The Housewives of Potomac: Ranked

Posted in Entertainment, TV by Nikki

Word on the street is this is another Real Housewives article.

As my working from home days are coming to an end, that means the intimate relationship I’ve had with my TV and hayU account will soon drastically change. But until that day comes, I will continue to binge watch as much Real Housewives as possible!

This time I will be ranking the ladies of Potomac. Real Housewives of Potomac came with a glowing review from my sister, who had compared it to a combination of Beverly Hills and Atlanta. Considering that they are two of my favourite franchises, it was a no brainer that this would be the next franchise I’d start.

The-Real-Housewives-of-Potomac-800x450

Real Housewives of Potomac has spanned, as of writing, six seasons and featured ten full-time housewives. Let’s get to ranking!

10. Candiace Dillard Bassett
Contrary to popular belief, I haven’t just recently turned on Candiace in the past couple of seasons; unfortunately I’ve just never liked her. Candiace strikes me as the type of person who grew up with a silver spoon in their mouth and never had to face the consequences of their actions, and when those consequences hit her, she cries victim. Thanku, next.

9. Charrisse Jackson-Jordan
According to some reports on Twitter, we have Charrisse to thank for rounding up the crew for the first season of RHOP so I am thankful to her for that. Other than that, I don’t have much to say about Charrisse. She was boring, and even when she tried to stir up drama, it was boring. Soz hun.

8. Wendy Osefo
Wendy had the potential to be a lot higher on this list. Her somewhat condescending performance on season five put her at the bottom, but the first half of season six she seemed to be redeeming herself. And then the second half happened. And here we are. I’m sorry professor but you are trying too hard to be iconic when really, if you just be yourself that’s iconic enough.

7. Robyn Dixon
I really want to like Robyn more than what I actually do; she’s funny, breathtakingly beautiful, and is a great mother to her kids. But for six seasons we have sat through the exact same storyline with Robyn – talking about Juan and their complicated relationship – and believe me when I say we are tired of it.

6. Mia Thornton
If Mia stayed off Twitter, she’d be a lot higher on this list. I really liked Mia when we were first introduced to her in season six and I thought she had a lot of potential. She was funny, glamorous, shady when she needed to be, and who can forget the absolute flair she had when tossing that lettuce at Candiace? Her messy antics on Twitter, however, prevent her from going any higher on this list.

5. Gizelle Bryant
The Queen of Shade herself comes in at the halfway mark. Gizelle really is a top-tier housewife who is the definition of understanding the assignment. She’s funny, she’s entertaining, she’s so beautiful, and she’s shady… sometimes too shady. With all that being said, I love watching the scenes with her daughters because she is such a wonderful mother.

4. Ashley Darby
Ashley was by far my favourite in season one, and she would’ve been higher on this list had it not been for her husband. Ashley is gorgeous, not scared to get into a scrap if needs be, and is completely messy, which she admits to being. I do however frown at her being completely blind to Michael’s actions, and some might even argue that she enables it.

3. Katie Rost
Katie is an interesting case. At first I didn’t take to her that much in season one, but as that season went on, she grew to be one of my favourites. And after two seasons away, she came back in as a FOH in season four and was absolutely my most favourite thing about that season. She’s so unapologetically herself and somewhat blunt… she’s Katie Rost.

2. Karen Huger
If you’re a RHOP fan then you know you’re either Camp Gizelle or Camp Karen. Considering that Gizelle has already been rated, then you know that I’m definitely Camp Karen. Much like her counterpart, Karen definitely understands the assignment, and the Grand Dame almost epitomises what RHOP is.

1. Monique Samuels
Monique is by far my favourite of the franchise. She has the wealthy housewife lifestyle that us fans love, but also keeps the part of her identity that she was raised with, and I think that’s something to really be admired. Everything that a Real Housewife should be Monique was, and although season five’s events led to her departure, Monique to me is definitely one of the realest housewives of any franchise.

With season six officially finished, I eagerly anticipate season seven and hope that any cast changes shake up the show’s dynamics to bring even more reasonable shade!

