Author Archives: Nikki

My Take on the Fifty Shades Movie

Posted in Books, Entertainment, Movies by

If you’ve been living under a rock or your mind has been too smothered by the whole political vote in Straya, then you wouldn’t know that the roles of Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey have officially been cast for the upcoming Fifty Shades of Grey movie. As a Fifty Shades enthusiast and overall lover, I have my own opinion on the cast and what I like and don’t like about them.

Anastasia Steele
Who they’ve cast: Dakota Johnson

I would imagine her locks would be dyed brown for the role.

I would imagine her locks would be dyed brown for the role.

Who I think they should’ve cast: Mary Elizabeth Winstead

This was (the closest I could get to) my Anastasia.

This was (the closest I could get to) my Anastasia.

I didn’t have a very high opinion of Anastasia to begin with and because, as a reader, you take her perspective, I couldn’t really get a clear image of what she looked like. What I pictured was a somewhat beautiful brunette who bit her lip way too much. Now, this isn’t a knock on Mary Elizabeth because the woman is stunning, no questions asked, but she is the closest I could get to what I thought Anastasia looked like. Now, when Dakota Johnson eventually dyes her hair brown for the role, I can actually see a bit of Anastasia in her, but I’m going to be perfectly honest – I couldn’t care less about the casting of Anastasia because the character is as dull as white walls.

Could Johnson play a good Anastasia? Maybe. I haven’t seen her in anything that I can remember but she has the look to be a “self-conscious and really annoying” character. You can bet your bottom dollar I will be critiquing everything when the movie comes out, and if she doesn’t step up to the plate as Ana, manure will be hitting the ceiling.

Now onto the more important role of the movie…

Christian Grey
Who they’ve cast: Charlie Hunnam

Known from his role as Jax on Sons of Anarchy.

Known from his role as Jax on Sons of Anarchy.

Who I think they should’ve cast: Jessie Pavelka

jessie_pavelka_interview_b

This is “my Fifty Shades”, as Ana would say.

While Jessie isn’t really known for his acting chops, I quite frankly do not give a damn. Buy the man some acting lessons if you must because when I pictured Christian in my head, he looked exactly like Jessie Pavelka – albeit a little less happy. So needless to say I was almost outraged when I saw Charlie Hunnam cast in the role because he is not what I had in mind. At all. Ask my parents how outraged I was because they got the brunt of my anger.

In Hunnam’s defense, he is an exceptional actor as I have witnessed on Sons of Anarchy and it’d be interesting for him to shift into the role of the calm and mysterious Christian Grey. If he lets me down, however… manure. Ceiling.

Christian is the main thing I like about the series and I will be absolutely devastated if they don’t get it up to my – and a lot of other readers – standards. So, Hunnam, you have got some VERY big shoes to fill. At the end of the day, I am anxiously waiting for the movie to come out because I am ecstatic to see the world of Anastasia and Christian come to life!

– by The Black Widow

I Said What?

Posted in Lifestyle by

If there is one thing that I have learned in life, it’s that it is always good to poke fun of yourself in any given situation. The people who can easily make fun of themselves, the ones who don’t take life too seriously, are generally the ones that are happier and more optimistic in life than the ones who can’t take a joke.

Blondes may be stereotyped as "dumb", but at least they have more fun, right?

Blondes may be stereotyped as “dumb”, but at least they have more fun, right?

It is for that reason that I give to you the following comical and severely unintelligent quotes from yours truly that I have unfortunately uttered throughout the course of my life in front of other people. Who said you had to have blonde hair to have a blonde moment?

Top “I Said What” Moments (that I can recall)

Friend: I’m saving up to buy a Lambourghini.
Me: Lambourghini, is that some type of expensive spaghetti?
– In my defense, I got Lambourghini and linguine mixed up and found it bizarre that someone would go to so much effort to save up money for pasta.

On a bus for a school excursion and the bus drives passed a huge mountain of dirt just outside Goulburn, NSW…
Me: Oh my god, is that Uluru?
– I have no defense really for this one. To make matters worse, this was on my first day at that school. Also, Geography was never my strongest point.

