Tap Out! The Top 10 Submission Moves

I’ve been sitting at college talking with my friend Jack about wrestling and I was trying to convince him to let me put him in the Black Widow, a modified octopus stretch-style submission move made famous by the current crazy-ass Divas Champion, AJ Lee. This led me to thinking… “what are some of the great submission moves in wrasslin’ history?”

Alas, here I am listing them. Nothing more SolSat than a top list! NOTE: For all the wrestling purists that may read this, if I am not listing the “original” user of the submission, don’t shoot me. I am just naming the first person or people that comes to my head.

10. Inverted Muta lock by Melina, Emma, AJ Styles, etc.1303922675460_f

The first time I saw this baby was when Melina debuted it in a match against Maria as a new finisher in 2007. I’m always wowed with Melina’s offense but this one took the cake. In what is, basically, a flashier-looking STF, when one executes this submission perfectly, the opponent’s legs cannot move, making it even more effective. I would know, I put this one on my friends all the time.
9. Anaconda Vice by CM Punk
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I’m one of “those” CM Punk fans who think that anything he does is gold, but even with my bias aside, the Anaconda Vice is one sick submission hold. Originally a Brazilian jiu-jitsu and Judo compression choke, Punk has used this baby as his primary finisher in the beginnings of his WWE career before using it sparingly after the introduction of the GTS.
8. Black Widow by AJ Lee
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I don’t know makes this submission more exciting (and deadly) to watch: the way AJ transitions into it with a headscissor whirlybird, the crazy-white-girl face she makes when she’s sinched it in, or the fact that she’s screaming “TAAAPP OOOOUUTT” when it’s in. Either way, I am not a big AJ fan but I am definitely a big Black Widow fan.
7. The Von Erich Claw by the Von Erich Family
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The Iron claw was perhaps made most famous by the Fritz Von Erich and his children (and grandchildren). What looks like just a simple head-squeeze, if done by someone with hands as large as the late Kerry Von Erich, this hold could possibly harm you to a very grievous extent. My favourite version of the claw? Lacey’s, of course.
6. Texas Cloverleaf by Dean Malenko
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Dean Malenko is probably my favourite wrestling technician, and the Texas Cloverleaf is one of the reasons why. Originally just called the “cloverleaf” hold, innovated by Dory Funk Jr., it was Mr. Malenko who popularised the submission move before passing it down to the likes of Sheamus and ODB. It’s also noteworthy to mention that Malenko is a favourite because he was featured a bit in one of my most favourite WWE feuds ever – Terri Runnels vs. the Kat.
5. Pin Up Strong by Natalya and Beth Phoenix
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I can’t even begin to explain what this submission technically is. It’s like a modified surfboard type submission but with the legs locked kind of thing… either way, this nifty little move which I am assuming was invented by Natalya was used by the Divas of Doom for a short period of time. It hasn’t been since since the era of DOD and I am assuming it’s because it “looked too deadly for a Diva to do.”
4. LeBell Lock (Yes!/No! Lock) by Daniel Bryan
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Popularised by a famous wrestler whose name I am legitimately terrified to say or write, it is now the trademark finisher submission move for Daniel Bryan, or Bryan Danielson, as it were. Let’s face it, though, anything Daniel Bryan does looks amazing. so it’s no surprise that the Yes/No/Maybe Lock looks as deadly as it does.
3. Figure Four Leg Lock by Ric Flair and the Miz
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Made famous by the legendary Ric Flair, I will always remember how painful this leg lock is when my brother put it on me when I was about 7 and I screamed at him to get off because it was legitimately killing. In an effort to gain sympathy for the natural-heel-turning-face Miz, Ric Flair passed down his signature submission to the brash Cleveland native and thus, the legend of the Figure Four Leg Lock remains!
2. Lion Tamer (Walls of Jericho) by Chris Jericho
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A simple yet effective submission move, the Lion Tamer is probably coloquially described as a “more intense version of the Boston crab.” Chris Jericho has a way of contorting his opponent’s bodies in such gruesome ways that even I, a flexible ex-dancer, cringe. When he puts his knee on the back of his opponent’s head when locking in the Walls of Jericho, tap out. It’s game over.
1. Sharpshooter by everyone who has ever trained in the Hart Dungeon, The Rock, etc.
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As synonymous as the Von Erich Claw is to the Von Erichs, the Sharpshooter is synonymous with the other most popular wrestling family, the Harts. It acts as an heirloom of sorts as it has been passed down the generations and is currently used by Natalya Neidhart and her husband, Tyson Kidd. This is my favourite submission mainly because of the reaction it gets when locked in – as soon as those legs are crossed, the crowd goes wild.Aaaaaand Bobsuruncle. My back hurts just looking at those pictures. I need to go lie down. If you ever find yourself in a sticky situation, just lock in one of these bad boys and you’ll be sweet. Take care!– by The Black Widow

