Satisfashion: The Fashion Fruitbowl

Posted in Lifestyle, Satisfashion by bngillies

Women are constantly told by fashion magazines and ‘celebrity stylists’ that their body type fits into a certain category: apple, pear, asparagus, carrot, butternut pumpkin (also known as the hourglass), etc. Has anyone else noticed that clothes shopping now feels like a trip to the local green grocer? All I want is to buy a sundress, not the ingredients for a low-self-esteem fruit salad.

There are better ways to dress an apple

I firmly believe that no matter what size you are, or what sort of fresh produce your silhouette most resembles, you can and should love your body. Everyone has the ability to look as good as they feel. It’s just a matter of knowing how to identify and flaunt your assets.

Apple figures can be hard to dress due to the positioning of weight in the belly and bust. Luckily for you though, you’ve got killer cleavage and slimmer legs. The key to highlighting these assets is body control underwear. I know it sounds like a kind of ‘old-lady’ idea, but it will work wonders to sculpt your silhouette by drawing you in at the waist and giving you smoother curves. Now you’re less like an apple and more like an apple core (yay!). Once you’ve got that sorted, it’s time to work on the clothes:
-Open up your neckline. V-neck t-shirts or leaving a single button undone on your work blouse doesn’t make you a hussy.
-Vertical stripes act to elongate the body and have a slimming effect.
-Drop earrings help to elongate the face and draw attention to the jawline and cheekbones. Lengthening the facial features can help balance out the rounded figure.
-A-Line skirts make the waist look slimmer and can be worn with tights to highlight your legs in winter.
-There is no excuse for granny-jeans. Structured, straight-leg jeans and knee length boots will draw the eye down to your gorgeous legs.
-Fitted blazers add shape to the torso and add what I can ‘points of attention’ as the deep V made by the lapels encourages the eyes to move downwards rather than across the body.

Pear shaped ladies should flaunt their bust and graceful shoulders. The trouble with this figure is the fear that yes, perhaps your bum does look big in that outfit. Invest in a good quality padded bra. A little extra oomph upstairs can balance out your hips and butt.
-Strapless dresses should be a staple in your wardrobe! Your ideal summer outfit is a strapless maxi with a thick belt to cinch in your waist and show off your gorgeous feminie curves.
-Shoulder-pads are not just for 80s disco parties. A structured shoulder in military jackets and blazers lengthens the horizontal line of your shoulders, allowing them to meet the line of your hips.
-Embellished tops have a similar effect and when paired with simple jeans or slacks keep the attention on your face and…er, ‘assets.’

Asparagus shaped women are straight up and down and have what if often referred to as a ‘boyish’ figure. The major upside of this shape is that there are no critical danger zones in your fashion world. The downside is that we asparagus girls don’t have a classically feminine figure. Invest in a Wonder-Bra. Or three.
-Avoid scoop necklines which show your obvious anti-cleavage. Even with a push-up bra, scoop necks won’t flatter you. Empire waistlines emphasise the lines of your bust and give the illusion of volume. Similarly, dresses and blouses that tie up at the back will flatter even the smallest of A-cups.
-Your legs are your best friend. Short dresses and skirts will compliment your shapely legs.
-A-Line skirts and belts will add definition to your waist and give your more distinct curves.
-Embellishment and detail on dresses and tops gives the illusion of a bigger bust as it can create a three-dimensional effect.
-For those who aren’t into florals but still want to feel feminine, opt for softer fabrics that gently fall over your natural figure while acting to soften the appearance of harder lines.

Carrots, you tall, elegant beauties. You are the Elle MacPhersons and Liz Hurleys the rest of us wish we could be. What advice can I possibly give you?
-Pale jeans and dark knee high boots will flatter your long legs.
-Cropped blazers and Bolero jackets will give you that effortlessly cool look. Selecting block colours will also add definition to your torso and flatter your waist.
-Soft materials and draping styles that fall elegantly over your frame will add an added degree of class. Trapeze jackets and cowl-neck jumpers will look gorgeous.
-Emphasise your bust with scoop neck tops and chunky statement necklaces.
-Thick horizontal stripes made by belts or sashes etc. cut 5cm off your height and help to balance your stature with your natural horizontals.

