Category Archives: Lifestyle

I Said What?

Posted in Lifestyle by

If there is one thing that I have learned in life, it’s that it is always good to poke fun of yourself in any given situation. The people who can easily make fun of themselves, the ones who don’t take life too seriously, are generally the ones that are happier and more optimistic in life than the ones who can’t take a joke.

Blondes may be stereotyped as "dumb", but at least they have more fun, right?

Blondes may be stereotyped as “dumb”, but at least they have more fun, right?

It is for that reason that I give to you the following comical and severely unintelligent quotes from yours truly that I have unfortunately uttered throughout the course of my life in front of other people. Who said you had to have blonde hair to have a blonde moment?

Top “I Said What” Moments (that I can recall)

Friend: I’m saving up to buy a Lambourghini.
Me: Lambourghini, is that some type of expensive spaghetti?
– In my defense, I got Lambourghini and linguine mixed up and found it bizarre that someone would go to so much effort to save up money for pasta.

On a bus for a school excursion and the bus drives passed a huge mountain of dirt just outside Goulburn, NSW…
Me: Oh my god, is that Uluru?
– I have no defense really for this one. To make matters worse, this was on my first day at that school. Also, Geography was never my strongest point.

Cousin: I’m studying Radiology.
Me: Radiology… is that like to do with tanning beds and stuff?
– Surely one can make a connection with the UV rays in solariums and the word “radiology”.

My family and I are having a conversation about “boat people” and I’ve taken offense to the term boat people…
Me: Can you stop calling them boat people? That’s so rude.
Sister: Well that’s where they’ve come from.
Me: Well I came from a uterus; does that make me a uterus person?
– I’m sure other people often make silly remarks like this in the heat of the situation. Anyone?

Playing with my best friend’s baby boy and I pick up a parrot plush toy…
Me: (acting as the toy) Neeeeeigh!
– I didn’t know what noises parrots made and panicked. Imagine that poor boy’s confusion when he sees a horse for the first time.

Talking about the country Norway with my friend…
Me: I want to go to Norwegia one day.
Friend: It’s Norway.
Me: No it isn’t. It’s Norwegia, as in “this pillow is Norwegian”, not Norwayan.
– A Cinderella Story confused me.

My friends at college are having a conversation and I interrupt them…
Me: This is a legit question, but like, is Willy Wonka real? Like I know the Oompa Loompas aren’t real and that the factory isn’t real, but like is there a real Willy Wonka?
– I still can’t believe Willy Wonka isn’t a real, tangible person.

Driving with my best friend to a Broncos game at Allianz Stadium…
Me: Is this Moore Park Rd?
Bestie: No.
Me: Okay… so are we on Moore Park Rd?
Bestie: NO!
Me: Are we on Moore Park Rd now, though?
– In my defense, the green sign said “Moore Park Rd” and it had an arrow pointing straight so I just assumed we were already on Moore Park Rd.

Talking about the PS4 and how it’s not “backwards compatible”…
Me: Why would you want your PS4 to face backwards anyway? That’s a bit stupid, don’t you think?
– What else was I supposed to think?

Examining a shower that has the cold knob underneath the hot knob…
Me: Do you reckon if I look at these upside down that the cold will be hot and the hot will be cold?
– There is absolutely no defense for this.

I’m sure there are more classic Nikki moments floating around there somewhere, but you’d be here for days if you were to read them all. This was an attempt a light-hearted, humorous article post and to show that it is totally okay to make fun of yourself on the rare occasion. Everyone makes mistakes; nobody’s perfect.

– by The Black Widow

My Daddy and I

Posted in Lifestyle, Opinion by

As it would be appropriate being Father’s Day (in Australia at least), I wanted to write about my father and I, and also about the other father figures in my life. All day at work, all I’ve wanted to do is go home to my Dad and hug him, and when I eventually did hug him, he pushed me off and said “Where’s my present?”

Me and my father in our matching Queensland Maroons gear.

Me and my father in our matching Queensland Maroons gear.

My father, Ma’atusi La’ulu, and I – if you can’t tell by the picture of us – are complete opposites (I demanded he take a picture with me in our QLD gear and he just continued watching TV as if I wasn’t there). He is quiet and reserved and rather introverted when catapulted into a social situation, whereas I am loud, outstanding and demand attention when with other people. He hates the idea of contemporary men’s fashion, constantly stating that “skinny jeans are for women”, while my whole wardrobe is pretty much as tight as spandex.

I find it difficult to maintain a lengthy conversation with my father even though I have the ability to talk until the cows come home. My father is more of a listener than he is a talker. Despite being often annoyed by my “Nikkilicious” antics, the one thing that I have found my Dad gets really animated about when talking to me is rugby league; he’ll often sit with me when I am watching (yelling) at a Broncos game on TV and will tell me why he thinks a certain player is great and why a certain player is overrated and will go into great detail. It fascinates me how passionate he is.