– by The Black Widow

28Jun2014

Top 10 Badass Who Villains

Posted in Entertainment, TV by Nikki

Let’s face it; Doctor Who has the most badass villains ever! But who’s the most badassest of them all? Solstice Satisfaction takes a look at the worst of them.

All images from various Doctor Who sources, including The Doctor Who Site.

10. Sontarans

The frightening soldier-like race only made less scary by the fact that they look like potatos with bodies, the Sontarans are quite fond of killing and think of it as a type of leisure, so that alone should make even the mightiest Time Lord or human companion wary of these potatos-in-blue-suits.

9. Autons

If you work in retail, I feel bad for you son, I’ve got 99 problems, but a store mannequin turning into a killing Auton ain’t one. These “plastic people” are controlled by the Nestene Consciousness and shoot these really nifty lasers out of their plastic hands. They’re also frightening because people are used to store mannequins and will let their guard down. But you shouldn’t. Rose Tyler isn’t in this dimension to save you.

8. Vashta Nerada

“Hey! Who turned out the lights?” If this sentence resonates with you as a Whovian, then you’ll know why the Vashta Nerada are so frightening. I could only describe the Vashta Nerada as a type of darkness that kills you and takes control of your physical body while replaying the last thing you ever said constantly. If you were in a River Song spacesuit. If you were just wearing trackies and a sweater… I’d say it’d be much worse.

7. The Beast

The Beast is commonly referred to as the Devil. Or Satan. Or Lucifer. Whatever you’d like to call it. Either way, he is just as scary as every demonic version of him suggests, although I’m pretty sure he’s like 50 feet tall and lives in the fiery depths of hell. Or whatever your version of hell is.

6. Empty Child/Children

If there is one seemingly innocent line that can freak out a Whovian, it’s this: “Are you my mummy?” What turned one child with a gas mask on into an entire colony of people wearing gas masks all saying “Are you my mummy?” became one of the most frightening things of the entire Doctor Who universe, or Whoniverse. Let’s just say I can’t look at gas masks the same way.

5. Silence

How are you supposed to take the fight to a creature that you can’t even remember? The Silence, who look like regular stereotypical aliens sometimes dressed in dapper suits, are actually deadly in the fact that as soon as you look away from them, you can’t even remember them. Just make sure you carry a marker around with you to let your body know how many times you’ve actually seen them.

4. Weeping Angels

If there is one thing worse than forgetting a creature, it’s not looking away from it. The Weeping Angels feed off time energy and are the reason why Amy and Rory had to separate from Eleven. Their shtick is simple: they are angel statues when you look at them. You blink, and they’re all of a sudden right in your face. Don’t take your eye off them, because the moment they touch you, you’ve gone back way in time and have to live a life in an era you don’t know.

3. The Master

The one Time Lord who is capable of giving the Doctor the heebie jeebies is The Master. His friend. His rival. His nemesis. Only made less frightening by his unpredictable behaviour, the Master doesn’t have the same kindness to humans as the Doctor does. Although, we can take comfort in that Martha Jones once stopped him from taking over the world.

2. Cybermen

“Deleeeete!” If you hear this, you should either duck or roll to the side. Or ultimately give up and surrender. Because that is the word a Cyberman will shout before he shoots you and kills you, just like that. Cybermen were once humans who were convered into this robotic killing machines and are completely devoid of human emotions or feelings. What is worse than having no feelings!

1. Daleks

What looks like a rolling machine with a rod sticking out of its head to a non Whovian is actually the most deadly Who villain of them all. The Daleks, the rivals of the Time Lords. The rivalry led to the Time War which left the Doctor wandering the world by himself as the only Time Lord left in existence. Of course, if you need a hand defeating the Daleks, the Doctor has several companions who have been known to EXTERMINAAAATE them. Here’s looking at you, Bad Wolf Rose Tyler.

Be glad that all these creatures aren’t real.

Or are they?

Don’t blink!

– by The Black Widow

14Jan2014

5 TV Characters I Love to Hate

Posted in Entertainment, TV by Nikki

TV sitcoms provide us with great memories, hearty laughs and loveable characters; Friends gave us Phoebe and The Simpsons gave us pretty much everyone on the show.