NRL Grand Final 2013 Preview

The biggest day of the Australian sport year (sorry AFL) is today. The grand final for the NRL Telstra Premiership 2013. It’s the battle of the beaches as the Sydney Roosters take on the Manly-Warringah Sea Eagles.

In their three previous encounters earlier in the year, the Sydney Roosters were victorious entirely. 16 – 4. 18 – 12. 4 – 0. All of these games were evidently close as the two opposing sides have been feared by the other teams throughout the year. Could the minor premiers continue their roll over the Eagles or could Manly prove that it isn’t “three’s a charm” but maybe four?

It's time!

It’s time!

The Eagles – if not proven by their stellar finals record in the past few years – are a finals footy kind of team. Premiers in 2011 and 2008 and also in 2007 due to “that Melbourne Storm thing”, Manly will always be finals favourites in the current decade with their consistently outstanding form and firm leadership by Centre of the Year Jamie Lyon. Two of the most noteworthy players in the Manly side are halves Kieran Foran and Daly Cherry-Evans and, with the aid of immortal Andrew “Joey” Johns, these two players will be the main catalyst in a Sea Eagles winner.

On the other hand, the Chookies have been the team to beat in the 2013 season. It is no wonder that rookie coach Trent Robinson won the Coach of the Year award at this year’s Dally M’s since he has seemed to resurrect the Chookies from their otherwise mediocre years recently. I can’t stress enough how excellent the acquisitions of Sonny Bill Williams and James Maloney have been for the Roosters as both have been freaking awesome. In contrast to Foran, the one five-eighth that could challenge him in the whole competition would be Maloney. It’d be interesting to see the two go up against each other tonight.

SolSat’s Prediction: Manly-Warringah Sea Eagles by 4

This has been without a doubt the hardest game to predict. Both teams are equally in top form and this grand final is sure to be a solid outing from both squads. Basing my pick purely on finals experience, I’m backing the Eagles to win this one in a tight game with not many points hitting the scoreboard. Even though I personally like the Roosters more, the Eagles know what to do when it comes to finals and will no doubt deliver in tonight’s final with yet another Telstra Premiership to add to their already illustrious history.

Even though my beloved Broncos aren’t in the final – or any final that matter, sadface – this has been one of the most anticipated grand finals in recent years and I’m bloody excited to watch a solid game of footy tonight! Widow out.

– by The Black Widow

My Night at the Dally M’s

No one ever likes attending an event by themselves. It is actually very preferable that you don’t go by yourself. But when it comes to something you’re so bleedingly passionate about, you’d be willing to overlook that fact if you couldn’t take anyone with you, right? Well, that’s what I did when I attended this year’s Dally M awards.

Smile, Watmough!

Smile, Watmough!

Rocking up to the Star by myself and waiting in the registration line by myself was a bit daunting. After being escorted to the red carpet (behind a security gate unfortunately), the stars rolled out and I was literally starstruck. It was big star after big star after big star – Anthony Watmough, Adam Reynolds, Jake Friend, Paul Gallen, Jared Waerea-Hargreaves… they kept popping out on the red carpet. I didn’t get any pictures with them but I got a few of them. I got to speak to Greg Inglis for a hot second as well, which was bloody amazing.

After the red-carpet shenanigans were done, the registered fans in attendance were hurried off to the Marquee room where we received free drinks and a complimentary meat pie or sausage roll. Seeing as I’m a vegetarian, I got my fill in of free bevs.

