Tag Archives: Kim Kardashian

You Know What Sh!ts Me?: Those Bloody Kardashians

Posted in Opinion, What Sh!ts Me by

Okay. I’ve cracked it. I’ve actually had enough.

If you avoid mainstream media for the same reason I’m about to rant about, then let me catch you up to speed on a story I’m absolutely sick of hearing: Kim Kardashian was robbed in an elaborate heist. That’s it. Nothing more needs to be said about it.

The one time this face will appear on my website... unless she does something else to piss me off. (SOURCE: Instagram: @fyonka240's Flickr photostream)

The one time this face will appear on my website… unless she does something else to piss me off. (SOURCE: Instagram: @fyonka240’s Flickr photostream)

Then why does mainstream media continue to obsess and update on this story? A chick got robbed. Big deal.

When I studied journalism, I learned the fundamentals of showbiz journalism: extraordinary things that happen to ordinary people, you report it. Ordinary things that happen to “extraordinary” people, you report it. Eg: a woman from Geelong saves thirty people from a house fire, you report it. If Khloe Kardashian sneezes, unfortunately, you report it.

I get it. That’s how the world works, and unfortunately, it’s true that some people do care about these “celebrities”. But when Kim Kardashian’s daily life takes precedence over the consistent devastation of a civil war in a foreign country, or a country having a sickeningly powerful control of propaganda within their jurisdiction, it gets a bit fucking ridiculous.

It’s sad that this stupid family’s reportings have tarnished my passion for journalism. I don’t want to get involved in an industry whose main interest is “OMG what did Kylie wear the other day?! Let’s find out!”

Personally – from my strong opinion – if you care about what this family does, you really need to check yourself before you wreck yourself. If you do care about what this family does, you have to take a look in the mirror and question the reflection staring back at you as to why you care so much about a PR contrived family who are about as real as the bleached blond hair on my head. If you do care about what this family does, then you are missing out on all of the great people out in the world who are actually contributing to society, rather than tarnishing it. If you do care about what this family does, you miss out on the stories that are actually changing the world that you currently live in.

I mean, wouldn’t it be rough if you were taken from your home by foreign soldiers because you missed World War III for a new fucking Kylie Jenner lip kit coming out.

As a lighthearted way of proving that there are so many stories out in the world that have way more importance than what Kourtney Kardashian is eating, I’m going to compile several fake headlines and opening paragraphs of stories that fucking should take more importance than what the bloody Kardashians are up to.

Totally Fake But More Important than Kardashian-related Headlines

World War III breaks out, Australia considering joining
by Nikki Roivas

Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull may send Australian forces to join World War III.

Global aid foundations join forces to end world hunger
by Nikki Roivas

Several top charity organisations have come together to end world hunger, starting with tackling the poverty-stricken Sierra Leone.

Friendly dog smiles for the camera
by Nikki Roivas

A cheerful neighbourhood dog was caught smiling candidly for the camera.

Scientists discover that water is wet
by Nikki Roivas

Australian scientists have found through thorough research that water, also referred to as H2O, is wet.

Local under 8’s soccer team beat their rivals
by Nikki Roivas

The under 8’s South-Western Rouse Hill Pillowfluffers have beaten the North-Eastern Rouse Hill Vacuum Cleaners 2-0 in the quarter finals of the local tournament.

Glass of Fanta spilled on kitchen bench
by Nikki Roivas

A local man was horrified to discover he had accidentally spilled his glass of Fanta on his kitchen counter.

fin.

On a serious note, if you’re reading this and you find yourself obsessed with the daily happenings of the Kardashian/Jenner/West/East/South/Hudson/Maxwell/Oliviera/Valentine family, then I strongly suggest you veer away from your regular news sources COUGH DailymailPerezHiltonENewsOnline COUGH and read something a bit more heavy and deep, like Al Jazeera or even BBC World. You know, things that actually matter.

Or a story about a man spilling his glass of Fanta on his kitchen bench. Because I swear that is way more fucking important than Kim Kardashian being robbed and the thousands of follow up stories about it.

– by The Black Widow

Why I Don’t Support Kim Kardashian

Posted in Entertainment, Opinion by

Last week, Kim Kardashian attempted to break the internet with a couple of naked pictures. Little did she know, my internet was working fine with no faulty connections.

If you ask me in person whether or not I like the Kardashians or anyone commonly associated with that family, I would express my feelings with very colourful language and the fact that I do not like them will be made very clear. As this will be published online, however, I do have to express myself in a more calm and fair manner.

From my limited marketing knowledge, Kim Kardashian as a brand is successful. Her face is plastered everywhere, her products are doing swimmingly well, and she makes it on the front page of tabloids for merely licking an envelope. However, Kim Kardashian as a person, I don’t believe she can claim any success whatsoever.

Did anyone's internet actually stop working?

Did anyone’s internet actually stop working?

To my knowledge, she was first introduced to the world of celebrity for being Paris Hilton’s lap dog and part-time slave, and then her and Ray J (who, if you asked me what song he sung, I wouldn’t be able to name one) decided to make a sex tape complete with horrid fake noises, and then her and her family decided to make a reality show of their drama-filled lives which I personally do not envy in the slightest, and then there were “those pictures“.

