Top 10 Badass Who Villains

Let’s face it; Doctor Who has the most badass villains ever! But who’s the most badassest of them all? Solstice Satisfaction takes a look at the worst of them.

All images from various Doctor Who sources, including The Doctor Who Site.

10. Sontarans
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The frightening soldier-like race only made less scary by the fact that they look like potatos with bodies, the Sontarans are quite fond of killing and think of it as a type of leisure, so that alone should make even the mightiest Time Lord or human companion wary of these potatos-in-blue-suits.

9. Autons
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If you work in retail, I feel bad for you son, I’ve got 99 problems, but a store mannequin turning into a killing Auton ain’t one. These “plastic people” are controlled by the Nestene Consciousness and shoot these really nifty lasers out of their plastic hands. They’re also frightening because people are used to store mannequins and will let their guard down. But you shouldn’t. Rose Tyler isn’t in this dimension to save you.

8. Vashta Nerada
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“Hey! Who turned out the lights?” If this sentence resonates with you as a Whovian, then you’ll know why the Vashta Nerada are so frightening. I could only describe the Vashta Nerada as a type of darkness that kills you and takes control of your physical body while replaying the last thing you ever said constantly. If you were in a River Song spacesuit. If you were just wearing trackies and a sweater… I’d say it’d be much worse.

7. The Beast
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The Beast is commonly referred to as the Devil. Or Satan. Or Lucifer. Whatever you’d like to call it. Either way, he is just as scary as every demonic version of him suggests, although I’m pretty sure he’s like 50 feet tall and lives in the fiery depths of hell. Or whatever your version of hell is.

6. Empty Child/Children
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If there is one seemingly innocent line that can freak out a Whovian, it’s this: “Are you my mummy?” What turned one child with a gas mask on into an entire colony of people wearing gas masks all saying “Are you my mummy?” became one of the most frightening things of the entire Doctor Who universe, or Whoniverse. Let’s just say I can’t look at gas masks the same way.

5. Silence
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How are you supposed to take the fight to a creature that you can’t even remember? The Silence, who look like regular stereotypical aliens sometimes dressed in dapper suits, are actually deadly in the fact that as soon as you look away from them, you can’t even remember them. Just make sure you carry a marker around with you to let your body know how many times you’ve actually seen them.

4. Weeping Angels
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If there is one thing worse than forgetting a creature, it’s not looking away from it. The Weeping Angels feed off time energy and are the reason why Amy and Rory had to separate from Eleven. Their shtick is simple: they are angel statues when you look at them. You blink, and they’re all of a sudden right in your face. Don’t take your eye off them, because the moment they touch you, you’ve gone back way in time and have to live a life in an era you don’t know.

3. The Master
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The one Time Lord who is capable of giving the Doctor the heebie jeebies is The Master. His friend. His rival. His nemesis. Only made less frightening by his unpredictable behaviour, the Master doesn’t have the same kindness to humans as the Doctor does. Although, we can take comfort in that Martha Jones once stopped him from taking over the world.

2. Cybermen
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“Deleeeete!” If you hear this, you should either duck or roll to the side. Or ultimately give up and surrender. Because that is the word a Cyberman will shout before he shoots you and kills you, just like that. Cybermen were once humans who were convered into this robotic killing machines and are completely devoid of human emotions or feelings. What is worse than having no feelings!

1. Daleks
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What looks like a rolling machine with a rod sticking out of its head to a non Whovian is actually the most deadly Who villain of them all. The Daleks, the rivals of the Time Lords. The rivalry led to the Time War which left the Doctor wandering the world by himself as the only Time Lord left in existence. Of course, if you need a hand defeating the Daleks, the Doctor has several companions who have been known to EXTERMINAAAATE them. Here’s looking at you, Bad Wolf Rose Tyler.

Be glad that all these creatures aren’t real.

Or are they?

Don’t blink!

– by The Black Widow

Tap Out! The Top 10 Submission Moves

I’ve been sitting at college talking with my friend Jack about wrestling and I was trying to convince him to let me put him in the Black Widow, a modified octopus stretch-style submission move made famous by the current crazy-ass Divas Champion, AJ Lee. This led me to thinking… “what are some of the great submission moves in wrasslin’ history?”

Alas, here I am listing them. Nothing more SolSat than a top list! NOTE: For all the wrestling purists that may read this, if I am not listing the “original” user of the submission, don’t shoot me. I am just naming the first person or people that comes to my head.