Cousin: I’m studying Radiology.
Me: Radiology… is that like to do with tanning beds and stuff?
– Surely one can make a connection with the UV rays in solariums and the word “radiology”.

My family and I are having a conversation about “boat people” and I’ve taken offense to the term boat people…
Me: Can you stop calling them boat people? That’s so rude.
Sister: Well that’s where they’ve come from.
Me: Well I came from a uterus; does that make me a uterus person?
– I’m sure other people often make silly remarks like this in the heat of the situation. Anyone?

Playing with my best friend’s baby boy and I pick up a parrot plush toy…
Me: (acting as the toy) Neeeeeigh!
– I didn’t know what noises parrots made and panicked. Imagine that poor boy’s confusion when he sees a horse for the first time.

Talking about the country Norway with my friend…
Me: I want to go to Norwegia one day.
Friend: It’s Norway.
Me: No it isn’t. It’s Norwegia, as in “this pillow is Norwegian”, not Norwayan.
– A Cinderella Story confused me.

My friends at college are having a conversation and I interrupt them…
Me: This is a legit question, but like, is Willy Wonka real? Like I know the Oompa Loompas aren’t real and that the factory isn’t real, but like is there a real Willy Wonka?
– I still can’t believe Willy Wonka isn’t a real, tangible person.

Driving with my best friend to a Broncos game at Allianz Stadium…
Me: Is this Moore Park Rd?
Bestie: No.
Me: Okay… so are we on Moore Park Rd?
Bestie: NO!
Me: Are we on Moore Park Rd now, though?
– In my defense, the green sign said “Moore Park Rd” and it had an arrow pointing straight so I just assumed we were already on Moore Park Rd.

Talking about the PS4 and how it’s not “backwards compatible”…
Me: Why would you want your PS4 to face backwards anyway? That’s a bit stupid, don’t you think?
– What else was I supposed to think?

Examining a shower that has the cold knob underneath the hot knob…
Me: Do you reckon if I look at these upside down that the cold will be hot and the hot will be cold?
– There is absolutely no defense for this.

I’m sure there are more classic Nikki moments floating around there somewhere, but you’d be here for days if you were to read them all. This was an attempt a light-hearted, humorous article post and to show that it is totally okay to make fun of yourself on the rare occasion. Everyone makes mistakes; nobody’s perfect.

– by The Black Widow

My Daddy and I

Posted in Lifestyle, Opinion by

As it would be appropriate being Father’s Day (in Australia at least), I wanted to write about my father and I, and also about the other father figures in my life. All day at work, all I’ve wanted to do is go home to my Dad and hug him, and when I eventually did hug him, he pushed me off and said “Where’s my present?”

Me and my father in our matching Queensland Maroons gear.

Me and my father in our matching Queensland Maroons gear.

My father, Ma’atusi La’ulu, and I – if you can’t tell by the picture of us – are complete opposites (I demanded he take a picture with me in our QLD gear and he just continued watching TV as if I wasn’t there). He is quiet and reserved and rather introverted when catapulted into a social situation, whereas I am loud, outstanding and demand attention when with other people. He hates the idea of contemporary men’s fashion, constantly stating that “skinny jeans are for women”, while my whole wardrobe is pretty much as tight as spandex.

I find it difficult to maintain a lengthy conversation with my father even though I have the ability to talk until the cows come home. My father is more of a listener than he is a talker. Despite being often annoyed by my “Nikkilicious” antics, the one thing that I have found my Dad gets really animated about when talking to me is rugby league; he’ll often sit with me when I am watching (yelling) at a Broncos game on TV and will tell me why he thinks a certain player is great and why a certain player is overrated and will go into great detail. It fascinates me how passionate he is.

My Daddy and I have one of the most unique father-son relationships I have noticed – it’s not the usual “take my son out to throw a ball” relationship. It’s more of a “I drag my father out to places he would rather not be just to keep me happy” and, now that he’s softer in his old age, I often get sassy with him if things don’t go my way and he just sits there and quietly takes it in. My mum doesn’t like how I speak to my Dad sometimes but I say “That’s how we communicate; I yell at him and he calls me stupid”.

