5 Worst Dressed Female Video Game Characters

Before I start my list, I’d just like to write a little disclaimer of sorts: most, if not all of the choices listed in this countdown have been designed for one main purpose: sex appeal. I get that and acknowledge it, but there are ways a character can be dressed sexily and still look comfortable enough to stop a zombie outbreak or win a fighting tournament. Take Catwoman, for example, who manages to have only her face showing in her outfit but still look sexy.

Alas, here are the 5 Worst Dressed Female Video Game Characters… to date, at least.

5. Jill Valentine (Resident Evil 3)

Resident Evil's main heroine made a poor choice in wearing this ensemble.

Resident Evil’s main heroine made a poor choice in wearing this ensemble.

I have a strange habit of planning my day-to-day outfits based on zombie apocalypses; I literally stop and think “Hey, if an outbreak were to occur while I am wearing this outfit, would I be comfortable enough to run around in it for the rest of my life?” Of course I want to look good as well, so as comfortable as a pair of trackies and uggies seem, I’d rather not wear that during an outbreak.

In saying that, the last thing I would want to be wearing is a short pencil skirt that seems to be made of denim and a sweater permanently tied around my waist. This outfit could possibly be the most impractical zombie killing outfit ever assembled with the only saving light being those sick brown combat boots that I admittedly want. There would be no bigger pain than running away from a pack of zombies and jumping over a fence all the while trying to protect your modesty by covering your lady bits that may or may not be exposed because you are wearing a ridiculous short pencil skirt.

Fortunately for Jill, she wisened up and wore a Catwoman-esque purple battlesuit in Resident Evil 5 with a new hairdo, no less.

4. Christie (Dead or Alive 4)

Seems legit... right?

Seems legit… right?

While Jill has to constantly conceal her modesty in her short skirt, she at least had underwear on underneath (or so you would assume) while Christie just decided to wear nothing underneath her open jacket. Even though Dead or Alive isn’t exactly known for its female modesty, you’d think that designing an outfit for a female game character that only had an open jacket covering her upper body would be silly, right?

Realistically, if a woman decided to wear an open jacket with no form of undergarment, one slight breeze and your chest would be revealed for everyone, so I wonder what went through the game designers mind when they thought that this was appropriate? It wouldn’t have been hard to give her a little lacy bra that would still have had the same sex-vamp effect. Either way, this questionable outfit makes Jill’s skirt-and-sweater combo look like a professional battle suit.

3. Mai Shiranui (Fatal Fury and King of Fighter series)

I can't even begin to explain what this outfit technically is.

I can’t even begin to explain what this outfit technically is.

Video game reviewers and enthusiasts alike have noted that Fatal Fury became interesting when Mai Shiranui was included, and I agree with them on the basis that a female fighter was refreshing much like the inclusion of Chun Li in Street Fighter and Sonya Blade in Mortal Kombat. The male majority of those who sung praise for the character, however, mainly liked one thing: her (lack of) costume… and maybe the fact that her character animation included a boob jiggle.

Let’s be frank: when you have boobs that big, two thin straps of red are probably not going to keep your bosoms neatly tucked in during a fight. I would even go so far as to say that there is far more material that forms that white tail thing she has got going on than she has covering her actual body.

Not only does she have to contest with the fact that her outfit leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination, but she has to lag around a white tail which could’ve been used for, I don’t know, an actual top.

2. Ivy Valentine (Soulcalibur Series)

Yep. That happened.

Yep. That happened.

Ivy is my first-choice character in the Soulcalibur series, what with her pirate background, icy demeanour and wicked “snake sword” which is basically a sword and a whip at the same time. What I wasn’t too fond of about the character was the fact that her outfit is just a bunch of purple straps criss crossing all over the place so that all her bits are “technically” covered.

What I find even funnier about this choice outfit is the fact that her accessories cover more than her actual outfit: it’s as if the designers were like “Hey, let’s balance out this skanky outfit by making her wear thigh-high boots and a big metal arm so there’s not too much going on there”. Surely if someone has time time to put on those mega boots and a metal arm, they’d have time to put on a decent top as opposed to a piece of purple dental floss that is only barely covering the nipples.


