Tag Archives: opinion

You Don’t Need to Tell Me I’m Fabulous

Posted in Opinion by

At the risk of sounding overly offended/PC…

I have had an issue with people describing me with certain words for almost my entire life, and it wasn’t until recent that I understood why. And no, I’m not referring to people insulting me or calling me names because I tend to let that bounce off the thick skin I’ve built over the years as a queer POC.

If you don’t know me, then to summarise myself, I would say that I am an extrovert-introvert mix; when I am extroverted, I can be loud, brash, and the life of the party; when I am introverted, I keep to myself and like spending quality alone time. My introvert side is reserved for when I am at home or in a comfortable place, so when I am among friends and family, then my extrovert side comes out, and that is the side of me people tend to see.

I am carefree in that I wear whatever I want without fear of judgment or conforming to gender expectations. I like to put a lot of effort into my appearance – again without conforming to gender expectations – so as a cis male, I regularly get my eyelashes/nails/hair done, among other things. So one would look at me and make an easy assumption that I am very exuberant, bubbly, free-spirited, and outgoing. I fuck with these adjectives as they are, in a general sense on a surface level, very accurate.

Some of the adjectives that I have issue with (which is not an all-inclusive list), however, are fabulous and flamboyant. Let me tell you why.

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This is an actual flamboyance. SOURCE: Charity Davenport’s Flickr photostream

Dictionary.com defines fabulous as:
adjective
1) Informal. exceptionally good or unusual; wonderful; superb.

With that definition, the word fabulous can describe a lot of different things, and a lot of different people. A flashy Lambourghini could be described as fabulous. Chris Hemsworth could be described as fabulous; I mean look at the man.

However pop culture has determined that this word is reserved for two groups of people: large female personalities, and large queer male personalities, and thus lies the “issue” I have with being called fabulous.

To me, when someone calls me fabulous, it’s somewhat of a microaggression because really they’re just calling me “super stereotypically gay” and they don’t know how else to say it because society has conditioned them to believe that only people like me and Sharpay Evans can be fabulous. I could opt to wear a more conservative outfit like a pair of trackies and a t-shirt and sit quietly in the corner on my phone, but because I still retain my sexual orientation, I would still be described as “fabulous” even though there’s nothing exceptionally good or unusual about my presentation.

Furthermore, Dictionary.com defines flamboyant as
adjective
1) strikingly bold or brilliant; showy:
2) conspicuously dashing and colorful:
3) florid; ornate; elaborately styled.

Even though the dictionary definition of flamboyant could be used to describe a lot of things much like the word fabulous can, I can assure you that the first thing that popped in your head upon reading the word was a gay man wearing a bold pink outfit throwing feathers and glitter around because that’s society’s definition of flamboyant.

The word ‘flamboyant’ is a more blatant case or microaggression than the word ‘fabulous’ in that over-the-top women are barely ever described as flamboyant, if ever; this word is almost solely reserved for the “stereotypically gay males”.

One could make the argument that I have a very similar (extroverted) personality to Gizelle Bryant from Real Housewives of Potomac, but because she’s a cis female, she would never be described as flamboyant, whereas that adjective would be thrown at me like darts on a board.

I remember I was once in a class for uni and my lecturer at the time described a female student, who on the surface level had a very similar personality to me, as ‘bubbly and outgoing’, and then turned to me and said ‘flamboyant’.

I didn’t like it at the time, and I couldn’t put my finger on why I didn’t like it. It’s because it’s an adjective that society has reserved solely for gay/queer men, and like the term fabulous, it’s a microaggression that people use to describe someone when “over the top gay” isn’t appropriate or PC.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying that it’s offensive to refer to someone as fabulous or flamboyant when really there is a compliment painted in that word. My main gripe with it as that when these words are used as a light-hearted way to just essentially call someone gay/queer, then you are pigeonholing that person into being just what their sexual orientation is.

We as members of the LGTBQI+ community have so much more to offer than just our sexual orientation. I have many friends within the community, and their sexual orientation or little microaggression terms like fabulous or flamboyant are not within the top 20 words I would use to describe them, and I would hope my friends think the same of me.

I am strong and resilient as I have bounced back from numerous hardships in my life.
I am fiercely loyal to my family and friends.
I am outgoing and love meeting new people.
I speak before I think, which can result in me either sounding really blunt, or really ditzy.

I am many several things before I am just pigeonholed into being queer.

– by The Black Widow

You Know What Sh!ts Me?: Those Bloody Kardashians

Posted in Opinion, What Sh!ts Me by

Okay. I’ve cracked it. I’ve actually had enough.

