offense to the term boat people…
Me: Can you stop calling them boat people? That’s so rude.
Sister: Well that’s where they’ve come from.
Me: Well I came from a uterus; does that make me a uterus person?
– I’m sure other people often make silly remarks like this in the heat of the situation. Anyone?

Playing with my best friend’s baby boy and I pick up a parrot plush toy…
Me: (acting as the toy) Neeeeeigh!
– I didn’t know what noises parrots made and panicked. Imagine that poor boy’s confusion when he sees a horse for the first time.

Talking about the country Norway with my friend…
Me: I want to go to Norwegia one day.
Friend: It’s Norway.
Me: No it isn’t. It’s Norwegia, as in “this pillow is Norwegian”, not Norwayan.
A Cinderella Story confused me.

My friends at college are having a conversation and I interrupt them…
Me: This is a legit question, but like, is Willy Wonka real? Like I know the Oompa Loompas aren’t real and that the factory isn’t real, but like is there a real Willy Wonka?
– I still can’t believe Willy Wonka isn’t a real, tangible person.

Driving with my best friend to a Broncos game at Allianz Stadium…
Me: Is this Moore Park Rd?
Bestie: No.
Me: Okay… so are we on Moore Park Rd?
Bestie: NO!
Me: Are we on Moore Park Rd now, though?
– In my defense, the green sign said “Moore Park Rd” and it had an arrow pointing straight so I just assumed we were already on Moore Park Rd.

Talking about the PS4 and how it’s not “backwards compatible”…
Me: Why would you want your PS4 to face backwards anyway? That’s a bit stupid, don’t you think?
– What else was I supposed to think?

Examining a shower that has the cold knob underneath the hot knob…
Me: Do you reckon if I look at these upside down that the cold will be hot and the hot will be cold?
– There is absolutely no defense for this.

I’m sure there are more classic Nikki moments floating around there somewhere, but you’d be here for days if you were to read them all. This was an attempt a light-hearted, humorous article post and to show that it is totally okay to make fun of yourself on the rare occasion. Everyone makes mistakes; nobody’s perfect.

– by The Black Widow

My Daddy and I

As it would be appropriate being Father’s Day (in Australia at least), I wanted to write about my father and I, and also about the other father figures in my life. All day at work, all I’ve wanted to do is go home to my Dad and hug him, and when I eventually did hug him, he pushed me off and said “Where’s my present?”

Me and my father in our matching Queensland Maroons gear.

Me and my father in our matching Queensland Maroons gear.

My father, Ma’atusi La’ulu, and I – if you can’t tell by the picture of us – are complete opposites (I demanded he take a picture with me in our QLD gear and he just continued watching TV as if I wasn’t there). He is quiet and reserved and rather introverted when catapulted into a social situation, whereas I am loud, outstanding and demand attention when with other people. He hates the idea of contemporary men’s fashion, constantly stating that “skinny jeans are for women”, while my whole wardrobe is pretty much as tight as spandex.

I find it difficult to maintain a lengthy conversation with my father even though I have the ability to talk until the cows come home. My father is more of a listener than he is a talker. Despite being often annoyed by my “Nikkilicious” antics, the one thing that I have found my Dad gets really animated about when talking to me is rugby league; he’ll often sit with me when I am watching (yelling) at a Broncos game on TV and will tell me why he thinks a certain player is great and why a certain player is overrated and will go into great detail. It fascinates me how passionate he is.

My Daddy and I have one of the most unique father-son relationships I have noticed – it’s not the usual “take my son out to throw a ball” relationship. It’s more of a “I drag my father out to places he would rather not be just to keep me happy” and, now that he’s softer in his old age, I often get sassy with him if things don’t go my way and he just sits there and quietly takes it in. My mum doesn’t like how I speak to my Dad sometimes but I say “That’s how we communicate; I yell at him and he calls me stupid”.

My father is the hardest working man that I’ve ever met; the one thing that has been drilled into me since I was born was happily giving service to others. Daddy’s always helping people who don’t ask for the help but need it and never expects anything in return. He is half the reason why I am the man I am today. He’s not the perfect father – as no one in this world is perfect – but he’s pretty damn close to it.

The other fathers I would like to mention are both of my grandfathers, Koloti La’ulu and Rueben Paraha, the latter of which I was unfortunately never able to physically meet, and my oldest brother, Dane La’ulu, who is celebrating his first father’s day this year with his wife and baby boy.

As a “control-freak Princess” that I’ve been described to be, I am used to getting what I want, so when neither of my parents would give me what I want, I’d run to my granddad Koloti who would cave in just because of his gentle nature. And then I’d be like “IN YO FACE” to my parents. My father has this inability to tell people that he loves them so I’m always elated when Granddad tells me he loves me on the phone. After which, I tell my father “AT LEAST GRANDDAD LOVES ME”.

My brother Dane lives in (the better state) Queensland so I don’t see him as often as I’d like, but the last time I did, the change I saw in him was enormous – he is a fantastic father to my first nephew Drake and a great husband to my sister-in-law Jamie. It’s what fatherhood does to you, I’m guessing.

It may seem weird or unbelievable to some but I’ve always felt that I’ve had a special connection to my other grandfather Rueben, real name Taruna. While he passed away before I was born, I have a strong spiritual connection with him where I sometimes see him and speak to him in my dreams. Our connection is so strong that when I watched my parents wedding tape where he was present, I bawled my eyes out like I really knew him.

I’d also like to quickly make mention of the other father figures in my life who have treated me with such kindness in my life, Charles Leota, Vince Giuliano, just to name a couple. And also to the single mothers who take on the role as father for whatever reason, you women are amazing.

I’m going to wrap this up quickly so when my Dad gets home, I can give him his present he so desperately wants. Happy Father’s Day to all the hardworking, amazing fathers out there who have done incredible work with their children, and also to the single mothers who have the privilege of wearing both mother and father hats for their children. Enjoy the only day your kids will go out of their way to appreciate you!

– by The Black Widow