1. Mileena (Mortal Kombat 9)

You probably wouldn't have noticed her Tarkatan features because you're too busy staring in awe.

You probably wouldn’t have noticed her Tarkatan features because you’re too busy staring in awe.

The deadly Kitana-clone Mileena hasn’t exactly been known for her modest outfits but at least her previous choices have had some sort of practicality to them. I wouldn’t even classify this as an outfit or a costume or anything to do with clothing because this is, plain and simple, bandages strategically placed so that nothing is technically showing.

The Challenge Tower in Mortal Kombat 9 is an interesting feature that brings you challenge after challenge after challenge. What do you win when you complete the Challenge Tower? Mileena in bandages!

I can’t even begin to explain what is wrong with this. It just isn’t scientifically impossible for bandages to stay that still in battle let alone if you’re falling through the floor just to appear in the sky to kick the other person in the head. There is absolutely no practicality in this “design” so it’s anvil-sky obvious why this “design” was created in the first place.

Maybe these designers need to take a page out of (my personal favourite) Miss Harley Quinn’s book, who not only manages to look sexy and have a completely unique look but also manages to be practical in the sense that running around with only a strap holding you in is probably not the wisest idea. This representation of females in video games, especially those of the action variety, will probably never cease, but they could at least come up with better ideas for costumes because this is just atrocious.

– by The Black Widow

6 Things That Defined My 90’s Childhood

Growing up in the 90’s was an absolute privilege, in my personal opinion. This was before the cameraphones and smart phones and all the technology and entertainment systems that are out today. For entertainment, we chased each other around playing tips where there was one central pole of “bar” and where board games were the most amazing thing you could have. My upbringing in the last decade of the 20th century was so amazing that I decided to write something about it. Being born ’93, I am probably just in the demographic that can say that they were raised in the 90s, with the latter years in the decade being too young to really appreciate the greatest decade of history.

Any true 90's kid will remember this logo. (SOURCE: Wonderlandhistory.net)

Any true 90’s kid will remember this logo. (SOURCE: Wonderlandhistory.net)

1. Morning cartoon television, or more specifically, Cheez TV

In what was originally just going to be “Pokemon”, I stopped and thought “Hey, that means I”ll be excluding Dragon Ball Z, Sailor Moon, Digimon and other morning cartoons that made my childhood so great”. All 90’s kids should remember who Jade Gatt and Ryan Lappin are, and if not, here’s a small reminder – Cheez TV. They were the two young, cool hosts of Cheez TV who generally performed entertaining segments in between cartoons in the morning. I remember waking up at 7 in the morning because the cartoon they usually showed at 6:30 generally wasn’t the popular one and running to the lounge room to watch my daily morning dosage of cartoons which consisted of the likes of Pokemon and Dragon Ball Z. Although, if you did wake up to watch the 6:30 cartoon and woke up too early, you’d be stuck watching Aerobics. I was there when Ash’s Pikachu beat Brock’s Onix with the aid of a fire sprinkler; I was there when Goku and Vegeta duked it out for what seemed like forever. In comparison to the cartoons on today’s television, these were unstoppable; the cartoons today are full of singing and people dressed up in large, animal costumes who skip around and sing some more while the 90’s cartoons were action-packed and always entertaining. I feel sorry the children of the 21st century who didn’t wake up to Jade and Ryan’s faces every weekday morning.

2. The evolution of the Nintendo

It was a rare treat for kids to have a gaming console in the 90s unlike today where you just expect every house to have one. I remember being absolutely heartbroken when my Super Nintendo broke… I couldn’t save the day anymore with Mario and beat Birdo in that level where you jump on the eggs that it shoots out and throw it back, and I couldn’t play the very first Mortal Kombat where Sonya was the least bit sexy compared to what she looks like now. The void in my life was filled when my parents bought us a Nintendo 64 for Christmas which provided me with such entertainment from titles such as Diddy Kong Racing and Mario Party. I used to always harass my parents or older siblings to take me to the video store so I could rent a game and sit on it for hours straight. These legendary titles are slowly becoming rare and their prices are rising in video game economics. Even so, my Nintendo 64 which to this day still functions properly, will never be up for sale.