If you avoid mainstream media for the same reason I’m about to rant about, then let me catch you up to speed on a story I’m absolutely sick of hearing: Kim Kardashian was robbed in an elaborate heist. That’s it. Nothing more needs to be said about it.

The one time this face will appear on my website... unless she does something else to piss me off. (SOURCE: Instagram: @fyonka240's Flickr photostream)

The one time this face will appear on my website… unless she does something else to piss me off. (SOURCE: Instagram: @fyonka240’s Flickr photostream)

Then why does mainstream media continue to obsess and update on this story? A chick got robbed. Big deal.

When I studied journalism, I learned the fundamentals of showbiz journalism: extraordinary things that happen to ordinary people, you report it. Ordinary things that happen to “extraordinary” people, you report it. Eg: a woman from Geelong saves thirty people from a house fire, you report it. If Khloe Kardashian sneezes, unfortunately, you report it.

I get it. That’s how the world works, and unfortunately, it’s true that some people do care about these “celebrities”. But when Kim Kardashian’s daily life takes precedence over the consistent devastation of a civil war in a foreign country, or a country having a sickeningly powerful control of propaganda within their jurisdiction, it gets a bit fucking ridiculous.

It’s sad that this stupid family’s reportings have tarnished my passion for journalism. I don’t want to get involved in an industry whose main interest is “OMG what did Kylie wear the other day?! Let’s find out!”

Personally – from my strong opinion – if you care about what this family does, you really need to check yourself before you wreck yourself. If you do care about what this family does, you have to take a look in the mirror and question the reflection staring back at you as to why you care so much about a PR contrived family who are about as real as the bleached blond hair on my head. If you do care about what this family does, then you are missing out on all of the great people out in the world who are actually contributing to society, rather than tarnishing it. If you do care about what this family does, you miss out on the stories that are actually changing the world that you currently live in.

I mean, wouldn’t it be rough if you were taken from your home by foreign soldiers because you missed World War III for a new fucking Kylie Jenner lip kit coming out.

As a lighthearted way of proving that there are so many stories out in the world that have way more importance than what Kourtney Kardashian is eating, I’m going to compile several fake headlines and opening paragraphs of stories that fucking should take more importance than what the bloody Kardashians are up to.

Totally Fake But More Important than Kardashian-related Headlines

World War III breaks out, Australia considering joining
by Nikki Roivas

Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull may send Australian forces to join World War III.

Global aid foundations join forces to end world hunger
by Nikki Roivas

Several top charity organisations have come together to end world hunger, starting with tackling the poverty-stricken Sierra Leone.

Friendly dog smiles for the camera
by Nikki Roivas

A cheerful neighbourhood dog was caught smiling candidly for the camera.

Scientists discover that water is wet
by Nikki Roivas

Australian scientists have found through thorough research that water, also referred to as H2O, is wet.

Local under 8’s soccer team beat their rivals
by Nikki Roivas

The under 8’s South-Western Rouse Hill Pillowfluffers have beaten the North-Eastern Rouse Hill Vacuum Cleaners 2-0 in the quarter finals of the local tournament.

Glass of Fanta spilled on kitchen bench
by Nikki Roivas

A local man was horrified to discover he had accidentally spilled his glass of Fanta on his kitchen counter.

fin.

On a serious note, if you’re reading this and you find yourself obsessed with the daily happenings of the Kardashian/Jenner/West/East/South/Hudson/Maxwell/Oliviera/Valentine family, then I strongly suggest you veer away from your regular news sources COUGH DailymailPerezHiltonENewsOnline COUGH and read something a bit more heavy and deep, like Al Jazeera or even BBC World. You know, things that actually matter.

Or a story about a man spilling his glass of Fanta on his kitchen bench. Because I swear that is way more fucking important than Kim Kardashian being robbed and the thousands of follow up stories about it.

– by The Black Widow

You Know What Sh!ts Me?: The imbalance of freedom

Posted in Opinion, What Sh!ts Me by

People suck. They really do.

Let’s use this scenario as an example: you’re at a party and you have one bottle of premium lemonade. A stranger comes up to you and asks you for it, saying “Please, I’m so thirsty and cannot find a drink anywhere else” (you know, despite water being readily available nearly everywhere but bear with me). Being a kind and considerate person, you give the stranger your premium lemonade. The next day, you’re thirsty and you feel like a drink. You find someone with a bottle of premium lemonade and ask them for a drink. They say no and walk away. Unfair, right?