We were sat down in the top seating area for the Dally M’s in the main room (I got a pretty decent seat) and were (unfortunately) treated with a Justice Crew/Timomatic performance. Kudos to both of them for doing well in their careers but I personally do not care in the slightest for either of them. The awards finally begun and I have to say the production was terrible. There were a few lengthy gaps in between announcements and it just looked as if the crew didn’t know what they were doing.

The award winners were as follows:

Dally M 2013 Winner: Cooper Cronk (Storm)
Fullback of the Year: Greg Inglis (Rabbitohs)
Try of the Year: David Nofoaluma (Wests Tigers)
Five Eighth of the Year: Johnathan Thurston (Cowboys) / Todd Carney (Sharks) tied
Halfback of the Year: Cooper Cronk (Storm)
Headline Moment of the Year: Burgess Brothers (Rabbitohs)
Hooker of the Year: Cameron Smith (Storm)
Lock of the Year: Corey Parker (Broncos)
Prop of the Year: Andrew Fifita (Sharks)
Winger of the Year: Roger Tuivasa-Sheck (Roosters)
Centre of the Year: Jamie Lyon (Sea Eagles)
Captain of the Year: Cameron Smith (Storm)
Coach of the Year: Trent Robinson (Roosters)
Rookie of the Year: George Burgess (Rabbitohs)
Provan Summons Medal: Greg Inglis (Rabbitohs)
Under-20s Player of the Year: Bryce Cartwright (Panthers)

I definitely recommend attending a Dally M ceremony to all of the NRL fans out there. I got close to the Burgess brothers, had Beau Ryan do the Whakatane pose right in front of me and witnessed my favourite Corey Parker rightfully gain Lock of the Year. I may or may not have shouted “YES!” in triumph while the room was dead silent when this happened. It was an absolutely amazing experience and it was free as well!

– by The Black Widow

Summer Solstice Awards 2013

No, these aren’t awards for the best tan. The Summer Solstice Awards are awards exclusive to Solstice Satisfaction for the most outstanding players in NRL for the year. 2013 has been an up-and-down year for rugby league, what with the ASADA investigations and other dramas interrupting the game, but the game still goes on. The following are categories for the inaugural Summer Solstice Awards:

Fullback of the Year
Winger of the Year
Centre of the Year
Five-eighth of the Year
Halfback of the Year
Prop of the Year
Hooker of the Year
Second Rower of the Year
Lock of the Year
Captain of the Year
Coach of the Year
One to Watch in 2014
Player of the Year

Without further ado, here are your award recipients for 2013.

Fullback of the Year
Billy Slater, Melbourne Storm
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One third of the Storm’s “Big 3”, Billy Slater has had – as per usual – an exceptional year in his role as fullback for the Melbourne Storm and also for the Queensland Maroons and Australian Kangaroos squad. His phenomenal footwork and excellent runs have rightfully earned him the title for Fullback of the Year for SolSat. See ya later Slater!
Runner up: Greg Inglis (South Sydney Rabbitohs)

Winger of the Year
Sisa Waqa, Melbourne Storm
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Despite missing the first several rounds due to a hand injury, Sisa Waqa proved he was a deadly winger when he returned to the field, boasting 12 tries and 2582 metres run in the 2013 season. The #flyingfijian definitely looks to be comfortable in SolSat’s Winger of the Year position for the year.
Runner up: James McManus (Newcastle Knights)

Centre of the Year
Justin Hodges, Brisbane Broncos
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Comparing his play to other centres, Justin Hodges definitely has his own unique touch to his role as centre for the Brisbane Broncos. Hodgo has a knack of busting out runs out of nowhere and he makes them look so seamlessly easy. Trying to put aside unnecessary #bronxnation bias aside, Hodgo has earned himself the right of Centre of the Year.
Runner up: Jamie Lyon (Manly-Warringah Sea Eagles)