3. Wonderland, Bring It Back

I lived in Bathurst for the first 9 years of my life so I couldn’t visit Wonderland as much as some other children might have but I remember, for some reason, my Dad would be able to take us to Wonderland for free as part of a deal from his work like once a year so it was an annual tradition for my family to go to Wonderland. Because I was a youngun when I went, I only specifically remember going to Hanna Barbera land and other kiddish rides; I was also too young to drive a dodgem car by myself so I would steer while my Dad would be next to me handling the pedal. I still remember that pounding heart excitement feeling I would get just walking through the gate and standing underneath the sign and I would feel that way for the entire day. I think my personal favourite ride was the one where you would sit on a plane that you could make go up and fly in the air or go down and travel along the water and you’d just go around in a circle until the ride stopped. Reading about Wonderland closing down absolutely tore me and I would (metaphorically) kill to see it come back. RIP Wonderland Sydney.

4. WWF, and not the panda version either

Before World Wrestling Entertainment was led by all-american hero John Cena, it was World Wrestling Federation and it was led by Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Rock and D-Generation X. Wrestling nowadays doesn’t have the cult following it used to have especially in the 90’s when the Attitude Era was in its prime. It was pretty much guaranteed that nearly every kid watched wrestling, whether it was casually or religiously. The characters of wrestling in the 90s were extreme and over the top, like Right to Censor, The Godfather and the Kat, the latter of which still remains one of my most favourite wrestling personalities ever. Wrestling is losing its touch it used to have when I was a child with the lack of outstanding characters and attention-grabbing storylines and it’s a shame the children of today didn’t witness the greatest era of wrestling there ever was. Or the Monday Night Wars.

5. Handball, tips and Stuck in the Mud

The act of crawling through someone’s legs to set them free because they are stuck in imaginary mud is a rare thing today and that truly makes me sad. Playground games when I was a child in primary school were so simple but so fun; I remember that my friends and I claimed a handball court and would dash to the square before anyone else could steal it from us and play handball for ages. I also specifically remember being the worst player of the group but that’s another story. When we weren’t whacking a tennis ball around calling out “DOUB TAP” or “DOUBS”, we were chasing each other around or waiting for the 10 second bar rule to expire so you could immediately tap that person and say “TIP, YOU’RE IT!” and then running away before they could tip you back. These simple games could keep a child entertained for hours and had absolutely no digital requirement of a smartphone or other device.

6. Boy bands and girl groups

“So I tell you what I want, what I really, really want”. “Baby when the lights go out, I’ll show you what it’s all about”. If you read these words, you’re probably not a 90’s kid or had a different upbringing than most, but if you sung these words in a certain tune, then you will recognise that they are lyrics belonging to the Spice Girls and Five respectively. As much as One Direction and The Wanted want to try, they are several years too late – the boy band craze was in the 90s, and the female equivalent of the girl group also belonged to the 90s. The Backstreet Boys, N’Sync, TLC, Destiny’s Child… these were all creations from the 90s when poppy music was the in thing as opposed to the loud techno Transformer like music of today. I remember joining a dance group in primary school who performed a dance to Stop by Spice Girls although I can’t remember the outcome of that dance unfortunately. Music was much easier to the ears in the 90s.

I miss being a child with no care in the world other than how you were going to catch that Zapdos without having a Master Ball. I miss my entire childhood quite frankly. Unfortunately for all of us, we all have to grow up eventually, even if we try and fight it. As for me, I will continue being deluded about my adulthood by skipping around nightclubs with a lollipop dangling around in my mouth. The body may age but the mind doesn’t. Noah out!

