Here’s how I turned an intended insult into a huge compliment.
For those that know me well, then you would already know the fact presented to you in the headline. And for those of you who don’t, let me catch you up to speed in the quickest way possible… I am precious: I physically cannot stay at hostels (3.5 stars are my absolute minimum for accommodation); if you don’t reply to my message within five minutes, I’ll be the first to complain about it, and will effortlessly flood your phone or inbox with messages until you do; unless it is cosplay or pop culture accessories (love my Harley Quinn Puddin’ choker), I refuse to wear jewellery that isn’t from Tiffany & Co.; and sometimes I call my father at work just to see what he’s doing.
I am high-maintenance af, and others have picked up on it. Some may intend it in a nice “but we love you anyway” kind of thing, but some people mean it as a form of insult, as in I need to change the way I am to suit them. I admit, being high-maintenance or needy isn’t necessarily a great quality to have, but I am proud of every intricacy of my personality, whether that is being bashful, loud, blunt, or high-maintenance.
As I sat down and thought to myself why others view me that way, I realised that when people call me high-maintenance, it is actually a huge compliment to my parents and their efforts in raising me to the best of their ability.
Thanks to two individuals, these siblings have lived a great life, including the addition of two sister-in-laws.
Contrary to what some may believe, when I was first born, my family didn’t have a lot. We usually wore hand-me-downs (FACT: I still have a jumper that my sister wore when she was in high-school so-and-so years ago), and we lived in a small three-bedroom house with seven humans and one canine, but I never saw the financial struggle that my parents must’ve faced, because to me, I had it all. I had somewhat loving brothers and sisters who each year grow closer and closer together; I had food on the table every morning, arvo, and evening, with plenty to spare for tomorrow’s leftovers; and we had a load of board games and a couple of gaming consoles that kept us kids entertained for days.
My father is Samoan, so we practice a tradition called “fa’a Samoa” (which you can learn more about at this link), which is loosely translated to “The Samoan Way”. I might not be completely familiar with the practice, but what I do know is that in this Samoan tradition, you give everything you have to family and friends, even the shirt off your back if you have to – especially in important times like funerals and weddings. While we weren’t rolling around in our riches, my parents often gave everything they had and much more to different family and friends, whom we often had over for dinner several days a week, to the point where I was accustomed to having up to 20 people at my dinner table on a weekly basis.
My father and mother raised me well, and gave me everything that I needed and most often, what I wanted. That is why, several years later as a 24-year-old, I can safely say that I deserve to be high-maintenance, because my needs were always met as a child, and my desires were given to me should I be deserving of them. My parents afforded me the luxuries of staying in nice hotels and enjoying the finer things in life.
So the next time someone tries to take a shot at me by calling me “needy” or “high-maintenance”, I am going to turn around and thank them for acknowledging the stellar job my parents did with me in raising me to be the man that I am today. And I am not ashamed of it.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go straighten my seven-coloured-hair, because I can’t go out in public unless my hair is straightened and styled to the left.
And not just because Nathan Drake is a fox, either.
I have recently played through the entire Uncharted series – I’m still technically playing it if you include Uncharted 4: A Thief’s End extremely fun multiplayer mode, which I will delve into later – and I can safely say that this is probably one of the best game series I’ve ever played through.
All four PlayStation exclusive games are in the action-adventure genre with elements of platforming and third-person shooter. All of those elements are blended into captivating storylines that really tugs at your heart strings.
I’m going to get into the most appealing part of the series, and the main reason why I decided to start playing it in the first place: Nathan Drake. Not even from a physical perspective – because the character himself is one good looking fella – but from an overall standpoint, Nathan Drake is a great character. The game designers did what most others can’t do; they made him human. Nathan is flawed: he stresses out, and he isn’t that morally clean as most other standard male protagonists in action-adventure games. But that’s what makes him great. He isn’t unreal. On top of being human, he is really funny with stellar comedic timing, adventurous, fearless, brave and someone you can really get behind because you want to see someone this likeable succeed.
