Tag Archives: gender

Sex Talk: Sexuality vs. Sexual Orientation

Posted in Lifestyle, Sex Talk by

Probably the tamest post you’ll find under Sex Talk.

On Widow’s Lure, we’ve covered the mechanics of a threesome, and random thoughts one might have while doing the horizontal tango.

Today, we’re going to go into something that may seem a bit more political than it does straight nasty. Hmm, maybe less political and more Merriam-Webster actually.

Commonly, when referring to a person and their ability to be attracted to a certain gender or genders, you refer to it as their sexuality. I mean, it makes sense right? Heterosexuality, pansexuality, asexuality, bisexuality… it’s in the name!

However, my understanding of the term sexuality is in one’s ability to be sexual or sexy. For example, a woman’s ability to be sexy by confidently prancing around in a bikini or sharing lingerie photos is her being comfortable in her sexuality.

To me, a person’s ability to be attracted, or not attracted, to a gender or genders is their sexual orientation.

Technically my sexual orientation would be pansexual as I am genuinely attracted to all different kinds of people; however I identify as queer because it’s an all encompassing term and tbh I can’t be bothered getting into the nitty gritty of Kinsey scale and “Okay but you like men more than you do women so can you get into further detail of your pansexuality”.

My sexuality, however, is very provocative and unapologetically feminine. I’m very comfortable in my sexuality and my ability to be sexual, whether it’s the way my hips swing when I walk, or the dramatic way I toss my hair around, or by the tight and skimpy clothing I wear on a night out. I’ve been told I walked out of the womb ready to flirt, and I think that’s just because I find it empowering and quite liberating to be sexy and sexual.

My dear friend Jackie Goldschneider Merriam-Webster defines sexuality as:

the quality or state of being sexual:
a: the condition of having sex
b: sexual activity
c: expression of sexual receptivity or interest especially when excessive

Whereas, sexual orientation is defined by Merriam-Webster as:

a person’s sexual identity or self-identification as bisexual, straight, gay, pansexual, etc. 
the state of being bisexual, straight, gay, pansexual, etc.

So many things encompass one’s sexuality, from how they present themselves and behave when attracting someone, to finding what really pleasures them sexually, to your relationships with other people.

As an Australian, I can kind of see where the confusion has come from. I come from a nation that is infamous for shortening words – you may see me walk into a room, flustered, and utter the phrase “Soz guys, the traff was ridic” – and so I think this is where the confusion really stems from.

In short, I bet someone really saw the term sexual orientation, decided that there are way too many syllables for their own personal liking, and shortened it to ‘sexuality’ because it’s easier to say but also makes sense in the context.

I think healthy and respectful discussions around sexual orientation are great, and I would love for society to get to a place where an individual’s sexual orientation isn’t a problem in any aspect of life. I dream of a time where ‘coming out of the closet’ isn’t a thing anymore; a queer teenaged boy can bring his boyfriend home to meet his parents without any drama or cause of conflict.

But I think because sexuality is often misrepresented as sexual orientation that the true definition of sexuality and discussion around sexuality are lost in translation. In turn, people are made to feel ashamed about their sexuality and their confidence within their own skin, or perhaps don’t know what to do when flirting with someone they’re interested in because they don’t understand the concept of sexuality.

Let’s open up the topic of sexuality to young people so by the time in their lives where they start to discover their identities and become comfortable with who they are, they can find comfort in being who they are and loving their skin.

– by The Black Widow

You Know What Sh!ts Me?: The imbalance of freedom

Posted in Opinion, What Sh!ts Me by

People suck. They really do.

Let’s use this scenario as an example: you’re at a party and you have one bottle of premium lemonade. A stranger comes up to you and asks you for it, saying “Please, I’m so thirsty and cannot find a drink anywhere else” (you know, despite water being readily available nearly everywhere but bear with me). Being a kind and considerate person, you give the stranger your premium lemonade. The next day, you’re thirsty and you feel like a drink. You find someone with a bottle of premium lemonade and ask them for a drink. They say no and walk away. Unfair, right?

If that’s so unfair, how does an individual try and demand freedom if they’re not willing to give it themselves?

Don’t get what I mean? Let me give you a proper example that doesn’t involve fantasy lemonade. A black man who demands racial equality but hates gays and doesn’t want them to have the choice of getting married. A gay woman who demands gay rights but hates men and anything they decide to do. A free-spirited animal activist who wants animal equality but doesn’t think people are allowed to wear whatever they want.

Equality means accepting all colours, not just the reds, oranges and yellows.