My Daddy and I have one of the most unique father-son relationships I have noticed – it’s not the usual “take my son out to throw a ball” relationship. It’s more of a “I drag my father out to places he would rather not be just to keep me happy” and, now that he’s softer in his old age, I often get sassy with him if things don’t go my way and he just sits there and quietly takes it in. My mum doesn’t like how I speak to my Dad sometimes but I say “That’s how we communicate; I yell at him and he calls me stupid”.

My father is the hardest working man that I’ve ever met; the one thing that has been drilled into me since I was born was happily giving service to others. Daddy’s always helping people who don’t ask for the help but need it and never expects anything in return. He is half the reason why I am the man I am today. He’s not the perfect father – as no one in this world is perfect – but he’s pretty damn close to it.

The other fathers I would like to mention are both of my grandfathers, Koloti La’ulu and Rueben Paraha, the latter of which I was unfortunately never able to physically meet, and my oldest brother, Dane La’ulu, who is celebrating his first father’s day this year with his wife and baby boy.

As a “control-freak Princess” that I’ve been described to be, I am used to getting what I want, so when neither of my parents would give me what I want, I’d run to my granddad Koloti who would cave in just because of his gentle nature. And then I’d be like “IN YO FACE” to my parents. My father has this inability to tell people that he loves them so I’m always elated when Granddad tells me he loves me on the phone. After which, I tell my father “AT LEAST GRANDDAD LOVES ME”.

My brother Dane lives in (the better state) Queensland so I don’t see him as often as I’d like, but the last time I did, the change I saw in him was enormous – he is a fantastic father to my first nephew Drake and a great husband to my sister-in-law Jamie. It’s what fatherhood does to you, I’m guessing.

It may seem weird or unbelievable to some but I’ve always felt that I’ve had a special connection to my other grandfather Rueben, real name Taruna. While he passed away before I was born, I have a strong spiritual connection with him where I sometimes see him and speak to him in my dreams. Our connection is so strong that when I watched my parents wedding tape where he was present, I bawled my eyes out like I really knew him.

I’d also like to quickly make mention of the other father figures in my life who have treated me with such kindness in my life, Charles Leota, Vince Giuliano, just to name a couple. And also to the single mothers who take on the role as father for whatever reason, you women are amazing.

I’m going to wrap this up quickly so when my Dad gets home, I can give him his present he so desperately wants. Happy Father’s Day to all the hardworking, amazing fathers out there who have done incredible work with their children, and also to the single mothers who have the privilege of wearing both mother and father hats for their children. Enjoy the only day your kids will go out of their way to appreciate you!

– by The Black Widow

How to Talk Yourself out of a Fine

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There is an art to talking your way out of a fine, whether that be for speeding, careless driving or something as little as driving with no plates on. Obviously, this will probably not apply to the heavier fines like going 100 km/h over the speed limit or driving on the wrong side of the road, but you can sure as hell try these tips if you want.

SolSat is here to save your pennies!

SolSat is here to save your pennies!

I’d like to think that I have experience in this department as I have successfully charmed my way out of two fines in my life. In one instance, I got my way out of a whopper by smiling, giggling, genuinely apologising for what I had done and charming the shoes off both of the officers that had stopped me. This may be awkward because I don’t even think I told my parents about these… oops.

Girls think that all they have to do is wear a low cut top and wiggle their chest around but unless they have a valid excuse to back that up, it’s not going to work. That is the key to talking your way out of a fine – you can’t just sweet-talk, you have to have an excuse. For example, if you were caught speeding, blame the other guy behind you who was honking at you to go faster. This is the foundation of getting out of a fine so when you see those lights and hear that siren, think of something – fast.

Another misconception of fine escaping is sucking up to the officer. Please don’t. They see right through that and will be quicker to slap a fine on you faster than you can say “You look very lovely tonight”. If you’re going to chat to the officer, be sorry – I mean absolutely sorry. Apologize for whatever you had done, throw in your excuse in there somewhere, say you’ll never do it again. Show through your actions how sorry you are. May I suggest dramatic hand gestures?

Now this may seem a little degrading or even ridiculous to some, but it wouldn’t hurt if you temporarily decreased your IQ by about 10 points when pulled over. The po-po are more likely to fine someone who is wildly aware of the crime they have committed but they’ll probably be more lenient on someone who is blissfully unaware of what they had done. Example: “I switched lanes without proper indication? Get out, I didn’t even notice”. Worked for me. In saying that, if you sound like you’re being facetious by saying “I didn’t know red meant stop”, then you will be fined. Blissfully unaware, not moronic.

Now for a piece of advice you are told in nearly every aspect of life: smile. Smile when they approach you, smile when they speak to you. Why? Because if you’re sitting there with a sullen look on your face looking like a great target for boxing practice, then they won’t want to deal with you and fine you so fast your head will be spinning. In regards to smiling, also speak positively to the police. Don’t cry “Wo is me!” for being pulled over. Keep up a happy disposition even though your insides are doing flips and you may just get out of losing a few hundred buckeroos. The police like it when you speak to them with respect.