Deadset fox, isn’t he?
The supporting characters in the series also supply some great moments. My personal favourite secondary character is Chloe Frazer, a feisty Australian jewel thief and fast-and-furious car driver who is so confident in her femininity and sexuality that you can’t help but love her. Along with Chloe is the old-timer Victor “Sully” Sullivan, Nathan’s long-time confidante, friend and father-figure who travels with Nate on his extraordinary historic adventures, and really comes in handy because he smokes.
The flexibility of the playability between casual gamers and the more extreme kind also makes this series one of the best. I’d like to think I’m a good gamer, but truth of the matter is my hand-eye co-ordination is pretty slow, and I have a naturally slow reaction time to things, so unfortunately I’d rank in the above-average casual gamer. In saying that, this game is great because no matter how unco you may be, this game is quite easy to navigate. The storyline is generally linear, and the gameplay is easy to understand and quick to master. On top of that, the platforming and puzzles in the game brought a real sense of enjoyment to me because it was fun, yet also challenging. And if you’re like me and you keep dying because you thought that ledge was much closer than you thought, or you didn’t see the gang of cronies behind you violently shooting at you with an AK-47, don’t fret, because you can just restart from a checkpoint and correct your errors. It’s like Run Lola Run except more adventure, and less red hair.
The visuals in all four games are stunning – which they would have to be considering all the places and lost cities Nate visits – and they all look so realisitic and aesthetically pleasing. There’s a cool little Easter egg in the fourth game, but when Nate says “These graphics are pretty good”, that would definitely apply to his own game series. The only issue I would have with the graphics – or appearances, more likely – is Chloe’s damn low ponytail. Urgh. So atrocious.
In some areas of the game – you MOSTLY control Nate, but I won’t spoil anything for you – you will have a partner character or partners following you and fighting with you, but majority of the time, you’ll be by yourself, and the isolation from safety will really ignite your adrenaline. The struggles Nate faces in all four games just reiterates the statement I made beforehand: you really want to see Nate succeed. And the challenging storyline and gameplay will leave you in your video-game-playing-groove for hours on end.
Probably my most favourite feature of Uncharted – Uncharted 4: A Thief’s End to be precise – is the multiplayer feature (which should be played after finishing the main campaign, otherwise you might spoil the story for yourself). It compares elements of first-person shooter games like the Call of Duty series, with a third-person perspective shooter like Resident Evil 5, and mixes it together. If you suck at COD like I do, then you’d be pleased to hear that Uncharted multiplayer is much easier to get. It’s so pleasing to note that I don’t actually suck at this kind of multiplayer. Plus, you get to play as your favourite characters – Nate, Chloe, Rafe for me – and dress them up in cute outfits with cute bunny ears and you can make them twerk over your fallen opponent.
If you haven’t already, I suggest you buy these games and see what all the fuss is about. And if you’re an XBox user… well…
PS4 currently has Uncharted: The Nathan Drake Collection which features the first three games on the one disc, which you can then follow up with Uncharted 4: A Thief’s End. The trilogy is quite cheap considering, while the fourth and final installment is a bit more pricey considering its recent release – and the fact that it’s a bloody good game.
If you avoid mainstream media for the same reason I’m about to rant about, then let me catch you up to speed on a story I’m absolutely sick of hearing: Kim Kardashian was robbed in an elaborate heist. That’s it. Nothing more needs to be said about it.
Then why does mainstream media continue to obsess and update on this story? A chick got robbed. Big deal.
When I studied journalism, I learned the fundamentals of showbiz journalism: extraordinary things that happen to ordinary people, you report it. Ordinary things that happen to “extraordinary” people, you report it. Eg: a woman from Geelong saves thirty people from a house fire, you report it. If Khloe Kardashian sneezes, unfortunately, you report it.