With all of the things that I’ve mentioned above – granted I have missed out portions of her life – where does “talent” come into play? For me, as a journalist-in-the-rise, the only way I would want to be a household name is if it were attached to my skill as a writer or a content producer. Not because I’m really good at taking my clothes off, or I dated someone who was famous and now all of a sudden people are following me.

In that same vein, I can’t put her husband in the same boat. As much as I dislike Kanye for his attitude and superior God complex, the man is talented. As heck.

I don’t see the talent in following a hotel heiress around, doing everything she asks, and I don’t see the talent in recording a sex tape. (Unless you manage to hold the camera for the entire duration and not make it awkwardly shake… that would be talent.)

We as a society have gone from idolising true legends of cinema like Grace Kelly and awe-inspiring musicians like Elvis Presley, to girls with nice bodies who take nude photos for a magazine. If this one sentence doesn’t illustrate the entire point of this article, then I have failed as a blogging journalist.

I’m not trying to shade those who do support Kim Kardashian. I say “to each their own” and have at it. I would just prefer to use my time idolising someone who is great at what they do and is also a decent person like Brisbane Broncos’ Corey Parker, for example, than someone who’s in the spotlight for no apparent reason other than she is Kim Kardashian.

Let’s not beat around the bush. If you had to list four talents Kim Kardashian has shown during her time in the spotlight, you’d be hard pressed to name even a couple. It’s kind of sad how society’s views of admiration are diminishing so that seemingly pointless celebrities like her are gaining a cult following.

Oh well. I’ll just sit here and quietly admire the likes of Elvis Costello and Billie Piper. Y’all can have the Kardashian family.

– by The Black Widow

You Know What Sh!ts Me?: Not Everything is “Glamorising”

Posted in Opinion, What Sh!ts Me by

This will all make sense by the end of this article.

It seems that nowadays one can’t do anything in the spotlight without someone having something negative to say about it. Kim Kardashian, for example – as much as I personally dislike her – cannot blink without someone attacking her on social media, calling her a range of insults from “fat” to “blimp-like hussy”. The unfortunate truth for a celebrity is that while they are relevant, they will always be attacked no matter what.

More recently, however, it seems that there are more and more complaints coming from individuals that seem to have absolutely no social or work life at all. These are the ones that criticise any movie, TV show, book or any other creative work for “glamorising” a bad issue.

Glamorising DVD covers since 2003. (SOURCE: Anna's Flickr photostream)

Glamorising DVD covers since 2003. (SOURCE: Anna’s Flickr photostream)

One of my recent favourite TV shows (that was criminally cut short) is Secret Diary of a Call Girl, featuring Billie Piper *COUGH* Rose Tyler *COUGH* as the main character, Hannah Baxter/Belle du Jour as an escort. It features her daily and nightly shenanigans as Hannah by day and Belle by night. Regardless, it is one hell of an entertaining show and one which I successfully referred to a friend who also loved the series.

What did the critics have to say about this? “Glamorising being a prostitute”.

Um. No.

Actually it is just showing the life of an escort in a witty and entertaining way… based on the real life of a real escort who kept her identity hidden from the world for so long probably for this very reason. A feminist who wrote for the Daily Mail stated that she couldn’t imagine that any escort would enter the profession out of free choice. Well, actually, I can; people were born and raised differently and are therefore very different from one another. While one enjoys having sex and getting paid for it, the other is equally content saving herself until marriage. And there is nothing wrong with either of them. Hello, if you wanted an example of “people being very different from one another”, just watch the show and you will see that some people even enjoy roleplaying as babies while someone else takes care of them as their parent/guardian.

Secret Diary of a Call Girl isn’t the only show to face this pointless, unnecessary fire from bored critics.

Breaking Bad? Glamorising meth.

Dexter? Glamorising serial killing.

Prisonbreak? Glamorising committing a crime and then breaking out of jail.

Fifty Shades of Grey? Glamorising rough S&M.

Stan by Eminem? Glamorising being a psycho-stalker fan and committing suicide.

A friend of mine, who was a big follower of the Breaking Bad TV series, clearly stated that if you properly watched the show, it would turn you off from doing meth. Oh really? And if not made apparent by the highly anti-climatic ending of Dexter, the show did not glamorise serial killing one bit. Just look at how royally fucked his life was because of his choice in alternative hobby.

To those people who think that every creative work has some ulterior motive to ruin today’s generation: buy some Kleenex or build a bridge.

Hell, you might as well say that Doctor Who is glamorising picking up your whole life and leaving with a mad man and his blue box, or that Pokemon is glamorising leaving your family at a young age to explore the world with creatures that speak their name.

This whole pointless glamorising has gotten on my last nerve.

My advice? Watch that TV series and enjoy it. Sit through that movie and enjoy it. Read that book and enjoy it. Listen to that album and enjoy it. But leave it at that. The artists in the world who put their blood, sweat and tears in these works are wasting their time if people are just going to complain and create problems that aren’t even there.

There. I said it.

– by The Black Widow