Category Archives: Entertainment

Secret Obsession Was a Missed Home Run

Posted in Entertainment, Movies by

London Tipton sure isn’t doing so well anymore.

While being bedridden with bronchitis, I found a new loving relationship with my Netflix account. Given that I’m in and out with work and all of my other hobbies and responsibilities, I barely have time to sit down and watch something on Netflix let alone scratch my arse. So with all this newfound time, I got to explore what was on offer from this entertainment giant. And one of those things on offer was Secret Obsession, starring Brenda Song and Mike Vogel.

Brenda Song plays a woman named Jennifer, who suffers a horrendous car accident but manages to survive; her husband Russell, played by Mike Vogel, begins to rehabilitate her back at their mountain lodge as she suffered short term memory loss and intense physical trauma.

I feel as if this “obsession” isn’t so secret tbh.

Now, before we go on, this is your official SPOILERS AHEAD warning; a strong majority of the plot will be revealed in this review, so if you want to watch this and discover it yourself, then I suggest you stop here.

I love psychological thrillers so much – I mean, I forced myself to sit through Triangle, which to this day I still don’t understand – but boy let me tell you that this one was very underwhelming.

Let’s start off with the obvious: the trailer itself gives away the “twist” of the movie. In fact, it’s fairly safe to say that if you watch the trailer, then you’ve watched the whole movie. This film had the foundation to be an amazing psych thriller, but it gave away too much too soon and there was no real “twist” that makes these sorts of movies incredible.

Before I continue, I need to give a brief rundown of the beginning of the film. So this movie starts off with Jennifer running away from a psycho killer to a deserted rest stop. She manages to get away from him but then get hits by a car, thus starting the rehabilitation process. You don’t see who the psycho killer is, but if you’ve watched the trailer, you know who it is.

It’s teased very early on that Russell is not who he seems, and is revealed before the midway point of the movie that he actually isn’t married to Jennifer but is just pretending.

There. That’s it. That’s the twist.

They tried very poorly to throw suspicion on this unnamed guy with dark hair that he was the psycho killer, when there was no real motive for him to be the killer. And then Russell kills him for asking about Jennifer at the hospital, and then that’s literally the last we ever see of him. No explanation as to why he was hanging around or why his character was relevant to the storyline. Nothing. And he still doesn’t have a name. Oh, and then Russell brings this poor bastard back to their mountain lodge and buries them RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE BEDROOM WINDOW which Jennifer slightly witnesses. Russell, I feel as if you don’t know how to cover your tracks well, sis.

Oh, and Russell shows Jennifer pictures of them from their wedding and other events to prove that he is her husband… but they are so POORLY PHOTOSHOPPED that I don’t understand how Jennifer wasn’t like “Lol bro u srz”. Everyone’s just like “Oh I see the skin colours don’t match, but yolo, you’re defs her husband no doubts about it.”

We find out that “Russell” is actually Ryan, who worked with Jennifer and the real Russell and was obsessed with her but didn’t have her. Then one day he casually decided to invade their home, kill Russell, and then try kill Jennifer even though he was in love with her (try make sense of that) which led to the car accident. Oh, and at some point, Ryan killed Jennifer’s parents so no one that cared about her would try and find her. Makes sense. What I don’t get, however, is that Ryan kept Russell’s dead body in the boot of Jennifer’s car, which he stole, and then buried ol’ mate unnamed in their backyard, but just left Jennifer’s parents bodies to rot in their home. Like he made no effort to cover that up whatsoever. In what world did Ryan think this stupid plan of his was gonna work.

To make his stupid plan sound even stupider, he gave false information to the hospital when he signed out Jennifer… like do you think they would just not follow up on this false information? Like I don’t understand how this guy thought he was going to get away with this.

Anyways, this seemingly incompetent detective, played by Dennis Haysbert, catches onto Ryan’s plan and eventually finds the mountain lodge. Then, the following set of events occur:
– Ryan knocks the detective out before he can save Jennifer;
– Some shit happens;
– Jennifer escapes the house after clocking him with a vase and NOT DOUBLE TAPPING and runs away on her bung ankle;
– Ryan follows her;
– The detective regains consciousness, because for some reason Ryan didn’t think to kill him, and goes after them;
– Jennifer tries to knock Ryan out but fails and he gets on top;
– The detective interferes before Ryan can kill Jennifer (which I still don’t understand if he apparently loves her so much) and they brawl;
– Jennifer gets a hold of the gun and kills Ryan.