I get it. That’s how the world works, and unfortunately, it’s true that some people do care about these “celebrities”. But when Kim Kardashian’s daily life takes precedence over the consistent devastation of a civil war in a foreign country, or a country having a sickeningly powerful control of propaganda within their jurisdiction, it gets a bit fucking ridiculous.
It’s sad that this stupid family’s reportings have tarnished my passion for journalism. I don’t want to get involved in an industry whose main interest is “OMG what did Kylie wear the other day?! Let’s find out!”
Personally – from my strong opinion – if you care about what this family does, you really need to check yourself before you wreck yourself. If you do care about what this family does, you have to take a look in the mirror and question the reflection staring back at you as to why you care so much about a PR contrived family who are about as real as the bleached blond hair on my head. If you do care about what this family does, then you are missing out on all of the great people out in the world who are actually contributing to society, rather than tarnishing it. If you do care about what this family does, you miss out on the stories that are actually changing the world that you currently live in.
I mean, wouldn’t it be rough if you were taken from your home by foreign soldiers because you missed World War III for a new fucking Kylie Jenner lip kit coming out.
As a lighthearted way of proving that there are so many stories out in the world that have way more importance than what Kourtney Kardashian is eating, I’m going to compile several fake headlines and opening paragraphs of stories that fucking should take more importance than what the bloody Kardashians are up to.
Totally Fake But More Important than Kardashian-related Headlines
World War III breaks out, Australia considering joining by Nikki Roivas
Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull may send Australian forces to join World War III.
Global aid foundations join forces to end world hunger by Nikki Roivas
Several top charity organisations have come together to end world hunger, starting with tackling the poverty-stricken Sierra Leone.
Friendly dog smiles for the camera by Nikki Roivas
A cheerful neighbourhood dog was caught smiling candidly for the camera.
Scientists discover that water is wet by Nikki Roivas
Australian scientists have found through thorough research that water, also referred to as H2O, is wet.
Local under 8’s soccer team beat their rivals by Nikki Roivas
The under 8’s South-Western Rouse Hill Pillowfluffers have beaten the North-Eastern Rouse Hill Vacuum Cleaners 2-0 in the quarter finals of the local tournament.
Glass of Fanta spilled on kitchen bench by Nikki Roivas
A local man was horrified to discover he had accidentally spilled his glass of Fanta on his kitchen counter.
fin.
On a serious note, if you’re reading this and you find yourself obsessed with the daily happenings of the Kardashian/Jenner/West/East/South/Hudson/Maxwell/Oliviera/Valentine family, then I strongly suggest you veer away from your regular news sources COUGH DailymailPerezHiltonENewsOnline COUGH and read something a bit more heavy and deep, like Al Jazeera or even BBC World. You know, things that actually matter.
Or a story about a man spilling his glass of Fanta on his kitchen bench. Because I swear that is way more fucking important than Kim Kardashian being robbed and the thousands of follow up stories about it.
Six weeks seems like a long time, especially for a holiday.
But when you’re travelling with the best travel partner and the most amazing group of friends, then that time will just fly by, and soon you’ll be sitting back in your home, typing furiously away at your laptop keyboard about your experiences because you refuse to let go of what once was.
What I would like to do now is write about all the people who made this trip incredible. Without you, I wouldn’t be writing this #NKinNA16 travel blog, because my experience would have been horrible and I would have nothing to write home about.
The obvious starter for my round of shout outs is Kate: for six weeks, I got to wake up to you every morning, travel the great continent of North America with you, eat a rotation of cheese pizza and portabello sandwiches with you, and overall have the greatest time on the other side of the world with you. You are truly an incredible person, an amazing friend, and the best travelling partner I could have ever asked for. Thank you for snuggling me after our nights out with the group so we could talk about our feelings. Thank you for bringing me meatless Big Mac meals even when I didn’t expect it. Thank you for “taking walks” at the last minute. And thank you for being as selfless as one can be. This has been the adventure of a lifetime, and I can’t wait to take more with you.