If that’s so unfair, how does an individual try and demand freedom if they’re not willing to give it themselves?

Don’t get what I mean? Let me give you a proper example that doesn’t involve fantasy lemonade. A black man who demands racial equality but hates gays and doesn’t want them to have the choice of getting married. A gay woman who demands gay rights but hates men and anything they decide to do. A free-spirited animal activist who wants animal equality but doesn’t think people are allowed to wear whatever they want.

Equality means accepting all colours, not just the reds, oranges and yellows.

Equality means accepting all colours, not just the reds, oranges and yellows.

In other words, people who demand freedom but don’t give it back.

It just stems from the basic rule “treat others how you would like to be treated”. If you want people to respect your freedom in choice and lifestyle, then you should respect others, even if you don’t agree with it.

I had a friend who was very passionate about gay rights: he, as a homosexual man, didn’t understand why people were blocking his right to marry his partner and why he felt discriminated against for who he chose to love. Fair enough right? Well, as vocal as this former friend was about gay rights, he was also equally vocal about how he didn’t like black people and openly discriminated against them. My reaction?

This picture is so relevant to life.

This picture is so relevant to life.

My argument with him was this: “I’m sorry but how do you expect people to respect you and accept you as a gay man if you’re not going to respect and accept a man down the street because he’s black? Where is the logic in that?” His response was simple: “If people don’t respect me for being gay, I don’t have to respect black people.” It is possibly the stupidest thing I have ever heard anyone say – ever. It’s like saying “If I don’t want to play tennis, why are other people playing tennis?”

News flash: there are other people in this world besides you.

My point, which I am going to reiterate here, is this: treat others how you want to be treated.

I’m not going to hate someone because they like rap music and I don’t. I’m not going to ignore someone because they choose to wear baggy trousers (as opposed to the painted on hot pants that I wear). It’s just stupid.

There are so many freedom fighters nowadays that are apparently striving for equality, but some of these people don’t even know what equality is.

End rant.

– by The Black Widow

Why I Don’t Like the Term “Plus Size”

Posted in Opinion by

TL;DR version: plus size is as defineable as what water tastes like.

One of my best mates happily remarked on how a department store had a plus size (female) mannequin. Thinking that this was a step in the right direction for the way women are influenced when shopping regarding what is “the look”, I asked her to send me a picture of this mannequin. Looking at the picture, however, the “plus size” mannequin in question wasn’t that plus size at all; in fact, it was probably a size 12 at most. It was noticeably fuller than the other mannequins, but the point remains the same.

I wouldn't even say these models are plus size. They're just how they should be. (Image via Marden Plus Size Facebook page)

I wouldn’t even say these models are plus size. They’re just how they should be. (Image via Marden Plus Size Facebook page)

That left me thinking… if a size 12 is considered plus size in today’s society, what happens to those women who are a size 16 or 18 or even bigger? Are they made to feel worse about themselves because they aren’t even considered to be plus size? What are they considered then… double plus size? Triple plus size?

If you rewind it even further, why is it even called “plus size”? The term kind of implies that it is a normal size plus a little bit more. I’m sorry but who is this ultimate power deciding what women’s size is normal and what isn’t? Why is a women’s size 8 completely “normal” but a 14 isn’t?

I remember having a discussion with a friend of mine and she told me that nearly every if not all marketing ads you see in shopping malls or kind of subliminal messages to tell you how you “should and shouldn’t” look. You see the ads where there a group of “normal looking” models wearing the clothes that are sold in the store, but what are you meant to do if you don’t look like them? Imagine there was a short, chubby girl with a brown bob cut looking at a picture of a leggy blonde with a perfect tan and perfectly-toothed smile wearing a floral playsuit. Would that brunette girl think that she isn’t allowed to wear this floral playsuit because she doesn’t look like the girl in the picture?

With so many ads and marketing tools in today’s society telling us what we should look like and how we should feel about ourselves, why isn’t anyone telling us “Hey, if your health is fine and you’re happy with who you are and what you look like, fuck everyone else. Go ‘head wit’ yo’ bad self.” If you’re content being a size 6, all the power to you! If you’re pleased with your size 14 figure, all the power to you! If you’re happy to be at the gym 7 days a week – or if you’re okay with never stepping foot in a gym and living off Nutella – I say all the power to you!

In the same light, just like there is nothing wrong with being a size with a higher number, there isn’t anything wrong with being a size with a lower number. Don’t be a Meaghan Trainor and skinny shame “them skinny bitches”. People were made to be different. It’s time people really embrace that.

– by The Black Widow