Widow’s Lure rankings should be fun. Amanda, not fun.

So you all know I love Bravo, in particular the Real Housewives shows, but once I had tore through every Real Housewives franchise that was made available to me, I had to venture outside of that safety net. And while Summer House was not my first non-Housewives Bravo show, it’s probably my favourite. The format of putting a bunch of young attractive people into the same holiday house with alcohol and watching chaos ensue is a great recipe for reality TV.

If you’re not aware, Summer House as I so eloquently described it, is a reality show that sees a group of friends share a house over the summer on the weekends before they go back to their normal lives during the week. At first, I was confused as to how the dynamic of going back to work from Monday to Friday would work as I expected everyone to stay at the house for the entire duration of filming, but I actually love the idea. It gives the cast reprieve, especially if a huge argument/drama ensued over the weekend, so they can return the following weekend with more clarity and with better intent to resolve the issue.

Anywho, we’re not here for my thoughts on the show as a whole. We’re here for my rankings of the cast! As of the currently airing season 10, Summer House has had 34 main cast members which sounds like a huge number, but considering the amount of one season wonders they’ve had, it makes sense.

So going back to the days of Jaclyn the fit model, to the hot Aussie hunk Ben, let’s rank the castmates of Summer House! And for fairness, I’m ranking as if Amanda and West-gate didn’t happen.

34. Lindsay Hubbard
Lindsay is a dangerous self-centered narcissist who somehow gets away with her deranged work because she has “iconic moments”. This is one of those Bravo stereotypes that I don’t subscribe to. If you’re a horrible person, I don’t care how many iconic one-liners you have; you’re still a horrible person. I feel like the cast lets her get away with shit they wouldn’t tolerate from normal people, and to me that’s a concern.

33. Jesse Solomon
No matter what any of the men in Summer House do, they can rest easy knowing that I will never dislike them as much as I dislike Jesse Solomon. Jesse was an arrogant tool from the moment he stepped into the Hamptons, and his horrible and gaslighting treatment of Lexi really solidified his spot at the bottom of this list. Also someone take him away from the microphone… we don’t need to hear him sing. Ever.

32. Jordan Verroi
Speaking of douchebag men, enter Jordan; a man who has the body of a 16-year-old and somehow thinks that qualifies him as being super attractive. Add that to the fact that he has a questionable relationship with the truth, and he treats women horribly and refuses to take accountability of his actions, this guy finds himself near the bottom of this list.

31. Cristina Gibson
The first one season wonder of this list, I never found myself liking Cristina, and found myself saying out loud “Omg someone get her off this show” during the show’s pilot season. She was snobby, dismissive, and refused to acknowledge her own shit. I was glad to see she was a one season wonder tbh.

30. Bailey Taylor
As season 10 airs, I have not found myself liking Bailey at all. In fact, I can’t stand her. Her starting shit with Ben at the dinner table then crying victim because he dared to call her out did it for me. And then spending the day after bragging about how she was going to confront him at the vineyard, just to be mute the entire time… yeah, I don’t get along well with women like Bailey.

29. Danielle Olivera
Danielle gets points for being the first visible POC on the show, and a respect for quietly navigating that through her time on the show without feeling the need to be performative about it. That’s about where my praise ends, because Danielle was such a pick me on the show and I found myself confused with so many of her actions. Like making Carl and Lindsay’s engagement about her, presenting Balloon Guy to Gabby just to snag him for herself… yeah, 29 is a good spot for her.

28. Everett Weston
Everett was mostly forgettable during his time on the show, but his fights with Lindsay in the first season were very uncomfortable to watch. I just remember him being unfairly douchey to Lindsay, and even though I can’t stand her, no woman should be treated like that.

27. Jaclyn Shuman
Jaclyn was such a fever dream on this show, I can’t even believe that Jaclyn the fit model was ever a part of this super popular show at all. The fact that the only thing I remember about her was that she was a fit model says it all really.

26. Ashley Wirkus
Ashley was not cut out for this show solely based on the fact that she was happily married. This show really works with singles, and Ashley suffered there. Besides jumping in to back her twin sister, Ashley didn’t really have many big moments to push her higher on this list.

25. Imrul Hassan
Imrul was another fever dream on this show. He came in later in the season, had sex with a new woman or women every night he was in the house, and that was about it. I like that he opened up about his culture and the expectations of him because of that, but he was a really weird casting. He was also not allowed to participate in the full reunion of his season, which says a lot.