To my family Elle, Nate and Aidan: thank you for taking Kate and I around Salt Lake City and being the best hosts ever. I can’t wait to see you guys again, when all three of you eventually move (back) to Australia. I’m not giving you a choice.
To my friends on the other side of the world who took the time out to see me, Emma and Nick: I love you both. Nashville was great because I got to see you, Emma, and reminisce on how totally not innocent we both were. Nick, thank you for bending over backwards to accommodate me in Cleveland, but next time, we have to spoon.
To my original Mean Girls, Angela and Eliza: we clicked from day one, and judging by how much I miss you, it’s clear to see why. You girls were the best, plain and simple. As a Regina, I couldn’t have asked for a better Gretchen and Karen. And to your respective room buddies Russell and Simon, it was a darn pleasure getting to know y’all, and I can’t wait to catch up with all four of you some time in the near future. Perhaps Kate and I will join you for another round at Cheesecake Factory somewhere? #squadgoals (Somehow, somewhere, I will get a recording of you in Kanab, Russell, and I will hold it over your head forever)
Mike and James: I got along with the both of you very quickly, and always felt at ease when surrounded by one or both of you. If you’re reading this on your current journeys, don’t have too much fun without me. I’ll get jealous. Also, I didn’t get to sing Touch-a Touch-a Touch-a Touch Me to you, so I guess that means I’ll have to see you when you get home.
To my bitches colloquially referred to as the “Adelaide Girls”, Courtney, Ashley and Georgia: keep Ashley in check. We all know how slutty rowdy she can get. I love you girls, and am glad I got to know you during the short time we had with each other. When I come to visit Kate, y’all better get Radelaide prepare for #CycloneNikki. Also just a sidenote to Ashley: shake shake shake shake shake.
My two protectors on tour, Big Red and Micco: I could get away with 90% of the stuff I did on tour because I knew y’all were there to back me up if I needed it. Big Red, I loved my cuddles from you, and I think you’re a spectacular person that deserves the world. I just hate your grubby NRL team. I also miss saying “Big Red! Where are you? Aren’t you meant to carry me everywhere?”
My rowdy Chicago taxi ride home crew Ally and Lauren: I miss y’all so much, and along with the boys from Melbourne and Eliza, missed you two the most from North by North East. Ally, we were destined to get along; after all, we are the Bottle Blonde Bitches together. Thank you for enduring the rape-by-water jet boat ride with me, and for being a vulgar nympho with me. Lauren, I can’t send you my sneaky pictures anymore for obvious reasons, but somehow I will keep our tradition alive.
To both of my lovers on tour, Jacob and Esther: I love you both. Jacob, you are sensational in every sense of the word because you are not afraid to be true to yourself. You have this infectious personality that affects everyone around you, and people can’t help but want to be in your general vicinity. Esther, you are by far one of the most beautiful souls I have met. Your insides are as beautiful as your outsides (which is a lot). Can’t wait to see you somewhere in this small world of ours. Also, my mum is excited to meet her new daughter-in-law.
My boys Brandon, Lochie and Rohan: catch you guys on the flipside. I loved meeting all three of you, and having the privilege of seeing you again after you got off tour. Lochie, you are one of the true gems of the world, and I will always love you for who you are. Rohan, I don’t know if you remember, but Kate entrusted a drunken Nikki to you one night in Boston, and you got me home safe and sound. I will never forget that. Brandon, McGregor is better than Diaz. Deal with it.
My Grand Canadian girls Samantha,Jessica Lee and Ellie: all three of you are just great. There’s nothing more I can add to that. I will miss our bitchy messages to each other, Sam, but I think we’ll find a way to keep it going. Ellie, I will see your fine ass around. There’s no way a bond like ours can be broken by time.