Butternut pumpkin girls have got the Golden Trifecta. Nice bust, thin waist and a booty worthy of a Beyoncé song. Unfortunately though, not all styles can flatter everything at once. When in doubt, remember you are the modern Marilyn Monroe. The 1950s is never out of style so while everyone else is looking stupid in galaxy leggings, you simply ooze timeless elegance.
-Peplums are a fantastic way to add detail to your waist to balance it with your hips and bust, giving the illusion of a straighter silhouette.
-Darker wash jeans slim the hips and smooth your thighs so you get a cleaner line down the leg.
-The magical pencil skirt sits on, and thus emphasises, your beautiful waist, flatters the hips and draws the eyes upwards to bust and face.
-Rockabilly is a cool style on your figure, too. High-waisted shorts in summer act to lengthen the legs and give the appearance of slimmer hips and thighs.
-Don’t overdo the embellishments on tops. Block colours are best, but clean, smaller prints will define the bust without adding the illusion of extra bulk.

Some things to keep in mind no matter what shape you are:
-Skinny leg jeans do not make your legs skinny! Unfortunately not everyone is blessed with supermodel pins and that’s perfectly fine, but bootcut or retro flares will sit better and look better in the long run.
-I don’t care who you are, tights are NOT pants.
-Leggings are best worn with tunics or under long blouses. Camel toes are not a good accessory.
-Beware of clingy materials. Bodycon dresses and tight tops can look absolutely stunning on figures with smooth curves, but can also go disastrously wrong. If you find that the material is tucking into your body at all, you’re better off going a size up than risking looking like Kirstey Alley on a bad day.

Finally, just remember: everyone has got something to brag about. Happy dressing, ladies!

– by Blaire Gillies

8Nov2013

The Girls Take Over the Gaze while the Boys Act as the Spectacle

Posted in Entertainment, Movies by heynikolinak

I’m a big appreciator of a good quality movie… but it has to happen once in a while. I gave in to the secret desire of all women and watched a movie just for the pure pleasure for gazing at the big buff figure of Thor and my gosh I enjoyed every minute of it. The obsession began with the first movie though Thor 2 did not fail to disappoint!

You could classify it as an action packed buzzer, a romantic comedy as well as a futuristic entertainer. The movie was a great watch though a good 60% of my 10 out of 10 rating has to be credited to that tanned, toned and muscly hunk of Chris Hemsworth. So it’s the new never fail formula for a film. Center the story around a big buff hero, a story line with some thrills and some laughs and then throw in a gorgeous co-lady and Hollywood is racking it in. Oh times have changed.

It all started with the Male Gaze theory of Laura Mulvey during the 1970’s who proposed that there was a tendency of film to circulate around women objectified in film by heterosexual men who are in control of the camera. Her thoughts delve into the ways in which we as the audience as well as the characters within films subject an individual to a controlling and curious gaze for sexual stimulation through sight. This is certainly the case in Thor 2 though: when did the Male Gaze become the Female Gaze? Seems as if we have taken over ladies and what eye candy we want, we get! So let’s go through the decades and see how the sexual spectacle of the femme fatale became the big, buff glory of Thor 2.

1950’s:

The 1950’s were all about the exquisite Marylin Monroe and boy she WOW’d in the 1959 film Some Like it Hot. With a name like Sugar Cane, her sensual persona in the film pleases even the woman’s eye. The film follows the story of two musicians who escape their hometown disguised as woman to join an all-girl band.

1960’s:

Oh Audrey Audrey Audrey! She is classy, sassy and beautiful all in one and it was her time in 1961 in Breakfast At Tiffany’s. It’s a crime if you haven’t watched the film! The film follows Holly, a New York socialite who becomes interested in a young and handsome man who moves into her apartment building.

1970’s:

This is where Mulvey’s Male Gaze was at its peak and Olivia Newton John owned those last 10 minutes of Greece and is to thank for the inspiration for every girls 1970’s dress-up party outfit. I mean those legs in those tights and that red lipstick… gosh dammit just makes we wanna get to the gym and squat.

1980’s:

This is where the men make their debut and it’s all about the handsome, strong hero who swoops the girl away. Who better to get it started then Cary Elwes in The Princess Bride? I think I probably watched this film over 15 times in high school for English but I didn’t complain. The 1987 American romantic, comedy, fantasy, adventure film is the only one of its kind and did not fail to entertain. Look at the way the princess is clenching on to him from behind!

1990’s:

The crazy 90’s in which I was born and all the hype was over Pulp Fiction. Now this one is a bit tricky because the sexy Uma Thurman seduces us all as the mafia boss’ wife though John Travolta gets his dangerous, hit-man on and gets all the ladies a bit hot and steamy!

2000’s:

The Dark Knight Batman movie 2008. Hero of the city, fighting crime, seducing ladies just being an every-day man. Christian Bale does not fail to impress with that 6-pack and firm guns. The movie is a pleasure to watch in every sense.