Equality means accepting all colours, not just the reds, oranges and yellows.

In other words, people who demand freedom but don’t give it back.

It just stems from the basic rule “treat others how you would like to be treated”. If you want people to respect your freedom in choice and lifestyle, then you should respect others, even if you don’t agree with it.

I had a friend who was very passionate about gay rights: he, as a homosexual man, didn’t understand why people were blocking his right to marry his partner and why he felt discriminated against for who he chose to love. Fair enough right? Well, as vocal as this former friend was about gay rights, he was also equally vocal about how he didn’t like black people and openly discriminated against them. My reaction?

This picture is so relevant to life.

This picture is so relevant to life.

My argument with him was this: “I’m sorry but how do you expect people to respect you and accept you as a gay man if you’re not going to respect and accept a man down the street because he’s black? Where is the logic in that?” His response was simple: “If people don’t respect me for being gay, I don’t have to respect black people.” It is possibly the stupidest thing I have ever heard anyone say – ever. It’s like saying “If I don’t want to play tennis, why are other people playing tennis?”

News flash: there are other people in this world besides you.

My point, which I am going to reiterate here, is this: treat others how you want to be treated.

I’m not going to hate someone because they like rap music and I don’t. I’m not going to ignore someone because they choose to wear baggy trousers (as opposed to the painted on hot pants that I wear). It’s just stupid.

There are so many freedom fighters nowadays that are apparently striving for equality, but some of these people don’t even know what equality is.

End rant.

– by The Black Widow

Men can be sexually harassed too?

Posted in Opinion by

The following scene is fictitious and did not happen in any way.

A male TV show host named Jacob is chatting backstage with a female contestant on a reality show… let’s call it “The Widow’s Web”. This female contestant named Brittany just beat out three other contestants for an immunity to elimination and Jacob is looking to get her thoughts on her win. Brittany is wearing a crop top and yoga shorts with Air Jordans.

“Now,” Jacob says, looking her up and down, “do you wanna train me after?”

Cue the shock and horror gasps from the many in the audience. How dare Jacob say something like that? It objectifies not only Brittany but women everywhere… right?

The following scene did happen and it happened just recently.

Matt Cooper, NRL great and former premiership winner with the St George Illawarra Dragons, participated in the final episode of this year’s season of Dancing With the Stars  as a kind of support for fellow contestant, Lynne McGranger. He was dressed in a cop outfit. Now, for everyone who knows Matt Cooper, they will be well aware that he won Sexiest Man in League for obvious reasons.

Irene is under arrest apparently.

Irene is under arrest apparently.

Edwina Bartholomew is wrapping up her post-dance interview with Lynne and turns to Matt, in his cop outfit best, and says “Are you doing hens parties now?”, implying that he looks like a stripper or is a stripper. Matt Cooper goes along with the joke and everyone laughs it off.

He even posted the above picture on his Instagram page with the caption: “My cameo appearance locking Lyn & Carmelo up for there last dance of the night.
I’m taking bookings for hens nights for those who are interested? Haha
#magicmike @dancingau”

I’m glad Coops can see the light side of the situation and am happy he wasn’t offended (or wasn’t aware of the implications made by the comments).

Wait a minute… a female show host just made a sexual joke at the expense of a male contestant, so why aren’t people up and raging about it?

There’s always a stigma that comes to men being sexually harassed or assaulted, especially if it is at the hands of women; men like to think that they are masculine and dominant and that no one can undermine their sheer manliness. So for a woman to objectify them and take advantage of them in a sexual manner is emasculating, or at least appears to be. Men don’t want to appear hurt by these advances to keep up their bravado facade.

I wish this stigma would just disa-fucking-ppear.

I don’t know about you but sexual harassment and/or rape is what it is, and it should be equally viewed in all aspects: a man assaulting a woman, a woman assaulting a man, a woman assaulting a woman, etc. No one deserves to have their sexual rights stolen and their bodies taken advantage of.

Just like there’s a stigma saying that men sleeping with a lot of people are “legends” but women who do the exact same thing are “dirty sluts”, this stigma targets old gender stereotypes that have existed for centuries. But they didn’t have the internet, or books, or any other type of education where information can be used to broaden people’s minds and open them up to labels other than “male and female”.

Now, I think Edwina Bartholomew is a fantastic journalist and she may have made that comment in the heat of the moment; I’m not blaming her or 7 for the comments made. I just think people, especially those in the public eye, need to be more wary of their words.

Because men can be sexually harassed as well.

– by The Black Widow