Finally, we’re coming home!

Welcome to another edition of Real Housewives ranked, and I’m so excited to be writing about my first city outside of the Bravo universe, especially because it’s in my own city – Sydney!

Just a few queens hanging out. And Caroline.

Full transparency: I watched this out of chronological order. I saw the hype about RHOS coming back with season two after a six year hiatus. One specific housewife cast in season two was also a major reason why I decided to tune in, but more on that later. I watched season two, then season one, then the most recent season three.

With a small list of castmates comes a small ranking, so without further interruption, let’s rank the iconic ladies of Sydney!

13. Athena X Levendi
Just like the very first episode of RHOS suggests, Athena X is Jatz crackers! I don’t think I’ve ever seen a housewife like Athena X, and unfortunately I do not mean that as a compliment. She was capable of going from 0 to 100 in a matter of seconds, and she would go from attacking someone and belittling them for no reason, to then crying for forgiveness, just to rinse and repeat. Also the owner of the most exhausting reunion performance ever. Ugh.

12. Caroline Gaultier
I quite liked Caroline in season two, as I thought she was stylish, had a certain sass about her, and was fairly entertaining to watch. And then her abysmal performance in season Three shot her to the (almost) bottom of this list. She spent the entire season playing professional victim, shirking accountability, and just being a general piss irritating housewife.

11. Nicole O’Neil
I quite like that Nicole is possibly the preppiest housewife in any city, because we all know Housewives was intended to be lifestyle porn. Watching her navigate conflict calmly “like a lady” and then watching her blow up at Athena X was a very interesting contrast. But her performance in season two and three is mostly forgettable, and her refusing to participate drags her down.

10. Krissy Marsh
So I actually quite like Krissy, which goes to show you how good this cast is if she’s at 10. I think she’s quite funny, has great confessional energy, and her ability to navigate conflict but also get up from a table and walk off is quite fun to watch. There’s just something about her that’s quite pretentious? I don’t know. I still like her though.

9. Matty Samaei
We all know I love a peacemaker housewife that can also get into it and defend themselves when they need to, and Matty was one of the housewives who played this role in season one. I would’ve liked to learn more about her family and her career, but seeing her interactions with the group was entertaining. And her storm off in the finale was iconic.

8. Victoria Montano
Victoria is probably one of the most stunning housewives in any city, and I love that she has a flare for short skirts because so do I. She exudes wealth which is what a housewife should do, but there is an obvious air of elitism about her that’s probably a little too real. Her role in season three as Martine’s mouthpiece does keep her from going any higher in this list, unfortunately.

7. Martine Chippendale
Martine is an interesting case for me. First of all, she’s absolutely beautiful. Secondly, I find her feud with sunlight to be hilarious TV, and her ordering her husband to carry her parasol while she swung a golf club was great. Thirdly, I appreciate that she can speak her mind, especially as the newbie in season three. What keeps her from going higher in this list is I feel like the other housewives had to walk on eggshells around her after her blow up, which isn’t a nice feeling for anyone tbh.

6. Kate Adams
From episode one of season two, I could tell that Kate would be a great housewife. Calling out past drama that had nothing to do with her in a group setting was straight out of the housewives playbook, and then she continued the next two seasons constantly speaking her mind, standing up to someone if she felt slighted, and also going to the gutter for ammunition. Textbook housewife IMHO.

5. Victoria Rees
Victoria was really that bitch in season one, and the very first episode showed that. Her throwing Athena’s cape into the harbour may have been a tad overproduced, but lord did it set the tone for the most chaotic season of Housewives ever. She had a very interesting personal story of finding her family, and her season long feud with Athena is one for the history books tbh.

4. Sally Obermeder
With the two peacemakers from season one gone, it was Sally’s turn to step up, and she fit this role well. She was mainly a fence sitter in season two, being an ally to everyone on the cast. Season three was lowkey a fantastic performance from Sally, as she started the season off trying to bring everyone together, but then would get into it with Victoria on different occasions where she won each time. Plus, you can just tell she’s a wonderful human. We love that.

3. Melissa Tkautz
Of the two aforementioned peacemakers in season one, Melissa was my favourite. A stunning housewife and pop icon from the 90s, Melissa was mainly an ear to anyone who needed one, but when her own friend Athena turned on her for literally no reason, Melissa did not back down and defended herself against that haunted woman. I would love to see a Melissa return in the future tbh.

2. Lisa Oldfield
Lisa is absolutely a one of a kind. With the sharpest tongue on any Real Housewife ever, Lisa could cut you down so quickly you wouldn’t even realise she did it, and she truly had the best confessionals of any Housewife in any city. Probably the owner of the best one liners from any Housewife, Lisa was equal parts vile, entertaining, and quality TV. I hope she did get to thank that morbidly obese guy on a kayak towing a giant inflatable swan for saving her life. 

1. Terry Biviano
When I mention there was one name who made me want to watch RHOS, I’m talking about Terry Biviano. If you’re an NRL fan, you know who she is. If you’re an Aussie reality TV fan, you know who she is. If you love a good pair of shoes, you know who she is. I have never picked someone as being the perfect Real Housewife as I did for Terry. Not scared of conflict, arguments, or stirring up petty drama and shutting it down with class, Terry is absolutely a top tier Real Houswife, and a lot of women could learn a thing or two from her on how to navigate conflict on reality TV.

I do have concerns that season four may not be coming any time soon. Season three was announced pretty much as soon as season two had ended, so the fact that we haven’t heard anything frightens me, because this entire cast is reality TV gold, and this show is only really just getting started. As long as Terry comes back, obviously.

Because honestly, Sydney is probably one of my favourite cities of Housewives ever – and that’s saying a lot!

Also I just want to include this photo here for no reason at all.



– by The Black Widow