Are you following? Cool. Because that’s the end of the movie. Well, there’s some little “three months later” scene but that’s about it.

To their credit, Secret Obsession had some pretty good acting on Song and Vogel’s behalf, but that was really the only saving grace.

I’m just so disappointed that this movie, which was set up to be a full home run, but only managed to be a single at best. Also this might just be me because I hate feet, but there was a lot of (Brenda Song’s) feet featured in this movie. So thumbs down for that.

Also, if I woke up from a coma and Mike Vogel was claiming to be my husband, I wouldn’t question it. I think that was the biggest flaw about this movie tbh.

If this man was threatening to “give me everything I’ve ever wanted”, I’d send him to Victoria’s Secret with a shopping list and forget that he killed everyone in my life.

Tl;dr: the plot is given away in the trailer. If you want to watch the movie, just watch the trailer. But if you want to watch the full movie, Mike Vogel’s in it looking fooiiine (refer to above).

This movie tried – like it really tried – to be one of those iconic psych thrillers, but it just failed to deliver. Also I still don’t understand the relevance of ol’ mate dark hair to the plot. Ol’ mate dark hair wants justice!!

– by The Black Widow

Sierra Burgess is a Horrible Human

Posted in Entertainment, Movies by

Potentially the most unlikeable fictional character ever.

I found myself watching the Netflix film Sierra Burgess is a Loser and I actually quite enjoyed it. Except the titular character herself. She was the most abhorrent human I have ever watched on a Netflix film, and for all intents and purposes, she deserves a good wake-up punch in the face.

For those of you whom haven’t watched the film yet and have every intention of doing so, I will warn you that there are SPOILERS AHEAD so read at your own caution.

So basically, the story of this film is Sierra Burgess is an ugly loser. Handsome Jamey asks Veronica for her number, and as a prank, Veronica gives him Sierra’s number, and then Sierra starts knowingly catfishing Jamey, whom thinks he’s actually messaging Veronica.

She honestly has one of those faces you just wanna punch, right?

You still following? Okay good. Now let’s break it down.

I’m assuming Sierra Burgess was meant to be the typical “unattractive but actually a really nice person” kinda character you generally see in high school movies, right? I mean, you have Veronica who plays her opposite as the “pretty mean girl”, and then you have Dan, who fills the role of “underappreciated best friend whom isn’t a love interest”. And of course, Noah Centineo and his fine ass playing Jamey, the “handsome jock but actually has a deeper personality than you’d think”. So you’d think all these fairly stereotypical characters would stay in their damn lanes, right?

WRONG!

For starters, Veronica evolves into the most likeable character by the end of the movie by far. Sure, she started off as the typical “I’m pretty so I hate everyone else” kinda bitch, but you see there is way more to her than meets the eye during the film; for starters, she’s not a rich daddy’s girl like most Queen Bees are, and she’s not overly vindictive either. By the end of the film, as she formulates a friendship with the very undeserving Sierra, you see that she is the most genuine character on this film, and honestly everything good in the world, you want to happen to Veronica.

But wait… shouldn’t you want this to happen to Sierra?

Well no, because Sierra is a twat and deserves horse shit. Let’s start with the most obvious: she is knowingly catfishing someone and enjoying it. Not only that, in her twisted, deluded mind, she believes her and Jamey are a thing, even though he doesn’t know he’s actually talking to this repugnant human being. Oh, and let’s not get started on the fact that she pretends to have a FUCKING PHYSICAL DISABILITY when she meets Jamey in person for the first time. That’s right, folks; this troll of a human pretends to be deaf – while in the presence of Jamey’s actually deaf brother – just because she’s paranoid that Jamey will recognise her voice. Why couldn’t you just disguise your voice, mate? Or, I don’t know, don’t catfish people in the first place so you don’t get thrust into this situation? Did I also mention that Sierra makes some friend call out to Jamey for her and says “Do this favour for me. I’m meant to be deaf.”

Before I continue with this next part, I need to explain that Sierra enlists in Veronica’s help to catfish Jamey, which in fairness, is a pretty shitty thing for Veronica to do, but Sierra maliciously manipulated her into it by promising her free tutoring in exchange for this stupid catfishing plan.

You still with me? Okay good.