Of course, however, not every show is perfect.

There are some characters on TV shows that I absolutely cannot stand, whether that be because they are that villainous that you can’t help but hate them, or the fact that they are so irritating and are blissfully unaware of their annoying behaviour. Well, now I am going to charge them for their crimes.

5. Sara Lance AKA The Canary (Arrow)

Crimes include: Having a mouth that doesn’t move when speaking, questionable acting skills, a cry so painful that it wakes up the dead… and we’re not talking about the canary cry either.

That first one isn’t a joke either. Watch this scene here and tell me you don’t think her mouth acts in mysterious ways when talking. I’m sure you will also notice that she is as believable as an actress as I am a Golden Globe statue. Also, I’d like to point out that I am quite the comic buff and would like to know this: why is Sara Lance the Black Canary and NOT Laurel Lance as per canon? Why? Why? Why? I was so looking forward to Laurel popping up out of nowhere and saying “Hey Olly, look who’s come to help you.” Thanks for ruining my hopes and dreams, Sara.

4. Katherine Mayfair (Desperate Housewives)

Crimes include: Being a lesbian but not being a lesbian at the same time, stealing Mike from Susan, being an all-around whackjob.

If the phrase “sort your life out” has ever applied to someone so much, it would be Miss Mayfair here. Even though by the end of the show she technically did “sort her life out”, all throughout her tenure in Wisteria Lane, her presence was creepy and unwanted. Katherine was a nutjob: a solid 10 nutjob… and what about how she was sleeping with Julie Benz’s character but kept defending her sexuality by saying “I’m not a lesbian.” That’s like eating a whole jar of cookies and saying I haven’t eaten anything today – the evidence is all over your mouth! (Slightly adult joke)

3. Billie Jenkins (Charmed)

Crimes include: Being a shitty ass replacement for Prue, ruining the last episode of the show by fake crying, taking valuable Leo time away from us.

Billie reared her pretty blonde head on the eighth and final season of Charmed and was meant to be a young, vibrant apprentice-of-sorts to the Halliwell sisters. Being a good-hearted protagonist meant that we were supposed to love her, right? Wrong. I did nothing of the sort. Billie was irritating, plain and simple. Her storylines always felt forced, as forced as her acting. For whatever reasons, the producers felt it a good idea to semi-replace Leo with Billie as the fourth main character. That was probably the worst mistake they could have ever made. Thank you for ruining my most favourite show ever, Billie.

2. Carrie Bradshaw (the Sex and the City version, not the Carrie Diaries version, although I’m sure they’re both equally as annoying)

Crimes include: Being a selfish mutt, making us sit through all her complaining and whining, cheating on Mr. Big.

I absolutely love Sex and the City – it is probably one of my most favourite shows. It’s definitely up there. What I don’t like about the show at all is the main character, coincidentally enough. I found Carrie to be completely self-centered, obnoxious and annoying to the point that I would zone out whenever her voiceover would come on, talking about how damn fabulous she is. I can’t forget the time when poor Charlotte was trying to talk about her feelings and then Carrie completely cut her off. No one in their right mind likes Carrie more than Charlotte, let’s be honest.

1. The Governor (Walking Dead)

Crimes include: Everything he has ever done on the show. Ever.

Janis Ian may think that evil takes a human form in Regina George, but I disagree. Evil takes a human form in the Governor. Cold, ruthless, malicious… the Governor is everything a villain is and should be. He is the cause of many deaths of beloved characters in the Walking Dead series – Andrea being my main one – and, let’s not beat around the bush, he is a massive wanker. There is no other way to put it. In saying that, I must commend David Morrissey on the tremendous job he has done in portraying him.

After writing about these hated characters, I need to reinvigorate myself with a nice old episode of The Simpsons.

Ciao!

– by The Black Widow

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Tag Archives: entertainment

The Housewives of Potomac: Ranked

Top 10 Badass Who Villains

5 TV Characters I Love to Hate