Things that Twelvies say

You’ll either be disappointed or amused. Or both.

If you’re not familiar with the term, a “twelvie” is someone who is in that tween age group who think they’re teenagers who can do whatever they want, but really, they can’t. I’m sorry but if you still need your mother to pick you up from the shops, then you need to get off your high horse. Twelvies don’t have to be 12, they just need to be in that general ignorant era of tween.

Working in retail, you get to hear a lot of interesting stories from interesting people. I myself have experienced stories of love, marriage, break-up and even plain inappropriate (I really don’t want to know about your sex life. Please spare me the details.) Along with the good and funny stories, however, come the bad and plain WTF stories that generally come from those in the twelvy generation.

They are, they really are.

They are, they really are.

I wish I made up the following stories. I really wish I did. However, they are all true, and I have heard all of them while working in customer service.

Story #1
Two twelvy girls are walking around the store, being loud and generally ignorant of the other customers in the store. Moments later, they come to the counter; one girl has a top on sale for $10 and a bracelet for $1. Her friend loudly says – in that annoying, high-pitched valley girl voice, no less – “Oh my god, you’re SUCH a shopaholic!” I’m sorry, what?! She spent a total of $11… if that makes her a shopaholic, I have a life-threatening disease. Literally. A cotton top and a bracelet does a shopaholic not make. Geez.

Story #2
In similar fashion, two twelvy girls are gallavanting around the store talking loudly, their smartphones permanently glued to the palms of their hands. One squeals in delight and says: “Oh my god! Sam* snapchatted me last night. We’re getting pretty serious.” I’m not even kidding. Those words came out of a girl’s mouth. I must be getting “pretty serious” with all of my friends on Snapchat if that logic were to be true. One single snapchat does a relationship not make.
*Name made up because I don’t remember what that poor sucker’s name was.

Story #3
Again, two twelvy girls are walking around the store and they disappear into the change room with a few things. I’m back there cleaning up the store as one walks out wearing a cropped bustier top and a short black pencil skirt. Probably not the most age appropriate outfit, but she still looked nice nevertheless. Well, apparently she didn’t want to look nice, because she soon says – in that annoying, high-pitched valley girl voice – “Does this make me look like a sluuuut?” No. It gets better. Her friend looks her up and down and says “Yah!”, to which the first girl replies “Good!” She wants to look a slut? Good on you. Maybe just hold out a bit longer until you’re 18 at least and not attending primary school.

Story #4
As everyone who works in retail can understand, theft is a big thing to watch, and you can usually tell which ones are up to something (although some come as a surprise!) I had my eye on a bunch of young boys who had walked into the store with their bags, especially because they made a dash for the change room so suddenly. I followed them but made sure to make it discreet and stay out of eye sight. Well, turns out I was right, as one of them says “Do you reckon if I tax this that Jane** will think I’m cool?” Oh dear. Popping my head around the corner, I say “I’m sorry, what are you taxing?” to which the boys dropped whatever they were trying to steal and left the store immediately. If Jane thinks a boy who steals is cool, I’m worried for our country’s future.
**Also can’t remember this chick’s name.

Bonus content!
This didn’t come from a twelvy, but from a man who would’ve been older than me (21+). He was clearly going to Stereosonic and came to the counter with a tank top. I make small chat with him and scan the tank top, to which he says “Hey bro, do you reckon this tank top will rip easily?” Umm… I didn’t know what to say so I did that obviously-fake laugh and gave him his bad and sent him on his merry way.

If this is how the younger generation behave and think, I’m genuinely concerned for our future. All of our wellbeings depend on 12-year-olds who want to look like sluts and boys who think shoplifting is sexy.

Or this girl.

Uh oh.

– by The Black Widow

Top 6 Customers That Every Retail Worker Hates

“You either love it, or you hate it. There’s no in between.”

This quote is very much true when it comes to working in retail: it can be the fun, exciting and dynamic experience that young, impressionable teenagers see which makes them want to work in retail, or it can be painful and God forsaken and it can turn the best of people into world-loathing cynics.