Veronica does all of these favours for Sierra in her stupid scheme to seize a boyfriend, because boyfriends are the most important thing in the world – including going on a date with him, offering to send him nudes, and FaceTiming with him – and they become quite close friends. And through all of that, when Sierra sees Jamey kiss Veronica – because, you know, that’s who he thinks he’s fucking talking to, Sierra, you stupid bitch – Sierra hatches the most disgusting revenge plan on Veronica, who by all means is just an innocent bystander who was sucked into this plan. Sierra airs Veronica’s private business on screen for everyone to see at the big climactic football game after hacking into her supposed friend’s Instagram. Veronica figures out that it was Sierra and tells Sierra – and I’m paraphrasing here – “You think you’re so ugly on the outside. Well, your inside is way uglier.”

Yaaaasss bitch, speak the truth. And I’m pretty sure Sierra’s only comeback was “Well you kissed Jamey.” Think about that for a second. You kissed a boy that thinks he’s falling in love with you, so I smeared you for the entire school to see.

But, even after all of this, Sierra gets the happy ending. Jamey catches onto hers and Veronica’s plan, avoids them both, but then Veronica is the first one to make a move and apologise to Jamey and explain to her what’s going on, and then Jamey shows up to Sierra’s house and basically says he forgives her because Sierra is the kinda girl that Jamey’s always wanted.

And that’s where I call bullshit.

This entire movie, Sierra has shown that she is a revolting human, moreso on the inside, as she was willing to throw her friend under the bus, just to get a boyfriend. And yes, because I’m superficial, I’m just going to say it – she’s not pretty either. And HELLO! If Sierra is the kinda girl that Jamey always wanted, why didn’t he approach her at the beginning of the movie, instead of Veronica? No, Jamey. You’re into the hot girls. Stop lying to yourself.

And at the prom, everyone forgives Sierra, including the aforementioned Dan who really had no purpose in this movie. Did I mention that Sierra got everyone to forgive her by singing a song whining about how she’s different toe everyone and why doesn’t anyone notice me? Bull-fucking-shit.

So basically, if you wanted a short version of this entire article, here it is: Sierra Burgess catfished NOAH FUCKING CENTINEO an innocent boy, pretended to be deaf, manipulated a girl she was tutoring to join her sick plan, and hacked her supposed friend for a revenge plot that had no real reasoning behind it whatsoever, and yet she gets the happy ending?

If it were up to me, Veronica should’ve ended up with Jamey, because they were the only real decent people in this entire movie. And Sierra should’ve been tossed into the trash where she belonged from the start.

There. Venting over. I feel better now.

If you ignore all of the above, though, it’s actually a pretty good movie. You should watch it.

– by The Black Widow

BUY: Lighthouse

Posted in Books, Entertainment, Lighthouse by

The long-awaited sequel to The Heart Wants What It Wants has finally hit the digital shelves!

I’m very excited to release the sequel to my first novel entitled Lighthouse, featuring more antics from Devlin Blackthorn and Jase Morgan. Not to spoil the the ending of the first novel, but the sequel explores Devlin’s unique search for love.

Once again by the delicate hand of Vivienne Pintado.

For all vendors of the digital copy of the novel, you can find at this one universal link.

Purchase Lighthouse by Noah Malone

Happy reading!

For Spotify users, please enjoy this unofficial playlist while reading the book. It will definitely set the tone.

https://open.spotify.com/embed/user/1259455365/playlist/2j1nWTs3Rvw5d20r0E9dya

– by The Black Widow

Preview: Lighthouse

Posted in Books, Entertainment by

Jase and Devlin and the entire gang are back!

If you’ve read my debut novel The Heart Wants What It Wants and you are eagerly waiting for what happens next in the saga, then I have a treat for you! The sequel of the contemporary romance novel is set to release later this year and is entitled Lighthouse, and I’ve decided to share a portion of the first chapter for free! Just like the title of the first book made sense a bit into the story, Lighthouse will become clear as you read the sequel.

Now I should mention that if you choose to read further, there are OBVIOUS SPOILERS REGARDING THE FIRST BOOK of the series, so if you haven’t read The Heart Wants What It Wants and wish to, I highly suggest you don’t read any further. If you wish to purchase The Heart Wants What It Wants, follow this link for several e-book options.

The sequel to my debut novel will be released soon! Watch this space!

 

At the end of The Heart Wants What It Wants, Jase Morgan got his happy ending with Jordan McMahon, and Devlin Blackthorn wandered the world trying to find himself after suffering the heartbreak of his unrequited love. The friendship between the two main characters had been salvaged, but Devlin felt incomplete. After a drunken night in Las Vegas and one bad decision, Devlin found himself married to the arrogant and charming Atticus Brady. And this is where Lighthouse begins.