24. Amit Neuman
Amit was probably the most deserving of being a one season wonder. He didn’t really do anything besides kiss Lindsay and then flat out deny it minutes later. He was hell handsome and unproblematic, so I liked that about him.

23. Levi Sebree
I need to see more of Levi to really make an informed opinion of her, because as far as I’ve seen on the currently airing season ten, her only personality trait is “Bailey’s friend”. That could be because of production, though. And I don’t really like Bailey, so I need her to branch out and create something for herself.

22. Gabby Prescod
I really wanted to like Gabby, but she wasn’t really given much to play with. And when Danielle was quietly kicked off the show, Gabby became the new “Lindsay’s second in charge” which will never sit well with me. I did find her family dynamic interesting, and the contrast between her and Ciara was fascinating to watch tbh.

21. Dara Levitan
Dara is beautiful and she speaks in a way that seems so calm and natural that you automatically feel at ease listening to her. To me, she doesn’t give performative. However, if she hurts my sweet innocent baby angel KJ, I will NOT be happy.

20. Kyle Cooke
Kyle is arguably the star of this show, and it was clear that production wanted it centered around him. He’s a polarising one, in that you either really love him or you don’t. I can’t say I love Kyle, but I appreciate what he brings to the show, and I think under it all, he has a good soul. He just needs to act his age, and learn how to treat women properly.

19. Carl Radke
Of any of the cast members of this show, Carl has had probably the most growth. He went from typical fuckboy, to a considerate soul, to less of a fuckboy and more of a lover, to the businessman we see today. In saying, I can’t say I’ve ever found myself really backing Carl. He goes through the female castmates of this show like underwear, and it’s just not fun to watch. Also I hated his entire relationship with Lindsay.

18. Lauren Wirkus
Okay so I really liked Lauren, even if I felt she was a bit naive for fallng for Carl when he was so clearly a fuckboy. She was a messy bitch, especially when drinking, and her together with Stephen was a dynamic duo that I loved watching. I felt like she could’ve used one or two more seasons of this show tbh.

17. Jules Daoud
Speaking of needing another season, Jules definitely needed another season. She was a lowkey stirrer, but she did it in such an effortless way that I lowkey respected it. Granted, she didn’t fit in well with the cast, and it was painful to watch her try be one of the girls when it wasn’t natural at all, but I feel like another season could’ve seen her become a breakout start tbh.

16. Lexi Wood
If Lexi hadn’t fallen victim to Jesse Solomon’s nonsense, I feel like she would’ve stuck around for season ten. Stunning and likeable, Lexi appeared to be out of reach but had a down-to-earth personality that seemed so real and grounded. She was honest about her feelings from the jump, but was unfortunately led on by that giant turd which was ultimately her downfall.

15. Chris Leoni
Chris was kinda cringe to watch when it came to flirting with women, but outside of that, I really liked him. He struck me as the happy-go-lucky kinda positive guy that I love to be around, plus I found backstory interesting in being a photographer but also a former marine. Plus, the rig on him was spectacular.

14. Samantha Feher
Sam was a nice addition to the cast, representing the bubbly blonde girl next door archetype who had a healthy sex positive view on dating and relationships. Her flirtationship with Kory was cute, even though I thought she deserved better. She could’ve used a second season to really show more of her.

13. Luke Gulbranson
Luke was kinda hard for me to rank, because on one had I think he’s super fine and I loved watching scenes with just him and learning more about his backstory. However, his chaotic relationship with Hannah and his treatment of Ciara prevents him from going any higher on this list. He could’ve used maybe one more season on the show, but I feel like his duration was served with purpose.

12. Alex Wach
Okay. Hear me out. Alex was a victim of production because he was so obviously cut out of scenes and not given as much airtime as Andrea, for example. However the glimpses we got of him were interesting. He was structured and rigid which conflicted with the rest of the cast which could’ve created interesting tension with other housemates, and I enjoyed learning about his backstory and growing up as a biracial Asian man. Plus, his call on Austen being the “Honda Civic of male attractiveness” alone should’ve guaranteed him a second season. And… he was hot af.

11. Andrea Denver
So I had seen all the fuss about Andrea being the hottest guy on Bravo ever, and physically I didn’t see it. But then you get to see the sweet, sensitive and loving side of him, and then you really see how attractive he is. Not only that, he was so chivalrous and considerate of the other women that I found my eyes straying from gymbro Alex to this hunky Italian man. A great addition to the cast whose time was way too short.