And we come to the now. The big, buff pleasure of Thor. It makes you think about the reasons we watch films. We sit in a dark cinema room, in a rather comfortable chair with snacks to last us the hour or two and stare into a screen. Stare at the “lives” of others and be entertained… or pleased by that eye candy. I’m not going to deny it. The reason I went to watch Thor was for the pleasure of the candy and it did not disappoint. Plus… he is an Aussie so I’m just “supporting” our damn handsome Aussie talent! 😉

– by Nikolina Koevska

7Nov2013

A Quick Guide to Job Interviews

Posted in Lifestyle by bngillies

It is a scientifically proven fact that job interviews are harder and more nerve-wracking than first dates. In the space of fifteen minutes, you have to confess everything from your education history to criminal convictions to a person you’ve only just met and convince them you’re better than everyone else on the planet. No pressure.

Having been to a number of unsuccessful job interviews in recent weeks, I have decided that either a) I am starring in an exceptionally dry-humoured TV series about a comically pathetic idiot or b) job interviews are actually a social experiment testing the effects of passive torture on unsuspecting uni students and backpackers looking to make a few quid over summer.

"Come on, I want you to do it, I want you to do it. Come on, hire me. Hire me."

“Come on, I want you to do it, I want you to. Come on, hire me. Hire me!”

I feel like I’m the subject in a Pavlovian-style conditioning experiment in which the phrase “What qualities do you most admire in yourself?” leads to a cold sweat and hyperventilation. I’m pretty sure that “I admire my ability to make a perfect cup of tea and sleep through the sound of loud traffic on Lygon Street” is not an appropriate answer. But what are people meant to say in response to that? How do you say “I admire my ability to organise my time and work efficiently both autonomously and as part of a collective” without sounding like a massive wanker? Trick question- you can’t.

Then there’s the wonderfully vague ‘Tell us about yourself.’ Righto. “Blaire Gillies. Nineteen years old. Right-handed. This morning I had cornflakes and a banana for breakfast and washed it down with an iced latte. I’m terrified of birds, but since this is a waitressing job I’m sure that won’t be an issue. I prefer the Green Apple flavoured Skittles but my confectionery of choice is actually sour peach hearts. I sometimes wear odd socks because I never seem to wash both of a pair at once, but I’m quirky so I can get away with it. I talk to myself a lot because I live alone and I sing a lot of Spice Girls while I’m cooking dinner… oh, and I’m a Cancer.”

Everything these people need to know is written in my resume. What more could they possibly want to hear?

I also resent being told to relax at the start of a job interview. It’s hard to relax when the person sitting across the table from you obviously loves lauding their power over you and being as intimidating as possible. ‘Would you like a glass of water?’ No. My hands are shaking like the dance-scene from Grease and I will end up spilling it in my lap within seconds, but thanks for the offer. By the way, your reassuring smile isn’t fooling anyone.

The only upside to these many interviewers is that I have deciphered their secret codes. For example:
What is your biggest weakness?
‘If you can lie well enough to make yourself look good, we’re impressed.’

What is your greatest strength?
‘We’re playing employee bingo. If you’re good at filing, we win a prize.’

Why would you be suited to this job?
How well have you actually read the job description?

What was the name of your childhood pet?
‘You seem too good to be true. We’re throwing you a curveball to try and throw you off your game.’

Where do you see yourself in ten years?
‘Tax Offices are like Hotel California- you can check out but you can never leave. Make sure this is what you really want. ‘

Why did you really apply for this job?
Dance for me, monkey, dance!

These standard, cliché questions are unavoidable. Your interviewer knows them back-to-front and inside out and probably hates them even more than you do. To make the situation as painless as possible, aim for originality. Set yourself apart from all the mindless automatons applying for the same position. Let’s face it; your greatest weakness is not that you are a perfectionist and your greatest strength is not your people skills. You hate people ( or maybe that’s just me…). Give honest answers to questions. Tactful, but honest answers like “I left my place of employment as I felt that my capabilities were better suited to a different environment” rather than “OH&S would have had a field day with the morons at my last job.” I’m not one of those people who follows the “tell them what they want to hear” rule. If you have to lie to get the job, it’s not right for you. You’ll regret it in the long run.

If you’re currently on the job hunt as well, I wish you the best of luck. Unless you’re in Melbourne and applying for the same jobs as me. In that case, may the best man win.

– by Blaire Gillies

6Nov2013

The Bachelors of the Books

Posted in Books, Entertainment by Nikki

Since women (and men alike) were introduced to the devilishly handsome vampire Edward Cullen and “shutup you’re not really 18” heartthrob Jacob Black from the Twilight series, there has been a noticeable influx of paperback princes in romance novels with authors trying to create that perfect man for readers to swoon over. Insert GPOY here.