– by The Black Widow

Review: Last of Us

Welcome to “Solstice Satisfaction in Review” or SS in Review for short. This is going to be my first review of any kind – video game, restaurant, music album – so go easy on me if it’s not up to the standard of IGN or anything. The first item to be Solstified…

The Last of Us, exclusive to Playstation 3 (SPOILER FREE!)

The Last of Us follows the adventures of Joel and Ellie.

The Last of Us follows the shenanigans of Joel and Ellie. (SOURCE: Forbes.com)

The Last of Us is a post-apocalyptic horror video game which details the adventures of Joel and Ellie, although the post-apocalypse in this game is very different to that of, say, the Resident Evil series.

The gameplay in this is simple enough for the casual gamer to pick up (such as me) pretty quickly but still not too simple for the intense gamers to be bored with. One of the main elements of the games action sequences is the choice of stealth vs. all-guns-blazing. In most of the action sequences, you have the choice of either sneaking around the enemies or barge in and gun them down with your array of weaponry. It adds a realistic element to the game when in a situation where your ammunition is limited, sometimes it’s best to avoid any confrontation when left with one bullet in a revolver and about 10 enemies waiting ahead of you.

The game in total will take hours for even the most expert gamer to complete and with even more special features like multiplayer awaiting (that I have yet to touch), it will undoubtedly entertain for ages.

What I found to be one of the most interesting parts about the gameplay was the special attention to small details. For example, in most video games, if you are playing a stealth mission, and you see a discarded newspaper on the floor, you wouldn’t think twice of it. In this game, however, you step on that newspaper and the papers will ruffle, therefore alerting the enemies of your location and breaking your stealth objective. I made this mistake several times unfortunately.

The graphics are high on the scale with, again, special attention to small details, like the greying hair in Joel’s beard or the worry you see in Ellie’s eyes sometimes. The visuals are almost realistic and it sucks you into the adventure of the game, making it feel real to the player. The views and scenery are absolutely breathtaking and so surreal – unless of course you are in a dark, underground area. The only nitpicks I can even remotely think of are the graphics and movement of Ellie’s hair but, let’s be frank, no video game designer wants to take 10 years of their life animating every single strand of hair.

The storyline in itself was captivating, so much that I found myself putting off finishing my college assignments so I could continue playing the game. Right from the get go, the intensity of the storyline grabs the player and it makes you wanting more, with several twists, turns and OMG! moments planting themselves throughout the game which elicited a fair few “Oh no you di-int”‘s from me. There were also several scares in the game which actually kept my heart racing which admittedly doesn’t happen a lot anymore these days.

The main feature of the game’s storyline that I found myself drawn to the most was the relationship between Joel and Ellie. I am an absolute gore lover with a special affection for the undead so it’d be weird for people like me to specifically comment on a sentimental part of the game like a relationship between two characters but it was without a doubt the most captivating element of Last of Us. Period. Without giving too much away, Joel and Ellie started off with a hesitant yet still friendly relationship which eventually developed into a sweet, father-daughter-like relationship whose bond was so noticeably strong that I could literally feel it. The moments where Joe would call Ellie “baby girl” specifically got me and I may or may not have shed a tear over that nickname. I actually forged a personal connection with both of the characters and that just goes to show you how excellent this game is.

Solst-o-meter
Gameplay: 9.0/10
Graphics: 9.2/10
Storyline: 9.6/10
Overall Experience: 9.8/10

All the hype behind this game is celestial for a reason – this game is the greatest video game I have played in quite some time, and one of the greatest video games I’ve played in my 20 year life… if you minus the first few years because babies don’t exactly play video games. Every aspect of the game was captivating in some way and while absolutely nothing is perfect, Last of Us was damn sure close to being so. If I fall into a funk after finishing a video game’s main storyline, then I know it was just that damn good. It is certainly a MUST have for current PS3 owners and definitely a reason for others to purchase a PS3 to specifically play this game.

I have to go cry some more now knowing that I’ve finished the game.

– by The Black Widow