The next time you are caught with reckless driving or doing something else unlawful on the roads, remember these easy tips and you may drive away scot free. Don’t forget to breathe and smile and greet the officer. And always remember: HAVE AN EXCUSE READY! SolSat won’t be there to help you.

– by The Black Widow

Ridiculous Social Media Commenters

Posted in Lifestyle by

You may not notice it when you see it, but everyone has been subject to the viewing of ridiculous and sometimes stupid comments on all forms of social media. I was originally just going to write a post about the commenters who clearly have English as a second language and, regardless of the language barrier they face, still submit a comment in broken English that makes them look ignorant, even though it’s come from a good place.

Think before you write. Please.

Think before you write. Please.

However, after much pondering, I’ve realised there are several types of commenters that need to be charged for their crimes. Let the name and shame… begin!


The Clueless Commenter
As touched on above, the clueless commenter, whether that be for language barrier reasons or just plain ignorance, tend to make foolish comments, whether that be incidental or accidental, on publicly accessible posts, videos or pictures. Examples I tend to see a lot are on Facebook fanpages of celebrities.

Example: I am on Velvet Sky’s Facebook fanpage where it clearly states in the bio and the info that it is strictly a fanpage. I’m looking through the comments for an example to use and see an influx. Here are a few samples:

“I love u baby i wanna know you lover”
“you look good and like you”
“I love u u love me”
“I like your sexy body and want more sexy photos of your’s. Love you baby.”

I could keep going and going and retrieving examples of comments that come from a good place but are just so unnecessary. There were even several pictures posted on the wall of this fanpage of a guy posing… like, what relevance does that have with Velvet Sky? Sure, there’s a chance that Velvet Sky may one day visit this page and read the comments, but some of these comments seem to be addressing Velvet as if that’s her personal page. I don’t mean to be a bitch but it’s just embarrassing to read.

Please, users of social media, do not abuse the right to comment with such stupidity.

The “Like My Comment” Commenter
These commenters tend to frequent YouTube a lot and boy George do they get on my nerves. I don’t even have to go looking for a comment to get an example because you are bound to see one in every second YouTube video you watch. These are the ones that write obnoxious comments like “Like if you’re still listening in 2013!” and “I heart Love and Theft. Like my comment if you do too”.

On Facebook, they don’t come out as often as they do on YouTube but unfortunately, they are still there. “Like if you think the Broncos will make it to the top 8!” I don’t see why I have to justify my thoughts by liking someone else’s comment, but anywho.

People: don’t do this. Please, just don’t.

The YouTube Dislike Commenter
A close relative of the Like My Comment Commenter, the YouTube dislike commenter also seeks attention in the form of an ignorant comment. If you don’t get what I mean, here’s an example: the music video of Love and Theft’s Runnin’ Out of Air is on YouTube, you’re watching it, appreciating their musical genius, admiring how awesome they are… you scroll down to look at what others think of the song and video, and one of the first comments you see is “46 people are running out of air”. In reference to the fact that 46 people have disliked the video.

These commenters pop up everywhere unfortunately. If people want to waste their time trolling the Internet by disliking videos that have no real reason to be disliked, let them.

Also, if I may repeat myself, don’t do this. Please, just don’t.

The Excessive Enter-Pressing Commenter
I admit that one of my best friends is guilty of this and I have let it be known to her that it grinds my gears. These are the people who feel the need to express themselves in multiple small comments as opposed to keeping it wrapped in one neat, singular comment. Example? Let’s use “Brad” and “Sarah”.

Brad: Hey Sarah, haven’t seen you in ages. How are you?
Sarah: Good.
Sarah: Just finished uni.
Sarah: What about you?
Brad: I’m just relaxing in bed. We should catch up some time. When’s good for you?
Sarah: I don’t know.
Sarah: I’ll get back to you.
Sarah: When’s good for you?
Sarah: Lol.

STOP. That twitchy finger that has to press enter… STOP IT. It’s annoying and time consuming.

The Selfish Commenter
Exclusive to Facebook, these are the people who comment on other people’s statuses and/or posts and make it about themselves. Let’s use Brad and Sarah for this example:

Brad’s status:
Just got off the plane in Switzerland. Going to have a good time!
Sarah’s comment:
Yeah like when I went to Switzerland, I done all this amazing stuff and saw all these amazing places and landmarks. I ate this and this and this and drank this and this and this. I bought so much cool things. I want to go back to Switzerland.

Seriously, if you want to recount about how much of a great time you had in Switzerland, write your own status about it. Don’t hijack someone else’s. It’s annoying. What’s even worse is when people seek sympathy on other people’s posts by posting something ridiculous like a sadface or sad comment like “wish my life was that good”.

Just don’t.

I’m sure that there are more types of commenters out there who grind my gears but I think these will do for now. The right of expression and freedom of speech is an amazing thing and I’m glad we all have it. But please don’t abuse that right by saying stupid things in a social media environment.

– by The Black Widow