Satisfashion: Dressing with Coloured Hair

Coloured hair is in. Mixing that colour with ten different others on your outfit isn’t.

Ever since that fateful night in Quebec City where my dearest Bree bleached my hair in a night of drunken fun, I’ve been obsessed with having hair colours that aren’t my natural shade. Ever since then, I’ve been blond, dark roots with blue and pink tips, blond again, red and blue with blond sides, red and blue with red and blue sides, and moved onto just red and blue on top with dark sides.

Since then, I have gone back to my natural colour so to save my hair from further damage. But with my red-and-blue-do, I couldn’t successfully wear different colours because it clashed with my hair. It’s a risk you don’t think of when dying your hair, but when your hair is bright pink, that automatically means you can’t wear green with orange or yellow. Unless you want to look like you got dressed in the dark. I mean, I’m not going to judge you or anything…

My advice to those with extreme coloured hair like mine used to be is to stick to your shades, and accentuate the colour in your hair with similar colours in your outfit. I haven’t been in the coloured hair game for long, but I’ve come to understand that some parts of my current wardrobe were under quarantine until I returned to a natural shade of hair colour… which sucks, by the way. Having plan coloured hair is BORING.

For example, if you have purple hair, maybe accessorise your black and greys with different shades of purple, or even a really hot shade of pink that compliments your hair.

For me personally, I found it quite easy to dress myself. When you’re a Patriots fan, you have lots of red and blue in your wardrobe. When you’re a fan of the Bella Twins, you will have lots of red in your wardrobe also. And if you just ignore the fact that this was a costume for a pole dancing show, the colouring in my outfit work with my hair so well.

Photo captured by The Black Light. Taken at Pole Plus Studios.

I have worn reds and blues to match my hair, and have stuck to neutral shades like white and black so that the two primary colours are the main focus of the outfit. And if I were to wear shoes with this outfit, I would stick to reds, blues, blacks and whites anyway. I guess this means that Harley Quinn knows how to style an outfit to work with my hair, not me…

I guess you get the idea now. But just in case you don’t, let me give you a short instruction list…

TL;DR
Wear colours similar to your extremely dyed hair.
Match that with blacks, whites and greys.
Complimentary colours are okay (eg: if you have blue hair, wearing deep shades of purple is okay).
Try not to have too many colours on your outfit.
Don’t look like a Mario Kart Rainbow Road. No one likes Rainbow Road. No one.

You’re so welcome.

– by The Black Widow

Top 6 Customers That Every Retail Worker Hates

“You either love it, or you hate it. There’s no in between.”

This quote is very much true when it comes to working in retail: it can be the fun, exciting and dynamic experience that young, impressionable teenagers see which makes them want to work in retail, or it can be painful and God forsaken and it can turn the best of people into world-loathing cynics.

Speaking of the latter, it’s not the work that turns them into fun-suckers… it’s the customers. As someone who works in retail, I can say that there are customers who need nothing more than a good frying pan to fall out of the sky and squash them into the ground (subtle Snowboard Kids reference).

So you're one of these customers? It'd be a shame if... someone pushed you down these stairs. (SOURCE: Björn Láczay's Flickr photostream)

So you’re one of these customers? It’d be a shame if… someone pushed you down these stairs. (SOURCE: Björn Láczay’s Flickr photostream)

While it is true that there are some lovely customers that you would be happy to go out of your way to accommodate, the truth is that there are too many unpleasant customers that retail workers have to deal with on a daily basis. To give you a fair idea, here are some of the types of customers that every retail worker loathes to deal with (and provided examples):

The Ignorant Questioner
These are the ones that ask the workers questions, which they are perfectly entitled to, except they keep asking the same question over and over to the point where the worker might believe they’re talking to a malfunctioning fembot from Austin Powers. An example:

Customer: Is this garment on sale?
Worker #1: No, it’s full priced, so it’s 29.95.
Customer: Okay… (five seconds later). Excuse me, is this garment on sale?
Worker #2: No, it’s full priced.