My father is the hardest working man that I’ve ever met; the one thing that has been drilled into me since I was born was happily giving service to others. Daddy’s always helping people who don’t ask for the help but need it and never expects anything in return. He is half the reason why I am the man I am today. He’s not the perfect father – as no one in this world is perfect – but he’s pretty damn close to it.

The other fathers I would like to mention are both of my grandfathers, Koloti La’ulu and Rueben Paraha, the latter of which I was unfortunately never able to physically meet, and my oldest brother, Dane La’ulu, who is celebrating his first father’s day this year with his wife and baby boy.

As a “control-freak Princess” that I’ve been described to be, I am used to getting what I want, so when neither of my parents would give me what I want, I’d run to my granddad Koloti who would cave in just because of his gentle nature. And then I’d be like “IN YO FACE” to my parents. My father has this inability to tell people that he loves them so I’m always elated when Granddad tells me he loves me on the phone. After which, I tell my father “AT LEAST GRANDDAD LOVES ME”.

My brother Dane lives in (the better state) Queensland so I don’t see him as often as I’d like, but the last time I did, the change I saw in him was enormous – he is a fantastic father to my first nephew Drake and a great husband to my sister-in-law Jamie. It’s what fatherhood does to you, I’m guessing.

It may seem weird or unbelievable to some but I’ve always felt that I’ve had a special connection to my other grandfather Rueben, real name Taruna. While he passed away before I was born, I have a strong spiritual connection with him where I sometimes see him and speak to him in my dreams. Our connection is so strong that when I watched my parents wedding tape where he was present, I bawled my eyes out like I really knew him.

I’d also like to quickly make mention of the other father figures in my life who have treated me with such kindness in my life, Charles Leota, Vince Giuliano, just to name a couple. And also to the single mothers who take on the role as father for whatever reason, you women are amazing.

I’m going to wrap this up quickly so when my Dad gets home, I can give him his present he so desperately wants. Happy Father’s Day to all the hardworking, amazing fathers out there who have done incredible work with their children, and also to the single mothers who have the privilege of wearing both mother and father hats for their children. Enjoy the only day your kids will go out of their way to appreciate you!

– by The Black Widow

Tipping for Dummies: Round 25

Posted in Sports by

Not gonna lie, I intend on making this one short and snappy so I can get my weekend started. Got a big one ahead so let’s get it kickin’… welcome to Tipping for Dummies Round 25!

Everybody's favourite "Tipping for Dummies!"

Everybody’s favourite “Tipping for Dummies!”

SolSat Prediction Count from Round 24: 4 out of 8 (50%)

Ouch. That stings.

Friday 30th August, 2013
Brisbane Broncos vs. Newcastle Knights
The Broncos are coming off a very disappointing loss against Penrith last week with our finals dreams being slimmer than ever. We are going up against cousin Fraser’s Newcastle Knights who will have to get the job down without Snowden in a very controversial suspension, putting him out for 8 weeks although they do have Mason to add to the forward pack.

SolSat’s Prediction: Brisbane Broncos

I’m picking this one based purely on heart, and my heart will forever be with the Broncos. My dreams of being in the finals are diminishing and this is our fight or die moment. The last time these two teams clashed, it ended up in a draw after stellar performances from both sides, so let’s hope that they both perform exceedingly well again, albeit with a Broncos victory.

West Tigers vs. South Sydney Rabbitohs
This is a big one for both the Tigers and the Bunnies; making his return is Tigers captain Robbie Farah whom the Tigers have badly missed. On the Bunnies side, it is the first time in nearly 100 years that four brothers have played together on the same side as Sam, Luke, Tom and George will all be playing for the Bunnies. I have a soft spot for the Burgess boys so this’ll be great.

SolSat’s Prediction: South Sydney Rabbitohs

This one’s a no brainer, really. The Bunnies have got this one in the bag unless there’s some sort of natural disaster (touch wood) that harms the Bunnies squad. I’m quite excited to see the four Burgess boys playing together. My personal favourite is Luke by the way, just in case someone holds a gun to your head and says “I’ll shoot unless you tell me who Noah’s favourite Burgess boy is”.