10. Stephen McGee
Every time I think about Stephen, my exact thoughts are always “Ugh… I looove Stephen McGee”. Not only is it refreshing to see queer representation on an otherwise heteronormative orgy reality show, but Stephen was Miss Messyboots especially in the second season, and we loved to see it. Plus watching his personal story of finding comfortability in his identity while also trying to honour his parents was very touching and resonated with me in a personal way.

9. Mia Calabrese
Mia’s first season isn’t even over yet and I can already tell that she is the best friend that every girl needs. She’s constantly been there for Ciara, but appears to not take herself too seriously and seems to really be having fun as much as possible. I know I said that being in a relationship isn’t good for someone on this show, but Mia makes it work, respecting her partner while also understanding she can have fun.

8. Hannah Berner
I loved Hannah on this show, and it genuinely surprises me that there are people out there who didn’t. I really fuck with her sense of humour because she would constantly have me laugh out loud with her one liners and confessionals, plus I just loved watching her friendship with Paige and Amanda. Her last season was not very good for her, however, and while I still ride for Hannah, she was dead wrong in several of her interactions with the other castmates.

7. Mya Allen
Mya was SO fucking good for this show and I was devastated to see how little time she got on the cast. She didn’t come in like a house on fire which can backfire on certain people; she just came in as herself, articulated her feelings effectively and, with Ciara, had one of the very first real conversations that this show has ever seen. I loved watching her relationship blossom on the show as well… obviously until we learned he cheated on her. Trash.

6. Ben Waddell
Ben’s Australian like me, so he was immediately going to be in at least the top 10. But what puts him here is how he handled his conflict with Bailey. He never raised his voice egregiously at her (like she claimed), made his feelings well known to her, and agreed to move forward at the end despite what her deluded ass believed. Plus, he’s handsome af. And for the record, “fuck me mate’s missus” is a very legitimate phrase here in Australia, and anyone who judges it is an ignoramus.

5. KJ Dillard
If Mia’s the best friend everyone needs, then KJ is the little brother that everyone would die to protect. Completely and confidently in touch with both his masculine and feminine, and acknowledging when it’s difficult for both of those to coexist at times, KJ is the type of man I’d trust around my unwatched drink. And god, it’s so refreshing to see a man talk about his feelings so clearly without resorting to minimising it to ‘protect his masculinity’.

4. Amanda Batula
As a reminder, this is not taking Amandoval into consideration. Amanda is beautiful, speaks her mind, is a good friend to everyone she holds dearly, and is there to support her husband but also check him when he desperately needs it. Her talking openly about her mental health struggles was also very refreshing to watch as these topics, while talked about more, are still not discussed as openly and frequently as they should.

3. Ciara Miller
Ciara is considered a queen of the Bravoverse and for very good reason. Unapologetically herself, not scared to be opinionated or outspoken, and more than willing to have hard conversations when necessary, Ciara makes for compelling TV. Plus I LOVE how she’s aware of how beautiful she is but also doesn’t take herself seriously. Her themed party costumes always slap, but her casually announcing that she was dressed as a plague infested rat sends me every time.

2. West Wilson
As a reminder, this is not taking Amandoval into consideration. West is the kind of guy I can see myself being charmed by easily, and falling for even easier. I love me a himbo, what can I say? Charming but also equally dorky, sporty but not too jocky, and handsome but not painfully so, West is my favourite man on this show thus far. Plus I love watching how affectionate he is with the other male cast members without worrying about what it might do to his perceived masculinity. We love a healthy masculine male.

1. Paige Desorbo
Amanda might be considered the Queen of Summer House due to her tenue on the show and relationship with Kyle, but we all know that the REAL Queen of Summer House is Paige Desorbo. Effortlessly stylish and chic with killer confessionals, killer looks and killer wit, Paige is easily my favourite castmate of this show. And I’m sorry, but her leaving the dinner just to come storming back because she heard Kyle mutter that she’s two faced was actually legendary TV. Paige is the woman I strive to be every day tbh.

HFD ranking 32 people is a bloody effort. But I lowkey have enjoyed revisiting my tenure of watching this show. Now we get to see how the rest of season 10 unfolds… and this reunion is going to be SUPER bloody interesting.

– by The Black Widow