As a romance novel enthusiast, I’ve decided to list my top 6 “Bachelors of the Books”. These men, commonly referred to as “book boyfriends”, not only steal your heart but make you feel that love – because everyone deserves to be loved, even if it’s within the confinement of a novel. Brace yourself and get ready to swooooooooon.

NOTE: The images provided are pictures of men who I believe represent the character exceptionally or actors who have been cast as the character in movie adaptations of this book.

#6 Dean Holder (Hopeless by Colleen Hoover)

“Dean Holder? Messy brown hair? Smoldering blue eyes? A temper straight out of Fight Club?” This quote represents Mr. Dean Holder perfectly. Dean Holder has this captivating aura of confident swag about him – “You probably faked passing out the other day, just so you could be carried in my hot, sweaty, manly arms.” However, like most bad boys, he’s troubled. Women loooooove their troubled men. Here’s to thinking that Sky is one lucky, lucky gal.

#5 Daniel “Monty” Montgomery (Outback Dreams by Rachael Johns)

One of the best things about Outback Dreams was how close to home it was (on the other side of the country, but still). The best thing about it, however – and other readers could attest for this as well – was the character Monty. A true man’s man, this outback handyman knows what he wants and goes for it, regardless of the consequences, whether it be for his dream farm or for Faith Forrester’s heart. A couple of dick moves here and there, but hey, nobody’s perfect. He sure comes close to it though. What confuses me is this: how Faith could overlook Monty for so long is beyond me.

#4 Christian Grey (Fifty Shades Trilogy by EL James)

Everybody’s favourite bajillionaire BDSM dom enthusiast Christian Grey has won over a lot of hearts since Fifty Shades of Grey. The word “damaged” doesn’t even begin to describe how royally fucked Christian is: he’s cold, distant, controlling and unnecessarily possessive. Underneath all of that is a caring, gentle soul that is just in need of some tender lovin’ care. He’s got to be incredible for putting up with Anastasia for so long. He’s also totally baben, but that’s beside the point. I dare you to listen to Prelude in E Minor by Frédéric Chopin (a song he plays on the piano in the first book) and not feel how much pain he’s in. Jamie Dornan might be the new Christian Grey, but I still think Jessie Pavelka is my Christian.

#3 Bennett Ryan (Beautiful Bastard by Christina Lauren)

The title Beautiful Bastard describes Bennett Ryan to a tee – he’s beautiful, and he’s a deadset asshat bastard. Although, much like Chloe Mills, you couldn’t help but find the young CEO intriguing. Also a gajillionaire so early in his life, Bennett is the type of man that can irritate you one moment and have you wrapped around his little finger the next. His charm is almost outweighed by his arrogance. He’s spontaneous, he’s handsome, and he’s a horny prick. Stock up on underwear and avoid being alone with him in the stairwell… just kidding. Women would jump at the chance of a stairwell encounter with Bennett.

#2 Michael (Sundays at Tiffany’s by James Patterson)

Michael (only referred to as simply Michael) is a dream man – literally. Why? Because he’s imaginary. 9-year-old Jane Margaux (Claremont, if you watch the movie adaptation) needed a friend. Enter Michael, the handsome imaginary friend who knows everything about Jane – her hopes, her fears, her favourite dessert… you name it. Several years later and this imaginary heartthrob is back. Who doesn’t want a big, masculine man to walk you to and from work after giving you flowers? Michael is also willing to punch out his friend for disrespecting women – yeah, that happened. A little spoiler alert: Michael becomes real, so at least you can say you’ve fallen for a real book character, not an imaginary one.

#1 Travis Maddox (Beautiful Disaster and Walking Disaster by Jamie McGuire)

Travis Maddox is the right balance of sweet charm and rough badass. A panty-droppin’ player turned one-woman man, Travis is the whole package: he’s big, he’s strong, he’s got killer tatts, he rides a motorcycle and can also fight with the best of them. He’s also motivated and cunning and romantic and knows how to make a woman feel as if she’s the only one. Only Travis can make a nickname “Pidgeon” totally adorable. His never-give-up attitude is infectious and his need for cuddling makes him seem the ultimate gentle giant. If you want a man who is that dedicated to you that he gets your name tattooed on his arm, well, Travis is your man!

If you’re still alive after all that epic swoonage, I suggest you purchase all of these books from your nearest bookstore (preferably Dymocks because I love that place) and join the world in falling in love with fictitious men. It’s not as insane as it sounds.

The storylines aren’t bad either.

– by The Black Widow

Widow's Lure

Become entangled in my web

Satisfashion: The Fashion Fruitbowl

The Girls Take Over the Gaze while the Boys Act as the Spectacle

A Quick Guide to Job Interviews

The Bachelors of the Books