Saturday 31st August, 2013
New Zealand Warriors vs. Canberra Raiders
The Raiders have made all the headlines this week and not for the good reason as a personal favourite in Sandor Earl has been handed an infraction notice from ASADA (AKA the Game Ruiners) for illegal use of peptides, and Ferguson has also decided to take a runner. Will this affect the Raiders form as they take on the Warriors in New Zealand?

SolSat’s Prediction: New Zealand Warriors

I’m basing this pick solely on the media revolving around the Raiders – with all this drama going on, I don’t think they would’ve had time to solely focus on their game against the Warriors who are pretty great themselves. Therefore, I am predicting a pretty decisive victory on the Warriors’ behalf.

Canterbury Bulldogs vs. Penrith Panthers
The Doggies take on the Panthers for their second game in a row at the wonderful ANZ Stadium after their loss against the Bunnies in Round 24 last week. On the contrary, the Panthers are coming off a very decisive win against my Broncos so Kingston’s side will be looking to turn this into a streak against the Doggies.

SolSat’s Prediction: Canterbury Bulldogs

I’ve made this decision based simply on “who do I think is better between the two”. Obviously, my answer came up as the Bulldogs, who have been lurking around the top rungs of the ladder all season.

Manly-Warringah Sea Eagles vs. Melbourne Storm
In what may very well be a warm-up to a possible 2013 grand final, the Eagles will be playing in their home ground against the ever unstoppable Melbourne Storm. Right now I just have to make a shout out to Jason Ryles who has kept me entertained endlessly with his Ryles Files videos on Storm TV – if you haven’t checked them out yet, please do so. The man is as funny as he is large.

SolSat’s Prediction: Melbourne Storm

The Eagles are missing some of their big players from their usual starting line up so I’m backing the Storm on this one. Words are not needed to describe how in form the Storm are (that rhymed!) so this one is sure to be the game to watch this round. I will also be keeping my eye out for new SolSat favourite Jason Ryles (check out Ryles Files, these are subliminal messages).

Sunday 1st September, 2013
Cronulla Sharks vs. North Queensland Cowboys
Kicking off ye olde Fathers Day this Sunday are the Sharkies who take on the Cowboys, the latter of which have been steamrolling through competition as they have hit impeccable form. I feel sorry for the blokes who have to play on Sunday who would rather be at home with their children. Sadface.

SolSat’s Prediction: North Queensland Cowboys

I am tentatively backing the non-favourites in this game as I predict a close win for the Cowboys. As mentioned before, the Cowboys are on a winning streak and are on a mission to remain in the top 8 for the finals and I believe they can do that with a victory over the Sharkies.

Sydney City Roosters vs. Gold Coast Titans
Top team Sydney City Roosters will be looking to change their luck after a very surprising defeat at the hands of the Sharks last week as they take on the Gold Coast Titans. Now would be an appropriate time to commend Titans’ Aidan Sezer for his tremendous kicking game recently.

SolSat’s Prediction: Sydney City Roosters

Even with Sezer’s solid form, I don’t see the Titans beating the Chookies here unfortunately, as I’m sure the Titans are all wonderful men. Yes, sometimes I base my tips on my personal feelings because I am pathetic like that. But on a serious note, the Chookies have been impressive all season so I’m expecting them to take out the victory here.

Monday 2nd September, 2013
Parramatta Eels vs. St. George Illawarra Dragons
Two of the bottom teams are set to wrap up Round 25 as the Eels collide with the Dragons at Parramatta Stadium which, I need to point out, needs to fix their terrible parking pronto.

SolSat’s Prediction: St. George Illawarra Dragons

This one boiled down to the two of lesser evils as both teams have had shockers. The statistics would favour the Eels who have won all their four games at Parra Stadium but when it comes to who’s better of the two, I’m backing the Dragons. I feel for them. They need a win.

You can tell I’m passionate about my footy because I just prattled on for over 1100 words in less than ten minutes – just about footy tips. Anywho, I’m about to don my Broncos jersey with pride and HOPEFULLY they can take the win tonight against the Knights. Widow out!

– by The Black Widow