Asking someone else isn’t going to get you the answer that you seek. I honestly don’t understand the logic behind this.

The Complainer
“But this top was on the sale rack even though there is a whole set of them placed on the other side of the store marked correctly… I demand you give it to me on sale or so help me I will complain to your manager.” If you don’t think these types of people exist… they do. They will go to extreme lengths to get what they want, even if what they want is absolutely ridiculous. The Complainer will argue with you until the cows come home and will effectively forget that people have feelings.

Customer: Oh the music is so loud and awful in here! I can’t shop in this environment!
Worker: Sorry, the volume is always like this and I can’t change it.
Customer: Well, you’ve just lost a customer!

Because I’m sure that $5 top you were considering was going to have a huge effect on the ultimate sales for the day.

The Slave Driver
On workers job descriptions, it’ll list them as “Retail manager” or “Sales assistant”. Nowhere does it say “Personal shopping basket” or “Other size fetcher”. Technically speaking, people who work in retail don’t have to offer you any kind of personal assistance at all, really; they choose to. Certain people, however, choose to take advantage of this general sweetness and put workers to slavery.

Worker: Is there anything I can help you with?
Customer: Well, I want to try these pants on. Could you be a darl and babysit my baby, watch my trolley, and stand here in case I need another size? Actually… just get me the size up, just in case. Thanks. Oh… here’s the baby.

This may come as a shock to some people, but people who work in retail are human beings as well. Human beings like to be treated as human beings sometimes. What a nifty little idea!

The Grub
So you want to try on three pairs of pants and three matching tops? Fair enough. You’re within your right. But you don’t like any of them… so what do you do? The Grub leaves their tried-on garments inside out on the floor of the change room in a pile of mess, and expect the workers to clean up after them as if they’re some incapable toddler who has gone for a run about.

Customer: Whoops… I accidentally knocked over that table display of shoes. Oh well. Better walk out now and leave it for the workers.
Worker: (chronic swearing in fifteen different languages)

If it’s that easy to take off the hanger, I’m sure it is as easy to put back on. Weird concept, right?

The Bargainer
I understand that some stores may have the privilege of altering prices to make that ultimate sale, but most don’t. So there really is no point in trying to bargain an item if the price tag is set in stone.

Worker: These ones are $49.95.
Customer: There’s a tiny, almost invisible mark on these boots. Can I get a discount on them?

No. You can’t.

The Indecisive Douchebag
This may come to a surprise to some people but putting a refund or exchange through the store’s sale system is a long process. It isn’t just a snap-of-the-fingers-and-it’s-done type thing. So when a customer buys something and then all of a sudden decides they don’t want it, no amount of apologies will make up for the half hour you just wasted of their lives.

Customer: I’ll just buy the pink scarf, thanks.
Worker: Thank you. Have a good day.
Customer: Actually, no; I want the orange one.

With exchanges, it’s also important to note that you can’t just take the new one and walk out. That is called stealing.

If there is one thing I want to leave at the end of this, it’s this: people who work in retail are human beings as well, so treat them like you want to be treated.

– by The Black Widow

Easily Influenced But Not Easily Persuaded

I’m sure this title is going to confuse most.

Remember back in the day when all of the 90s kids were in their teens and all the fads came along (if you need a reminder of these fads, allow me to redirect you to this). The people that know me the best know that I am particularly unfazed by anything that becomes “cool” in popular culture. When guys grew their fringes out and bought womens skinny jeans from Supre, I had a fro and wore pink t-shirts. When people decided to “drop it” to dubstep music, I took my clothes off to country.

In summary, I have never really been phased by phases.

In saying that, I am putty in certain people’s hands; by certain people, I mean admired celebrities. People think I have adapted my own sense of style and sass but what it really comes down to is how my highly-adored celebrities dressed and behaved. One of my most trademark things to wear is fur, most notably, fluffy leg warmers that you’d usually see at a rave. It wasn’t as if one day I woke up and decided it’d be cool to look like a walking polar bear. Instead, this trend that has turned my wardrobe into a PETA enthusiasts nightmare if the fur was real, was inspired by a seven minute wrestling match at Survivor Series 2005 between Trish Stratus and Melina, the latter of which came out looking fierce and foxy in white fluffy leg warmers.