My breakfast buddies Ashleigh and Ashley: I apologise for not video chatting you when I had breakfast without you guys so I could keep our tradition alive, but lack of data got in the way. Alternatively, it was too awkward to do it in front of a bunch of old people. When I slather strawberry-flavoured cream cheese on my toasted bagel, I will think about our times together and smile.
To my Kiwi boys Johnny and Hadleigh: kia kaha. It was pre-determined that I would love you guys, and y’all didn’t let me down. Hadleigh – thank you for being mine and Sasha’s protector in the now infamous haunted house experience, and for being an all-around top bloke. Johnny – you stay true to yourself, because you’re a rare light in this dark world of ours.
My Contiki Awards Committee JJ, Amber and Amy: I have no worries about you girls, because I know we’ll stay close friends in the future. I’m so glad I had the chance to get close with all three of you, and am happy about the experiences we shared together: from our near-death experience at Pie for the People, to mine and Amber’s “proposition” in Chicago. We truly lived Contiki with #noregrets.
To the backbone of the tour Bree and Sasha: if you two weren’t on tour, I can guarantee it wouldn’t have been as near as fun as it was with you. Both of you clicked so naturally, and it was easy to see why; you both radiated this positive euphoric energy that was hard to miss. I’ll miss our intense grinding sessions on the DF, our late night hair dyeing sessions (Bree), and making seemingly-innocent-but-really-ditzy comments to the disappointment of others (Sasha).
To the other members of the Thunder from Down Under crew Veegz and Tarni: it was such a delight having the opportunity to meet you and get to know the both of you. Veegz, stay as beautifully blunt as ever, and keep up your outspoken crusade against animal cruelty. Tarni, you’re just going to have to move to the east coast to catch up with those of us over here. It has to be done.
To my handsome boys – whom I am now dubbing “The Three Musketeers – Luke, Max and Jacko: getting to spend 14 of the 26 days with you boys was a pleasure. Luke, you’re a genuinely beautiful soul, and your girlfriend is lucky to have someone like you. Also, I need to mention the elephant in the room, which is your big, round, perky butt. Max AKA ‘Arry, probably one of the best people I’ve ever met. You’re an amazing guy, and I want to protect you from the world forever so you will never lose that smile of yours. Jacko, while we may have started off rocky (because you’re an asshole, but also because I’m a stubborn bitch), we ended up okay. I mean, we almost got married, so that’s saying something? As you may know, I’m a needy fiancee, so you’re gonna have to deal with that for the rest of your life. Soznotsoz.
To my true blue Aussie blokes Ben and Jeremy: we’re proof that polar opposites can still get along. I almost had nothing in common with the both of you, but grew to truly love you for who you were. Can’t wait to attend your 21st Jeremy, so you can introduce your father to the enigma that is Nikki.
Bec, Jess and Becky: thank you to the former two for teaching me how to play the wheel spinning game at Harrah’s. Bec, thank you for sharing your “experiences” with me so I could (happily) live vicariously through you. And Becky, you beautiful Geordie soul, thank you for giving me the most intense massage of my life, and for being a pure radgie like. Proper mint like you are.
The dynamic duo of Hayley and Mish: you girls were sent from the heavens to join this tour, and I’m glad I met the both of you. Hayley, thank you for helping me through my first experience playing blackjack at a table. Mish, thank you for dancing with me and promptly kissing me afterwards. It was great.
To my awesome Contiki leaders Phil and Ray: thank you for giving me the best Grand Northern experience I could have ever asked for, and for letting me be me. Even if Phil refused to play Clueless for me, I wouldn’t have changed anything about my tour. Plus, I will never forget to bring ma trash.
And to my wonderful host and friend in LA Serena and your beautiful mother Beatrice: thank you for having Kate and I on our Contiki detox. You guys were the best and more than accommodating, and I’m glad that after meeting you last year, we were able to keep our friendship alive.
And to everyone else on tour who contributed to this awesome experience, simply thank you.
To the other members of the 
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