10. Inverted Muta lock by Melina, Emma, AJ Styles, etc.1303922675460_f

The first time I saw this baby was when Melina debuted it in a match against Maria as a new finisher in 2007. I’m always wowed with Melina’s offense but this one took the cake. In what is, basically, a flashier-looking STF, when one executes this submission perfectly, the opponent’s legs cannot move, making it even more effective. I would know, I put this one on my friends all the time.
9. Anaconda Vice by CM Punk
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I’m one of “those” CM Punk fans who think that anything he does is gold, but even with my bias aside, the Anaconda Vice is one sick submission hold. Originally a Brazilian jiu-jitsu and Judo compression choke, Punk has used this baby as his primary finisher in the beginnings of his WWE career before using it sparingly after the introduction of the GTS.
8. Black Widow by AJ Lee
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I don’t know makes this submission more exciting (and deadly) to watch: the way AJ transitions into it with a headscissor whirlybird, the crazy-white-girl face she makes when she’s sinched it in, or the fact that she’s screaming “TAAAPP OOOOUUTT” when it’s in. Either way, I am not a big AJ fan but I am definitely a big Black Widow fan.
7. The Von Erich Claw by the Von Erich Family
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The Iron claw was perhaps made most famous by the Fritz Von Erich and his children (and grandchildren). What looks like just a simple head-squeeze, if done by someone with hands as large as the late Kerry Von Erich, this hold could possibly harm you to a very grievous extent. My favourite version of the claw? Lacey’s, of course.
6. Texas Cloverleaf by Dean Malenko
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Dean Malenko is probably my favourite wrestling technician, and the Texas Cloverleaf is one of the reasons why. Originally just called the “cloverleaf” hold, innovated by Dory Funk Jr., it was Mr. Malenko who popularised the submission move before passing it down to the likes of Sheamus and ODB. It’s also noteworthy to mention that Malenko is a favourite because he was featured a bit in one of my most favourite WWE feuds ever – Terri Runnels vs. the Kat.
5. Pin Up Strong by Natalya and Beth Phoenix
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I can’t even begin to explain what this submission technically is. It’s like a modified surfboard type submission but with the legs locked kind of thing… either way, this nifty little move which I am assuming was invented by Natalya was used by the Divas of Doom for a short period of time. It hasn’t been since since the era of DOD and I am assuming it’s because it “looked too deadly for a Diva to do.”
4. LeBell Lock (Yes!/No! Lock) by Daniel Bryan
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Popularised by a famous wrestler whose name I am legitimately terrified to say or write, it is now the trademark finisher submission move for Daniel Bryan, or Bryan Danielson, as it were. Let’s face it, though, anything Daniel Bryan does looks amazing. so it’s no surprise that the Yes/No/Maybe Lock looks as deadly as it does.
3. Figure Four Leg Lock by Ric Flair and the Miz
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Made famous by the legendary Ric Flair, I will always remember how painful this leg lock is when my brother put it on me when I was about 7 and I screamed at him to get off because it was legitimately killing. In an effort to gain sympathy for the natural-heel-turning-face Miz, Ric Flair passed down his signature submission to the brash Cleveland native and thus, the legend of the Figure Four Leg Lock remains!
2. Lion Tamer (Walls of Jericho) by Chris Jericho
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A simple yet effective submission move, the Lion Tamer is probably coloquially described as a “more intense version of the Boston crab.” Chris Jericho has a way of contorting his opponent’s bodies in such gruesome ways that even I, a flexible ex-dancer, cringe. When he puts his knee on the back of his opponent’s head when locking in the Walls of Jericho, tap out. It’s game over.
1. Sharpshooter by everyone who has ever trained in the Hart Dungeon, The Rock, etc.
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As synonymous as the Von Erich Claw is to the Von Erichs, the Sharpshooter is synonymous with the other most popular wrestling family, the Harts. It acts as an heirloom of sorts as it has been passed down the generations and is currently used by Natalya Neidhart and her husband, Tyson Kidd. This is my favourite submission mainly because of the reaction it gets when locked in – as soon as those legs are crossed, the crowd goes wild.Aaaaaand Bobsuruncle. My back hurts just looking at those pictures. I need to go lie down. If you ever find yourself in a sticky situation, just lock in one of these bad boys and you’ll be sweet. Take care!– by The Black Widow