Similar to the format of The Heart Wants What It Wants, Lighthouse goes into a first person perspective of both of the main characters – Devlin Blackthorn and Atticus Brady. For the Jase fans, don’t worry; Prince Charming makes his presence well known in this sequel.

Without further ado, here is a sneak preview of Chapter One of Lighthouse! Enjoy!

Chapter 1

Devlin Blackthorn

Early-mid 2015…

 

I couldn’t imagine alcohol would be the cause of anything worse than last year – oh God, last year – but here I was, sitting in my apartment, staring at the impressive rock on my ring finger, wondering what the hell happened that fateful night in Las Vegas.

A handsome stranger – whom I admittedly despised from the get go – bought me a couple of drinks and after some very fuzzy details, I woke up next to him in bed legally married to him. Just another tragic wedding story to be added to Las Vegas’ archive.

If I needed a bigger slap in the face to stop drinking alcohol than almost losing my best friend, it was marrying someone I had only known for a few hours. Even though I was wrapped up on my warm bed in my sheets, I shivered. Married. I still didn’t know how to comprehend the fact that I was married.

Despite absolutely hating the idea of being married to someone I didn’t know – and I wasn’t exactly sure of his current whereabouts after leaving him in Vegas – I did quite like the ring he had chosen out for me. Sitting next to the more conservative platinum wedding band was a small yellow diamond surrounded by tiny, encrusted silver gems that complimented the modest, silver design; if it told me anything about my mysterious husband, it said that he had nice taste in jewellery, and a lot of money to irrationally spend on it.

I could barely make out the face of the man who had been lawfully wed to me in front of an Elvis impersonator and, God, I don’t even know who else. He was tall and handsome, with a lean, muscular build, and was arrogant as all hell. That’s all I could remember about Atticus.

Atticus…

Something told me I had to get used to that name for the foreseeable future. Well, of course I had to – he was my husband, after all.

I groaned out loud and sunk my head back into the soft cushioning of the pillow. I hadn’t told anyone of my Vegas wedding; not Jase, not Jordan, not my brother Garrett, not even my loyal confidante Monique. I could just imagine Jase’s reaction in my head, and it was enough to make me cringe.

“You what?!” he would shout at me. “Why on earth would you do something as careless and irresponsible as that? As a matter of fact, why were you drinking in the first place? You need to get your life together, Dev.”

I would be lying if I said a small part of me wasn’t still madly in love with Jase. In fact, I’d also be lying if I said a small part of me wasn’t about to use this surprise marriage as a way to show him that I was going to move on from him, as difficult as it was. The year 2014 had been hell for us, and I was glad that somehow, someway, we had come out of the other end of the tunnel barely functioning. I was going to let Jase live his life and hope that I would be in it as much as I was before.

Dwelling on my infatuation for Jase only briefly distracted me from my current situation. What on earth was I going to do?

I was sitting on my bed in Sydney, the evening before I was scheduled to move back to Velvet Springs, and this platinum circle was burning into my ring finger, reminding me of how awful my getaway escape had been. I couldn’t wait to get home and be in a familiar setting, even if it meant revealing to Jase what I had done in Vegas.

After having months off work, I couldn’t wait to get back into my writing at the Velvet Chronicle. Although the sport reporter position had been filled after my quick departure, Harvey, my editor and friend, had found a spot for me on the features team for the newspaper after my moderate amount of success in the same role at Isla Bordeaux magazine. I was fortunate enough to have this opportunity handed to me, but it certainly wasn’t the first thing on my mind right now.

There was a feint knock on my door and, sighing with relief, I got up to answer it. I had ordered a box of greasy cheese pizza to be delivered after I had finished packing; I wanted to spend my last night in the state’s capital with no regrets.

I fished the twenty-dollar note out of my back pocket and opened the door.

“Devlin?”

Oh. No. It couldn’t be… no. There was no way.

I panicked and bounced off the spot, throwing my fist out in an uncharacteristic knee-jerk reaction. The shot caught him on his eye and he let out a quick yelp of pain, but remained rooted to the ground.

I just Superman punched my husband.

“Atticus? What the f-”

“You seem surprised to see me,” he said, his brows furrowing in anger.

Watch this space. As soon as Lighthouse is released on various e-book platforms, Widow’s Lure will be the first to let you know!

– by The Black Widow