Five-eighth of the Year
Johnathon Thurston, North Queensland Cowboys
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Perhaps the most valuable player in rugby league today, there was no question in my mind that Johnathon Thurston deserved this recognition. He serves as the captain, goalkicker and playmaker for the Cowboys and in his spare time, plays the important role of father to his newborn baby. It is with great humility that I give Thurston this award for 2013.
Runner up: Kieran Foran (Manly-Warringah Sea Eagles)

Halfback of the Year
Cooper Cronk, Melbourne Storm
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One of the most impressive players when it comes to form in 2013 is this man, Cooper (Donkey) Cronk. Acting as the key playmaker for the Storm, Cronk has been one of the key factors for the Storm’s success in recent years. I dare anyone to challenge this as I award Cooper Cronk for Halfback of the Year.
Runner up: Adam Reynolds (South Sydney Rabbitohs)

Prop of the Year
Matt Scott, North Queensland Cowboys
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To me, a prop should be a rough powerhouse who charges into a pack of defenders with no fear and will only be brought down by two or more players. Matt Scott fits that definition to a tee and that is why I have chosen the Cowboys co-captain to be Prop of the Year for 2013.
Runner up: Sam Burgess (South Sydney Rabbitohs)

Hooker of the Year
Cameron Smith, Melbourne Storm
2013 Melbourne Storm Headshots

In my opinion, the role of the Hooker is one of the most important in the team. It should be no surprise to anyone that the Storm, Maroons and Kangaroos captain Cameron Smith is awarded the Hooker of the Year title as he continues to prove why he is probably the greatest player in the game today.
Runner up: Jake Friend (Sydney City Roosters)

Second Rower of the Year
Sonny Bill Williams, Sydney City Roosters

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Probably the main reason why the Chookies have been in top form all season is the acquisition of this man, Sonny Bill Williams. The man is known for his hard hits and his out-of-nowhere offloads, sometimes referred to as “Sonny Bill offloads”. This large brickhouse of a man takes out the Second Rower of the Year award with ease.
Runner up: Nate Myles (Gold Coast Titans)

Lock of the Year
Corey Parker, Brisbane Broncos
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There was absolutely no bias in choosing Corey Parker as Lock of the Year. The Bird has reached top form in his career in 2013 with outstanding performances in both the Broncos and the Maroons squad. He continues to show why he may be one of the most underrated players in the game today and arguably the best Lock in the game.
Runner up: Paul Gallen (Cronulla Sharks)

Captain of the Year
Johnathon Thurston and Matt Scott
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As one of the many league fans who are advocates of the co-captain gimmick, I happily award the Captain(s) of the Year title to both Thurston and Scott. The Cowboys started the year in the bottom rungs of the ladder before catapulting into the top 8 and I’d like to think that is largely due to the roles Thurston and Scott played as co-captains of the squad.
Runner up: Cameron Smith (Melbourne Storm)

Coach of the Year
Craig Bellamy, Melbourne Storm
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The man may be a bit aggressive at times but he knows how to get the job done, as made evident by the Storm’s steamrolling success in recent years. The intensity he takes to the game rubs off on his players well and that is why Bellamy easily earns the recognition of Coach of the Year.
Runner up: Geoff Toovey (Manly-Warringah Sea Eagles)

One to Watch in 2014
Corey Oates, Brisbane Broncos
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In his handful of appearances in first grade footy for the Broncos, Corey Oates has never failed to impress me with solid performance after solid performance in his role as winger. It is clear that the 18-year-old has his whole career ahead of him and if he continues to play in 2014 like he did this year, the Broncos will be in the top 8 next year.
Runner up: George Burgess (South Sydney Rabbitohs)

Player of the Year
Cooper Cronk, Melbourne Storm
2013 Melbourne Storm Headshots
As difficult as this decision was to make, I eventually gave in and chose the man who has clearly been one of the top players in the entire NRL for 2013. The intense no-nonsense Cooper Cronk has earned the Summer Solstice award for Player of the Year in 2013. Congratulations Cooper!
Runner up: Corey Parker (Brisbane Broncos)

And there you have the first recipients for the Summer Solstice awards in 2013! As always, discussion is welcome so feel free to comment on who you thought deserved these awards. Good day, SolSatters!

– by The Black Widow