After seeing this, as if you wouldn't want to wear white fluffy leg warmers.

After seeing this, as if you wouldn’t want to wear white fluffy leg warmers. (SOURCE: WWE.com)

One time late last year I thought it’d be a jolly idea to dye my hair red, as in bright OMG MY EYES red. Everybody knows that someone with my skin complexion has a 2% chance of pulling off bright red hair. Why did I chance such a daring move then? Because Eva Marie has red hair, of course. If that woman jumped off a cliff wearing a burlap sack, I would join her and ask if she wanted a glass of water at the same time. One lovely hair dyeing session later with my fabulous hairdresser friend Kallie, and my hair was officially bright red. Some people liked it, some didn’t, and I was on the fence about it. But it didn’t matter, because I was one step closer to Eva Marie.

#allredeverything (SOURCE: Eva Marie Instagram)

#allredeverything (SOURCE: Eva Marie Instagram)

Let’s not even talk about my fascination with split-leg jeans or hot pants matched with Chuck Taylors and ripped punky shirts, because AJ Lee is clearly my inspiration for that.

I imagine I wouldn't look this skinny if I wore this outfit. (SOURCE: WWE.com)

I imagine I wouldn’t look this skinny if I wore this outfit. (SOURCE: WWE.com)

I think this paints one clear picture about the type of person I am – I secretly want to be a WWE Diva. While I am very happy and content with being a man, I wouldn’t say no to being AJ Lee for a day. Oh, and if you’re a fabulous celebrity that specialises in wrestling, country music, Doctor Who or pole dancing, I am pretty much yours.

– by The Black Widow

Satisfashion: Coloured suits for men

Hey guys, are you looking to stand out in a spectacular way?

Gents, if you have a formal event coming up and you want to make a statement, maybe a coloured suit is the way to go.

Men’s formal fashion is very basic: you chuck on some slacks, a button up shirt, some nice pleather shoes, and Bobsuruncle. Ties, blazers and sleek aviators optional. It is because of this that men don’t usually put much thought into what they’re going to wear at formal occasions, and to me, that is quite sad. It is possible for a man to outshine his beautiful female partner if he does it well.

Plus, to a woman, a man in a nice suit is the equivalent to a woman in skimpy lingerie to a man.

My best mate Rachel and I. This was four years ago and I look the same.

My best mate Rachel and I. This was four years ago and I look the same.

If you want to take formal dress just that extra bit further, however, coloured suits are becoming more frequent nowadays. They come in very obvious colours like lime green, royal blue and SolSat magenta – the latter of which being owned by yours truly.

Wearing a coloured suit is just like wearing a coloured dress for a lady; the suit is the statement so the extra additionals should compliment that statement and present it accordingly. If you plan on wearing a royal blue coloured suit, please for the love of Grace Kelly, do not try to compliment it with a red shirt and a yellow tie. You will look like a children’s finger painting gone wrong.

For a coloured suit, use basic shades to compliment your suit so that the suit is the most outstanding part of your outfit. Wear whites, greys, and blacks in your outfit; a blue suit would look smashing with a black button-up shirt and a white bow tie. If you’re daring enough, compliment the suit with a different shade of the same colour. A hot pink suit matched with a white button-up and a baby pink neck tie would look deadset phenom.

I wore a hot pink coloured suit to my year 12 graduation formal and was nominated for best dressed for my outfits. The light accents of a black shirt with a light silver neck tie complimented the outfit and made the pink suit the ultimate highlight of the outfit.

Guys, if you have a wedding coming up or something else of formal importance, don’t hesitate to try a coloured suit out. When done correctly, they can look just out of this world.

Just don’t try cross-colour. It is truthfully heinous.

– by The Black Widow