Speaking of the latter, it’s not the work that turns them into fun-suckers… it’s the customers. As someone who works in retail, I can say that there are customers who need nothing more than a good frying pan to fall out of the sky and squash them into the ground (subtle Snowboard Kids reference).

So you're one of these customers? It'd be a shame if... someone pushed you down these stairs. (SOURCE: Björn Láczay's Flickr photostream)

So you’re one of these customers? It’d be a shame if… someone pushed you down these stairs. (SOURCE: Björn Láczay’s Flickr photostream)

While it is true that there are some lovely customers that you would be happy to go out of your way to accommodate, the truth is that there are too many unpleasant customers that retail workers have to deal with on a daily basis. To give you a fair idea, here are some of the types of customers that every retail worker loathes to deal with (and provided examples):

The Ignorant Questioner
These are the ones that ask the workers questions, which they are perfectly entitled to, except they keep asking the same question over and over to the point where the worker might believe they’re talking to a malfunctioning fembot from Austin Powers. An example:

Customer: Is this garment on sale?
Worker #1: No, it’s full priced, so it’s 29.95.
Customer: Okay… (five seconds later). Excuse me, is this garment on sale?
Worker #2: No, it’s full priced.

Asking someone else isn’t going to get you the answer that you seek. I honestly don’t understand the logic behind this.

The Complainer
“But this top was on the sale rack even though there is a whole set of them placed on the other side of the store marked correctly… I demand you give it to me on sale or so help me I will complain to your manager.” If you don’t think these types of people exist… they do. They will go to extreme lengths to get what they want, even if what they want is absolutely ridiculous. The Complainer will argue with you until the cows come home and will effectively forget that people have feelings.

Customer: Oh the music is so loud and awful in here! I can’t shop in this environment!
Worker: Sorry, the volume is always like this and I can’t change it.
Customer: Well, you’ve just lost a customer!

Because I’m sure that $5 top you were considering was going to have a huge effect on the ultimate sales for the day.

The Slave Driver
On workers job descriptions, it’ll list them as “Retail manager” or “Sales assistant”. Nowhere does it say “Personal shopping basket” or “Other size fetcher”. Technically speaking, people who work in retail don’t have to offer you any kind of personal assistance at all, really; they choose to. Certain people, however, choose to take advantage of this general sweetness and put workers to slavery.

Worker: Is there anything I can help you with?
Customer: Well, I want to try these pants on. Could you be a darl and babysit my baby, watch my trolley, and stand here in case I need another size? Actually… just get me the size up, just in case. Thanks. Oh… here’s the baby.

This may come as a shock to some people, but people who work in retail are human beings as well. Human beings like to be treated as human beings sometimes. What a nifty little idea!

The Grub
So you want to try on three pairs of pants and three matching tops? Fair enough. You’re within your right. But you don’t like any of them… so what do you do? The Grub leaves their tried-on garments inside out on the floor of the change room in a pile of mess, and expect the workers to clean up after them as if they’re some incapable toddler who has gone for a run about.

Customer: Whoops… I accidentally knocked over that table display of shoes. Oh well. Better walk out now and leave it for the workers.
Worker: (chronic swearing in fifteen different languages)

If it’s that easy to take off the hanger, I’m sure it is as easy to put back on. Weird concept, right?

The Bargainer
I understand that some stores may have the privilege of altering prices to make that ultimate sale, but most don’t. So there really is no point in trying to bargain an item if the price tag is set in stone.

Worker: These ones are $49.95.
Customer: There’s a tiny, almost invisible mark on these boots. Can I get a discount on them?

No. You can’t.

The Indecisive Douchebag
This may come to a surprise to some people but putting a refund or exchange through the store’s sale system is a long process. It isn’t just a snap-of-the-fingers-and-it’s-done type thing. So when a customer buys something and then all of a sudden decides they don’t want it, no amount of apologies will make up for the half hour you just wasted of their lives.

Customer: I’ll just buy the pink scarf, thanks.
Worker: Thank you. Have a good day.
Customer: Actually, no; I want the orange one.

With exchanges, it’s also important to note that you can’t just take the new one and walk out. That is called stealing.

If there is one thing I want to leave at the end of this, it’s this: people who work in retail are human beings as well, so treat them like you want to be treated.

– by The Black Widow